โThe next day, weโre called into the principalโs office again.โ
Itโs all the same. The same dull carpet, the same two seats pulled up in front of the desk, the same suffocating air. The same nerves coiled in the pit of my stomach. The only difference is the way Juliusโs eyes catch on mine when I sit down next to him.
โWell, hello, captains,โ Principal Miller greets us. โHi,โ I say cautiously.
โYouโre looking great today, Principal Miller,โ Julius says. Iโm almost impressed by his ability to dive straight into such shameless flattery at any given moment. Itโs way too early in the morning for this. โIs that a new
tie?โ
The principal glances down at his plain black tie, which looks identical to every single tie Iโve ever seen him wear. I wait for him to scold Julius, but his poker face breaks into a pleased smile. โWhy, yes, it is. Thank you for noticing.โ
Youโre kidding me.
โWhat did you want to talk to us about, Principal Miller?โ Julius asks.
The principal refocuses. โAh, right. I know itโs been a while since we had our last conversation about your little . . .ย incident.โ His mouth puckers with distaste, as if the incident in question involved us publicly vandalizing his office or undressing the school mascot. โI just wanted to check in with you two. How are we feeling? Have you been enjoying your time with each other?โ
โYes, Iโve been having aย wonderfulย time,โ Julius says.
When I turn to him in surprise, he tilts his head almost imperceptibly toward the principal, his eyes narrowing.
โSimply incredible,โ I agree, catching on. If we can just convince Principal Miller his plan worked, we might be able to finally leave the emails behind us and go our separate ways. โWeโreย soย close now. Weโre basically best friends.โ
โThe best of friends.โ Julius nods fast. โWe hang out even when weโre not at school. Sheโs the first person I think of when something goes well and when something goes wrong. We even finish each otherโsโโ
โMath questions,โ I say. โHeโs been a great help in class.โ โSheโs right. I help her all the time.โ
I let out a high-pitched laugh. โAlthough,ย of course, I help him plenty as well, seeing as Iโm much more familiar with the syllabus than he isโโ
โBut only because Iโm so busy doing the advanced questions.โ Juliusโs grin is so wide it looks like it hurts. Thereโs a visible muscle twitching in his jaw. โAnd because I donโt find memorizing the syllabus to be an effective study method, although I concede that it may be beneficial for those with a rudimentary understanding of the contentโโ
โWhich is exactly the kind of thinking that could leadย someย people,โ I say in a bright voice, squeezing my fingers together under the desk, โto lose three marks on an important test and then complain that the topic wasnโt covered, when it was actually stated in black and white.โ
Principal Millerโs brows furrow.
โAll of this is to say that Julius isย lovely,โ I say quickly.
โAnd Sadie is the light of my life,โ Julius says, his lip curling, even though thereโs an odd note to his tone. Something that could be confused for sincerity. โThe sun in my sky, the source of all my joy. Sheโs the reason I wake up every morning excited to go to my classes. Not a day goes by
where Iโm not grateful that she exists, that sheโs there, that I get to talk to her and pass her in the halls and listen to her laugh.โ
Iโm concerned heโs gone a bit too far with the irony, but Principal Miller looks convinced. No, he even looksย moved.
โThat was beautiful,โ the principal says, and I have to remember not to roll my eyes. โTruly. I have to admit, I was somewhat skeptical about how
well this would work out between you two given the rather intense nature of those emails, but . . . well, I always knew I was a miracle worker. I guess I reallyย doย come up with the best solutions.โ
My mouth falls open of its own accord. I canโt believe this is the conclusion heโs come to.
โI just have one last task for you,โ Principal Miller says. โThe senior trip is coming up soon, and after the less-than-positive feedback we received for last yearโs tripโโ
โYou mean when the teachers took the class to a sewage treatment plant?โ I clarify.
โYes.โ He rubs the back of his head. โYes. To be clear, that was a case of false advertising and miscommunication, but that is indeed what Iโm referring to.โ
โGot it.โ
โThatโs why for this year,โ he says, โwe want more input from the students. Iโm going to trust you two to provide a few sensible, budget- friendly suggestions for where you could stay. It would be great if you could get this organized as soon as possible and hand me a proposal
tomorrow morning.โ
โWait.โ I exchange a quick look of disbelief with Julius, and for once, the battle lines seem to be drawn before us, instead of between us.
โTomorrowโโ
โThat is correct.โ The principal makes a hand gesture thatโs probably intended to be encouraging, but looks more like heโs threatening to punch us. Iย feelย like Iโve been punched. โBest of luck, captains.โ
โข โข โข
โYouโre late,โ I inform Julius the second he walks in.
Iโve booked one of the study rooms in the library for us to use throughout our spare period. The pros: Thereโs an arched, stained glass
window offering a stunning view of the rippling lawns below, and the walls
are perfectly soundproof. Thereโs also a whiteboard for me to stick up photos and details of all the destinations Iโve gathered.
The cons: Itโs clearly designed to hold only a single person, which
means he has to squeeze his way past the chair to reach the square of empty space available beside me. Which means weโre standing much closer together than Iโd like. Which means I have to take a deep, steadying breath, forcing myself to focus on the board, to keep my eyes off his face.
โI remember when you used to at least pretend to be civil,โ Julius
remarks as he lifts the coffee cup in his hand to his lips. โYou would offer me a terribly fake smile first, then come up with a long-winded way to remind me of the time, like:ย Is it just me, or has the school bought new clocks? The minute hand looks really different.ย Now you seem to have no problem criticizing me to my face. Real progress.โ
I carry on as if he hasnโt spoken. โYouโre late because you went to get
coffee?โ
โSee.โ He points at me, as if Iโve just offered valuable evidence for his thesis statement. โSo much more straightforward.โ He takes another slow sip. โAnd yes, congratulations, your beverage-detection abilities are impressive. It is, in fact, black coffee.โ
I wrinkle my nose. The bitter scent is so sharp I can practically taste it. โHow do you even manage to drink that without sugar or cream?โ
โI find it bracing.โ The corner of his mouth quirks, his eyes black and razor-sharp on me. โAnd perhaps I prefer the challenge.โ
โSounds masochistic.โ
โIt does, doesnโt it?โ he says. Then he turns to the board. Looks over it
โmy hard work, the resourcesย Iโdย prepared ahead of time, the detailed sticky notes and calculationsโfor all of five seconds before he tells me, โThe beach destination wonโt work, by the way. We should eliminate that right off the bat.โ
โExcuse me? Why not?โ The beach retreat was the place Iโd found most promising. Itโs only a two-hour drive from here, and the scenery is beautiful: smooth sand and turquoise waves and hammocks strung between
palm trees. Iโd even started making a list of all the activities we could do, from beach volleyball to surfing to picking up trash, which isnโt as fun but is definitely good for the environment. The environment committee could write an article about it for the yearbook.
โDonโt get me wrong, itโs pretty,โ he says with a shrug. โBut thatโs also the problem. Itโs too romantic.โ
I stare at him.
He sighs. Like Iโm being dense on purpose. โDo you know what the teachersโ biggest fear with these kinds of retreats is?โ
โThat one of us will drop dead and the school will end up involved in a long, painful, costly lawsuit despite the fact that they made all our parents sign that form that says in very fine print that nobody is to blame if weโre injured, abducted, or murdered.โ
โClose, but no. If we die, thatโs very inconvenient for them. If we hook up, thatโs both inconvenientย andย awkward for them.โ
Iโm pretty sure all my organs stop functioning. โWhatโโ
โWhen I sayย we, I obviously donโt meanโus,โ he clarifies, and despite the taunting note in his voice, his cheeks turn red. Heโsย blushing, I realize. Itโs so bizarre. So unlike him. Itโs a visible weakness, and I quietly file it away for later use. โI mean in general. I believe thereโs a scientific equation for it: The probability of teenagers sneaking into each otherโs rooms and hooking up increases by zero-point-four when you put them in a scenic beach setting.โ
โYouโre making that up,โ I tell him. โYouโre literally just saying that because you enjoy disagreeing with me.โ
He rolls his eyes. โDonโt flatter yourself. Iโm only saying what I know
is true.โ Then he moves to take down the beach retreat flyer from the board.
In one quick movement, I clap my hand over his. Force his fingers to flatten. Ignore the heat of his skin against my palm. โWeโre meant toย agreeย on a destination together. And I donโt agree with you right now.โ
โWhen have you ever?โ he mutters. But he shakes his hand free from mine, which should be more satisfying than hurtful.
โIโm not saying that it wouldnโt be an issue if the retreat turned into some kind of . . . matchmaking process,โ I tell him. โBut is the beach necessarily conducive to that? Who says it has to be romantic?โ
โI donโt know,โ he says sarcastically, pretending to think. โOnly every movie and beach read and song to come out in the past decade.โ He must see the stubborn disbelief written over my face, because he tilts his head. Sighs again. โOkay, since youโre so lacking in imagination, let me set the scene for you. Itโs sunset, the sky is the perfect shade of pink, the air just warm enough that you can slip out of your sweater and set it down on the sand like a towel. You can hear the waves lapping against the shore, taste
the salt on your tongue. Thereโs music playing softly from someoneโs phone speaker. Youโre sitting next to the person youโve been eyeing for the whole semester, and when a breeze rises and messes up your hair, he lifts his hand and . . .โ
And he actually demonstrates, reaching out across the tight space and brushing a stray strand of hair behind my ear, his cool fingertips grazing my skin. Itโs such a small, brief motion, the lightest touch. Itโs pathetic that I would even notice it. But I feel a sharp pang echo through my ribs, so
intense it almost resembles pain. My whole body overreacts as if Iโm in mortal danger, my heartbeat thudding faster and faster until I canโt stand it. I squeeze my eyes shut against the emotion, and when I open them again, heโs staring at me, his jaw strained.
He swallows, once.
โIโdonโt see your point,โ I manage, my voice too loud.
His brows rise, his hand still lingering above my ear. โYou donโt?โ
It requires an incredible amount of strength just to speak. โNo. Andโโ I push down the odd lump in my throat. Do my best to sound as flippant as possible. โI think youโre not giving ourโpeersย enough credit. They have
someย discipline, you know. Itโs not like theyโre going to try and sneak off into the cabins to make out just because the viewโs pretty and someone touched their hairโโ
โNot even if they did this?โ he asks quietly, and he leans forward. All at once heโs too close, overwhelmingly close. Iโm frozen to the spot as he
pauses on purpose, his mouth bare inches from the base of my neck, so I can feel his breath trembling against my skin. โDo you need me to
demonstrate further?โ
A low, hoarse sound escapes my lips. It could be a protest or a plea; I donโt know anymore. I donโt know anything.
โWhat was that, Sadie?โ he presses, lowering himself by just another fraction of an inchโ
I shove him away.ย โI get it.โย My heart is still beating at an abnormal rate, heat coursing furiously through my veins. Yet even worse than my fear of what mightโve happened is the disappointment that it didnโt. And the fear that he can somehow sense my disappointment, the itch in my skin from
where his mouth had hovered seconds earlier.ย Only physical attraction, I remind myself sternly. It must be some kind of unfortunate side effect left over from the kiss at the party. โI get it, okay? You didnโt have to make your case in such a disgusting manner.โ
Something shifts in his expression. Then he smiles, and itโs as smug as ever. โAre you admitting that Iโm right?โ
โYes. Fine. Whatever,โ I spit out. Iโve lost the argument, but it feels like Iโve lost something more than that. โLetโs hear your proposal, then.โ
โThatโs exactly what we shouldโve done from the beginning.โ He steps back and starts searching locations up on his phone with the brisk manner of someone in a business meeting, leaving me to wonder if I hallucinated
the past five minutes. The only evidence of it is the uneven beat of my pulse and the hair tucked behind my ear. โHow about this?โ he asks, showing me the photo on his screen.
Itโs a retreat in the middle of the mountain range three hours from here, and all the walls and floors are made of glass. It also happens to be suspended almost two thousand feet above a valley, with an โopen-air seating areaโ available on the rooftop. The main website describes the
views as โthrilling,โ which I mentally translate into โterrifying.โ
โYou realize there are at least five people in our year level who are scared of heights, right?โ I ask.
He doesnโt even bat an eye. โThen this is precisely what they need.
Exposure therapy has been proven to work, hasnโt it?โ โHow can you be soโsoย callous?โ I demand. โIโm not callous. Youโre just soft.โ
I grit my teeth. โConsiderate, you mean. Thoughtful. Responsible.โ โIn futile, stubborn pursuit of making every single person happy, is
what I mean,โ he corrects me.
โAnd what about it?โ I push his phone back into his hand. โThis is our last trip together as a year before graduation. I want everyone to have an amazing time, and that wonโt happen if some people canโt even make it from one room to another. Have you seen the reviews? You practically need a helmet and a harness just to get into bed.โ
โWhich definitely solves the hooking-up problem,โ he retorts, grinning. โDonโt act so sure. Some people actually enjoy that sort of thing.โ
He looks briefly taken aback, then bites his lip, shaking with laughter. Leaning in closer, he tilts his head at me. โWow, I never thought you were that type.โ
โShut up,โ I grumble. โI was just making a point.โ
โSo was I.โ
โYour point isnโt convincing enough,โ I say, pulling my gaze away from him. โLetโs go back to the drawing board.โ
โYour wish is my command,โ he replies, sweetness lacing his words. I glance up at him, and suddenly Iโm flustered, stumbling over my thoughts. He bursts into laughter, and my cheeks burn. โYou really like that, donโt you? So you are that typeโโ
I turn my head away and drag my laptop closer like a shield. We spend the rest of the period bouncing ideas back and forth. I suggest a farm; he counters that he wants to avoid the risk of stepping in animal waste. He pulls up a website for an โaffordableโ five-star hotel in the city center; I remind him that โaffordableโ only works if the school sells drugs or donates our kidneys, leading us to debate which teacher looks most like a potential dealer. We both agree on Mr. Kaye, and I canโt help but feel how sad it is that this is our only shared insight.
weโve managed to agree on so far). I then raise the idea of traveling to a national park; he protests that he doesnโt enjoy parks.
โWhy are you making this so hard, Julius? Didnโt you hear the
principal? The second we finish this proposal, the torture will stop and weโll be released from each other at last. We wonโt even have to speak to each other ever again.โ
A strange look crosses his face. โI know that.โ โThenโโ
โLetโs choose this place,โ he says, the humor gone from his tone. He points at a lakeside location Iโd picked and heโd dismissed because he found the welcome message on their home pageย suspiciously friendly.
I blink. โReally? Thatโsโ You agree?โ
โYeah. Sure.โ He stands up and grabs his coffee cup, all without looking at me. And even though I should be glad weโve ticked off our final task, gladder still to be rid of him, I feel more like Iโve missed a step on the stairs. Before I can put a finger on it, he turns around on his way out and
says only, โCongratulations, Sadie. The torture is over.โ