THERE ARE FLASHING lights going off all around us, and my chest is so tight I can’t breathe.
I’m pushing against him, but his grip on my face is too tight, and I don’t want to make a scene on the ice, since there are about thirty cameras, at all different angles, capturing this.
Capturing.
This is going to be available for everyone to see. People have already seen it; they’re watching it right now. Nathan is at home watching it right now. Watching us kissing.
I’m going to be sick.
Aaron finally detaches himself from me, leaning back, looking triumphant. He holds up an arm to wave to the crowd, and it’s taking everything in me not to burst into tears, right here in front of all these people. My body starts to function on its own, leading me off the ice to Brady’s smiling face.
She would be smiling; we were perfect. I could feel it in every movement, every twist and turn, every moment on the ice totally in sync. Right until the end, when Aaron put his mouth on mine without permission and ruined everything.
I take the guards from Coach’s outstretched hand, swerving the hug she tries to trap me in, and head through the tunnel away from the cameras and away from Aaron.
I can hardly see the exit a few meters in front of me as the tears line my eyes, blurring my vision.
“Stas!” Aaron shouts from behind me, and I can hear it in his voice— he’s confused. He doesn’t understand why I’m storming away from him when we should be celebrating our stellar performance.
A head-turning performance.
The kind of performance that puts you on people’s radars—the kind of people whose radars we want to be on.
His hand closes around my bicep, stopping me in my tracks, and I have no choice but to spin to face him. I want to appear strong, give the impression that I’m not impacted by him, but I can’t because the tears are streaming down my face. “We’re done, Aaron. You’ve gone too far this time.”
His eyebrows practically shoot up into his hairline. “What do you mean ‘we’re done?’ We fucking nailed it!”
Brady appears behind him, eyes cautiously flitting between us. “We need to wait for your score. Anastasia, I know you’re upset, and we can deal with this, but you need to wipe the tears away and put on a brave face for the cameras.” My chest heaves as they suffocate me with their wary glances. “I know, honey,” she coos. “I’m so sorry, I am. But you need to think of your career, let’s deal with this after, and I promise we will.”
“I don’t understand what I’ve done,” Aaron says flatly. “I don’t get it.
Stop crying, we need to find out where we’ve placed.”
“No! I’m done.” I sob. “I couldn’t get him off me. He wouldn’t stop. I didn’t want to. You wouldn’t let me go. I’m not doing it anymore, Coach. I don’t want to, I don’t want to, I don’t want to.”
The exit doors open behind us, and I get the shock of my life when Nathan flies through them. I watch him approach us over my shoulder, and it takes one look at my streaming eyes to know this wasn’t a stunt. It wasn’t part of our routine. We weren’t selling being in love for the cameras and the judges.
“Oh, here we fucking go,” Aaron grumbles.
“Are you okay?” Nate asks, frantically pulling my body to his in a tight hug. His thumbs gently sweep the tears away from under my eyes as I look up at him, shaking my head.
“I want to go home,” I force out between cries.
“This is fucking ridiculous. Anastasia, I’m sorry if I upset you, all right? I was in the moment. It’s what the people wanted and I just wanted to
deliver. I won’t do it again if you’re going to be this upset over a silly gimmick.”
“You don’t fucking get it, do you?” Nathan seethes, releasing me and stalking toward Aaron. Before I even have time to tell him to leave it, his fist smashes into Aaron’s face, dropping him to the floor. Brady is gripping Nate’s arm before he has a chance to do anything more, screeching his name at him. “You forced yourself on her, you piece of shit!” he shouts down at Aaron, who’s cradling his swelling cheek.
“Oh my goodness. Everyone just calm down!” Brady yells. “Hawkins, get out of here. Aaron, get up.” She pulls on her hair, finally losing her cool. “Anastasia, get through the next fifteen minutes, please. Then we will talk, I promise you.”
Aaron and I must look like absolute disasters sitting on the benches in front of the camera, waiting for our result.
My eyes are puffy, and the side of Aaron’s face is swollen, although partially being covered by the ice pack a first aider sourced for him. Brady is sitting between us, her hand intertwined with each of our free ones, and I can’t imagine three people who want to be sitting in front of a camera less than the three of us right now.
The scores roll in, placing us in first among the skaters who have performed already, but I can’t even bring myself to be excited because it’s over. I sit motionless, ignoring Brady and Aaron’s cheers. Her arm wraps around my shoulder in comfort, but when the light of the camera goes off, indicating the recording has stopped, I’m up and on my way to find Nathan again.
“Anastasia, wait!” Coach shouts, the sound of her shoes echoing behind me. I slow down, turning to face her, watching her jog toward me with open arms. “I’m sorry he did that to you.”
“I’m done.”
“You keep saying that, but what does it mean?” she asks cautiously. I can see Aaron approaching from the results room, strolling calmly like a man with absolutely nothing to worry about. “You can’t quit skating over a kiss, Anastasia. I won’t let you.”
“I’m not quitting,” I say, looking at Aaron over her shoulder as he reaches us. “I’m just not skating with Aaron ever again.”
He scoffs and the urge to punch the other side of his face is overwhelming. “You’ll never get another partner, and even if you do, you’ll
never be ready in the next two years. Are you really planning to make your Olympic debut at twenty-seven? Be realistic, Jesus. Just accept my apology, Stas. We’ll talk about it with Dr. Robeska next week. We need to get our head in the game for tomorrow. Look how fucking good we are together! We…”
I let him go on and on, pitching himself to me like a goddamn salesman. And when he’s finally done, smiling smugly to himself because he thinks his bullshit has worked on me once again, I look back to Brady. “I’m going solo. If our score puts us through, please tell them that I withdraw.”
Aaron’s hands grip his hair as reality starts to set in. “You can’t go solo. Don’t fucking do this to me, Anastasia. After everything I’ve done for you, for fuck’s sake. Stop being such a stubborn bitch! You’re not even good enough to compete alone. Oh my God. Oh my fucking God. You’re ruining my life.”
“That’s enough!” Brady snaps at him.
“I’m going to find my boyfriend, and then I’m going home. Good-bye, Aaron.”
“Stas, please,” he begs.
“I’ve done nothing but trust you, Aaron. For nearly two and a half years, I’ve put everything I’ve got into this partnership, into our friendship. All you’ve done is use me and manipulate me, slut-shame me, tell me I’m not good enough to be your partner. Well, I’m finally hearing you loud and clear. You don’t want me and that’s fine because I don’t want you either. I’d rather skate alone and risk failing than succeed with you. Winning is absolutely worthless when it comes at the cost of having to hate myself when I’m with you.”
I don’t give him a chance to respond as I head back toward the main waiting area to find Nate. Part of me feels liberated, light, free, but a much bigger, more prominent part feels embarrassed and disappointed I ever thought we could have a partnership.
Standing quickly, Nate rushes toward me the second he spots me approaching. I don’t give him a chance to ask if I’m okay, mainly because I’m worried I’ll cry again, instead, asking him to take me to the hotel to get my things.
I can’t bring myself to look at my phone between the arena and the hotel, but I know it will be blowing up. Thankfully, I haven’t unpacked yet,
so I quickly grab my suitcase and hand my key card back to the reception desk, before hopping straight onto the freeway back to Maple Hills.
I watch my mom’s name flash up for the millionth time, ignoring it until it goes to voice mail. Nathan hasn’t said anything, but his hand has been moving between my leg and the back of my neck since we got into the car, stroking gently, the occasional comforting squeeze to let me know he’s here for me.
The radio cuts off as my dad’s name flashes up on the screen, letting us know there’s an incoming call. “They’re going to be mad at me. They spent so much money on this outfit a—”
“They won’t be mad, baby. They’re obviously worried about you. Can I answer?”
I give him a nod and he accepts the call. “Hey.”
“Nate, I’m sorry to bother you. I don’t suppose you’ve spoken to Annie, have you? Julia has been calling her but no answer. We were watching the streaming, she looked so distraught. Between me and you, Julia is very upset.”
“She’s with me.” He looks toward me quickly, then looks back at the road. “She’s asleep. She’s very upset, and she’s exhausted herself. We’re on our way back to Maple Hills, she, uh, she wasn’t very happy that Aaron kissed her. It wasn’t part of the routine, and I, uhm, I’m not sure she’s going to want to be his skate partner anymore.”
I don’t like the idea of making Nate lie to my parents, but I’m not ready to face them.
“I’m not surprised,” he gruffs. “The ice pack…”
Nate clears his throat. “I punched him. But I want you to know I—”
Before he can even finish explaining he isn’t a violent person, Dad interrupts. “No explanation required. Well justified, I believe. We’re so proud of her, she was phenomenal until he ruined it. Get her to call us when she’s awake, please. We want to make sure she’s okay. We can fly to LA if she wants us to, but no pressure.”
My parents despise flying, so the fact they’re offering has me on the brink of tears again. The only thing stopping me is the fact I’m supposed to be asleep, and therefore can’t be wailing in the background of a call.
Nate gives my thigh a squeeze. “I will. Thanks for calling.”
“They don’t sound mad,” I say, not talking to anyone but myself. “They’re not mad,” Nate confirms.
 |
I DO ACTUALLY FALL asleep in the car, only waking up when the car goes over the speed bump on the way into the parking garage at my building.
I foolishly brought all my things back from Nathan’s last week, but I want some comfort items before we head back there. I can hear banging and rustling before I even open the door, and part of me is worried I’m about to walk in on Sabrina and Robbie doing something weird on the couch, but instead I open the door and Russ is standing in my living room, looking like a deer in headlights, holding a box labeled SMUT in huge letters.
“What the hell?” I mutter, looking around the room at the various hockey players in the apartment. Nathan’s hands grip my waist and usher me farther into the room, closing the door behind us.
“Put your back into it,” Sabrina shouts at no one in particular as she stomps out of my room. She closes the gap between us in two seconds, pulling me into an oxygen stealing hug. “I’m going to castrate him! I swear I’m going to, he’s going to regret being born!”
“What’s going on?” I manage to squeak out with the breath I have left.
“We’re moving out,” she says nonchalantly. “Don’t worry, I didn’t let any of the guys go in the second drawer of your dresser. I thought you might want to box that one up yourself.”
“We’re? Me and you? Where are we going?” I sound like a fool, tripping over my words as the guys all work around us, cracking on with what I imagine were very strict instructions from Brin.
Nathan’s arms wrap around my shoulders, and he buries his head into my neck, kissing lightly beneath my ear. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“All right, caveman.” She tuts at him, muttering something under her breath we don’t quite catch. “Just until Baba sorts somewhere for us to live. We can’t live here with him. I’m too pretty for jail.”
A crash comes from her bedroom, and I think I visibly see her blood pressure rise. “JJ!” she screams, storming off toward the source of the noise.
I’m supposed to feel overwhelmed right now, but honestly, all I feel is relief. I’ve made one huge decision today; I wasn’t ready to have to make any more. I turn in Nathan’s arms to cuddle into his chest, letting the chaos
behind me fade away. His lips press into my hair, and he chuckles. “You ready to play house every single day?”
“As long as it’s with you.”
