Lorena missed her period this month and is terrified she’s pregnant. She took a home-pregnancy test, but it came out all fuzzy, so she made an appointment at a clinic, just to be one hundred percent sure.
I was only away for two weeks, but so much has happened since I left. Lorena thinks she might be knocked up, Juanga found a hot new boyfriend, and Mr. Ingman got engaged to Ms. López. I don’t know why it surprises me that the world doesn’t stop just because I’m gone.
—
On the way to the clinic, the train is so crammed with people that some dude’s butt is right next to my face. Lorena’s knee keeps jerking up and down. She wants to pretend she isn’t nervous, but I notice right away.
“Are you sure you’re not going to tell Carlos if it’s positive?” “Why would I do that? He’d just want me to keep it. I know him.
He’d get all sentimental about it and cry or some shit. And there’s
no fuckin’ way I’m going to have a baby. I mean, I’m trying to get the hell out of my house and do something with my life, you know? I don’t even like kids. They’re gross.”
“Yeah, I wouldn’t have it, either. I see my cousin with her baby, and it seems like the worst thing that could ever happen. I don’t think she’s even going to finish high school. What kind of job can you get without a diploma?”
“A shitty one.” Lorena shakes her head.
“Okay, so say you are pregnant, where are you going to get the money? I mean, I know it’s expensive.”
“José Luis has a stash of money hidden inside one of his boots in his closet. He thinks I don’t know about it. Dumb ass.”
“But he’d find out. What would you do then?”
“Honestly? I don’t care.” Lorena looks down at her chipped red nails.
A man sitting across from us takes a fork from his garbage bag and uses it as a microphone. The old lady next to him gets up and moves to another seat when he suddenly starts screaming “Thriller” by Michael Jackson. Everyone in the car looks super- irritated. Lorena and I turn to each other and laugh. Trains are disgusting, but at least they’re entertaining.
—
The protesters gathered outside scream at us when we approach. They all hold idiotic signs that say things like Abortion is murder and Mommy, why do you want to kill me? Some of the kids are even holding pictures of bloody fetuses. What the hell is wrong with these people?
“We’ll take care of your baby!” yells a skinny woman with a bowl cut and crooked teeth. “Don’t do it! You’re going to burn in hell!”
“Get out of our faces. I swear to God, lady. Don’t mess with us,” I say.
“Jesus loves your baby!” yells another.
“You don’t even know why we’re here, so why don’t you just shut up?” My heart is thumping, and my hands feel weak. Who are these people to judge anybody?
“Calm down, Julia. Just forget them.”
—
Twenty minutes later, Lorena comes out the door with a gigantic grin on her face. I stand and drop the book from my lap.
“What? No? Negative?” I whisper. Lorena shakes her head. She’s beaming.
“Oh, thank God.” I let out a sigh of relief.
When we get outside, Lorena jumps up and down and gives me a high five. I guess she was trying to contain herself in front of the other girls who may not be as lucky. The protestors look at her as if she were a humongous ogre. I give them a thumbs-up and smile.
“God, that was scary as hell. I feel like we should celebrate or something.” Lorena is pacing back and forth on the sidewalk and rubbing her hands together.
“How? We don’t have any money. What could we even do? Split a hot dog?”
“Well…” Lorena looks guilty. “What?”
“I already took José Luis’s money, just in case.” “You what? Are you serious?”
“I didn’t want to take any chances. What if I needed it and then it was gone? Where would I get five hundred dollars? Look, I want to do something fun for once in my life. And I really don’t care about José Luis. He can seriously go fuck himself. What have you always wanted to eat?”
“Oh my God, Lorena. You’re insane. Are you sure?”
“Trust me. Please. I want to do this.” Lorena shakes me by the shoulders. “It’ll be fun. When will we have another opportunity like this?”
“Shit, I don’t know. What about seafood? That’s pretty expensive, isn’t it?”
—
“A toast to you not being pregnant,” I say, raising my glass of water. “Now, please use condoms. Promise?”
“Okay, okay. I know. I promise. I learned my lesson. Never again.”
We watch boats sail down the Chicago River. It’s a perfect day to be near the water and blow a bunch of money on fancy food. When the waitress brings out a basket of bread, we just stare at each
other confused until we see the couple next to us dip their bread in olive oil.
“Is that really how you’re supposed to eat it? People eat oil like that?” I whisper, and motion toward their table with my head.
Lorena looks perplexed and shrugs. I pour the oil onto my plate.
“So you and Connor are back together, or what? What’s up with that?”
“I mean, not exactly. I don’t know what we are. I like him a lot, but it seems like he doesn’t want to promise anything. It kind of bums me out. Then again, I liked Esteban, too. I still do. And that would never work out because we don’t even live in the same country. Fuck, dating is confusing.”
“Tell me about it.” Lorena takes a sip of her Coke and stares off into the river for a few seconds. “I want to meet him. Send him a message.”
“Are you sure?”
“Why not? I think I should be allowed to meet your boyfriend.” “I just told you he’s not my boyfriend, but I’ll ask him anyway,” I
say as I text Connor.
We’re quiet for a long time. “Olga was pregnant when she died,” I finally blurt. I wanted to wait for another time, but it kept swelling inside me all day like a balloon.
“What are you talking about?” Lorena leans toward me.
“I went through her computer. I found her password, then read all of these emails between her and this old married guy. I have no idea who he is. Their emails were super-secretive. It was like they were both terrified that someone would find out. They didn’t even use each other’s names or anything.”
“No, not Olga. That’s impossible.” Lorena’s eyes widen. “You’re lying!”
“I know, right?” It’s so ridiculous, I almost laugh—my angelic sister having a steamy love affair.
“And your parents don’t know?”
I shake my head. “Can you imagine?”
“Oh my God.” Lorena covers her mouth. “Are you going to tell them? What are you going to do?”
A small blue boat called Miss Behavin’ zips past.
“I haven’t decided yet. I don’t know what to do. I mean, on one hand, what’s the point, right? It’s just going to upset them. She’s dead, and nothing is going to change that. On the other hand, don’t they deserve to know who she was? Wouldn’t you want to know? There are too many secrets in my family. It doesn’t seem right. Why do people always lie to themselves and each other? God, I don’t know. I keep going back and forth and back and forth. I just found out about it, and it’s gnawing away at my brain like crazy. I feel it’s going to come out somehow, sooner or later, no matter how hard I try to lock it up inside.”
“Did she want it, the baby?”
“Wait, hold on. The waitress keeps looking at us.” I gesture toward where she’s standing. “I think she’s afraid we’re not going to pay our bill.”
Lorena takes the stack of cash from her purse and waves it at her. “Problem solved. Go on.”
I laugh. Classic Lorena move. “She had an ultrasound, so, yes. Plus, Olga was super-Catholic. She definitely would’ve had it. There’s no doubt in my mind.”
The waitress suddenly brings us our giant seafood platter. It smells like the ocean. I don’t know what a lot of the items are, but I’m going to try them all until I feel sick to my stomach.
“I think you should tell them. I mean, that was their kid, you know?” Lorena is still in shock. She picks at a crab with a fork. “How do you get the meat out of this thing?” She splatters some butter on the white tablecloth.
“But you weren’t planning on telling Carlos or your mom if you were pregnant. How is that different? Do you think any good could come from it? You were the one telling me I had to move on with my life and stop obsessing about my sister.”
Lorena doesn’t have an answer for that.
—
After lunch, Connor meets us on the corner of LaSalle and Wacker. I already suspected that Lorena wasn’t going to like him because he’s white and lives in the suburbs, but I’m still surprised by the amount of side eye she gives him.
“Stop it,” I whisper to her, when Connor’s not looking. “Why did you tell me to invite him?”
“What? What am I doing?” Lorena acts insulted. “I wanted to meet him.”
“Come on, you know exactly what you’re doing.”
The three of us walk along the river in silence until we find a coffee shop. Lorena orders the sweetest, most complicated drink on the menu, and Connor and I both get regular coffee with cream.
“So, um…” Connor says as we sit at a table outside. “Julia tells me you’re really good at science.”
“I guess so.” Lorena looks bored out of her mind. She mixes her drink with her straw and stares off into the water.
“She’s always helping me with my physics homework. I never know what I’m doing,” I say, and smile at Lorena, trying to ease the tension. “And I help her with English.”
“So what college are you going to?” Connor takes a sip of his coffee.
“I haven’t decided yet. Someplace I can afford for nursing.
College is expensive, and some of us can’t rely on our parents.” I give Lorena my best death stare.
Connor nods and stands up. “I’ll be back. I have to go to the bathroom.”
“Why are you being so rude?” I ask Lorena once he’s inside. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Lorena shrugs.
“It seems as if you hate him. I don’t get it. What’s wrong with him?”
“How can I hate him if I don’t even know him? Don’t be ridiculous. All I know is that he’s from Evanston, his parents are rich, and he took your virginity. That’s it.”
“I really like him, you know?”
“Okay, I get it, but do you actually believe he doesn’t look down on us? You don’t think he sees us without thinking we’re ghetto? I just don’t want you to get hurt. You can tell right away that he’s rich. You were right. Maybe we shouldn’t have invited him.”
“He’s not like that, though.” I look down at my coffee. “He’s not like that at all.”
“Oh, come on, don’t be dumb,” Lorena says, and slurps the last of her drink. “You know they all are.”
