e next two weeks fell into a patternโenough that Celaena started to nd comfort in it. ere-were no unexpected stumbles or turns or pitfalls, no deaths or betrayals or nightmares made esh. In the mornings and evenings, she played scullery maid. Late morning until dinner she spent with Rowan, slowly, painfully exploring the well of magic inside herโa well that, to her horror, had no bottom in sight.
e small thingsโlighting candles, putting out hearth res, weaving a ribbon of ame through her
ngersโwere still the hardest. But Rowan pushed, dragging her from ruin to ruin, the only safe places for her to lose control. At least he brought food with him now, as she was constantly starving and could hardly go an hour without eating something. Magic gobbled up energy, and she was eating double or triple what she used to.
Sometimes they would talk. Well, she would make him talk, because after telling him about Aedion and her own sel sh wish for freedom, she decided that talking was . . . good. Even if she-wasnโt able to open up about some things, she liked hearing Rowan speak. She managed to get him to tell her about his various campaigns and adventures, each more brutal and harrowing than the next. ere was a whole giant world to the south and east of Wendlyn, kingdoms and empires sheโd heard of in passing but had never known much about. Rowan was a true warrior, who had walked on and o of killing elds, led men through hell, sailed on raging seas and seen distant, strange shores.
ough she envied his long lifeโand the gift of seeing the world that went along with itโshe could still feel the undercurrent of rage and grief beneath each tale, the loss of his mate that haunted him no matter how far he rode or sailed or ew. He spoke very little of his friends, who sometimes accompanied him on his journeys. She did not envy him the battles he had fought, the wars in farโo lands, or the bloody years spent laying siege to cities of sand and stone.
She did not tell him that, of course. She only listened as he narrated while instructing her. And as she listened, she began to hate Maeveโtruly hate her aunt in her core. at rage drove her to request legends about her aunt from Emrys every night. Rowan never reprimanded her when she asked for those stories, never showed any alarm.
It came as some surprise when Emrys announced one day that Beltane was two days o and they would begin preparations for their feasting and dancing and celebrating. Already Beltane, and according to Rowan, she was still far from ready to go to Doranelle, despite mastering the shift. Spring would now be in full bloom on her own continent. Maypoles would be raised, hawthorn bushes decoratedโthat was about as much as the king would allow. ere would be no small gifts left at crossroads for the Little Folk. e king permitted the bare bones only, with the focus squarely on the gods and planting for the harvest. Not a hint or whisper of magic.
Bon res would be ignited and a few brave souls would jump across for luck, to ward o evil, to ensure a good cropโwhatever they hoped would come of it. As a child, she had run rampant through the eld before the gates of Orynth, the thousand bon res burning like the lights of the invading army that would too soon be encamped around the white city. It was her night, her mother had saidโa night when a re-bearing girl had nothing to fear, no powers to hide. Aelin Fireheart, people had whispered as she bounded past, embers streaming from her like ribbons, Aedion and a few of her more lethal court members trailing as indulgent guards. Aelin of the Wild re.
After days of helping Emrys with the food (and devouring it when the cook wasnโt looking), she
was hoping for a chance to relax on Beltane, but Rowan hauled her to a eld atop the mountain plateau. Celaena bit into an apple sheโd pulled from her pocket and raised her brows at Rowan, who was standing in front of a massive pile of wood for the bon re, anked by two small unlit res on either side.
Around them, some of the demi-Fae were still hauling in more wood and kindling, others setting up tables to serve the food that Emrys had been laboring over without rest.
Dozens of other demi-Fae had arrived from their various outposts, with little fanfare and much embracing and good-natured teasing. Between helping Emrys and training with Rowan, Celaena hardly had time to inspect themโthough a wretched part of her was somewhat pleased by the few admiring glances she caught being thrown in her direction by the visiting males.
She didnโt fail to notice how quickly they looked away when they beheld Rowan at her side.
ough she did catch a few females looking at him with far warmer interest. She wanted to claw their faces o for it.
She munched on the apple as she studied him now, in his usual pale-gray tunic and wide belt, hood thrown back and leather vambraces gleaming in the late afternoon sunlight. Gods, she had no interest in him like that, and she was certain he had no inclination to take her to his bed, either. Maybe it was just from spending so much time in her Fae body that she felt . . . territorial. Territorial and grumpy and mean. Last night, she had growled at a female in the kitchen who would not stop staring at him and had actually taken a step toward him as if to say hello.
Celaena shook her head to clear away the instincts that were starting to make her see re at all hours of the day. โI assume you brought me here so I could practice?โ She chucked the apple core across the eld and rubbed at her shoulder. Sheโd been feverish the night before thanks to Rowan making her practice all afternoon, and had awoken exhausted this morning.
โIgnite them, and keep the res controlled and even all night.โ โAll three.โ Not a question.
โKeep the end ones low for the jumpers. e middle one should be scorching the clouds.โ She wished she hadnโt eaten the apple. โ is could easily turn lethal.โ
He lifted a hand and wind stirred around her. โIโll be here,โ he said simply, eyes shining with an arrogance heโd more than earned in his centuries of living.
โAnd if I somehow still manage to turn someone into a living torch?โ โ en itโs a good thing the healers are also here to celebrate.โ
She gave him a dirty look and rolled her shoulders. โWhen do you want to start?โ Her stomach clenched as he said, โNow.โ
โข
She was burning, but remaining steady, even as the sun set and the eld became packed with revelers. Musicians took up places by the forest edge and the world lled with their violins and
ddles and utes and drums, such beautiful, ancient music that her ames moved with it, turning into rubies and citrines and tigereyes and deepest sapphires. Her magic didnโt manifest in only blue wild re anymore; it had been slowly changing, growing, these past few weeks. No one really noticed her, standing on the outskirts of the reโs light, though a few marveled at the ames that burned but did not consume the wood.
Sweat ran down every part of herโmostly thanks to the terror of people jumping over the lowerโburning bon res. Yet Rowan remained beside her, murmuring as if she were a nervous horse. She
wanted to tell him to go away, to maybe indulge one of those doe-eyed females who kept silently inviting him to dance. But she focused on the ames and on maintaining that shred of control, even though her blood was starting to boil. A knot tightened in her lower back, and she shifted. Gods, she was soakedโevery damn crevice was damp.
โEasy,โ Rowan said as the ames danced a little higher.
โI know,โ she gritted out. e music was already so inviting, the dancing around the re so joyous, the food on the tables smelling so delicious . . . and here she was, far from it all, just burning. Her stomach grumbled. โWhen can I stop?โ She shifted on her feet again, and the largest bon re twisted, the ame slithering with her body. No one noticed.
โWhen I say so,โ he said. She knew he was using the people around them, her fear for their safety, to get her to master her control, but . . .
โIโm sweating to death, Iโm starving, and I want a break.โ
โResorting to whining?โ But a cool breeze licked up her neck, and she closed her eyes, moaning. She could feel him watching her, and after a moment he said, โJust a little while longer.โ
She almost sagged with relief, but opened her eyes to focus. She could hold out for a bit, then go eat and eat and eat. Maybe dance. She hadnโt danced in so long. Maybe she would try it out, here in the shadows. See if her body could nd room for joy, even though it was currently so hot and aching that she would bet good money that the moment she stopped, she would fall asleep.
But the music was entrancing, the dancers mere shadows swirling around. Unlike in Adarlan, there were no guards monitoring the festivities, no villagers lurking to see who might cross the line into treason and earn a pretty coin for whoever they turned in. ere was just the music and the dancing and the food and the reโher re.
She tapped a foot, bobbing her head, eyes on the three smokeless res and the silhouettes dancing around them. She did want to dance. Not from joy, but because she felt her re and the music meld and pulse against her bones. e music was a tapestry woven of light and dark and color, building delicate links in a chain that latched on to her heart and spread out into the world, binding her to it, connecting everything.
She understood then. e Wyrdmarks wereโwere a way of harnessing those threads, of weaving and binding the essence of things. Magic could do the same, and from her power, from her imagination and will and core, she could create and shape.
โEasy,โ Rowan said, then added with a hint of surprise, โMusic. at day on the ice, you were humming.โ She registered another cool wind on her neck, but her skin was already pulsing in time with the drums. โLet the music steady you.โ
Gods, to be free like this . . . e ames roiled and undulated with the melody.
โEasy.โ She could barely hear him above the wave of sound lling her up, making her feel each tether binding her to the earth, each in nite thread. For a breath she wished for a shape-shifterโs heart so she could shed her skin and weave herself into something else, the music or the wind, and blow across the world. Her eyes were stinging, almost blurry from staring so long at the ames, and a muscle in her back twinged.
โSteady.โ She didnโt know what he was talking aboutโthe ames were calm, lovely. What would happen if she walked through them? e pulsing in her head seemed to say do it, do it, do it.
โ atโs enough for now.โ Rowan grabbed her arm, but hissed and let go. โ at is enough.โ
Slowly, too slowly, she looked at him. His eyes were wide, the light of the re making them almost
blaze. Fireโher re. She returned to the ame, submitted to it. e music and the dancing continued, bright and merry.
โLook at me,โ Rowan said, but didnโt touch her. โLook at me.โ
She could hardly hear him, as if she were underwater. ere was a pounding in her nowโedged with pain. It was a knife that sliced into her mind and her body with each pulse. She couldnโt look at himโdidnโt dare take her attention from the re.
โLet the res burn on their own,โ Rowan ordered. She could have sworn she heard something like fear in his voice. It was an e ort of will, and pain spiked down the tendons in her neck, but she looked at him. His nostrils ared. โAelin, stop right now.โ
She tried to speak, but her throat was raw, burning. She couldnโt move her body.
โLet go.โ She tried to tell him she couldnโt, but it hurt. She was an anvil and the pain was a hammer, striking again and again. โIf you donโt let go, you are going to burn out completely.โ
Was this the end of her magic, then? A few hours tending res? Such a reliefโsuch a blessed relief, if it were true.
โYou are on the verge of roasting yourself from the inside out,โ Rowan snarled.
She blinked, and her eyes ached as if she had sand in them. Agony lashed down her spine, so hard she fell to the grass. Light aredโnot from her or Rowan, but from the res surging. People yelled, the music faltered. e grass hissed beneath her hands, smoking. She groaned, fumbling inside for the three tethers to the res. But she was a maze, a labyrinth, the strings all tangled, andโ
โIโm sorry,โ Rowan hissed, swearing again, and the air vanished.
She tried to groan, to move, but she had no air. No air for that inner re. Blackness swept in. Oblivion.
en she was gasping, arcing o the grass, the res now crackling naturally and Rowan hovering over her. โBreathe. Breathe.โ
ough heโd snapped her tethers to the res, she was still burning.
Not burning on the outside, where even the grass had stopped smoldering.
She was burning up from within. Each breath sent re down her lungs, her veins. She could not speak or move.
She had shoved herself over some boundaryโhadnโt heard the warning signs to turn backโand she was burning alive beneath her skin.
She shook with tearless, panicked sobs. It hurtโit was endless and eternal and there was no dark part of her where she could ee to escape the ames. Death would be a mercy, a cold, black haven.
She didnโt know Rowan had left until he came sprinting back, two females in tow. One of them said, โCan you stand to carry her? ere arenโt any water-wielders here, and we need to get her into cold water. Now.โ
She didnโt hear what else was said, heard nothing but the pounding-pounding of that forge under her skin. ere was a grunt and a hiss, and then she was in Rowanโs arms, bouncing against his chest as he hurtled through the woods. Every step sent splinters of red-hot pain through her. ough his arms were ice cold, a frigid wind pressing on her, she was adrift in a sea of re.
Hellโthis was what the dark godโs underworld felt like. is was what awaited her when she took her last breath.
It was the horror of that thought that made her focus on what she could graspโnamely the pineโand-snow smell of Rowan. She pulled that smell into her lungs, pulled it down deep and clung to it
as though it were a lifeline tossed into a stormy sea. She didnโt know how long it took, but her grasp on him was weakening, each pulse of ery pain fraying it.
But then it was darker than the woods, and the sounds echoed louder, and they took stairs, and thenโโGet her into the water.โ
She was lowered into the water in the sunken stone tub, then steam brushed her face. Someone swore. โFreeze it, Prince,โ the second voice commanded. โNow.โ
ere was a moment of blissful cold, but then the re surged, andโ
โGet her out!โ Strong hands yanked at her, and she had the vague sense of hearing bubbling.
She had boiled the water in that tub. Almost boiled herself. She was in another tub a moment later, the ice forming againโthen melting. Melting, andโ โBreathe,โ Rowan said by her ear, kneeling at the head of the tub. โLet it goโlet it get out of you.โ
Steam rose, but she took a breath. โGood,โ Rowan panted. Ice formed again. Melted.
She was sweating, heat pulsing against her skin like a drum. She did not want to die like this. She took another breath.
Like the ebb and ow of the tide, the bath froze, then melted, froze, then melted, slower each time. And each time, the cold soaked into her a bit more, numbing her, urging her body to relax.
Ice and re. Frost and embers. Locked in a battle, pushing and pulling. Beneath it, she could almost taste Rowanโs steel will slamming against her magicโa will that refused to let the re burn her into nothing.
Her body ached, but now the pain was mortal. Her cheeks were still a ame, but the water went cold, then lukewarm, then warm andโstayed that way. Warm, not hot.
โWe need to get those clothes o her,โ one of the females said. Celaena lost track of time as two small sets of hands eased up her head and then stripped o her sodden clothes. Without them, she was almost weightless in the water. She didnโt care if Rowan sawโdidnโt think there was an inch of a womanโs body he hadnโt already explored anyway. She lay there, eyes shut, face tilted toward the ceiling.
After a while, Rowan said, โJust answer yes or no. atโs all you have to do.โ She managed a slight nod, though she winced as pain shot down her neck and shoulders. โAre you in danger of aring up again?โ
She was breathing as evenly as she could, the heat pounding in her cheeks, her legs, her core, but it was steadily diminishing. โNo,โ she whispered, a brush of hot air from her tongue.
โAre you in pain?โ Not a sympathetic question, but a commander assessing his soldierโs condition to sort out the best course of action.
โYes.โ A hiss of steam.
A woman said, โWe will prepare a tonic. Just keep her cool.โ Soft feet padded on the stone oors on their way out, then came the snick of the door to the baths closing. ere was a slosh of water in a bucket, thenโ
Celaena sighed, or tried to, as an ice-cold cloth was laid on her forehead. More sloshing, then another cloth dripped freezing water onto her hair, her neck.
โ e burnout,โ Rowan said quietly. โYou should have told me you were at your limit.โ
Speaking was too hard, but she opened her eyes to nd him kneeling at the head of the bath, a bucket of water beside him and a cloth in his hands. He wrung it again over her brow, the water so wonderful she would have moaned. e bath cooled further, but was still warmโtoo warm.
โIf youโd gone on any longer, the burnout would have destroyed you. You must learn to recognize the signsโand how to pull back before itโs too late.โ Not a statement, but a command. โIt will rip you apart inside. Make this . . .โ He shook his head again. โMake this look like nothing. You donโt touch your magic until youโve rested for a while. Understand?โ
She tilted her head up, beckoning for more cold water on her face, but he refused to wring the cloth until she nodded her agreement. He cooled her o for another few moments, then slung the cloth over the side of the bucket and stood. โIโm going to check on the tonic. Iโll be back soon.โ He left once sheโd nodded again. If she hadnโt known better, she might have thought he was fussing. Worried, even.
She hadnโt been old enough in Terrasen to have anyone teach her about the deadly side to her powerโand no one had explained, since her lessons had been so limited. She hadnโt felt like she was burning out. It had come on so quickly. Maybe that was all there was to her magic. Maybe her well didnโt go as deep as everyone had thought. It would be a relief if that were true.
She lifted her legs, groaning at the aches along her muscles, and leaned forward far enough to hug her knees. Above the lip of the sunken tub, there were a few candles burning on the stones, and she glared at the ames. Hated the ames. ough she supposed they needed light in here.
She rested her forehead on her scarred knees, her skin nearly scorching. She shut her eyes, piecing her splintered consciousness together.
e door opened. Rowan. She kept herself in that cool darkness, savoring the growing chill in the water, the quieting pulse under her skin. He sounded about halfway across the room when his footsteps halted.
His breath caught, harsh enough that she looked over her shoulder.
But his eyes werenโt on her face. Or the water. ey were on her bare back.
Curled as she was against her knees, he could see the whole expanse of ruined esh, each scar from the lashings. โWho did that do you?โ
It would have been easy to lie, but she was so tired, and he had saved her useless hide. So she said, โA lot of people. I spent some time in the Salt Mines of Endovier.โ
He was so still that she wondered if heโd stopped breathing. โHow long?โ he asked after a moment. She braced herself for the pity, but his face was so carefully blankโno, not blank. Calm with lethal rage.
โA year. I was there a year before . . . itโs a long story.โ She was too exhausted, her throat too raw, to say the rest of it. She noticed then that his arms were bandaged, and more bandages across his broad chest peeked up from beneath his shirt. Sheโd burned him again. And yet he had held on to herโhad run all the way here and not let go once.
โYou were a slave.โ
She gave him a slow nod. He opened his mouth, but shut it and swallowed, that lethal rage winking out. As if he remembered who he was talking to and that it was the least punishment she deserved.
He turned on his heel and shut the door behind him. She wished heโd slammed itโwished heโd shattered it. But he closed it with barely more than a click and did not return.