when it’s hard to shower

it is more common than you would think for people to have barriers to hygiene. Whether those barriers are physical or mental, it is the

care area where people feel the most shame in not being able to keep up. Remember that showering is functional and not moral. Millions of human beings existed before the invention of showers, and they managed to live and thrive without them. As with any care task, self-compassion is key. Shame is the enemy of functioning.

hygiene kit

 

The point of having a body is to carry yourself from joyful experience to joyful experience. We have functional reasons to clean that body because we want it to stay healthy and because it feels good. So if you have a physical or emotional barrier that makes taking a full

shower so draining that you can’t do anything else with your day, then it’s perfectly fine to schedule a full shower once or twice a week depending on your capacity. For the rest of your time, you can use a hygiene kit. Placing multiple kits in areas of your home where you know you can access them easily can be helpful. For instance, I recommend that new mothers place these near a nursing station and that those with depression keep one at their bedside.

Hygiene Kit:

 

Baby wipes

 

Dry shampoo or oil

Hairbrush

 

 

Toothbrush and toothpaste (or disposable wisps)

Mouthwash

 

 

Face lotion

Deodorant

 

 

Essential oil or misting spray that smells good

Washcloth

 

 

 

matted hair

 

If you have not washed your hair in a long time, it can be very painful emotionally to deal with matted hair. This is particularly true if you

are already feeling depressed and have trouble getting out of bed. Remember to be kind to yourself. Touch your hair and body gently and remember that people who are having a hard time deserve compassion. You are people too.

I have fine, curly, Caucasian hair that begins to mat after several days in a bun with no brushing. Here’s how I handle this:

1. I get into the shower, wet my hair, and apply a deep conditioner (I like Blueberry Bliss reparative leave-in conditioner). I do not shampoo first because greasy hair is easier to detangle.
2. I use huge fistfuls and then leave it to sit under a shower cap for twenty minutes.
3. After I remove the cap, I use a wide-tooth comb to divide into sections and start detangling from the bottom of my hair,

holding at the root so it doesn’t pull. After detangling I wash with shampoo and regular conditioner.

If you have spent many days or weeks in bed and the level of

matting is very severe, the internet swears that miracle leave-in spray from It’s a 10 is, as its name states, a miracle worker. Applying this

spray to your hair, divide your hair into sections and use your fingers to detangle what you can starting from the bottom of the hair and working your way to the scalp. Once you’ve done what you can with

your fingers, use a wide-tooth comb or a pick and repeat the process.

 

 

If you feel it may be a long time before you wash again, consider using a protective hairstyle such as French braids. Silk scrunchies

are better for buns, as they do not cause the hair to break like regular hair ties. A silk cap or pillowcase will help prevent matting and

breakage.

The best method for detangling matted hair will depend on your hair type. I spoke with Dr. Raquel Martin to get some insight on the type of care that’s best for Black hair when you’re struggling. I’ll let her take it from here.

Hi all. Dr. Martin here. I am going to share my insights into

managing Black hair. When determining the best care routine

for your hair, there are different things that you need to take into consideration including curl types, porosity level, and processing level. While my examples may not be exhaustive, I hope there is something in here that can help you. I have natural hair with a

 

 

tight curl pattern that repels moisture, so it can quickly become difficult to manage. During times of significant transition, grief, and emotional distress, I could not even imagine lifting my arms long enough to do my hair.

When detangling Black hair, always start from the bottom,

use a wide-tooth comb or Denman brush and detangle your hair while wet and with a leave-in conditioner. One of the best things that you can do to care for your hair when you don’t feel like

caring for yourself is wear a silk bonnet when you go to sleep or sleep on a silk pillowcase. Cotton pillowcases will take the

moisture out of your hair and make it more difficult to manage.

Remember that Black hair gets drier over time, and it’s not

necessary to place heavy oils on your actual hair; it is your scalp that requires the most oiling. You can use an essential oil, such as tea tree oil, mixed with a carrier oil, such as olive oil. Do not

put pure essential oils on your hair; always mix it with a carrier oil. Tea tree oil is a great pick because it helps with itchiness and dryness and stimulates hair growth.

If you have chemically relaxed hair, your scalp may become more sensitive due to the new growth and be more difficult to manage than your processed ends. The hair closest to your roots will also likely revert to your natural texture, which could

be curlier. Therefore, you may just want to do a twist out or braid out instead of having to go to a salon or manage it daily. These styles will make the disparity between your roots and ends less noticeable.

Protective styles give your hair a break and reduce the

amount of manipulation required. These can include styles such as braids, faux locs, and twists. Try to not keep these hairstyles in longer than eight weeks because of increased buildup and

scalp sensitivity over time. Headscarves can also be an easy solution to times when you do not feel like doing your hair.

Putting one on does not take more than five minutes, they do not have to be fancy, and they look very nice.

Hello, this is KC again. It’s useful for everyone to note that most salons will also de-mat your hair for an hourly fee. I find that being open about your struggles and stating that you are looking for

someone who will help you without judgment is typically met with kindness.

brushing your teeth

 

It is not uncommon for brushing one’s teeth to be the near-

impossible task. This does not make you dirty or gross. It just makes you a person having a hard time. And people having a hard time

deserve compassion. Here are some ideas for caring for your teeth when brushing is hard:

Disposable wisps, flossers, and pre-pasted toothbrushes are all available and can be put into your bag, on your bedside, and in your car. Sometimes it’s the getting to the bathroom that is

 

the difficult part.

Children’s toothpaste has a sweeter flavor than adult toothpaste. Some find that moving away from the harsh mint flavors of adult toothpaste makes it easier to brush their teeth.

 

Electric toothbrushes often do more cleaning in less time. Some even have timers and send reminders to your phone.

 

Swishing your mouth with some Listerine can kill some bacteria in your mouth when you cannot get any brushing done. Remember that anything worth doing is worth doing half-assed.

 

If you need to go to the dentist and are embarrassed that you have not maintained your dental care, ask to have an office

 

visit with the dental hygienist first. Explain your anxiety and embarrassment. Explain your fear that if the doctor shames

you, you may not come back. You may even ask that they note in your chart that you do not respond well to lecturing. Most medical providers truly do want you to continue getting medical care and will take the opportunity to be sensitive if you ensure they are informed of your needs.

Shortcut: skip to chapter 23.