โThe house has descended into complete anarchy.โ
For a few moments, I can only stand there and take the scene in, my mouth agape with horror. Someoneโs pouring liquor into one of my momโs favorite porcelain vases and using it as a giant wineglass, the citrus scent of alcohol wafting into the air so strong I can almost taste it.ย Threeย couples are making out on the couch in one row, as if theyโre in a competition to see
who can make the most disturbing sounds or flash the most skin. The dining table has been pushed back to make room for a noisy game of beer pong; all the chairs are stacked up, the fruit bowl set down on the floor. Every now and then, a yell of frustration or delight is followed by a chorus of cheers.
There are wrappers everywhere, half-empty plastic cups, glitter from god knows where. Even worse, Iโm now noticing that people are wearing their outdoor shoes indoors, leaving muddy marks all over the beige carpet.
I try to take a deep breath, but I end up choking on it. This is a nightmare.
And this is entirely my fault.
Iโve never felt so foolish, so helpless. I shouldnโt have hosted this party. Ben was right about me. Iโm not the kind of girl who canย chill out, the kind of person who invites the whole year level to their house and sits back to let the destruction happen. I need to get everything under control. โCan you
please set those down?โ I ask the boy closest to me. Heโs on the baseball team, and heโs currently juggling five apples at once.
But the music has been turned up to full volume, the heavy bass shaking the walls. My voice is all but drowned out.
โHello?โ I try again, louder, straining my vocal cords. When that doesnโt work, I tap his shoulder.
โWhat?โ The boy glances at me without pausing. โWhat do you want?โ โThe applesโyouโre going to hit somethingโโ
The words have barely left my mouth when his hand slips and one of
the apples goes flying. It knocks over the potted plant on the bookshelf. The clay shatters at once, all the dirt spilling out onto the floor.
โOops,โ he says faintly. โMaybe I canโโ
โNoโno, itโs okay.โ I eye the remaining apples, terrified theyโre going to end up hurtling across the room too. โYou just . . . stay there. I can handle this myself.โ
I push past the sweaty dancing bodies and giggling clusters of friends and head straight for the cleaning cabinet in the laundry room, but one of the football team stars comes staggering out. Jonathan Sok: tall, tan,
handsome, and famously terrible at holding down his liquor. Heโs swinging an empty beer bottle and straddling our only broom like itโs a horse.
โLook at my horse,โ he calls out with glee, galloping around the cramped space in a circle. Heโs so drunk that his words are barely coherent.
But he keeps talking. โLook at my horseโlook at my horseโlook at my horseโโ
โYes, I can see,โ I say, to humor him. Mostly, I just want my broom back. โIf you could please give it back to meโโ
โItโs aย horse,โ he protests, pouting. โHer name is Wendy.โ
Iโm too tired to sit around and debate the name of an inanimate object. โSure, whatever. I really need to clean this mess up . . .โ
He prances out of the way. Up until this very moment, I didnโt think people could actually prance. โYouโll have to catch me first,โ he says.
โNo, this isnโt a gameโโ I reach for the broom at the same moment he twirls around on the spot, promptly smacking me in the face with the handle.
It doesnโt hurt that much. Not enough to leave a bruise. But the sheer physical shock of it sends me reeling backward, clutching my cheek. It feels like itโs knocked something askew inside me. Or maybe Iโm already off- balance; maybe I have been since I grabbed Julius and kissed him, or since I
kicked him outside. Maybe this is one of those Jenga block scenarios,
where the whole structure is shaking, unsteady, and all it takes is a single wrong moveโor in this case, an unfortunate collision with the end of a broomstickโfor everything to come crashing down.
โOkay, you know what?โ I drop my hand from my sore face. Jonathan Sok gapes up at me with bleary eyes, too dazed to be fully apologetic. โThis partyโs over.โ
โHuh?โ
โI said,ย itโs over.โ My voice comes out louder and harsher than I meant, and the conversations around me die down. The air seems to congeal. โI need to clean everything up and there are way too many people so if you could please all just . . . I donโt know.โ
Thereโs a terrible pause. The musicโs turned off, and the immediate silence is deafening by contrast. I can hear my own ears ringing.
โWell, fine. Jesus,โ somebody mutters. They toss their bottle into a bin, grab their jacket, and turn to go. Itโs not long before the others follow in a staggered line, collecting their bags and fumbling around for their phones,
the sober ones jangling their car keys. A few stop by to thank me for hosting the party, or apologize for making a mess, but most of them donโt even look at me.
So much for fixing things.
My face and eyes burn. Slowly the house empties out, leaving me with the dirt on the floor, the overturned vases and chairs. It feels like someoneโs scraped my insides raw. Itโs a feeling worse than crying, because thereโs no escape, nowhere for the disappointment and shame to go.
At what point, I wonder, staring at the front door as it swings shut one last time,ย does something become unfixable?ย At what point is a tapestry riddled with so many holes and loose threads that itโs impossible to patch it up again? That it deserves to be thrown away instead?
โWow. This place is a mess.โ
I jump at the voice, my heartbeat pounding in my throat.
Iโd thought that everyone had left, but when I spin around, Julius is there. Heโs stayed. Thereโs an unfamiliar expression on his face, something conflicted, something almost soft, like thereโs an ache in him. In the orange glow of the living room lights, he looks far more vulnerable than he had outside, against the shadows and sky.
I wonder if heโs going to make me apologize for kicking him. Iโm not sure Iโd be able to, even if I do feel a faint pinch of guilt.
But he doesnโt say anything else. He simply rolls up his sleeves and starts smoothing out the cushions on the couch.
I stare at him. โWhat are you doing?โ
He doesnโt glance back up. โWhat does it look like?โ
โI . . .โ No words come out. I half expect it to be a trick, but then he
crouches down to clean up the confetti on the floor, his eyes dark and clear, his face serious.
Tentatively, I join him. Neither of us speaks, but the silence no longer feels like a death blow. If anything, it feels peaceful. I focus on the
repetitive motions, the easy rhythm of the task, the hushed swish of the broom. Maybe itโs because weโve already worked together before on the bike shed, but we seem to understand each other. He grabs the trash can without me even having to ask; I pass him the water when I notice him reaching up.
In one psychology class, the teacher had explained to us how memories are formed. What kind of memories stick with us over the years. Itโs not
always the ones you think matter the most, the typical milestones. Like, I canโt really remember what we did for my thirteenth birthday, or the Spring Festival that year we flew to China, or the day I received the prestigious All Rounder Award.
But I do remember coming home from school one afternoon and smelling lemon cake in the kitchen and sharing it with my mother on these new pretty porcelain plates sheโd bought on discount. I remember a random Saturday from nine years ago, when Max and I tried to lure the ducks home with little bites of bread. I remember the face of an old woman Iโd passed
on the street, the precise floral patterns of her shirt, the dandelion sewn into her handbag, even though we never spoke and I never saw her again.
And I know, even as the present is unfolding, that Iโll always remember this. The gleam of confetti on the hardwood floor. The night falling around us. The dark strand of hair falling over Juliusโs eyes. The quiet that feels
like a truce, a reprieve from the war, something more.
โSo,โ Julius says as he carefully removes a party hat from one of Momโs wood statues. โI think itโs safe to say you wonโt be throwing another party
anytime soon?โ
I manage a snort, as if the idea itself doesnโt make me nauseous. โNo.
No, I probably shouldnโt have thrown this one. I just wanted . . . I just thought . . .โ
โYou thought itโd make up for the emails.โ
Itโs so embarrassing to hear it spoken aloud, by Julius no less. It sounds so pathetic.
โBut why?โ he presses.
I sweep the remaining confetti up into a small pile. โWhat do you mean,ย why? I didnโt have many other choices. Itโs not like I could have afforded to send each person a personalized apology letter and expensive gift box for emotional damage.โ
โI mean, why do you think you have to make everyone forgive you?
What is there to forgive? Not saying that you were right to write those
emails,โ he adds hastily, catching the look on my face. โBut I read the one you sent Rosie. She stole your science fair idea. If weโre really talking about forgiveness, shouldnโt she also be asking you to forgive her?โ
I donโt know what to make of this. I havenโt given any thought to what others might owe me, only what I owe them. โThatโs . . . different,โ I say eventually. โSheโs more upset.โ
โYouโre upset too.โ
โYeah, but she doesnโt seem to care, and I do. I reallyโโ My breath catches in my throat. I bow my head, dump the confetti into a plastic bag,
watching the artificial colors catch the light as they swirl through the air. โI
really canโt stand it when people are angry at me. Like, I know it might be
simple for others, but I canโt focus on anything else. I canโt just forget about it and go on with my own life. Itโs like thereโs something hard wedged
inside my chest. Iโll always feel guilty. Iโll always want to make amends.โ He doesnโt reply, and I realize Iโve said way too much.
โForget it,โ I mumble. โYou wonโt understand.โ โIโm trying to.โ
My head jerks up, and when I meet his eyes, I experience a roaring rush of heat. โWhy?โ I fling the question back at him.
He holds my gaze for a second. Two. Three. I count each one as it passes, the way I count my own staggered breaths. The silence stretches out like a stringโthen he sets down the half-filled plastic bag in his hand, the crushed cans and containers rattling inside, and the silence snaps. โI donโt
know.โ He clears his throat. Motions toward the sitting room. โIโll . . . I should go clean up in there. I believe someone was trying to reโcreate the Eiffel Tower with your textbooks.โ
I nod, once. Like I couldnโt care less where he goes. โOkay. Thanks.โ
I make a conscious effort not to stare after him as he leaves. An even more concentrated effort to stay in the living room, to keep the distance between us, to not dwell too hard on our conversation. But thanks to him, thereโs not much left for me to clean. Once Iโve mopped and vacuumed up
the last of the dirt and pushed the couches back to their original positions, I pause at the doorway.
Everything has already been tidied. Heโs standing at my desk, his gaze drawn down to the photo in his hand. Heโs so focused that he doesnโt hear me walk over until Iโm right behind him.
โI didnโt mean toโโ He spins around. Flushes. โI swear I wasnโt snooping. Someone pulled out this album from the cabinet and a few of the photos fell out and . . .โ
My eyes find the photo too, and my heart twists.
Itโs an old family photo, taken ten years ago. Weโre at a hot pot restaurant, the four of us squeezed around the round table, the plates spread
out in front of us. Max is little more than a kid, his hair spiky and his cheeks round. Heโs wearing that basketball jersey he loved so much heโd refuse to
take it off even to wash the toothpaste stains on the front. My momโs dressed up in her favorite cardigan and turtleneck, her raven hair curled and styled in a way it hasnโt been since that night. And my dadโs gazing over at me with such pride that it hurts to inhale. We look . . . happy. It must be the worldโs greatest magic show; itโs so convincing, even if itโs false. Made up. Make-believe. Because less than a month after the photo was taken, he had left.
โIโve never seen your father before.โ He says it carefully, because Iโm sure he knows by now. They all know, to some extent, no matter how hard weโve tried to hide it, to smooth out the visible lump in the carpet. When your dad doesnโt show up to a single Fatherโs Day breakfast ten years in a row, people are bound to suspect somethingโs off.
โHe probably doesnโt look like that anymore,โ I say, taking the photo from him. I resist the urge to rip it into shreds. To hug it to my chest. โI mean, I wouldnโt really know. Maybe heโs grown a beard.โ It was one of
those things we always laughed about.ย I prefer clean-shaven men, my mom had insisted whenever he raised the idea.ย The day you get a beard will be
the day we get a divorce.ย It used to be a running joke in the family.
Julius peers over at me, still in that careful, attentive way, like the floor is made of glass.ย You wonโt understand. Iโm trying to.ย โIs it hard? Not having him around?โ
โNo,โ I say instinctively. Force of habit. Iโve repeated it so many times to myself that most days I believe it. I slide the photo back into the faded album, snap it closed, but for some reason, I keep talking. โI mean, I
donโt . . . Maybe itโs not that I miss him. But there are times whenโwhen I wonder what itโd be like if he were still here. Like when my mom and I got into a fight last summer over who had lost the phone charger and, as she
was yelling at me, I just found myself wishing . . . he was there to step in. To tell me it was okay. To comfort me and take my mom outside until weโd both calmed down.
โOr, as ridiculous as it sounds, when we go to my favorite restaurant. My mom and my brother both have the same tastes, you knowโthey hate spicy and sour foods. But my dad and I would always get this sour stir-fried chicken dish. They only make it in servings of two, so now . . . now I never order it. Because I donโt have anyone to share it with.โ
Because having one parent is enough. Until it isnโt.
โSo where was your brother in all of this?โ he asks. I blink, confused. โMy brother?โ
He nods toward the album, seemingly confused by my confusion. โHeโs the eldest in the family, right? Shouldnโt he have . . . I donโt know, stepped in?โ
โNo. No, but itโs not his fault,โ I add quickly, catching the faint furrow between his brows.ย Of course not. Itโs allย yourย fault, a cool, familiar voice whispers in my head.ย You were the one who ruined everything.ย โHe took it harder than I did. I remember that he used to be pretty well-behaved, but after our dad left, he kind of just . . . gave up. He started ditching his classes and handing in his homework late and getting into trouble at school.
Honestly the only thing he still seemed interested in was basketballโ without that, Iโm not sure if heโd have gotten into college.โ
Julius absorbs this without any outward emotion, but he hasnโt looked away the entire time.
โSorry,โ I mumble, stepping past him and shoving the album into the cabinet. I donโt know whatโs gotten into me, why Iโm suddenly spilling out my guts toย Julius.
โWhat are you apologizing for?โ he asks.
โSorry, I didnโt mean to,โ I say, then catch myself. A snort lurches out of me, and the ice inside my chest thaws slightly. โOkay, no, actually, I take it backโIโm not sorry. At all. About anything.โ
โYou certainly didnโt seem sorry about kicking me.โ
I tense, but when I look up, the corner of his mouth is curved up. Like weโre sharing an inside joke. Before I can relax, he slides one foot closer,
and the air between us suddenly turns molten.
โYou also didnโt seem too sorry about . . .โ He trails off on purpose, but his eyes flicker down to my lips. Linger there, for a beat too long.
This is something else I know Iโll always remember, no matter how hard I try to scrub it from my memory, to pretend otherwise.
That I had kissed Julius Gong. That Iโd kissed him, and wanted it.
The heat in the air spreads through my veins, and I twist away, searching for a distraction. From him. From this whole night. From the stuffy feeling in my chest, the crushing weight of everyoneโs disapproval,
the consequences of the party. Easilyโalmost too easilyโI find it. Thereโs a bottle of beer left on the desk. Unopened. Untouched. My fingers twitch toward it.
Could I?
Itโs astonishing that Iโm even contemplating it. It would be impulsive, foolish, completely unlike me. But how many impulsive things have I done tonight? Would another really make any difference?
Thereโs a false assumption people tend to make about me: They believe that all I care about is being the best. That the closer I am to the top, the happier I am. That if it comes down to it, a 30 percent is better than a zero; that being mediocre is at least better than beingย bad. But I swing between extremes. If I canโt be the best, I would rather be the best at being the worst. If Iโm going to fail, I would rather fail at it thoroughly than do a job halfway.
And if Iโm going to self-destruct, then why stop at kissing the enemy?
โYou donโt want to drink that,โ Julius says, his voice slicing through my thoughts. Heโs studying me, his head tilted to the side like a bird of prey. He sounds so confident. Like he knows better. Like he always knows better.
Itโs infuriatingโand itโs exactly what helps me make up my mind.
I uncap the bottle, holding his gaze the whole time in challenge, and
take a long, deliberate swig. The liquid burns my mouth, so much stronger than Iโd been prepared for. It tastes like fire. Rushes straight to my head.
I cough, spluttering, but I keep going.
The first few mouthfuls are disgusting. Bitter and biting, like medicine but heavier, with an unpleasant aftertaste. I canโt believe this is what adults make a big fuss about. I canโt believe people pay real money just to endure this. But then my body starts to warm up from within, and my head starts to spin. Normally I would hate it: the loss of control, the disorientation. But tonight it smooths out the sharp edges, dials down the background noise to a lovely hum, numbs the pang in my chest.
The next few mouthfuls are much easier to swallow. It still doesnโt taste very good, but I kind of like the way it scorches my throat.
I drink quickly, encouraged by Juliusโs muted surprise.ย That should shut him up, I think to myself. Iโve almost finished the entire bottle when I twirl it around to check the label, and realize that it isnโt beer after all. Itโs bourbon.
โOh,โ I say, setting the bottle down. โOh. Crap.โ No wonder Iโm so dizzy.
It occurs to me that I should be more concerned. That this is very, very,ย veryย bad. But the panic stays on the sidelines, like a spider in a neighboring room: not so close as to necessitate a response just yet. If anything, I feel perfectly fine.
โThis would be a very inconvenient time to find out youโre a lightweight,โ Julius mutters.
I squint at him. Search his face. And maybe itโs because of this new warmth, this dreamy sensationโboth like falling and like floatingโthat I find myself marveling at how well-defined his features are. Notย handsome, like the princes in fairy tales. But beautiful and cold and deadly, like the
villains weโre taught to fear. โIโm not a lightweight,โ I inform him, pronouncing each word loudly and carefully, as proof. โI was kind of worried just nowโlike, literally, a second agoโthat I would be drunk, but now I think . . .โ I close my eyes. Scan my body. Open them again. โIโm actually okay. I donโt think itโs made any noticeable difference? Wow, yeah. Itโs so wild. I canโt believe Iโm just, like, absorbing this alcohol into my
bloodstream. It hasnโt impeded my speech one bit. I could go to school like this. I couldย take a testย like this. Granted that itโs in a subject Iโve studied
before.โ
Amusement touches his mouth. โRight,โ he says. โOf course.โ
โDo you want some?โ I ask him, offering up the little remaining liquor to him, since itโs only polite. โIt doesnโt taste that disgusting once you get used to it.โ
He gently pushes the bottle back down. โNo, thanks.โ โWhat do you want, then? I can give it to you.โ
This should be a simple enough question. Multiple choice at most. But he falters as if heโs received a three-thousand-word essay prompt.
Swallows. Looks away. โNothing,โ he says at last. โI donโtโwant anything.โ
โAre you sure? Youโre, like, turning red.โ Maybe I shouldnโt be pointing this out. A small voice in the back of my head tells me that Iโm not supposed to. But why? Whyย not? Itโs not like Iโm lying. I shift forward, just to get a closer look. And Iโm right. His neck is flushed, the color seeping through his cheeks. โItโs really obvious here,โ I say, tracing out the line of
his collarbone with one fingertip. Even his skin is unnaturally hot.
Something flashes over his face. He wets his lower lip and steps back. โIs it sunburn? Oh wait, that makes no sense.โ I laugh at myself, laugh
like itโs the funniest thing in the world. Everything strikes me as hilarious now. โYou canโt get sunburnt atย night. Or . . . no. Can you? Is that, like, a
possibility? Is this something that could come up in our next science quiz?โ I have the overwhelming urge to find out, right this second. I must know. I hate not knowing things. โAlex?โ I call.
No response.
โAlex?โย I call again, louder, spinning around. โHello? Are you there?โ
Julius stares at me. โIs there a random man named Alex hiding inside your house? Or did you mean Alexa?โ
โIsnโt that what I just said?โ I demand, annoyed. โAlexis?ย Alexis, can you hear me? Answer me. I really, really need to know if you can get
sunburnt after dark. This is incredibly important.โ โAgain, itโs Alexa,โ Julius says.
โBe quiet.โ I clamp both my hands over his mouth. โYouโre prettier when you donโt talk.โ
He makes a faint, incredulous sound thatโs muffled by my palm, his breath tickling my skin. His expression doesnโt change much, but I can
sense his surprise, how it flickers beneath the surface. โDid you just call me pretty?โ
โWhen you donโt talk,โ I emphasize. โWhich youโre doing at present.โ โSo you admit it.โ
โWhat?โ Iโve already lost track of our conversation. Maybe I am drunk. Or maybe my memory is declining. Thatโs a terrifying thought. But then my attention shifts to the stray strand of hair tumbling over his forehead. I want to reach for him, brush it back.ย Donโt do it, that same voice whispers, but it sounds more and more distant by the second. Inconsequential. So I give in to the impulse and lean forward, smoothing his hair. โItโs so soft. Even softer than it looks,โ I murmur, playing with a dark lock of it between two fingers. Heโs gone very still before me, his pupils black and dilated. I can feel the air ripple with his next expelled breath, almost a pained sigh. โI
always did like your hair.โ
โI thought you hated it,โ he says. His voice is scratchy, like heโs swallowed sand.
I frown. Tug absently at the strand. โDid I say that?โ
โYou did. In your email.โ And then with his eyes on me, without having to pause or think twice, he recites,ย โFrom the bottom of my heart, I really
hope your comb breaks and you run out of whatever expensive hair
products youโve been using to make your hair appear deceptively soft when Iโm sure itโs not, because thereโs nothing soft about you, anywhere at all.โ
Theyโre my words, but on his lips they sound different. Intimate.
Confessional. โHow do you . . . remember all that?โ I ask.
โI have all your emails memorized word for word,โ he says, then instantly looks like he regrets having spoken.
โYou do?โ My mouth falls open.
โNo.โ He scowls. โNo, forget I saidโโ
โYou do,โ I say, an accusation this time. โOh my god, you totally do.โ I start laughing again, laughing so hard I stumble back and land on the floor and clutch at my stomach. I laugh until Iโm breathless, until I canโt feel any pain in my chest, until nothing else matters except this. When my mirth finally dies down, I grin up at him. โWell, Julius Gong. It sounds likeย youโreย the one obsessed with me.โ
He rolls his eyes, but the skin of his neck turns a deeper shade of crimson.
โCan I ask you a question, then?โ I say. He regards me warily. โDepends.โ
โSit down first,โ I command, patting the floor next to me. โI would prefer not toโโ
โSit,โย I say, grabbing his wrist and tugging him down.
โThe floorโs cold,โ he protests, though he remains sitting, his long legs sprawled out in front of him, his hands supporting his weight.
โNot as cold as you,โ I say. My head swims, and it feels like Iโm moving in slow motion when I shuffle around to face him. โSo. Tell me. Why is it always me?โ
His brows crease. โWhat kind of question is that?โ
โWhy is itย me?โ The words come out slurred, swollen on my tongue. I wave my hands around with growing frustration. โWhy do you . . . Why do you put all your energy into makingย myย life difficult? What did I ever do to you to make you . . . hate me so much? Itโs been happening since the day we met each other. With dodgeball. With the spelling quiz in year six. With our history project. Withย everything. Why do you always single me out?โ
โBecause,โ he says quietly, a curious expression on his face. Iโve never seen him so serious. So sincere. โYouโre the only person worth paying attention to.โ
And the pain comes crashing back through my chest, but itโs transformed. Warm at the edges, burning hot within. I close my eyes,
swallow, unable to speak. I want him to say it again. I wish heโd never said it.
โAre you satisfied now?โ Julius asks. He sounds almost angry about it, spiteful, like heโs been forced to prove a point against himself.
My eyes flutter open, and Iโm alarmed by how close he is. Was he that close before? I can see the dark blue shadows under his collarbones, the
flecks of gold in his irises, the soft curve of his lips, the pulse beating at his neck.ย What if we kissed again?ย The foolish notion floats to my brain, and I canโt shake it away.
But before the idea can expand into something dangerous, I hear the unmistakable rumble of a car engine. Headlights flash through the windows, briefly bathing the front entrance in bright orange light, the
silhouette of trees outlined against the glass. Then voices drift through the front yard. Maxโs voice, loud no matter the hour. โ. . . canโt blame me forย winning, can you? Youโre always telling me to learn from my sister and set higher goals for myself. Shouldnโt you be glad Iโm so good atโโ
โAt mahjong?โ comes my momโs shrill reply. โYou think I should be proud of you? Where did you even learn to play, huh? Have you been gambling when youโre supposed to be at school?โ
โNo! Bro, I swearโโ
โIโm not yourย bro.ย Ni bu xiang huo le shi baโโ
โOkay, then, dearest mother, maybe itโs just natural talent. Maybe this is my callingโย Ow, stop hitting meโโ
Oh my god.
Theyโve come back early.
โCrap.โ I stand up too fast, and for a second the room is nothing but a blur of color. My head pounds harder.ย โCrap.โ
Julius jumps to his feet too. โWhatโโ
โMy parents,โ I babble. โI meanโmy parent. My mom. Sheโs back. She didnโtโ She doesnโt know I was throwing a party. Sheโs literally going to kill me and throw my corpse into a dumpster when she finds out.โ
โI think youโre misusing the wordย literalโโ
I cut him off. โYou have to get out of here before she sees you.โ โIโ Okay.โ He steps left, then right again. Hesitates.
โThe back door.โ I sweep the bottle into the binโgod, I couldย slapย myself, I should never have let myself drinkโand push Julius out of the room with both hands. The footsteps outside are drawing closer. The
automatic lights on the front porch switch on. I can feel my heart pounding in my throat. The metaphorical panic-spider is no longer locked in the other room; itโs now scuttling up my leg, and I want to scream.
โHere,โ I hiss at Julius, motioning toward the door. But then I see the top of Maxโs spiky hair through the bushes. Heโs coming in this way. I grab a fistful of Juliusโs shirt and yank him back.
โWhat the hell?โ Julius demands.
โFront door,โ I amend, shoving him in the other direction. โUse the front door instead.โ
No sooner than Iโve spoken, the lights on the front porch flick on as well.
My stomach drops. Weโre surrounded on both sides. Itโs an ambush.
โOkay,ย think, Sadie,โ I instruct myself out loud, massaging my head. โStop being drunk andย think. Get it together. You donโt have any time left.โ
โThis is a very fascinating look into your thought process,โ Julius remarks.
โShush,โ I snap. โIโmย thinkingโโ And then a solution comes to me. โThe window.โ Itโs the only way.
His eyes widen a fraction. โYouโre joking. Iโm not climbing out your window,ย Sadie. Itโs undignified.โ
โIโll owe you.โ
โYou already owe me. How do you plan on returning all these favors?โ
I ignore that and start dragging him toward the window in the laundry room. Itโs wide enough to fit his whole body, and it drops down to the
narrow side path nobody ever uses. Most of it is concealed by overgrown
shrubbery. โHere,โ I say, lifting the window for him. Faintly, through the door, I can hear the rattle of keys.ย โHurry.โ
He glares at me but complies, swinging his leg over the white-painted frame and landing softly, gracefully on the wild grass belowโ
Right as the front door creaks open.