If you want me to, I can clear my schedule and go down with you and your mother when you move into the dorms,โ Dad says. Weโre sitting outside at the downtown restaurant he chose. He has a new red car that reminds me of Finnyโs, but his doesnโt even have a backseat. โItโs an important day,โ he continues, โand if you want me to be there, I will be.โ
โSo if I donโt want you to come, you wonโt?โ I ask.
โIf you want me to, I will, thatโs all Iโm saying.โ Our appetizer comes and my dad ignores the waitress as she lays the plates down. He doesnโt even look up.
โThanks,โ I say to her. She ignores me too and walks away from us.
โYou donโt have to make a decision right now, but the closer we get to the date the harder it will be.โ He dips his toasted ravioli in marinara sauce. โNot that I wonโt do it anyway.โ He takes a bite and chews.
โIf itโs what I want,โ I say. He nods. โAnd only if itโs what I want. If you wanted to come and I didnโt want you to, you wouldnโt come anyway.โ
Dad wipes his hands on his napkin and sighs. โHoney, if you donโt want me thereโโ
โWhat if I donโt want Mom there? Can I just tell her not to come and then she wonโt?โ
โNow, honey, your mom has to come. That is not optional.โ โWhy? Why are you optional and sheโs not?โ
โYouโre saying that you want to move into the dorms without either of your parents there?โ Dad says.
โNo,โ I say, โthatโs not what Iโm saying. Iโm saying thatโnever mind.โ
We look back down at our food. Itโs too hot out to be perfect weather.
โYour mother told me about Jamie,โ he says after a while. The name startles me.
โOh, yeah,โ I say. โItโs not that big of a deal.โ โIs that why youโre upset?โ
โWhat? Iโm not upset.โ โYouโre not upset?โ
โNo,โ I say. โIโm fine.โ
***
When I get home, I donโt call Finny. I want to, but I donโt. At my desk, I write a couple of sentences, delete them, and close my laptop. I try to nap but Iโm not tired. I close my eyes anyway. The sun bleeds through and all I can see is red. Iโll wait for Finny to call me first. The afternoon passes.
