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Chapter no 31

Hello Stranger

BUT JOE DIDNโ€™T leave. He stayed.

He lurked around the party long after dinner and well into the dancing

โ€”watching me with such purpose as I boogied defiantly with Sue and Daniel and all their cousins that he felt like a predator stalking his prey.

I didnโ€™t care that he was here.

I didnโ€™t care that he was here, damn it.

He couldnโ€™t justย stare me downย into giving up all my joy.

I had moved on. And bounced back. And if he didnโ€™t understand what heโ€™d lost, then I was better off on my own.

I was fine, I was fine, I was fine.

But you can dance your ass off with bold, hysterical, canโ€™t-touch-this energy for only so long.

Eventually, you have to take a breather.

As soon as I stepped off the dance floor, Joe moved in for the kill.

I didnโ€™t want to talk to him. That should have been perfectly clear. What other message could ignoring him all night possibly convey? And yet there he was, as soon as Iโ€™d separated from the herd, moving toward meโ€”with purpose.

But I didnโ€™t have to just stand frozen there like a gazelle and let him pounce. I wasnโ€™t some prey animal. As soon as I saw him making his way toward me, I started making my way toward โ€ฆย what?ย We were on a roof. It wasnโ€™t like I could catch a city bus and disappear into the night.

But I had to try, anyway.

I headed off toward the far corner, like maybe if I could dart around behind the mechanical room and break his line of sight, he might lose me.

As I sped up, he sped up.

Iโ€™d gotten pretty good at speed-walking in these postsurgery weeks, so for a minute there, I was actually starting to lose him โ€ฆ until he broke into a run.

โ€œSadie!โ€ he called, like that might slow me down. Wrong. It sped me up.

โ€œSadie! Wait!โ€ he called again as I rounded the corner. Rounding the corner did helpโ€”for about one second.

Until, as soon as I got there, I realized it was a dead end. A dark dead end withโ€”actuallyโ€”a fabulous view of the downtown skyline.

I didnโ€™t come to this side very often.

I slowed down, defeated, and then walked to the far edge of the roof, leaning against the railing as if gazing at the view had been my urgent purpose all along.

No escape now, I thought as I heard Joeโ€™s running footsteps approaching behind me.

I took a long-overdue deep breath, felt it swirl in my lungs, and willed it to give me peace.

And then โ€ฆ Joe showed up next to me at the railing. I felt him land before I turned.

โ€œHey,โ€ he said, a little breathless.

I pretended I didnโ€™t hear him. Like that glittering skyline had so enraptured me that commonplace things like human interaction didnโ€™t even register.

But he wasnโ€™t deterred. โ€œCould I talk to you for a minute?โ€ he asked, standing so close and looking at me so hard, I had no choice but to respond.

He wanted toย talk to me? Hadnโ€™t this night been agonizing enough? โ€œDo you have to?โ€ I asked.

He frowned like he wasnโ€™t sure how to answer.

โ€œWhy are you even here?โ€ I asked. โ€œSueโ€™s not your friend.โ€ โ€œMr. Kim invited me.โ€

โ€œThat was an accident.โ€

โ€œOkay,โ€ Joe said, not too interested in Mr. Kim. โ€œBut Iโ€™m also here because I got your voicemail.โ€

I held still. Myย best wishesย voicemail.

Joe waited for a response while I kept my eyes on the city. โ€œDid you listen to it?โ€ I finally asked.

โ€œYep.โ€

โ€œAll of it?โ€ I asked. โ€œYep.โ€

Why was he bringing this up? โ€œAnd?โ€

โ€œAnd โ€ฆ I didnโ€™t realize you were going through such a hard time. Iโ€™m sorry.โ€

Wow. So little and so late. I made my voice flat. โ€œItโ€™s fine.โ€ โ€œThank you for telling me.โ€

โ€œI thought for sure youโ€™d ignore it. Like you ignored all my other voicemails.โ€

Joe let that dig go as he edged closer to me.

So I turned toward him. He wanted to do this? Fine. We could do this. But once we were facing each other, I realized there was a lot more to that verb than Iโ€™d ever noticed before.

โ€œSoโ€ฆโ€ he said. โ€œCan you not see me right now?โ€

โ€œI canย seeย you,โ€ I said, maybe a tad more irritated than I needed to be. โ€œYouโ€™re standing right there.โ€

โ€œMy face, I mean, though.โ€

I sighed. โ€œI can actually see your face tonight. For the first time ever.โ€ Joe frowned. โ€œFor the first time ever?โ€

I thought maybe he was having a hard time with the idea that Iโ€™d been looking straight at him all these weeksโ€”had touched him, talked with him, even kissed himโ€”and had never seen his face. It was a tricky thing to comprehend, to be fair. I was just about to launch into a whole neurological explanation of how acquired face blindness worked when he jumped in.

โ€œYou never saw me before your surgery?โ€ he asked.

I thought back. โ€œThere was that one time. In the elevator. When I overheard you talking about your one-night stand with the bulldog.โ€

Joe shook his head. โ€œBut Iโ€™ve lived in this building for two years.โ€ Okay. โ€œBut I only moved in not long before the surgery. So I was new.โ€ โ€œBut youโ€™ve been using that space on the roof as a studio for a year.โ€

I frowned. โ€œItโ€™s weird that you know that.โ€

โ€œI know that,โ€ Joe explained, โ€œbecause I helped you carry up your art supplies when you first moved in.โ€

I thought back. โ€œYou did?โ€

โ€œAll this time, you didnโ€™t know that was me?โ€

I shook my head. โ€œWasย that you?โ€

โ€œAre you sure you werenโ€™t face-blind all along?โ€

I gave him a look, like,ย Very funny.ย But then I thought about it. โ€œI remember the guy from that day. But he had a huge crazy beard.โ€

โ€œYeah. That was me.โ€

โ€œHell of a beard, bro. You could park your Vespa in that thing.โ€ โ€œMy wife had just left me. Iโ€™d abandoned all grooming.โ€

โ€œHence the baseball cap.โ€ โ€œExactly.โ€

But I was calling it: โ€œI donโ€™t think you get to mock me for not recognizing you from that day. You were basically ninety-eight percent beard.โ€ I reminded myself to stay bitter. We were not friends.

โ€œIโ€™m just amazed that you didnโ€™t know who I was,โ€ he said. โ€œThat whole time.โ€

I conceded. โ€œI did not know you were Art Supply Guy.โ€ โ€œI said hi to you sometimes, evenโ€”but nothing.โ€

โ€œDid you?โ€

โ€œIโ€™m just thinking about how it wasnโ€™t until after you got face blindness that you started to recognize me.โ€

โ€œI recognized the bowling jacket,โ€ I corrected. โ€œNot you.โ€

โ€œHow are you doing now?โ€ he asked. Like he really wanted to know.

Howย wasย I doing now? โ€œBetter, maybe?โ€ I said. โ€œI had swelling in my brain right near the area that recognizes faces. They kept telling me I might get the ability to see them back once the swelling went down โ€ฆ but it kept not going down. Until recently.โ€

โ€œAnd did you get the ability back?โ€

โ€œSort of?โ€ I said. โ€œPartly. I can see some faces, but not others.โ€ โ€œBut you can see mine.โ€

โ€œWeirdly, yes. Even though Iโ€™ve never seen you before.โ€ โ€œBut as weโ€™ve just established, youโ€™ve seen me a lot.โ€ โ€œApparently so.โ€

โ€œI guess your brain remembers me, even if you donโ€™t.โ€ โ€œI guess it must.โ€

โ€œWell,โ€ Joe said then, like maybe he was winding it down, โ€œI really am sorry. I would have been nicer to you if Iโ€™d known.โ€ And then, like an

afterthought, he added the most wrong thing Iโ€™d ever heard anyone say. โ€œEven after you dumped me.โ€

Even after Iโ€”what? What was he saying? โ€œI didnโ€™t dump you, dude.

Youย dumpedย me.โ€

Joe looked at me like I was nuts. โ€œI didnโ€™t dump you.โ€ โ€œYou fully did,โ€ I said. โ€œYou ghosted me.โ€

โ€œI ghosted you,โ€ Joe admitted, โ€œbut only afterย youย dumpedย me.โ€ Wait.

Hold on.

โ€œJoe,โ€ I said. โ€œI did not dump you. Iโ€™m madly in love with you. So, A, I would never do that. And B, I would definitely remember.โ€

But Joe stepped closer, looking into my eyes in wonder. โ€œYouโ€™re madly in love with me?โ€

I looked away. โ€œWas,โ€ I corrected. โ€œPast tense. Was.โ€

โ€œWhy did you break up with me if you were madly in love with me?โ€ โ€œI didnโ€™t break up with you!โ€

โ€œYou told me you liked someone else.โ€

Someone else? Fine. Okay. Full confession time: โ€œI did like someone elseโ€”briefly. And by โ€˜like,โ€™ I mean I briefly decided I had a desperate, obsessive crush on my veterinarian. And okay,ย whatever,ย I may have spent some time googling Nordic locations for our destination wedding and fantasizing about taking his last name. But I really think it was more about trying to manufacture something to look forward to during the craziest low point of some very crazy weeks. It was never real, you know? It was just a fantasy.โ€

But Joe was shaking his head. โ€œYour veterinarian?โ€ โ€œYes, okay? My dashing veterinarian.โ€

โ€œWho?โ€

โ€œWho?ย Are you, like, going to give him trouble or something? It doesnโ€™t matterโ€”โ€

โ€œWho?โ€ Joe demanded.

I blinked for a second. โ€œHe saved Peanut for me, okay? He brought him back from deathโ€™s door. His name is Dr.โ€”โ€

And then, in unison, we both said, โ€œOliver Addison.โ€ I frowned. โ€œYou know him?โ€

But Joe had already slapped his forehead and spun around to start pacing the roof. โ€œOliver Addison?โ€ he said, almost more to himself than to me. โ€œYou dumped me for your veterinarian,ย Oliver Addison?โ€

My voice got quieter. โ€œSounds like you do know him.โ€

I mean, obviously he did. What exactly had I done? Was this Joeโ€™s ex- bully from high school? Or his best friend from college? Or maybe his secret twin brother?

He was clearly somebody important. Joe was still pacing around. โ€œWhatโ€™s going on?โ€ I asked.

Joe was taking deep breaths now. Then he came over to me and put his hands on my shoulder. โ€œYou broke up with Oliver Addisonโ€ฆโ€

I nodded.

โ€œAt his vet clinic โ€ฆ during a workday โ€ฆ out in the side yardโ€ฆโ€ I nodded again. How did he know this? Were they friends?

โ€œAnd you told him that you liked somebody else.โ€ Another nod from me.

โ€œWas the somebody else that you likedโ€โ€”even as he was saying it, he was shaking his headโ€”โ€œme?โ€

I sighed. Was he really going to make me say it? I met Joeโ€™s eyes. โ€œYes.

Obviously. Of course it was you.โ€

Joe let go of my shoulders and dropped his head, in a gesture like,

Unbelievable.

Then he reached behind his neck and rubbed it absentmindedly as he looked around the roof like nothing made any sense.

A gesture that looked oddly familiar.

I felt compelled to explain. โ€œBroke upย is too strong!โ€ I said. โ€œI wasnโ€™t even dating Dr. Addison! Honestly! We just hadย a planย to go on a date. We never really went. He stood me up, actually. It was that day we bumped into each other at Bean Street and I was covered in spilled coffeeโ€”remember? And he never called after that or apologized, so I couldnโ€™t technically have dumped him because we werenโ€™t even dating. But afterโ€”you knowโ€”after that epic, life-changing kiss with you โ€ฆ I just wanted to make things really clear with himโ€”that nothing was going to happenโ€”because I really, really liked you, and I wanted to keep all the boundaries totally clear.โ€ I could feel my chest welling up, but I kept going. โ€œI felt likeโ€ฆโ€ I took a breath. โ€œI felt

like, with you, Iโ€™d found something genuinely special โ€ฆ and I just wanted to protect that. You know?โ€

I was done with the speech before I realized how much Iโ€™d accidentally confessed.

Damn it.

Joe took a step closer. โ€œSadie,โ€ he said, meeting my eyes, โ€œthe person you dumped โ€ฆ was me.โ€

Hadnโ€™t we been over this? โ€œIโ€™m telling you, I didnโ€™t dump you!โ€

โ€œSadie,โ€ Joe said again, waiting this time until he had my full attention. โ€œIย amย Dr. Oliver Addison.โ€

But that didnโ€™t make any sense.

โ€œUm,โ€ I said, like I was awkwardly correcting him. โ€œYouโ€™reย Joe.โ€

โ€œIโ€™m not Joe,โ€ Joe said. โ€œYouโ€™ve been calling me Joe for weeks, but thatโ€™s not really my name. My name,โ€ he said again for posterity, โ€œis Dr. Oliver Addison.โ€

He was going to have to give me a minute for my brain to explode. โ€œIโ€™m sorry. Wait. Are you Joeโ€”or Dr. Addison?โ€

โ€œI am both,โ€ Joe said. โ€œThose two people are the same guy.โ€

Now it was my turn to pace around like nothing made any sense.

โ€œHold on,โ€ I said. โ€œYouโ€™re saying โ€ฆ youโ€™re saying the guy who lives downstairsโ€”the guy who fed me dinner at his place when I got locked out, and talked me through a panic attack during a party, and kissed me senseless not that long ago โ€ฆ that guy is the same person as the guy at the vet clinic who rescued Peanut?โ€

Joe nodded. โ€œThe same guy.โ€

โ€œYou,โ€ I said, pointing, โ€œare both Joeย andย Dr. Addison?โ€ Joe nodded again.

โ€œHow is that possible that youโ€™re only one person?โ€

โ€œHow is it possible that you thought I was two people?โ€ I frowned. Good question.

Joe gave me a minute to try to puzzle it out.

โ€œThis isnโ€™t the first time this has happened,โ€ I said, thinking of Hazels One and Two. โ€œApparently, the brain is an ecosystem. If one part isnโ€™t doing its job, it can throw other things off, too.โ€

But this much? Really?

We tried to take in the impossibility of it all.

โ€œBut โ€ฆ Joe has glasses and floppy hair.โ€ I mimed with my hand the way Joeโ€™s hair flopped over his forehead, even while suddenly noticing that the Joe I was talking to was not wearing glasses and did not have floppy hair. In fact, he had โ€ฆ Dr. Addisonโ€™s hair. โ€œAnd Dr. Addison hasโ€โ€”I reached up to touch itโ€”โ€œthis hair.โ€

Very gently, at my touch, Joe nodded some more. โ€œNo glasses at work. Just contacts. But they make my eyes tired, so I take them out before I go home.โ€

I was trying so hard to make it make sense. โ€œAnd you slick your hair back for work, but you donโ€™t bother with it at home?โ€

โ€œIt doesnโ€™t stay neat very long,โ€ Joe said.

I was vacillating between struggle and acceptance. โ€œBut arenโ€™t youโ€โ€” and I felt how goofy the words were, even as I said themโ€”โ€œa freelance snake sitter?โ€

โ€œYou think that Iโ€™m a snake sitter, and thatโ€™s all I do?โ€

I tried to picture Joe in a white vet coat. โ€œSo youโ€™re a veterinarian who โ€ฆ does snake-sitting as a side hustle and also โ€ฆ rescues homeless bulldogs?โ€

โ€œBroadly speaking, sureโ€”that works.โ€ โ€œBut you donโ€™t look like a veterinarian.โ€ โ€œI get that a lot. Hence the lab coat.โ€

I shook my head, like,ย What does that mean?

โ€œMost vets just wear scrubs. But when I started, nobody ever thought I was the vet. So I decided to cultivate a more professional look. I committed to the coat. And the contacts. And the hair.โ€

โ€œYou sure did.โ€

โ€œThereโ€™s a psychological component to health care. People need to feel like youโ€™re qualified before theyโ€™ll do what you tell them to. People need a lot more bossing around than youโ€™d think.โ€

โ€œSoโ€ฆโ€ I said. โ€œI only ever saw Dr. Addison in his lab coat, and I only ever saw Joe in his bowling jacket.โ€

โ€œI wore other jackets sometimes,โ€ Joe said.

But I shook my head. โ€œAlmost never. Itโ€™s how I recognized you.โ€ โ€œThatโ€™s why you called me Joe?โ€ Joe asked.

โ€œWhy else would I call you Joe?โ€

โ€œI thought you were kidding. I thought you were making fun of the jacket.โ€

โ€œIย wasย making fun of the jacket. But I also thought you were a guy named Joe. Who really, really liked bowling. Enough to buy a reproduction vintage bowling jacket and have his name embroidered on it.โ€

โ€œOkay,โ€ Joe said, like now weโ€™d gone too far, โ€œthatโ€™s a lot of mental leaps.โ€

There wasnโ€™t much to say to that.

Joe and I took a minute to stare at each other in disbelief. How was this happening?

โ€œYou never dumped me,โ€ Joe said in amazement as it sank in. Then, correcting: โ€œI mean, you did dump me. But you dumped me โ€ฆย for me.โ€

โ€œAnd you never ghosted me. Orโ€”youย did,ย but only after I had broken up with you โ€ฆ without realizing it was you.โ€

Joe nodded. โ€œItโ€™s like an M.C. Escher drawing.โ€

I nodded, too. โ€œItโ€™s like a Rubikโ€™s Cube.โ€ Then after a pause, I added, โ€œYou must have thought I was nuts to keep calling and texting you like that.โ€

โ€œI really, really wanted to respond,โ€ Joe said, his voice more tender now. โ€œI had to lock my phone out on the balcony.โ€

โ€œI guess I should call you Oliver now,โ€ I said, looking up into his face and trying out his name for real.

โ€œIโ€™ll be Joe for you, if you want.โ€

And then I couldnโ€™t resist. I reached up to touch that face that had caused all this trouble, and my palm cupped his jaw. Then I ran the pads of my fingers up to touch all the pieces of itโ€”cheekbones, nose bridge, brow

โ€”so neatly put together now, satisfying like a finished jigsaw puzzle.

He held his breath at the touch.

I could feel his stubble against my palm like sandpaper. I traced down his neck and let my hand rest on his collarbone. โ€œSo โ€ฆ I thought you were breaking my heart, but I was also breaking yours.โ€

He closed the distance between us as he nodded. โ€œAnd the guy you liked โ€ฆ the one you dumped me for. The one I was so bitterly jealous of that I couldnโ€™t sleepโ€ฆโ€

โ€œThat was you.โ€ โ€œThat was me.โ€

โ€œI liked you both a lot,โ€ I said, โ€œif itโ€™s any consolation.โ€

โ€œItโ€™sย allย consolation,โ€ he said, his eyes running all over my face like he still couldnโ€™t take everything in.

Then his eyes came back to look into mineโ€”and stayed there. And it didnโ€™t feel uncomfortable to look into them. It felt good. And so we gazed at each other as we waited for it all to make sense.

It was crazy. It was impossible.

And yet here we were. Standing at the rim of this realization like it was the Grand Canyonโ€”astonished and breathless and awestruck. I could see him breathing deep, and then I realized I was, too. Weโ€™d had the story all wrong. And it might take some time to put it right.

One thing was clear: He was here right now, and so was I. And we were both so glad to be wrong.

Was he leaning closer to me or was I leaning closer to him? Somehow our faces were just inches away from each other. My hand slid down to rest against his chest.

โ€œSadie,โ€ Joe said then, โ€œI noticed you from the start. Since that day I carried all those canvases up to the rooftop for you.โ€

โ€œThank you for that, by the way.โ€

โ€œBut it really got real,โ€ Joe went on, his mouth so close to mine it was just a swoon away, โ€œwhen I saw your Smokey Robinson impression in the grocery store.โ€

That broke the trance.ย Hold on.ย โ€œWhat?โ€ Joe nodded.

โ€œThat was you? You bought me that cheap wine?โ€ โ€œYou owe me eighteen bucks. Plus tax.โ€

โ€œWhy didnโ€™t you tell me?โ€

โ€œWhy would it occur to me to tell you?โ€

โ€œBut the night I told you about the Good Samaritan. You must have realized I didnโ€™t remember you. But you didnโ€™t say anything.โ€

โ€œIt was awkward at that point. Besides, you were having a moment.โ€

โ€œWere youโ€โ€”it was all clicking into place nowโ€”โ€œthe one who pushed me out of the crosswalk?โ€

Joe nodded. โ€œOf course.โ€

All I could do was repeat. โ€œOf course?โ€

โ€œYou were walking away as it happened.โ€

โ€œAnd what were you doing?โ€

โ€œMe? I was checking you out.โ€

It had been Joe? In the crosswalk that night? โ€œYou saw me freezeโ€”and then you ran into the street to save me?โ€

โ€œWell, yeah. You were about to get killed.โ€ โ€œButย youย could have been killed!โ€

โ€œI didnโ€™t really weigh the pros and cons.โ€ โ€œYou saved me?โ€

โ€œNick of time. We were moving so fast, we tripped on a hunk of asphalt at the curb. But I cushioned your fall.โ€

โ€œIs that how you hit the lamppost?โ€ I tapped my own shoulder. โ€œYour scar?โ€

Joe reached around to rub the scar on his shoulder like heโ€™d forgotten. โ€œYeah. Scraped it on a bolt. Ten stitches.โ€

โ€œSo you went to the hospital, too?โ€

Joe nodded. โ€œLater that night. And then I wandered around the halls to find you and make sure you were okay.โ€

Joe hadnโ€™t just rescued me. Heโ€™d saved my life. For a minute, all I could do was shake my head.

Then I finally said, โ€œYou were the Good Samaritan, too.โ€ No wonder he didnโ€™t look like a stranger.

Joe nodded.

โ€œHow is it possible,โ€ I said, gazing at the sight of him in wonder, โ€œthat you were everywhere? All along?โ€

Joe shrugged. โ€œYou canโ€™t see when youโ€™re not looking, I guess.โ€ Then he tightened his hold on my gaze. โ€œAnyway. Youโ€™re the one who was everywhere.โ€

It was nonsense, but I knew exactly what he meant.

At that, I grabbed hold of his tie, pulled him down close to me, and pressed my mouth to his.

The second we touched, his arms came around my rib cage and clamped tight, and mine rose up around his neck and did the same thing. I cradled the back of his head with my hands as he ran his over meโ€”back, shoulders, neck, hair. All arms and hands and exploring and holding on.

Both of us just drunk on the bliss of being in each otherโ€™s arms at last.

After a few minutes, he paused, breathless, to meet my eyes. โ€œI really need to thank you for leaving that voicemail.โ€

I met his right back. โ€œI really need to thank you for saving my life.โ€

 

 

WHEN WE FINALLY walked back to the party, it was winding down.

Daniel was still there, and when he caught sight of us, rumpled, wind- blown, clearly together, secretly holding hands โ€ฆ he gave me a nod of appreciation, like,ย Mission accomplished.

Mr. and Mrs. Kim waved good night at us from their table, as if they already understood everything that had happened and were sending me their full approval.

But Sue wanted details. She walked up to us and put her hands on her hips. โ€œWhereโ€™ve you two been?โ€

โ€œOh,โ€ I said, waving absently toward our personal corner, โ€œjust over there.โ€

She narrowed her eyes. โ€œYou look suspiciously happy.โ€ Joe coughed. I smiled and looked down.

โ€œWhatโ€™s going on there?โ€ she asked, pointing at our clasped hands. We broke them apart, like weโ€™d been caught.

โ€œWhat just happened?โ€ Sue asked. โ€œDid you twoโ€”? Are you twoโ€”?

Hey, I know itโ€™s very pretty and romantic up here, butโ€”โ€

โ€œFunny story,โ€ I jumped in before she got too outraged at the notion of me justย giving inย to a man who had cruelly ghosted me. โ€œAnd this is going to sound so crazyโ€ฆโ€

โ€œNothing could be crazier than whatโ€™s going through my head right now,โ€ Sue said.

โ€œWanna bet?โ€ Joe said.

โ€œRemember,โ€ I said, โ€œhow I was totally crushing on my veterinarian, but then he stood me up for our first date and then I wound upโ€”how to put itโ€”transferring my affections to Joe from the building?โ€

โ€œYes,โ€ Sue said, like,ย Hurry up and get to the point.ย โ€œTurns out,โ€ I said, โ€œas impossible as it soundsโ€ฆโ€ Sue put a hand on her hip, like,ย Move it along.

โ€œTheyโ€™re the same guy.โ€

Sue froze. Then she shook her head.

So I nodded mine, trying to help her get there. โ€œThe dashing veterinarian, whose face I couldnโ€™t see โ€ฆ and the douchey guy in the buildingโ€”โ€

โ€œHey!โ€ Joe protested.

โ€œWhose face I also couldnโ€™t seeโ€ฆโ€

I let Sue catch up. โ€œWere the same guy?โ€ she finished for me.

Joe and I nodded at her. Then he grabbed the moment to take my hand again.

โ€œHow is that possible?โ€ Sue asked, still shaking her head. โ€œMy brainโ€™s been a little wonky lately,โ€ I said with a shrug.

โ€œThis isnโ€™tย wonky,โ€ Sue said. โ€œThis isโ€ฆโ€ But then she didnโ€™t know what it was.

โ€œDr. Nicole kept warning me about stuff like this,โ€ I said. โ€œAbout how the five senses really work together, and if one of them is suddenly altered, it can throw your whole perceptual game off for a while, especially if you throw in our human love affair with confirmation bias.โ€

I was gearing up to do a whole TED Talk, but Sue was pulling out her phone. โ€œWhatโ€™s the vetโ€™s name?โ€ she demanded as she started googling.

โ€œDr. Oliver Addison,โ€ Dr. Oliver Addison supplied. โ€œAre youย googlingย him?โ€ I asked.

โ€œWhatโ€™s more likely?โ€ Sue said, scrolling. โ€œThat you thought one person was two fully different peopleโ€”or that this guyโ€ฆโ€โ€”she gestured with her phoneโ€”โ€œis some kind of scammer trying to lure you into his sex dungeon?โ€

โ€œLikely?โ€ I started.

But then before I could refer her back to the intricate workings of the ecosystem of the brain, Sue said, โ€œOh,โ€ and held up her phone for us to see.

And there was Dr. Oliver Addison. In a photo on the vet clinicโ€™sย Meet the Staffย page on their website. In that white vet coat and tie, with his hair back in that Ivy League do. Looking utterly dashing, legitimately crush- worthy, and exactly like the guy standing next to me.

It was hitting Sue now. โ€œYou are Joe from the building?โ€ she asked him. Joe nodded.

โ€œAnd you are also this guy?โ€ Joe nodded.

Sue turned to me. โ€œYou thought thisย one guyย was two different people?โ€ I nodded. โ€œI also did it to a barista in the coffee shop.โ€

Sue was turning it all around in her head. โ€œSo the night the veterinarian stood you upโ€ฆโ€

I looked over at Joe.

โ€œI didnโ€™t stand you up,โ€ he said. โ€œI was just late.โ€

โ€œSo,โ€ I said, โ€œwhen I came out of the bathroom and bumped into you, we werenโ€™t just bumping into each other? You were there for our date?โ€

Joe nodded.

โ€œAnd thatโ€™s why you never texted or called to apologize for standing me up?โ€

โ€œRight,โ€ Joe said. โ€œBecause I didnโ€™t stand you up. We had an epic first date, if you remember. Panic attack and all.โ€

I thought of Joe stroking me on the back, and then I said, โ€œWait a second. When you were helping me through that panic attack, were you petting me like a dog?โ€

No hesitation. โ€œYes.โ€

โ€œSo does that mean your โ€˜friendโ€™ with panic attacks isโ€”โ€

Joe nodded. โ€œAn Irish setter. With an irrational fear of fireworks.โ€ I put my head in my hands.

Sue was loving this. โ€œSo the whole time you were on a date together, you thought he was standing you up?โ€

โ€œYes. And I was super mad,โ€ I said. I looked at Joe. โ€œEven that day that I dumped himโ€”I meanย youโ€”and heโ€”youโ€”seemed so weirdly upset, and I was like,ย I donโ€™t know why this dude who stood me up and didnโ€™t even apologize even cares.โ€

โ€œBut how did you not put it together?โ€ Sue wanted to know. โ€œThere werenโ€™t any hints along the way?โ€

Everything that Dr. Nicole had explained about confirmation bias came backโ€”about how we think what we think weโ€™re going to think.

โ€œThere were tons of hints,โ€ I said. โ€œI just didnโ€™t notice them.โ€ Joe was looking at me like he was curious about this, too.

โ€œThere was a vet at the clinic, and there was a guy in my building. Why would they be the same? They had different clothes and different hair, and one wore glasses, while the other didnโ€™t. I saw them in different places for different reasons. I didnโ€™t have that one big thing we all rely onโ€”the faceโ€”

to put them in the category of โ€˜same person,โ€™ and the factors I was relying on were all different. So I assumed they were different. And then once I made that assumption โ€ฆ once I had decided they were different people โ€ฆ any evidence to the contrary just โ€ฆ didnโ€™t register.โ€

โ€œBut what about his voice?โ€ Sue said, still struggling. โ€œYou didnโ€™t recognize that it was the same?โ€

โ€œIโ€™m bad at voices,โ€ I said.

โ€œBut also,โ€ Joe offered helpfully, โ€œwhen you saw me in the clinic, I wouldโ€™ve been using more of a professional voice.โ€

I thought about my dadโ€™s doctor voiceโ€”how he made it a little deeper and a little louder when he talked to patients so he could assume the role of wise purveyor of knowledge. Maybe that was part of the professional medical personaโ€”sounding like you were in charge.

โ€œYou change your voice when youโ€™re at work?โ€ Sue asked, like maybe he was a pervy scammer after all.

โ€œI donโ€™t change it, exactly,โ€ Joe said. โ€œI justโ€ฆโ€ He paused like heโ€™d never really tried to articulate this before. โ€œI just lean on the parts of it that sound the most competent and in charge. So itโ€™s maybe a shade deeperโ€”or louder. Iโ€™m sure as hell not cursing in front of patients. Or acting silly and giggling. You know. Iโ€™m being a professional.โ€

โ€œPlus,โ€ I added helpfully, โ€œyour clinic plays oldies on the speaker system twenty-four seven.โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s true,โ€ Joe said. โ€œI wouldโ€™ve had to project a bit over Sinatra.โ€ โ€œEven when she dumped you at work?โ€ Sue challenged. โ€œWere you

using a professional voice then?โ€

โ€œNo,โ€ Joe said, his shoulders sinking a bit at the memory. โ€œThat was definitely my real voice.โ€

โ€œBut none of that mattered,โ€ I said. โ€œThatโ€™s the point. I had already decided who he was. You would never just be hanging out with someone and think to yourself,ย Hey, maybe this person is also the same person as someone else.ย That thought would never occur to you. And of course not! Because itโ€™s impossible! Unless your brain is a little haywire.โ€

Sue nodded, like she was giving up the fight. โ€œSo when you dumped the vet for Joeโ€ฆโ€

I nodded. โ€œI was dumping himย for him.โ€ โ€œBut I didnโ€™t know that,โ€ Joe said to Sue.

โ€œOf course not,โ€ I said in support.

โ€œSo after she broke up with me, I wanted to stay as far away from her as possibleโ€”go off and lick my wounds. But she kept showing up at my place and texting me and wanting to hang out.โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s terrible breakup etiquette,โ€ Sue agreed.

โ€œRight?โ€ Joe said. โ€œThe dumper is supposed to give the dumpee a little space.โ€

I winced. โ€œBut instead, I demanded that you come as my date to my art show.โ€

Joe looked at me with affection. โ€œI thought you were so mean.โ€

โ€œIt was mean!โ€ I agreed. โ€œBy any normal standard, it was objectively super mean!โ€

Joe shrugged. โ€œExcept that we left normal standards behind a long time ago.โ€

โ€œExactly.โ€

Sue looked at us gazing at each other. โ€œSo, okay. Youโ€™ve cleared this all up. What now?โ€

Joe and I turned to look at each other. And I suddenly felt so awash with gratitude for this momentโ€”for everything weโ€™d been through. For the fact that Iโ€™d called Joe and left that voicemail. And that Mr. Kim had decided to matchmake us. And that Joe had chased me across the rooftop to try to get the story straight. We could have let it all go long before now. We could have tried less hard. We could have given up in the face of all our misunderstandings.

But we didnโ€™t.

It takes a certain kind of courage to be brave in love. A courage you can only get better at through practice.

Standing here on this rooftop, with the wind rustling my skirt and the sky floating above us, I was so grateful to Joe for giving me a reason to try.

โ€œItโ€™s like that, is it?โ€ Sue said, taking it all in.

โ€œYeah,โ€ I said, my eyes still locked on Joeโ€™s. โ€œItโ€™s like that.โ€ โ€œGuess you guys donโ€™t want to stay and help clean up, then?โ€ โ€œNot especially,โ€ I said. โ€œNo.โ€

โ€œFine then,โ€ Sue said. โ€œYouโ€™re excused

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