kindness to future you

on the weekends, my husband, Michael, and I take turns getting up early with the kids so the other one can sleep in. Cleaning the kitchen is one of my tasks in our partnership, and I’m pretty renowned for only doing it every few days. Yet the evening before it’s Michael’s turn to wake up I found myself taking the time to clear the counter, do the dishes, and take out the trash so that it would be easy for him to

prepare the girls’ breakfast and take care of them in the morning.

Michael has never asked or expected this of me; it was simply

something I did to make his life easier. I was typically one to not

think that far ahead for myself and find myself hand-washing a day- old milk cup at 7:00 am while my kids cried because they were thirsty. Sort of a stressful way to start the day and I guess I didn’t

want him to have to go through that. One day I had a thought: “I

deserve that exact same kindness. I also deserve a functional space for those mornings I’m taking care of our kids.” That I could consider nighttime prep as a kindness to morning me changed my entire

relationship with care tasks.

Next time you are trying to talk yourself into doing a care task, what would it be like to replace the voice that says, “Ugh, I should really go clean my house right now because it’s a disaster,” with “It would be such a kindness to future me if I were to get up right now and do _. That task will allow me to experience comfort,

convenience, and pleasure later.”

It isn’t a hack, really. It’s not a formula guaranteed to make you get up. Sometimes you may not get up even with the change in self-talk. But you know what? You weren’t getting up when you were being

mean to yourself either, so at least you can be nice to yourself. No one ever shamed themselves into better mental health.