I couldn’t think straight after my sad conversation with Adrianna. I felt lost, no words or thoughts could leave my brain. I didn’t feel like being here anymore. To be honest, I wanted to stay home.
But I could never go home and rest, knowing the tears and heartache
that I had brought to Adrianna. It seemed fucking cruel.
August came towards me with a beaming smile, “Where have you been?” I asked as she crossed her arms in front of her.
“I’ve been out.” “Out where?”
“Out getting fresh air, Grayson. It’s good for the baby.” She counters, I suddenly felt no fight in me to argue.
“If there even is a baby.” I mutter instead.
She quiets down, “When will you trust me?”
“Never.” I plainly say as she swallows, the ballroom quieted down as the violins started to play, the lights dimmed, and the music turned on. She took my hand, and I didn’t even really ask for a dance, but I guess she thought that asking was beyond our relationship.
I slithered my hand around her waist, as she dug her nails deep down my back, making me groan as she lifted her head up to look at me. I turn away as she struggles but she pulls me in.
“Stop putting me through this pain, Gray.” She snaps, letting her hand travel up and wrap around my tie, pulling my head forward.
“Just be quiet, August.” I ask as she latches on my shoulder, as I hiss. “Please come back to me Grayson.”
I push her away, “It’s different now, it’s different. I used to think you were different, but you lie. You scheme with my damn father. You hurt people and you will do whatever you need to ruin others.”
“That doesn’t sound far from Adrianna.” She snaps back.
I tilt my head with a smirk I pulled my wrist back, “I look at you and you fucking disgust me. I look at you and I think about how I messed everything up with…”
She holds her eyes over mine, almost like she was fighting the tears, “Will I ever be good enough for you again?” She laughs, “It’s my fault, how could I possibly think that I could take my place back?”
I said nothing, only stared. “But I had you first.” She pleaded, “She’s supposed to be the other woman Grayson. I’m supposed to be the one you want.” She closed her eyes, I turned away.
“Fucking hell, Grayson I can change! You want me to get plastic surgery for you? I can look like her! God, Grayson it’s like she has you on a fucking spell.” She lowered her head on my chest, her tears spilling.
“I watch you watch her, and it hurts me because I’m trying to get you back.”
Somehow, I felt uncomfortable.
I chased this damn girl’s attention for three months, but now I simply didn’t care. I was a terrible person, I know that, but my head could not move past the idea of Adrianna going home with Darius Sawyer.
Her gaze moved up to mine, “I’m not her.” She swallowed again, “I know I’m not her and I can’t replace her.”
I swallow hard. She was right. No one could ever replace Adrianna in my life, not a single fucking person or thing could bring the same effect as Adrianna.
She’s the only one for me.
Maybe that shit only happens and exist in books, the stories that she would read hours on fucking end. Was I really that naive to think that it would just be me and her?
I face August once more, her eyes widen more as I bend down to kiss her, hoping that there was an ounce of happiness in my body but there was not.
I tasted the salt from her tears as I breathed her in, “I’m sorry August, but no, you can’t replace her. I’m with you because of the baby in your
stomach and my father’s wishes, so please stop playing the fucking girlfriend.”
She looks at me dead in the eyes, “If you really loved her, then you wouldn’t care. A person that loves you wouldn’t leave you. A person that loves you would stick by you, even when you are in your darkest moments. But you don’t do that do you? You left her. You left her when you said you wouldn’t, right?”
“What does that say about you?” She says as I swallow, “You don’t love her Grayson, it’s about time you realized it.”
I pierce my eyes into hers. “Don’t ever fucking mention her again.” Her eyes ran to my silver cold ones.
“I’m not going to sit here and apologize to you because I’m not sorry.” She walked backwards slowly as I moved away from her general direction.
“I’m sorry for you because you’re ruining yourself because of her.” She lets out as I shake my head.
“Adrianna is out of my life understand me?” I glower back. “I’m engaged to you. This is what you wanted remember?”
“She’ll never be out of the picture, Prince.” She pulls away, slightly. “I want her out of the picture.” She continues.
“I’m sorry.” She apologizes.
I sigh, “It’s my fault for being so irresponsible for getting you pregnant.” August turned away, which made me even more suspicious that the child she was carry was not mine. I let my thoughts roam even more, “I wish I could change how things are, but I can’t.”
“Are you angry with me?” She asked as I said nothing.
I was furious with her. I hated that she pulled me away from Adrianna. I loathed how she was the reason that I couldn’t go after Adrianna and kiss her like I fucking meant to.
“Adrianna and I know our relationship can’t exceed, so there’s no point.” I admit as she nods slowly, “It’s better for us to part ways and just stick to how it was before we let anything happen.”
August smiles, her face red. My whole heart hurt, it felt numb, and it stung the entire time. I thought about the restless nights I’ve had the past week.
I thought about how she calmed me down with her doe eyes, her hands on mine as she would let me squeeze her hands. She tolerated everything about me that I hated about myself.
I love her for it.
Even with all my damn faults and my fucked head, she craved me like plants craved the sunlight.
I hated Adrianna because she did love me. She didn’t have to say it, but the look in her eyes told me the whole story. I hated her because there was nothing, I could do to change her mind.
I had a cowardly plan. I had it planned out that we were supposed to run away together. I would give her the engagement ring. I would tell her to never take it off and she would’ve promised. I had a plan for us, but it’s ruined this time. We had no choice.
“You were willing to give her up for me and the baby?” August started crying, and I just stared at her.
“I know you don’t love me anymore Grayson, but I want you to try. I want you to at least remember why you loved me before.”
She looks away, “I know you watch her every time she looks away.”
I didn’t say anything, only waited for the man to stop playing the violin. I didn’t love August anymore, I wasn’t quite sure if I really did before, besides…
… Everybody knows that it’s all about who you look for in a crowded room. That’s where your heart belongs.
ADRIANNA
I was upset, of course, I hadn’t felt the best.
But through my whole life I did know one thing, I knew what it felt like before overdosing and it certainly felt something like this.
First phase of overdosing…
Your heart will start to race. Your heart will feel like a boulder trying to
escape from your chest. Fast, furious, and pounding.
Second phase…
You begin sweating. Your hair sticks to your forehead as everything suddenly starts to feel unbearably hot.
Third phase…
You can easily become confused or disoriented. Ultimately, you will lose consciousness. Often blood will appear when you throw up. Everything blends together. You vomit. You’re confused. You’ll be unresponsive to anything and everyone. You have a slowed breathing pattern, a fleeting heartbeat, causing severe chest pains that will make it seem like someone is stepping on your chest and back at the same time.
I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to die. It was the perfect time to die. I did whatever I could. So, I floored on the gas, pressing on the seat as I began to lose vision.
I peered into my side mirror to see if anyone was around me. I twisted the steering wheel, the car shooting out to a corner of a very narrow street I had never seen before.
I didn’t want to come home. I wanted to go to a whole different place other than my damn house.
First, I thought that the voices were only with me when I was at home, but I was so wrong. They continued to haunt me while I gripped the steering wheel so hard, I couldn’t feel my knuckles.
I closed my eyes for a brief moment, letting the silence take over me as I quieted my head.
Only when I open them, the windshield shatters.
A shower of glass surrounds me like a beautiful thunderstorm of pain.
I clutched the steering wheel as a red car drove itself through the side of my car, wrecking the door even more.
Fear was holding me by the throat as my voice was inaudible. I felt as though I couldn’t move. I really couldn’t, I could feel something crushing my leg. I could feel my whole life pulling away from me.
I couldn’t get out. A fire had terrified me even more as it started on the other end of the car. I turned another corner. I slammed on the door. I shut my eyes as the same red car rams itself through the front of the car.
My body jerked forward, air rushing out of my lungs, my vision turning black, my car finally crashed. The air bags explode in my face, stopping the impact of my face smashing on the wheel. A sharp piece of metal pierces through my leg, straight through my muscle tissue, my heart racing as my vision dazed.
Eventually, I heard the engine die. My ear ringing as my head throbbed. The hood of the car was crushed, as my vision was showered with dots. As soon as I closed my eyes, silence greeted me.
