“I can’t help you Liam.” I mutter, “I’m so sorry but…” He interrupts me.
“Adrianna, you helping me doesn’t mean that you have to get back together with Grayson or that nothing the past month has happened, because it did and I’m sorry for that.” He pants.
I didn’t think people really understood the part of me that wanted to finally get over Grayson.
“You and Grayson weren’t together that night of the accident, but that didn’t stop him from checking every damn street of the city. He didn’t sleep. He couldn’t come home. We practically had to force him to come home.”
I frown, “I didn’t ask him to do that.”
Liam looked at me like I had officially lost my mind.
Except I felt like I was about to lose my mind, the idea of going through the heartbreak over and over again. I was always stuck at the same square in this game, and I was tired of losing myself over it.
“I can’t help you Liam, I’m sorry.” I turned around to make eye contact with my father.
As I begin to walk away from him, Liam pulls me back, “Our father told Grayson to stay away from you.” He reveals.
“And I get it because I was pissed off at him first, but Grayson is terrified of losing you again, and not in a breakup way. I’m talking about a you-not-breathing type of way.” I swallowed a lump in my throat, terrified that maybe it as painful for him as much as it was painful for me.
“Liam, I just need time to process things.” I felt my hands shake, “I know that you are just being Grayson’s wing man like always but as your sister… you are put in a different position now.”
My eyes stay on Liam who takes a breath, “I get it.” He grins thinly as I nod my head, my eyes straighten to Grayson who walked from the back doors.
The whole team calms down with one look at Grayson. His mouth opens as he approaches me with a tense look in his eyes.
“Adrianna…” He almost whispers like my name was a forbidden word.
My eyes directed away from his, “Looks like your problem is solved.” I swallow, backing up closer to the seats.
“Anna.” He repeats.
I turn around, “Good luck.” My shoulders tensed as he walked closer. I quickly moved so he couldn’t reach me.
“Grayson!” Liam yells for him to join the team back on the ice. For a moment, I hear his steps get closer to me, but as I turn around, I see his skates walking over to the ice.
I walk slowly back to my seat, Margo’s eyes set on mine, “Are you okay?”
“No.” I murmur as she hesitated to talk, but Ben interrupts her. The game began with the teams crashing into each other.
But I couldn’t pay attention. My father makes eye contact with me. “Please tell me you didn’t go and look for Grayson.” My face cringed, disgusted at the thought of my father stopping me from speaking to Grayson.
“That does not concern you.”
He smiles aggressively, forcefully, “You are my daughter and I forbid you from ever talking to him.”
I turn to his face, “Liam and Grayson are best friends. Liam is your son. Does that mean he is not allowed to talk to Grayson?” I laugh harshly, “I would love to see how that ends.”
I turn back to the game, “But then again, it would most definitely end your relationship with Liam.”
My father didn’t say another word. I only stayed quiet in my own thoughts.
As the game went on, my head was all over the place. The sounds of skates against the ice, the screaming audience, the horrible noises that
babbling children made the pressured tormenting in my head worse.
“I hope you don’t think that I will treat Liam differently than you.” My father adds as I felt irritation bubble inside me.
I turn to him with anger written in my eyes, “Are you serious?” I harshly let out.
He looked confused, “What?”
“You have known me as your daughter throughout my whole life. But you have never once showed up for any of my debates, my speeches, and my award ceremonies. Instead, it was Helen and Ellen who showed up.” I spoke freely not caring if anyone really heard.
He looked speechless.
“But the moment you hear that your proclaimed son has a hockey game, you drop everything to be here. In front row.”
I look forward, he says nothing.
“It takes me almost dying a second time. A second time . For you to show up to one of my… things. ” I scoff, “How do you think that makes me feel?”
I focus my eyes on Grayson, “And you have the audacity to tell me who I can and can’t see. You have the nerve to tell me that you weren’t ‘treating Liam differently.’” I quoted him in anger.
He begins to speak as I cut him off, “Did you tell Grayson to stay away from me?” I finally turned to him. My gaze hardened on his shocked face.
“You’re acting crazy.” My father laughs gently, almost unbelieving of my outburst.
It was like he didn’t even take my feelings into consideration. He once again puts my thoughts and feelings as a second priority. I felt like screaming. I was ready to throw a damn hockey puck at him.
“Stop.” I almost scream at him with my voice breaking.
“Stop lying to me. Please, I am not a little girl anymore.” I push my words towards him as he shuffles in his seat, clearly looking uncomfortable. “Adrianna, you are acting very childish. If you had a problem today, then you should’ve stayed home.” He looks at his watch, as my hands
shook.
I squeezed my hands tighter to settle, “Are you fucking serious?” I laughed harshly, remembering that we were still around many people.
“Just answer the question.” I ask with conviction.
He reluctantly nods, “I did it for your own good. He’s not right for you.”
“You told Grayson, the one person I asked for when I woke up from my coma to stay away from me?” I ask him, my voice breaks once again.
“I did it for your own good. He’s not good enough for you.” I felt tears building up in my eyes. Little by little, I felt them trickle down my cheek.
“You don’t know what’s good for me.” I voice.
“I am your father. You are not to going to disrespect me.” He mutters as the whole crowd goes silent.
For a moment my eyes direct themselves over to the game, the center of the ice. Grayson’s body was on the floor, not moving. As soon as my eyes hit the scene, I felt my blood go cold, shock coming through my veins. My body froze as I looked at Margo who stood up to get a better look.
My tears fall uncontrollably at the sight of Grayson.
But I look at my father, and I look at Grayson’s body. My heart dropped. I stood up, my hands gripping the handrail to run down. My father’s hand catches mine from leaving his side, “Adrianna.”
I whip my hand away from his, “You are not stopping me from going after him. I will always go after him. You can either try to stop me and fail. Or you can let go of my hand and be there for me like a father.” I whisper viciously.
His eyes grip on mine. Like I would disappear if he blinked.
“Please.” I plead as it took one more second for him to let go of my hand. I ran down to the floor, looking for Liam and the opening to get to Grayson as soon as possible.
Paramedics and players tried to get in my way, but I avoided them like a plague. I began to shiver from the coldness of the rink, pushing everyone away from him.
My hand is instantly on his cheek, “Grayson?” I say softly, fog emerges from my hot breath.
I look around, “Is he okay?” I ask around, no one answers me. I could see his family running up by the boards.
“Oh my God.” I felt my tears fall on to his uniform, his eyes fluttering I paused, his mouth quivering trying hard not to laugh.
I felt fury in my veins as I push him off, “Oh my God, you jerk!”
I stood up to walk off as he pulled me back in, “Adrianna. Please, this was the only way I could’ve gotten you to talk to me.”
I roll my eyes, “How are you so sure that I would’ve—” I cut myself off to see how many eyes were on us.
“That doesn’t matter. You’re such a jerk.” I scowl at him harshly as he stands up, skating in front of me.
“Adrianna please just wait and give me a moment of your time, please.” He stresses as I fold my arms.
“I love you,” he panted, his eyes pleading with me to stay. “I’m so in love with you. You’re the one for me,” he continued, locking his gaze with mine.
“You’re the love of my life,” he declared firmly, with conviction. “I’m utterly and completely captivated by you. I can’t think, I can’t breathe—I’m suffocating without you,” he gritted out between his teeth.
He pulled off his helmet and threw it onto the cold ice. “Grayson, we’re… we—” I couldn’t finish my sentence.
“We’re not over. We can never really be over because I could never get you out of my head. You live there. You own me. I am yours,” his eyes softened, hoping, wishing for me to accept his apology, his confession.
“You know I don’t believe in many things, but I believe in us. The moment I saw you, I was in love. Your smile, your laugh, especially when you call me a jerk. Every moment with you makes me believe in love. You take my breath away. You leave me defenseless.”
I hadn’t realized how much I needed to be near him until now—just him.
“I hate waking up knowing it’s another day where I don’t get to piss you off. I’d rather see you and have you hate me than never be near you again,” he said, beginning to run out of breath, which was odd for someone who could easily run laps.
“I never thought I could feel this way about someone, but here I am in the middle of this hockey arena,” he looked around, his face turning red.
I started to cry a little harder, a smile on my face. “You might change your mind again,” I whispered.
He shook his head, refusing to accept that. “My mind never changed.”
“No girl could ever make me watch Love Island for hours straight. No girl could ever make me wake up in the middle of the night to kidnap their stuffed dog just because they couldn’t sleep,” he pointed out as I stood there, just staring.
“I know I’ve made mistakes, but I’ve never changed in how I live and breathe you. I can’t take this agony any longer, Dove. I look like a damn fool in front of everyone, even you, and I know it. But you don’t have to say anything.”
“I know I’ll never deserve you, and I know I’ve put you through hell, but I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure you know just how much you mean to me,” Grayson trembled, looking into my eyes.
He glanced around, swallowing his pride, then cursed under his breath, “Fuck it.” He dropped to his knees, hands outstretched as if he were worshiping me.
“Adrianna Elaine Cassian, please forgive me. Please take me back. I’ll spend the rest of my existence showing you how much you mean to me.” I could see tears welling up in his eyes.
“God, I’m so sorry for everything. I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused you. I’m sorry for making your life a living hell. I’m sorry for not telling you I loved you the moment I set eyes on you,” he looked over at Liam, who gave him two thumbs up.
“I’m sorry for not realizing you were it for me all along,” he sniffled as I let my lips curve into a warm smile.
“And… I’m sorry for accidentally ripping the sweater you made for me,” he laughed through his weak voice.
I fell into his arms, laughing and crying together—this was it.
If I tried to push him away, I’d be lying to myself. Grayson was the only one who could ever make my heart race like this.
I closed my eyes, burying myself in his embrace. “I hate you,” I shuddered in his arms.
He laughed, “I don’t care what your father says. I don’t care what anyone says. I want to be selfish,” he whispered before kissing me.
I pulled away. “You’ve owned me since we were three,” I whispered. “You’ve been my desire ever since that day, always on my vision board,” I muttered as he opened his mouth to say something.
“You are my vision board, Dove,” he said softly.
His lips met mine, and I completely surrendered to him. His tongue slicked over my bottom lip as his hands gripped possessively at my waist, his arms warming my entire body against the cold, freezing ice.
As he began to pull away, I panicked, my body pulling him in tighter. A helpless sensation surged through me as I tangled my hands in his hair. I could hear the crowd roar with applause and cheers.
I smiled against his lips, then looked around at the beaming, supportive faces. Margo was near the glass, tears streaming down her face. She waved at me, and I waved back, her whistle loud as our biggest supporter.
Grayson’s teammates were chanting. I looked up at my father, who was clapping steadily, and my mother, who was also clapping along while chanting.
Some poems don’t need to rhyme. Some stories begin at the end.
Sometimes it rains when it’s not supposed to.
My life was filled with flowering and endless disasters.
Even after disaster, there is a chance to regrow. After all, a flower only grows stronger with weathering and time.
My therapist has always told me not to strive for perfection, but there was one thing close to it. At the end of the day, I am not perfect, no one really is.
But at this very moment with him, I think I’ve found the closest thing to near perfect.
