BUT JOE DIDNโT leave. He stayed.
He lurked around the party long after dinner and well into the dancing
โwatching me with such purpose as I boogied defiantly with Sue and Daniel and all their cousins that he felt like a predator stalking his prey.
I didnโt care that he was here.
I didnโt care that he was here, damn it.
He couldnโt justย stare me downย into giving up all my joy.
I had moved on. And bounced back. And if he didnโt understand what heโd lost, then I was better off on my own.
I was fine, I was fine, I was fine.
But you can dance your ass off with bold, hysterical, canโt-touch-this energy for only so long.
Eventually, you have to take a breather.
As soon as I stepped off the dance floor, Joe moved in for the kill.
I didnโt want to talk to him. That should have been perfectly clear. What other message could ignoring him all night possibly convey? And yet there he was, as soon as Iโd separated from the herd, moving toward meโwith purpose.
But I didnโt have to just stand frozen there like a gazelle and let him pounce. I wasnโt some prey animal. As soon as I saw him making his way toward me, I started making my way toward โฆย what?ย We were on a roof. It wasnโt like I could catch a city bus and disappear into the night.
But I had to try, anyway.
I headed off toward the far corner, like maybe if I could dart around behind the mechanical room and break his line of sight, he might lose me.
As I sped up, he sped up.
Iโd gotten pretty good at speed-walking in these postsurgery weeks, so for a minute there, I was actually starting to lose him โฆ until he broke into a run.
โSadie!โ he called, like that might slow me down. Wrong. It sped me up.
โSadie! Wait!โ he called again as I rounded the corner. Rounding the corner did helpโfor about one second.
Until, as soon as I got there, I realized it was a dead end. A dark dead end withโactuallyโa fabulous view of the downtown skyline.
I didnโt come to this side very often.
I slowed down, defeated, and then walked to the far edge of the roof, leaning against the railing as if gazing at the view had been my urgent purpose all along.
No escape now, I thought as I heard Joeโs running footsteps approaching behind me.
I took a long-overdue deep breath, felt it swirl in my lungs, and willed it to give me peace.
And then โฆ Joe showed up next to me at the railing. I felt him land before I turned.
โHey,โ he said, a little breathless.
I pretended I didnโt hear him. Like that glittering skyline had so enraptured me that commonplace things like human interaction didnโt even register.
But he wasnโt deterred. โCould I talk to you for a minute?โ he asked, standing so close and looking at me so hard, I had no choice but to respond.
He wanted toย talk to me? Hadnโt this night been agonizing enough? โDo you have to?โ I asked.
He frowned like he wasnโt sure how to answer.
โWhy are you even here?โ I asked. โSueโs not your friend.โ โMr. Kim invited me.โ
โThat was an accident.โ
โOkay,โ Joe said, not too interested in Mr. Kim. โBut Iโm also here because I got your voicemail.โ
I held still. Myย best wishesย voicemail.
Joe waited for a response while I kept my eyes on the city. โDid you listen to it?โ I finally asked.
โYep.โ
โAll of it?โ I asked. โYep.โ
Why was he bringing this up? โAnd?โ
โAnd โฆ I didnโt realize you were going through such a hard time. Iโm sorry.โ
Wow. So little and so late. I made my voice flat. โItโs fine.โ โThank you for telling me.โ
โI thought for sure youโd ignore it. Like you ignored all my other voicemails.โ
Joe let that dig go as he edged closer to me.
So I turned toward him. He wanted to do this? Fine. We could do this. But once we were facing each other, I realized there was a lot more to that verb than Iโd ever noticed before.
โSoโฆโ he said. โCan you not see me right now?โ
โI canย seeย you,โ I said, maybe a tad more irritated than I needed to be. โYouโre standing right there.โ
โMy face, I mean, though.โ
I sighed. โI can actually see your face tonight. For the first time ever.โ Joe frowned. โFor the first time ever?โ
I thought maybe he was having a hard time with the idea that Iโd been looking straight at him all these weeksโhad touched him, talked with him, even kissed himโand had never seen his face. It was a tricky thing to comprehend, to be fair. I was just about to launch into a whole neurological explanation of how acquired face blindness worked when he jumped in.
โYou never saw me before your surgery?โ he asked.
I thought back. โThere was that one time. In the elevator. When I overheard you talking about your one-night stand with the bulldog.โ
Joe shook his head. โBut Iโve lived in this building for two years.โ Okay. โBut I only moved in not long before the surgery. So I was new.โ โBut youโve been using that space on the roof as a studio for a year.โ
I frowned. โItโs weird that you know that.โ
โI know that,โ Joe explained, โbecause I helped you carry up your art supplies when you first moved in.โ
I thought back. โYou did?โ
โAll this time, you didnโt know that was me?โ
I shook my head. โWasย that you?โ
โAre you sure you werenโt face-blind all along?โ
I gave him a look, like,ย Very funny.ย But then I thought about it. โI remember the guy from that day. But he had a huge crazy beard.โ
โYeah. That was me.โ
โHell of a beard, bro. You could park your Vespa in that thing.โ โMy wife had just left me. Iโd abandoned all grooming.โ
โHence the baseball cap.โ โExactly.โ
But I was calling it: โI donโt think you get to mock me for not recognizing you from that day. You were basically ninety-eight percent beard.โ I reminded myself to stay bitter. We were not friends.
โIโm just amazed that you didnโt know who I was,โ he said. โThat whole time.โ
I conceded. โI did not know you were Art Supply Guy.โ โI said hi to you sometimes, evenโbut nothing.โ
โDid you?โ
โIโm just thinking about how it wasnโt until after you got face blindness that you started to recognize me.โ
โI recognized the bowling jacket,โ I corrected. โNot you.โ
โHow are you doing now?โ he asked. Like he really wanted to know.
Howย wasย I doing now? โBetter, maybe?โ I said. โI had swelling in my brain right near the area that recognizes faces. They kept telling me I might get the ability to see them back once the swelling went down โฆ but it kept not going down. Until recently.โ
โAnd did you get the ability back?โ
โSort of?โ I said. โPartly. I can see some faces, but not others.โ โBut you can see mine.โ
โWeirdly, yes. Even though Iโve never seen you before.โ โBut as weโve just established, youโve seen me a lot.โ โApparently so.โ
โI guess your brain remembers me, even if you donโt.โ โI guess it must.โ
โWell,โ Joe said then, like maybe he was winding it down, โI really am sorry. I would have been nicer to you if Iโd known.โ And then, like an
afterthought, he added the most wrong thing Iโd ever heard anyone say. โEven after you dumped me.โ
Even after Iโwhat? What was he saying? โI didnโt dump you, dude.
Youย dumpedย me.โ
Joe looked at me like I was nuts. โI didnโt dump you.โ โYou fully did,โ I said. โYou ghosted me.โ
โI ghosted you,โ Joe admitted, โbut only afterย youย dumpedย me.โ Wait.
Hold on.
โJoe,โ I said. โI did not dump you. Iโm madly in love with you. So, A, I would never do that. And B, I would definitely remember.โ
But Joe stepped closer, looking into my eyes in wonder. โYouโre madly in love with me?โ
I looked away. โWas,โ I corrected. โPast tense. Was.โ
โWhy did you break up with me if you were madly in love with me?โ โI didnโt break up with you!โ
โYou told me you liked someone else.โ
Someone else? Fine. Okay. Full confession time: โI did like someone elseโbriefly. And by โlike,โ I mean I briefly decided I had a desperate, obsessive crush on my veterinarian. And okay,ย whatever,ย I may have spent some time googling Nordic locations for our destination wedding and fantasizing about taking his last name. But I really think it was more about trying to manufacture something to look forward to during the craziest low point of some very crazy weeks. It was never real, you know? It was just a fantasy.โ
But Joe was shaking his head. โYour veterinarian?โ โYes, okay? My dashing veterinarian.โ
โWho?โ
โWho?ย Are you, like, going to give him trouble or something? It doesnโt matterโโ
โWho?โ Joe demanded.
I blinked for a second. โHe saved Peanut for me, okay? He brought him back from deathโs door. His name is Dr.โโ
And then, in unison, we both said, โOliver Addison.โ I frowned. โYou know him?โ
But Joe had already slapped his forehead and spun around to start pacing the roof. โOliver Addison?โ he said, almost more to himself than to me. โYou dumped me for your veterinarian,ย Oliver Addison?โ
My voice got quieter. โSounds like you do know him.โ
I mean, obviously he did. What exactly had I done? Was this Joeโs ex- bully from high school? Or his best friend from college? Or maybe his secret twin brother?
He was clearly somebody important. Joe was still pacing around. โWhatโs going on?โ I asked.
Joe was taking deep breaths now. Then he came over to me and put his hands on my shoulder. โYou broke up with Oliver Addisonโฆโ
I nodded.
โAt his vet clinic โฆ during a workday โฆ out in the side yardโฆโ I nodded again. How did he know this? Were they friends?
โAnd you told him that you liked somebody else.โ Another nod from me.
โWas the somebody else that you likedโโeven as he was saying it, he was shaking his headโโme?โ
I sighed. Was he really going to make me say it? I met Joeโs eyes. โYes.
Obviously. Of course it was you.โ
Joe let go of my shoulders and dropped his head, in a gesture like,
Unbelievable.
Then he reached behind his neck and rubbed it absentmindedly as he looked around the roof like nothing made any sense.
A gesture that looked oddly familiar.
I felt compelled to explain. โBroke upย is too strong!โ I said. โI wasnโt even dating Dr. Addison! Honestly! We just hadย a planย to go on a date. We never really went. He stood me up, actually. It was that day we bumped into each other at Bean Street and I was covered in spilled coffeeโremember? And he never called after that or apologized, so I couldnโt technically have dumped him because we werenโt even dating. But afterโyou knowโafter that epic, life-changing kiss with you โฆ I just wanted to make things really clear with himโthat nothing was going to happenโbecause I really, really liked you, and I wanted to keep all the boundaries totally clear.โ I could feel my chest welling up, but I kept going. โI felt likeโฆโ I took a breath. โI felt
like, with you, Iโd found something genuinely special โฆ and I just wanted to protect that. You know?โ
I was done with the speech before I realized how much Iโd accidentally confessed.
Damn it.
Joe took a step closer. โSadie,โ he said, meeting my eyes, โthe person you dumped โฆ was me.โ
Hadnโt we been over this? โIโm telling you, I didnโt dump you!โ
โSadie,โ Joe said again, waiting this time until he had my full attention. โIย amย Dr. Oliver Addison.โ
But that didnโt make any sense.
โUm,โ I said, like I was awkwardly correcting him. โYouโreย Joe.โ
โIโm not Joe,โ Joe said. โYouโve been calling me Joe for weeks, but thatโs not really my name. My name,โ he said again for posterity, โis Dr. Oliver Addison.โ
He was going to have to give me a minute for my brain to explode. โIโm sorry. Wait. Are you Joeโor Dr. Addison?โ
โI am both,โ Joe said. โThose two people are the same guy.โ
Now it was my turn to pace around like nothing made any sense.
โHold on,โ I said. โYouโre saying โฆ youโre saying the guy who lives downstairsโthe guy who fed me dinner at his place when I got locked out, and talked me through a panic attack during a party, and kissed me senseless not that long ago โฆ that guy is the same person as the guy at the vet clinic who rescued Peanut?โ
Joe nodded. โThe same guy.โ
โYou,โ I said, pointing, โare both Joeย andย Dr. Addison?โ Joe nodded again.
โHow is that possible that youโre only one person?โ
โHow is it possible that you thought I was two people?โ I frowned. Good question.
Joe gave me a minute to try to puzzle it out.
โThis isnโt the first time this has happened,โ I said, thinking of Hazels One and Two. โApparently, the brain is an ecosystem. If one part isnโt doing its job, it can throw other things off, too.โ
But this much? Really?
We tried to take in the impossibility of it all.
โBut โฆ Joe has glasses and floppy hair.โ I mimed with my hand the way Joeโs hair flopped over his forehead, even while suddenly noticing that the Joe I was talking to was not wearing glasses and did not have floppy hair. In fact, he had โฆ Dr. Addisonโs hair. โAnd Dr. Addison hasโโI reached up to touch itโโthis hair.โ
Very gently, at my touch, Joe nodded some more. โNo glasses at work. Just contacts. But they make my eyes tired, so I take them out before I go home.โ
I was trying so hard to make it make sense. โAnd you slick your hair back for work, but you donโt bother with it at home?โ
โIt doesnโt stay neat very long,โ Joe said.
I was vacillating between struggle and acceptance. โBut arenโt youโโ and I felt how goofy the words were, even as I said themโโa freelance snake sitter?โ
โYou think that Iโm a snake sitter, and thatโs all I do?โ
I tried to picture Joe in a white vet coat. โSo youโre a veterinarian who โฆ does snake-sitting as a side hustle and also โฆ rescues homeless bulldogs?โ
โBroadly speaking, sureโthat works.โ โBut you donโt look like a veterinarian.โ โI get that a lot. Hence the lab coat.โ
I shook my head, like,ย What does that mean?
โMost vets just wear scrubs. But when I started, nobody ever thought I was the vet. So I decided to cultivate a more professional look. I committed to the coat. And the contacts. And the hair.โ
โYou sure did.โ
โThereโs a psychological component to health care. People need to feel like youโre qualified before theyโll do what you tell them to. People need a lot more bossing around than youโd think.โ
โSoโฆโ I said. โI only ever saw Dr. Addison in his lab coat, and I only ever saw Joe in his bowling jacket.โ
โI wore other jackets sometimes,โ Joe said.
But I shook my head. โAlmost never. Itโs how I recognized you.โ โThatโs why you called me Joe?โ Joe asked.
โWhy else would I call you Joe?โ
โI thought you were kidding. I thought you were making fun of the jacket.โ
โIย wasย making fun of the jacket. But I also thought you were a guy named Joe. Who really, really liked bowling. Enough to buy a reproduction vintage bowling jacket and have his name embroidered on it.โ
โOkay,โ Joe said, like now weโd gone too far, โthatโs a lot of mental leaps.โ
There wasnโt much to say to that.
Joe and I took a minute to stare at each other in disbelief. How was this happening?
โYou never dumped me,โ Joe said in amazement as it sank in. Then, correcting: โI mean, you did dump me. But you dumped me โฆย for me.โ
โAnd you never ghosted me. Orโyouย did,ย but only after I had broken up with you โฆ without realizing it was you.โ
Joe nodded. โItโs like an M.C. Escher drawing.โ
I nodded, too. โItโs like a Rubikโs Cube.โ Then after a pause, I added, โYou must have thought I was nuts to keep calling and texting you like that.โ
โI really, really wanted to respond,โ Joe said, his voice more tender now. โI had to lock my phone out on the balcony.โ
โI guess I should call you Oliver now,โ I said, looking up into his face and trying out his name for real.
โIโll be Joe for you, if you want.โ
And then I couldnโt resist. I reached up to touch that face that had caused all this trouble, and my palm cupped his jaw. Then I ran the pads of my fingers up to touch all the pieces of itโcheekbones, nose bridge, brow
โso neatly put together now, satisfying like a finished jigsaw puzzle.
He held his breath at the touch.
I could feel his stubble against my palm like sandpaper. I traced down his neck and let my hand rest on his collarbone. โSo โฆ I thought you were breaking my heart, but I was also breaking yours.โ
He closed the distance between us as he nodded. โAnd the guy you liked โฆ the one you dumped me for. The one I was so bitterly jealous of that I couldnโt sleepโฆโ
โThat was you.โ โThat was me.โ
โI liked you both a lot,โ I said, โif itโs any consolation.โ
โItโsย allย consolation,โ he said, his eyes running all over my face like he still couldnโt take everything in.
Then his eyes came back to look into mineโand stayed there. And it didnโt feel uncomfortable to look into them. It felt good. And so we gazed at each other as we waited for it all to make sense.
It was crazy. It was impossible.
And yet here we were. Standing at the rim of this realization like it was the Grand Canyonโastonished and breathless and awestruck. I could see him breathing deep, and then I realized I was, too. Weโd had the story all wrong. And it might take some time to put it right.
One thing was clear: He was here right now, and so was I. And we were both so glad to be wrong.
Was he leaning closer to me or was I leaning closer to him? Somehow our faces were just inches away from each other. My hand slid down to rest against his chest.
โSadie,โ Joe said then, โI noticed you from the start. Since that day I carried all those canvases up to the rooftop for you.โ
โThank you for that, by the way.โ
โBut it really got real,โ Joe went on, his mouth so close to mine it was just a swoon away, โwhen I saw your Smokey Robinson impression in the grocery store.โ
That broke the trance.ย Hold on.ย โWhat?โ Joe nodded.
โThat was you? You bought me that cheap wine?โ โYou owe me eighteen bucks. Plus tax.โ
โWhy didnโt you tell me?โ
โWhy would it occur to me to tell you?โ
โBut the night I told you about the Good Samaritan. You must have realized I didnโt remember you. But you didnโt say anything.โ
โIt was awkward at that point. Besides, you were having a moment.โ
โWere youโโit was all clicking into place nowโโthe one who pushed me out of the crosswalk?โ
Joe nodded. โOf course.โ
All I could do was repeat. โOf course?โ
โYou were walking away as it happened.โ
โAnd what were you doing?โ
โMe? I was checking you out.โ
It had been Joe? In the crosswalk that night? โYou saw me freezeโand then you ran into the street to save me?โ
โWell, yeah. You were about to get killed.โ โButย youย could have been killed!โ
โI didnโt really weigh the pros and cons.โ โYou saved me?โ
โNick of time. We were moving so fast, we tripped on a hunk of asphalt at the curb. But I cushioned your fall.โ
โIs that how you hit the lamppost?โ I tapped my own shoulder. โYour scar?โ
Joe reached around to rub the scar on his shoulder like heโd forgotten. โYeah. Scraped it on a bolt. Ten stitches.โ
โSo you went to the hospital, too?โ
Joe nodded. โLater that night. And then I wandered around the halls to find you and make sure you were okay.โ
Joe hadnโt just rescued me. Heโd saved my life. For a minute, all I could do was shake my head.
Then I finally said, โYou were the Good Samaritan, too.โ No wonder he didnโt look like a stranger.
Joe nodded.
โHow is it possible,โ I said, gazing at the sight of him in wonder, โthat you were everywhere? All along?โ
Joe shrugged. โYou canโt see when youโre not looking, I guess.โ Then he tightened his hold on my gaze. โAnyway. Youโre the one who was everywhere.โ
It was nonsense, but I knew exactly what he meant.
At that, I grabbed hold of his tie, pulled him down close to me, and pressed my mouth to his.
The second we touched, his arms came around my rib cage and clamped tight, and mine rose up around his neck and did the same thing. I cradled the back of his head with my hands as he ran his over meโback, shoulders, neck, hair. All arms and hands and exploring and holding on.
Both of us just drunk on the bliss of being in each otherโs arms at last.
After a few minutes, he paused, breathless, to meet my eyes. โI really need to thank you for leaving that voicemail.โ
I met his right back. โI really need to thank you for saving my life.โ
WHEN WE FINALLY walked back to the party, it was winding down.
Daniel was still there, and when he caught sight of us, rumpled, wind- blown, clearly together, secretly holding hands โฆ he gave me a nod of appreciation, like,ย Mission accomplished.
Mr. and Mrs. Kim waved good night at us from their table, as if they already understood everything that had happened and were sending me their full approval.
But Sue wanted details. She walked up to us and put her hands on her hips. โWhereโve you two been?โ
โOh,โ I said, waving absently toward our personal corner, โjust over there.โ
She narrowed her eyes. โYou look suspiciously happy.โ Joe coughed. I smiled and looked down.
โWhatโs going on there?โ she asked, pointing at our clasped hands. We broke them apart, like weโd been caught.
โWhat just happened?โ Sue asked. โDid you twoโ? Are you twoโ?
Hey, I know itโs very pretty and romantic up here, butโโ
โFunny story,โ I jumped in before she got too outraged at the notion of me justย giving inย to a man who had cruelly ghosted me. โAnd this is going to sound so crazyโฆโ
โNothing could be crazier than whatโs going through my head right now,โ Sue said.
โWanna bet?โ Joe said.
โRemember,โ I said, โhow I was totally crushing on my veterinarian, but then he stood me up for our first date and then I wound upโhow to put itโtransferring my affections to Joe from the building?โ
โYes,โ Sue said, like,ย Hurry up and get to the point.ย โTurns out,โ I said, โas impossible as it soundsโฆโ Sue put a hand on her hip, like,ย Move it along.
โTheyโre the same guy.โ
Sue froze. Then she shook her head.
So I nodded mine, trying to help her get there. โThe dashing veterinarian, whose face I couldnโt see โฆ and the douchey guy in the buildingโโ
โHey!โ Joe protested.
โWhose face I also couldnโt seeโฆโ
I let Sue catch up. โWere the same guy?โ she finished for me.
Joe and I nodded at her. Then he grabbed the moment to take my hand again.
โHow is that possible?โ Sue asked, still shaking her head. โMy brainโs been a little wonky lately,โ I said with a shrug.
โThis isnโtย wonky,โ Sue said. โThis isโฆโ But then she didnโt know what it was.
โDr. Nicole kept warning me about stuff like this,โ I said. โAbout how the five senses really work together, and if one of them is suddenly altered, it can throw your whole perceptual game off for a while, especially if you throw in our human love affair with confirmation bias.โ
I was gearing up to do a whole TED Talk, but Sue was pulling out her phone. โWhatโs the vetโs name?โ she demanded as she started googling.
โDr. Oliver Addison,โ Dr. Oliver Addison supplied. โAre youย googlingย him?โ I asked.
โWhatโs more likely?โ Sue said, scrolling. โThat you thought one person was two fully different peopleโor that this guyโฆโโshe gestured with her phoneโโis some kind of scammer trying to lure you into his sex dungeon?โ
โLikely?โ I started.
But then before I could refer her back to the intricate workings of the ecosystem of the brain, Sue said, โOh,โ and held up her phone for us to see.
And there was Dr. Oliver Addison. In a photo on the vet clinicโsย Meet the Staffย page on their website. In that white vet coat and tie, with his hair back in that Ivy League do. Looking utterly dashing, legitimately crush- worthy, and exactly like the guy standing next to me.
It was hitting Sue now. โYou are Joe from the building?โ she asked him. Joe nodded.
โAnd you are also this guy?โ Joe nodded.
Sue turned to me. โYou thought thisย one guyย was two different people?โ I nodded. โI also did it to a barista in the coffee shop.โ
Sue was turning it all around in her head. โSo the night the veterinarian stood you upโฆโ
I looked over at Joe.
โI didnโt stand you up,โ he said. โI was just late.โ
โSo,โ I said, โwhen I came out of the bathroom and bumped into you, we werenโt just bumping into each other? You were there for our date?โ
Joe nodded.
โAnd thatโs why you never texted or called to apologize for standing me up?โ
โRight,โ Joe said. โBecause I didnโt stand you up. We had an epic first date, if you remember. Panic attack and all.โ
I thought of Joe stroking me on the back, and then I said, โWait a second. When you were helping me through that panic attack, were you petting me like a dog?โ
No hesitation. โYes.โ
โSo does that mean your โfriendโ with panic attacks isโโ
Joe nodded. โAn Irish setter. With an irrational fear of fireworks.โ I put my head in my hands.
Sue was loving this. โSo the whole time you were on a date together, you thought he was standing you up?โ
โYes. And I was super mad,โ I said. I looked at Joe. โEven that day that I dumped himโI meanย youโand heโyouโseemed so weirdly upset, and I was like,ย I donโt know why this dude who stood me up and didnโt even apologize even cares.โ
โBut how did you not put it together?โ Sue wanted to know. โThere werenโt any hints along the way?โ
Everything that Dr. Nicole had explained about confirmation bias came backโabout how we think what we think weโre going to think.
โThere were tons of hints,โ I said. โI just didnโt notice them.โ Joe was looking at me like he was curious about this, too.
โThere was a vet at the clinic, and there was a guy in my building. Why would they be the same? They had different clothes and different hair, and one wore glasses, while the other didnโt. I saw them in different places for different reasons. I didnโt have that one big thing we all rely onโthe faceโ
to put them in the category of โsame person,โ and the factors I was relying on were all different. So I assumed they were different. And then once I made that assumption โฆ once I had decided they were different people โฆ any evidence to the contrary just โฆ didnโt register.โ
โBut what about his voice?โ Sue said, still struggling. โYou didnโt recognize that it was the same?โ
โIโm bad at voices,โ I said.
โBut also,โ Joe offered helpfully, โwhen you saw me in the clinic, I wouldโve been using more of a professional voice.โ
I thought about my dadโs doctor voiceโhow he made it a little deeper and a little louder when he talked to patients so he could assume the role of wise purveyor of knowledge. Maybe that was part of the professional medical personaโsounding like you were in charge.
โYou change your voice when youโre at work?โ Sue asked, like maybe he was a pervy scammer after all.
โI donโt change it, exactly,โ Joe said. โI justโฆโ He paused like heโd never really tried to articulate this before. โI just lean on the parts of it that sound the most competent and in charge. So itโs maybe a shade deeperโor louder. Iโm sure as hell not cursing in front of patients. Or acting silly and giggling. You know. Iโm being a professional.โ
โPlus,โ I added helpfully, โyour clinic plays oldies on the speaker system twenty-four seven.โ
โThatโs true,โ Joe said. โI wouldโve had to project a bit over Sinatra.โ โEven when she dumped you at work?โ Sue challenged. โWere you
using a professional voice then?โ
โNo,โ Joe said, his shoulders sinking a bit at the memory. โThat was definitely my real voice.โ
โBut none of that mattered,โ I said. โThatโs the point. I had already decided who he was. You would never just be hanging out with someone and think to yourself,ย Hey, maybe this person is also the same person as someone else.ย That thought would never occur to you. And of course not! Because itโs impossible! Unless your brain is a little haywire.โ
Sue nodded, like she was giving up the fight. โSo when you dumped the vet for Joeโฆโ
I nodded. โI was dumping himย for him.โ โBut I didnโt know that,โ Joe said to Sue.
โOf course not,โ I said in support.
โSo after she broke up with me, I wanted to stay as far away from her as possibleโgo off and lick my wounds. But she kept showing up at my place and texting me and wanting to hang out.โ
โThatโs terrible breakup etiquette,โ Sue agreed.
โRight?โ Joe said. โThe dumper is supposed to give the dumpee a little space.โ
I winced. โBut instead, I demanded that you come as my date to my art show.โ
Joe looked at me with affection. โI thought you were so mean.โ
โIt was mean!โ I agreed. โBy any normal standard, it was objectively super mean!โ
Joe shrugged. โExcept that we left normal standards behind a long time ago.โ
โExactly.โ
Sue looked at us gazing at each other. โSo, okay. Youโve cleared this all up. What now?โ
Joe and I turned to look at each other. And I suddenly felt so awash with gratitude for this momentโfor everything weโd been through. For the fact that Iโd called Joe and left that voicemail. And that Mr. Kim had decided to matchmake us. And that Joe had chased me across the rooftop to try to get the story straight. We could have let it all go long before now. We could have tried less hard. We could have given up in the face of all our misunderstandings.
But we didnโt.
It takes a certain kind of courage to be brave in love. A courage you can only get better at through practice.
Standing here on this rooftop, with the wind rustling my skirt and the sky floating above us, I was so grateful to Joe for giving me a reason to try.
โItโs like that, is it?โ Sue said, taking it all in.
โYeah,โ I said, my eyes still locked on Joeโs. โItโs like that.โ โGuess you guys donโt want to stay and help clean up, then?โ โNot especially,โ I said. โNo.โ
โFine then,โ Sue said. โYouโre excused