I should stop but I can’t, I know. Addiction is bad. I know. I’ve heard every reason to stop whether, from a doctor, the internet, or the school education, and it pains me.
I start to sweat, and fidget like I was back at square one, where I cared
about nothing else unless I got drugs in my system, anything.
But as I sit in my car, rummaging through my belongings, searching for any that I have left.
Xanax. Valium. Buspar. Celexa.
Klonopin.
And my personal favorite, Ativan.
God, Grayson was right. I should start thinking about what the actual fuck is wrong with me. The reason why my father doesn’t feel the need to care for me anymore, or why he’s so fucking ashamed of me. I have never been able to escape that night.
I still get nightmares from it.
I still break down and relapse, and I hate myself for it. I hate myself for ever going back to drugs, but I promised myself that I wouldn’t let it go as bad as it was.
I won’t let it get that far. Ever again.
I would never ever let it get that far.
I take a deep breath. My hands shook my throat feeling as if it was constricting. I turn on the light in my car, only to see my forehead sweating and my face turning red.
You’ll be fine. You’ll be okay.
I rummage through my glove box, seeing a bottle of pills, my heart calms down as I pop the bottle open, place two pills into my mouth, and drink my water. My body slows down; my heart stops racing.
The tears that streamed down my eyes have dried, and my shaking hands have calmed as I place the pills back down in the glove box, hoping and wishing to God that I never have to use them again.
But then again that’s the first part of relapse… feeling bad about it. Feeling so bad that it consumes you from the inside out.
You act like it never happened. And that you can always try again, but in reality, you say the same thing next week.
I drove over to the club, my body feeling at ease as I walked in with the whole place buzzing with sound and dancing.
I first spotted Margo; she sat alone in a corner. My eyes were looking for Liam who had two brunettes by his side, paying no attention to Margo.
I walk over, “Hey…” I mutter as her frown quickly disappears into a gleaming fake smile.
But I knew my best friend.
“Hey! You’re finally here.” She stands up hugging me.
“Babe, are you okay?” I ask as she swallows. Her eyes sought the ground before enveloping me in a hug.
“Oh, it’s awful Anna.” She stresses. “I’m here making a fool of myself in front of a guy that shows no interest in me. I tried one last time and he’s made it clear it was just a hookup and he used me.”
I felt tears hit my shoulder as she shivers, “My dad wants me to date Ben.”
I pulled away.
No freedom. No choice.
She hugged me again. “I don’t know how you keep it together all of the time. You are always so perfect and put together.” She pulls away with a trembling smile.
“I do try.” I laugh as I seek out Grayson, “Did your father give you a reason why he wants you and Ben together?”
Margo’s face calmed, “Ben’s parents are really close to mine. They have been pushing for a great match since freshman year now, he’s a great guy, I might as well give him a fair shot.”
I hugged her again, “I know it’s not easy but maybe Ben is just what you need.”
“Yes,” Margo mutters. I knew full well that her eyes were on her prize, but she didn’t have the energy to go for it yet.
I couldn’t blame her. It’s hard to make a real connection here. When people are basically out for your money or image. Who you are involved with in Hawthorne is your clique and you stick with it.
Once I pull away from her, I could see her face was still hurt, like she didn’t want to let go, “I think for you to really move on you need to talk to Liam, as much as I hate him for what he did to you.”
Margo nods, “Yes, thank you.”
I place my hand on the corner of her mouth, “Now, show off your dimples!” I laugh as her smile grows bigger.
“Come on! You’re finally here and don’t even bother to dance?” Verina yells over as Juliette whines.
“I really have to go. My dad would go ballistic if I’m late for my curfew,” Juliette yells as we frown.
“Fine, fine.” We all beam, “Go on and get home safely please!” We hug her before she blows us kisses, turning away to leave.
“Don’t you think the guys played well tonight?” Verina made conversation as I nodded.
“Did you see where Prince went?” Margo asked as I rolled my eyes. “How am I supposed to know? I don’t track down his every move.”
The girls smiled, “You got a bit defensive over there.” Verina mentions as I take a shot.
“I fucking hate the kid. He misplaces his anger on anyone he’s around. Like I don’t even mean to pry in his life, but I just can’t help it when I do.” I scream over the music. “He always has a bad fucking attitude with his inhumane temper that makes me insane I swear.” I swallowed more alcohol than intended.
My face is already feeling red and hot.
We hear the doors open to Grayson Prince walking in.
He said he wasn’t going to the party and yet here he is. A liar.
 |
A great amount has passed of me dancing, singing, and it all resulted in me panting, “Great.” I groaned as Margo and Verina laughed.
Grayson’s dead eyes settle on mine as I scowl.
“This is what my night needed, more of his fucking face and his lectures about how I deserve anything bad happening to me.” I scowl over the private bar, grabbing a full bottle of tequila.
I pop open the lid, dosing in the liquid as my body feels more at ease than ever.
Verina pulls the bottle away from me, “Babe, that’s enough you barely ate anything.”
“No, I did eat,” I mutter as Verina sets me upright.
Margo’s hands are on my arms, to keep me from just fainting.
“Has she ever drank this much before?” Verina asks as Margo questions herself, “I’ve never seen her drink more than one sip of wine.”
“Oh, how wonderful.” Verina smiles.
I get up, “I don’t need help, I’m fine.” I shudder as they both gave me the “really” look.
“I’m serious, I can take more than one drink, guys.” I point it out. They look back at me, “We don’t want to leave you alone.”
I roll my eyes, “I was leaving anyways, I don’t have any business here, it’s not like I’m going to sleep with anyone or have a hot make-out session.” I yawn, “Besides, I’m quite tired.”
They look back with an eerie expression, “Are you sure?”
I smile, “Margo, talk to Ben.” I look over to Verina, “V, go and pick a lucky boy.” I mutter.
Verina bends down to kiss my cheek, “Okay, please call your driver to drive you home.”
Margo comes back, “Don’t you dare get in the driver’s seat tonight.” “I won’t!” I laughed as they both walked back to the dance floor.
I take a turn to leave before slamming into a tall figure, with muscles and all its glory.
“Can you watch it?” His voice was loud and banging in my head, looking up, it was Sawyer.
“Oh, sorry.”
He mutters as I smile, “No, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to.” I take a step back, hitting someone else. I cringe at my clumsiness.
“Fuck.” I whisper to myself.
Sawyer laughs, “By all means, you are welcome to bump into me at anytime and anywhere, sweetheart.” He winks as I smile.
“I like your jersey.” He points out as I look down to see that I was wearing his name on my back and chest.
“Yes, of course. But sorry to say, my team is better.” “Oh, you think so?” He asks, as I smile.
“Well, we did win.” I make a point.
Darius Sawyer’s head shakes with a smile, almost accepting his defeat with a great attitude, “I swear I’m good. You can see for yourself at my other games.” He flashes a smile as I grow weak in the knees.
“Are you… hitting on me?” I question.
He laughs, putting his hands up in the air, “You caught me.” “Oh, I guess I did.”
Darius was charming, easy on the eyes, and had a great attitude. Unlike others.
“So, what’s a beautiful girl like you doing alone at this party? I would think that many guys would be over the fucking moon with you here, especially if you’re single?” He asks with interest as he leans on the wall.
I felt my face turn red from the flattery. “Well, most of the guys here have already tried it and I’m sad to say I have rejected most of them.” I grin with my attention on him.
He sends a questioning look, “What about Prince?” He mutters as I shiver at the name.
“Excuse me?” I gave a small laugh as his brows furrowed.
“I don’t know, he kind of made it seem like you were off limits .” Sawyer let out as I felt my body temperature drop.
“That’s not possible.” I counterargue as he nods.
“So, he wouldn’t mind it if…” Sawyer moves closer, his mouth so close to mine.
“If…” I whisper, close to his lips before they touch.
Before someone touches my arm and gets a good grip, pulling me away.
Grayson was in front of me, his eyes fired red on Sawyer.
“Don’t touch her.” Grayson sternly let out.
“She’s not even yours,” Sawyer mutters as Grayson lifts his fist.
Grayson walked closer to Sawyer, his face radiating evil and anger, as his fist clenched even harder, “Women don’t have to be mine for me to punch a man that takes advantage of them.” He seethes.
Sawyer backs off, “We were just having fun, Prince.” He snickers, “Didn’t know you were a prince charming.” He practically spits at Grayson’s face.
“You don’t touch our girls. Do you understand?” Grayson pushes Sawyer back.
“If I fucking find out you continue to push yourself on to anyone that’s under the influence of any kind, or point blank put your hands on them without consent…” Grayson pulls Sawyer in by his collar, slowly choking him out.
Sawyer taps Grayson’s arm, in an attempt for freedom, but Grayson pulls tighter as Darius began to frantically fidget.
“I will cut off your dick.” Grayson scowls, as Sawyer turns a hue of white from the lack of oxygen.
“Grayson!” I alarm for him to let go, but scowls at Sawyer then, letting him go. We watch Sawyer relieved that his airway still worked.
He huffed and puffed, looking at Grayson with hatred, before Grayson turns to me with a look of utter relief and annoyance, “And you’re going home.” He grits out before pulling me out of the club.
We got out of the club, in an empty street. My anger just reaches the top as he looks at me, “What the fuck is wrong with you?!” I pull my arm away from his grasp, though almost completely falling forgetting that I’m a little tipsy myself.
“You ask for me to leave you alone and then pull me away from a great conversation?” I yell as he sighs heavily walking away from me to the parking lot.
“Don’t walk away from me!” I follow him as he turns around with his eyes dark.
“You’re fucking drunk, Adrianna.” He yells as I jolt. “You’re drunk, and you were about to fall into Sawyer’s trap.” He growls, “You should be
fucking glad I saved you from him.”
“I don’t need to be saved,” I scream back.
He leans his head back in frustration, “Then don’t put yourself in situations where you do need to be saved, you fucking lunatic.”
“How do you know Sawyer’s a jerk you don’t even know him?” I say matter-of-factly as he looks away from me.
“I just know.”
“You don’t make sense, Prince.”
He laughs thickly, “Neither do you, Princess.” He whips around, his eyes daggers at mine, “Sawyer has probably gotten away with so many s*x allegations because of his rich parents that pay off any girl’s family he’s assaulted.” He yells as I jolt.
“You’re making that up.” I muttered, embarrassed that I probably was the next victim, I didn’t want to admit to Grayson that he might’ve been right.
Grayson sends me a look of despair, “I don’t know what I would’ve done if something happened like that to you.” He said it so quickly that I might’ve missed it.
But I didn’t.
His face twists with regret after blurting it out. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if something like that happened to anyone,” he corrects himself.
I give him a scowl, recognizing his attempt to fix the sudden protective tone he took with me. As he steps closer, he smirks, “Want to get rid of that ugly look on your face for me, Dove?”
“Stop calling me that,” I snap back as he takes another step closer. “Not even in your dreams.”
I smile, “Well, actually, in my dreams, you don’t exist at all. It’s almost like you never set foot on this planet!” I say casually. “Doesn’t that sound amazing?”
“Oh, absolutely.” He leans in closer, “Want to hear about my dreams?” Before I can respond, he turns me around, bending me over the hood of his car, his hand gripping my waist. “You’re the leading actress.”
I let my eyes close as his hands trail up, pulling me upright again. “You’re… touching me,” I mutter in a mix of shock and calm.
Grayson’s touch sent a thrill through me. “I know.” He winks as I turn around, my face flushing.
“Now get in the car,” he orders as I roll my eyes.
“No, I’m driving myself home.”
He looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. “The hell you are.”
I reach into his pocket, pull out his keys, and stuff them down my bra. Walking past him, I smirk, “Without your keys, you can’t drive, so either let me drive myself home, or neither of us is going anywhere.”
A chill runs down my spine as goosebumps rise on my skin.
“You think I won’t get them back?” He steps closer, opening the car door. “Get in.”
“You really think I won’t resist you?” His eyes sparkle with amusement. “Yes.”
I couldn’t understand why Grayson would care if I drove myself home. He was usually the last person to worry about me. He always let me drive home, regardless of my state, which made me suspicious that he had some ulterior motive.
I was prepared to stand my ground for as long as it took until he gave up and left, but the determined look in his eyes told me that wasn’t going to happen.
Then it hit me—I had promised Margo I wouldn’t drive myself home.
My father would kill me if I called Julius to pick me up, even though he’s done it before. I hate asking my staff to do things for me, especially late at night when they’re probably as tired as I am.
I locked eyes with Grayson’s unwavering expression. There was no way he was letting me go.
I watched him lick his lips. “I hate you,” I sneered.
I opened the other door to his luxury car, placing my things in the back seat. Black interior, black exterior—of course.
I walked over to the passenger side and got in. He shot me an annoyed look, not even bothering to hide his relentless smirk.
He slammed the passenger door closed, making me jump.
“I’m fully capable of getting into the car by myself,” I hissed as he placed his hockey stick and duffle bag in the trunk. He walked around to the driver’s side, perfectly capable of getting in on his own.
“Look, I’m having a fucking terrible day, so just shut up and sit in the damn car in silence,” he growled.
I rolled my eyes, feeling defeated as he started the car and backed out of the parking lot.
My head rested against the window as I noticed his grip tighten on the steering wheel.
“Nice game today,” I murmured.
He laughed, “Oh right, sorry your boyfriend didn’t win.” He turned to glance at me.
“Sawyer did fine,” I replied quietly.
It wasn’t his business to know if Darius was my boyfriend so why tell him? He probably thinks I like to mess around due to the fact that I was supposed to hang out with Brooks tonight but didn’t.
But let us not act as if he didn’t just go ahead and sleep with Maya anyway.
“Sawyer only wants you for your ass.” He muttered as I held a straight face. “He had a dare to bag the hottest girl in Hawthorne and he was doing exactly that before I pulled you out.”
Was he trying to piss me off? “You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do. He told me.”
“He is a good person. I talked to him.” I defended Sawyer as he turned back to look out the window.
“You fucking knew him for five minutes.” He scoffed, “I’ve known him since our first hockey game. He is not a nice person, and if you do think so you don’t have a good judge of character.”
“Oh? And is your love life better? Who were the flowers for?”
He looks behind, before slamming on the brakes, causing me to lunge forward, banging my head on the dashboard of the car.
“What the fuck, Prince!”
He forms a smirk, “Sorry, I thought there was a squirrel on the road.” “Yeah right.”
He scowls again, “We don’t talk about her.”
“Why does it matter to you if he only likes me because of my ass? It doesn’t concern you at all, so I suggest you stay away from me and my love life.”
He huffs out, “No, you’re right, you should have a go at him if you really think he’s a good person.” I let my eyes roam his.
He was acting weird, maybe I actually hit my head pretty hard. “If you were so eager to lose your fucking virginity then so be it, but I just wanted to give you a heads up, most of the girls I’ve slept with are puck bunnies, they always come running back to me when Sawyer didn’t satisfy their needs.”
“Right.” I mutter while twisting my purity ring around my ring finger, which felt like it was swollen.
My short answers bothered him, which I was happy about, his input on how I manage my love life was very unneeded and irritating.
“But that wouldn’t matter, would it?” He smiled.
“Once a guy breaks your heart for the first time, you’ll come running to daddy and cry to him about how the world is such a terrible place.” He said with such ease, mocking me.
“And Mr. Cassian would be petting your fucking hair telling you that he would find whoever hurt you and make them pay because his little angel didn’t deserve what happened.” I felt my hands tremble as he kept talking.
My dad wouldn’t give a damn to even check up on my fucking whereabouts, or how my day went.
He didn’t know anything about me.
My eyes stayed on the road, “We’ve been at this for a long time. The bickering, the fighting, the insults.” He played with the rings on his fingers.
“You hate me, and I hate you.” He presses on the brakes lightly as we arrive at the front of my house, “As much as I want the fighting to end. All the words I had said to you that I couldn’t take back… it’s who we are, and we will never mean more to each other than that.”
“It’s always been a game.” I smirk, “And your moves have been starting to get very predictable, Prince.”
He smiles, turning back to me, his eyes find my lips once more.
Kiss me.
“ And I love how you’re finally starting to fight back.”
My stomach heated, and my cheeks flushed red as he stared at me, I couldn’t help but maybe break the rules of our little game and kiss him. His lips look so good, as well as him as a whole.
“It’s late, you should probably go.” He whispers as I jolt. “No!” I panic.
My eyes widen, grabbing my belongings and walking out of the car I drop my keys to the ground as he sighs.
I grip my keys and jump up to look at his confused face. “No?” He laughs as I close my eyes in embarrassment. Shit. I didn’t mean that.
“Nothing.” I let out as he tilted his head with confusion. “Nothing.” He says, as I smile falsely.
“Get in the car.” He demands when I make the bold decision to walk further away from him.
I shiver, pulling myself in front of the gate. “What?”
“You are not going home by yourself.” He lets out in an agitated voice. “What are you, crazy?” I laugh, “Where do you expect me to stay?”
He turns around over to his house as I laugh, “Oh, you’re fucked in the head.” I laugh off, but then as his expression didn’t change, he was actually serious.
He emphasizes as I take a breath, “I don’t need that. Really.” I smiled, hoping he would get the message.
He wrinkles his eyebrow. “Oh… well, I’m not really giving you much of a choice.”
I grow agitated, “I’ll be fine.” I say defensively. “Get in the car, Dove.” He commands sternly.
“Prince…” I mutter as he pulls back.
“Get your ass in the car before I carry you and place you in there myself.” He runs his hands through his hair as I huff out.
“Besides, you’re drunk as fuck.” He gives another valid point, “I know how to get rid of a hangover well.”
My birthday was tomorrow and the mere idea of having to spend it alone, with an empty house was sickening.
More sickening than spending it with Grayson Prince. I wanted to help myself, and I knew that if I stepped inside my house by myself, I would take the pills.
What better way to resist that temptation than spending the rest of my night with Grayson Prince?
That will certainly keep my mind off of pain relievers.
I smile, slowly rolling my eyes to show I was still hesitant about the idea, “I need to go home early or earlier in the morning.”
He laughs, “I know how a one-night stand rolls, Dove.”
My eyes widen, fear built up in my throat, “What?!” I let my voice grow higher.
He sends a condescending face, “I was joking.” Oh.
I took a breath, letting my horrific expression disappear as he shook his head.
I jump to the passenger’s side, “You know I could’ve technically just walked over to the other side of the street right.” I smile as he turns over to look at me with a twinkle in his eye.
One that was very rare to be seen. I’d never seen him with light in his eyes, and yet they were beautiful. A beautiful blue ocean that I want to swim in.
He coughs, his smile disappearing in a millisecond. I turn my head back in front view as he drives his car to his garage, the doors opening.
He takes a breath, “We have to go the back way.” I roll my eyes.
“Well, this is going to be great.” I counter-showing him that I was capable of sarcasm.
He smiles, “No, I’ll quite enjoy this.”
“Did I ever tell you I hate you?” I get out of the car with a huff as he winks at me.
I start to walk towards the gate before stumbling into his arms. I hold myself up.
He was cold.
No. Not even cold, he was freezing.
“Dove.” He calmly helped me stand up as the dried blood from his head made its way to my palm.
His face changed quickly from utter satisfaction to worry, which I never thought I would see in the man himself.
“Dove,” He repeated as he held my gaze again, “You’re burning up, you have a fever.”
I pulled away, “I’m fine.”
He gripped my arm, his face turning back towards me again, “No, you are not.”
He looked at his house and then back at me.
Your house was supposed to be a place you felt safe in, the place your family can love each other. But with the look on Grayson’s face, I can tell that love from his parents was nonexistent.
I swallowed, “Your father would lose his shit.” He places his hand on my shoulders to steady me.
“My father isn’t home.” He let out as I squinted my eyes, “Come on, you would just love it if my father saw.” He smirks as I roll my eyes yet again.
He pulls me by his arms, halting as he unlocks the gates.
We walked over to the back side of the house, “Which floor?” I ask. He laughs, “The third one,” He looks over at me as I scowl at him.
“No.” I breathed out as he tilts his head, “Prince, are you mind fucking me right now?”
I bit my tongue to hold in a laugh, “Yes… but I can’t have you caught on the cameras.”
I look up to the window, “You’re going to ask me to climb to your window, aren’t you?”
I slouch as he taps his foot with impatience.
“How perfectly cliche.” I mock with a smile, “No. You actually have to climb up to my balcony.”
“I’ll meet you up there now, and I’ll help you by pulling up.” He didn’t wait for a protest as he zoomed inside his house, running to the room upstairs and staring down at me who was attempting to climb up already.
GRAYSON
I hear a crack, a branch falls as she shook, “Fuck.” She curses to herself.
I laugh watching her. “Prince, you better not be laughing, or I’ll throw a fucking pebble from this fountain to your head.” I paused and
watched her struggle. It was adorable.
Adorable?
God, am I fucked in the head?
She makes it up to arm’s reach, I pull her up as she swings her legs over the edge, and she lands effortlessly, her dark hair was a mess, and she had dirt on her cheek, without thinking I let my hand wipe it away.
“Can I take a shower?” She coughs, pulling away as I hesitantly pull my hand away from her burning face.
“Yeah, uhm… I have a bathroom, it’s the door next to my couch.” She walks in with confused eyes, “Which couch?”
I pointed to the black-colored couch, she faltered, making a stop, and turning back at me.
“This is your room.” She mutters as I take a seat on my bed. “Yes.”
She laughs at my answer, what was so funny?
She ends up walking over to me with a smirk which later dies when I got up.
“You know, you shouldn’t really trust me to be in a room with you.” I stalked toward her, my eyes set on her small frame, the jersey she had on was loose, and the neckline fell to her shoulder.
There it was again, her honey eyes.
Hunger.
I eyed up her jersey which still had Sawyer’s last name, I wanted to rip it apart.
Adrianna’s eyes held promise, at the same time it could’ve been because she was drunk, but before I could stop her, her fingers curled on the jersey’s seem, pulling it up.
My eyes wander straight to her white lingerie, which I couldn’t help but admire, my eyes widening at her beautiful curves, every nook and cranny of her body I wanted to explore.
She shivers, her eyes holding contact with mine as I look away with a worried expression, “I’ll go down and get you something for the head, or stomach or, uhm… I’ll be right back.”
My heart paused as I closed the door from behind me, what the fuck was my exact plan in all of this?
I didn’t have one. I only had one goal and that was to get August back.
So why did I have another girl in my room?
