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Chapter no 16

Funny Story

TUESDAY, JUNE 25TH

5 3 DAYS UNTIL I CAN LEAVE

MILES IS ONย his way out the door when I get home, a piece of toast clamped in his mouth and his keys, phone, and water bottle clutched in one hand.

โ€œRunning late?โ€ I guess, holding the door open so he can slip out.

He nods, plucks the toast from between his lips. โ€œHad to give Julia a ride. To aย date.โ€

โ€œSheโ€™s been here, like, three days,โ€ I marvel. โ€œI know. Guess she met him at BARn.โ€

A few seconds tick by in which neither of us seems to have anything at all to say. Itโ€™s the first time weโ€™ve been alone in the apartment together since Julia showed up.

I break first: โ€œAnyway! Iโ€™ll let you go.โ€

โ€œRight. See you later.โ€ He turns to go but almost immediately does an about-face. โ€œI forgot to mention, I canโ€™t do this Sunday.โ€

โ€œOh.โ€ I try not to look crestfallen. I try not toย beย crestfallen. Itโ€™s honestly probably for the best if we spend a little less time together. โ€œNo worries.โ€

โ€œThe thing is,โ€ he begins.

โ€œMiles, really, itโ€™s fine,โ€ I promise.

โ€œNo, I know, itโ€™s just . . .โ€ He pauses. โ€œIโ€™m committed to this thing Saturday night.โ€

I nod eagerly, like Iโ€™m not only personally invested in but also thrilled by his having plans.

โ€œBut I have two tickets,โ€ he says. โ€œSo I was thinking maybe youโ€™d want to go with me?โ€

โ€œOh,โ€ I say.

I must take too long to go on, because a slight smile tugs at his mouth, his eyes sparking with humor. โ€œThereโ€™s no pressure, Daphne,โ€ he says. โ€œIf you donโ€™t want toโ€”โ€

โ€œNo,โ€ I say. โ€œItโ€™s not that.โ€ It isย exactlyย that.

โ€œI just might have to get some work done,โ€ I say.

The work being,ย notย finding myself alone with Miles Nowak on a Saturday night and incapable of maintaining theย friendlyย boundaries weโ€™ve established.

โ€œSorry,โ€ I force out. โ€œMaybe next time.โ€

He nods. โ€œSure,โ€ he says. โ€œIโ€™ll see you later.โ€ I nod too. โ€œSee you.โ€

He pops the toast back between his lips and disappears into the stairwell at the end of the hall.

I shut myself into the apartment and wait for the full-body regret to simmer down.

Itโ€™s for the best. Iโ€™m stuck here forย at leastย fifty-three more days, and Iโ€™m not going to blow up my lifeย againย in that window.

I drop my bag and shuffle deeper into the apartment. Juliaโ€™s shoes are in the front hall, her clothes everywhere in the living room and bedding still wadded on the sofa. The bathroom counter is smeared with makeup, and sheโ€™s left two separate hair tools plugged in.

Minus the fire hazard, I donโ€™t mind. As a kid, I was so jealous of my friends who had siblings. My best memories were all of movie nights with Mom or our long Saturday morning wanders through kitsch shops and record stores, but so much of my childhood was sitting in an otherwise empty apartment, longing for the kind of noise, clutter, permanence that comes from having a family, rather than just one overworked mother.

Julia might be a slob, but having her stuff everywhere makes the empty apartment feel a little less lonely.

I unplug her flat iron and clean up a bit, then take a shower and make some Easy Mac. While I eat, I email potential sponsors along with a few higher-profile authors we hosted back at the Richmond library to ask whether they could record videos to air as we meet our fundraising goals throughout the night. Then I check my phone calendar against the wall calendar. To my surprise, Miles has added his winery shifts in blue, and Julia (I presume) has added in scratchy red, across this Thursday:ย COMMIT MURDER.

Underneath it, I scribble as small as I can:ย Call FBI about Julia.

Then I get in bed and try to read, without any success. Then I try to watch an action movie and quickly realize itโ€™s not fun to watch that sort of thing alone, so I take to scrolling social media, seeing college friendsโ€™ summer pregnancy announcements, a Richmond coworkerโ€™s recent trip to Thailand to see family, and then, without any warning, there she is, on my screen.

Petra.

And sure, thatโ€™s jarring enough. But itโ€™s not what makes me fling my phone across the room, pulse racing.

Itโ€™s who posted the picture. Itโ€™s who else isย inย it.

The tiny woman with her, arms wrapped around Petra, both of them beaming in front of decimated plates of chocolate waffles on an orange- checked tablecloth.

I only saw the image for a second, but itโ€™s seared into my mind.

How could it not be, when Iย recognizeย the tablecloth, the waffles, and even Petraโ€™s beaming friend?

I crawl across the bed, heart in my throat, and brace myself before flipping the phone face up again.

Cooper posted the picture. I donโ€™t need the geotagโ€”RICHMOND, VIRGINIAโ€”to know where the shot was taken. Itโ€™s our brunch spot. The one he, Sadie, Peter, and I used to go to most Saturdays.

Peter and Petra are visiting them.

I canโ€™t breathe. My clothes feel too tight, my skin hot and itchy. I stumble to the window and my arms have gone too weak to open it on the

first try. When I finally do, thereโ€™s no breeze to break the heat, anyway.

Itโ€™s one thing to be replaced by an ex. Itโ€™s another to feel like your whole life has been handed over to someone else.

I think I might be sick. I even go into the bathroom, just in case.

This is your fault, a voice whispers from the back of my mind.ย Youโ€™re the one who built everything around him.

Moved toย hisย hometown. Let Sadieโ€™s and my relationship get absorbed by the four of us, our weekly girlsโ€™ nights becoming double dates, our weekend trips replaced with couplesโ€™ vacations, our conversations unfolding in our group chat instead of on long phone calls. Iโ€™m the one who put all my eggs in the incredibly awkward basket of willfully befriending Scott and the rest of Peterโ€™s Waning Bay buddies instead of making my own

โ€”never mind how hard it is to make headway into a group whoโ€™s mostly interested in rehashing shared memories. Moved into a house that belonged only to Peter.

Miles was right. I need to stop fixating on how much Iโ€™ve lost, and focus on building something new. I already knew my old life was over. Sitting here and simmering in it wonโ€™t do me any good.

I close the toilet and sit atop the lid, pulling up my messages with Ashleigh.ย You said you had a hobby I could borrow?ย I type.

Every fourth Wednesday of the month. AKA tomorrow, she writes.

You in?

What is it?ย I ask.ย All you said is it isnโ€™t โ€œorganized exercise.โ€ Still true, she replies.ย Donโ€™t show up in raggedy sweats.

Is it DISorganized exercise?ย I ask.

Thatโ€™s certainly closer, she says.

Great, I say, and then I text Miles too. Maybe itโ€™s a mistake, maybe itโ€™s notย smart, but being โ€œsmartโ€ hasnโ€™t paid off well for me thus far.

Iโ€™m in for Saturday, I tell him.

 

 

THIS IS NOTย how I pictured Ashleighโ€™s monthly poker night.

For one thing, the man who answers the door to the bilevel five miles outside town isnโ€™t a stranger.

Heโ€™s a seventy-something-year-old dead ringer for Morgan Freeman, as long as you ignore the full Red Wingsโ€“branded sweatsuit and matching slippers, which donโ€™t strike me as a particularly Freemanesque sartorial choice.

โ€œAbout time you showed up!โ€ he greets us and steps aside to let us into his home.

โ€œHarvey!โ€ I say, too stunned to move.

โ€œSorry weโ€™re late.โ€ Ashleigh tips her head toward me. โ€œDaphneโ€™s fault, obviously.โ€

Harvey snorts. โ€œI know Iโ€™ve got a youthful glow, but I wasnโ€™t born yesterday. Come in, come in. Shoes off. Everyoneโ€™s back in the breakfast nook.โ€

I slip my loafers off next to Ashleighโ€™s knee-high boots and we follow Harvey down a narrow, wood-paneled wall toward the sound of smooth jazz and the potent smell of cigar smoke. Every inch of the walls is devoted to at least three generations of family photos, ranging from recent shots of his granddaughtersโ€™ soccer tournaments all the way back to time-faded wedding portraits of him and his late wife.

โ€œSo how long has this poker night been going on?โ€ I ask.

โ€œLiterally since I was born,โ€ Ashleigh says, โ€œbut I wasnโ€™t allowed to join until I was eighteen.โ€

โ€œYouโ€™ve known each other that long?โ€ I say, surprised. Theyโ€™re friendly at work, but Iโ€™ve never once gotten the sense that they actuallyย knowย each other.

โ€œSince she was two feet tall,โ€ Harvey tells me now. โ€œSo eighth grade,โ€ I say, and he hacks out a laugh.

โ€œHarvey has this whole thing about โ€˜not showing favoritismโ€™ at work.โ€ Ashleigh makes finger quotes. โ€œHe even made the district manager do my job interview rather than just hiring me.โ€

โ€œWouldnโ€™t you hate wondering whether youโ€™d really deserved it or not?โ€ he asks.

โ€œNot really, no,โ€ she says.

Harvey moves out of the hallway, so we can slide into the breakfast nook after him. โ€œLook who decided to finally show up,โ€ he says, โ€œand she brought us a new fifth!โ€

โ€œTrial basis only,โ€ Ashleigh says. โ€œWeโ€™ll see if she can hold her own.

This is Daphne. Daphne, this isโ€”โ€

โ€œLenore!โ€ I say, shocked anew to spot tall, gangly Lenore from the asparagus stand, tucked back in the chair closest to the roomโ€™s bay window. And right beside her, the final participant in poker night, tiny and dark- haired: โ€œBarb!โ€

Theyโ€™re both wearing the same visors as when I met them. Both have matching cigars hanging out of their mouths. Lenore yanks hers out from between her lips as she stands to greet me. โ€œWhat a nice surprise!โ€

Ashleigh looks between us. โ€œYou know each other?โ€

โ€œWeโ€™ve met,โ€ I say, right as Barb chimes in, โ€œSheโ€™s our friend Milesโ€™s new girl!โ€

Small towns.

โ€œHow do you know Miles?โ€ Ashleigh asks. Right as I say, โ€œOh, weโ€™re just friends.โ€

Right as Harvey says, โ€œWho the hell is Miles?โ€ and sinks into one of the cane-backed dining chairs. Itโ€™s the first time Iโ€™ve ever heard Harvey swear. Still less shocking than the Red Wings slippers.

Lenore asks Ashleigh, โ€œHow doย youย two know each other?โ€ โ€œDaphne works with us at the library,โ€ Ashleigh replies. โ€œWhoโ€™s this Miles fellow?โ€ Harvey says.

โ€œMiles is my roommate,โ€ I clarify, at which Lenore and Barb exchange a knowing look.

Ashleigh slings her huge purse onto the floor and drops into the chair beside Harvey, leaving me to take the one next to Barb. Harvey plucks a cigar from a small wooden box in the center of the laminate table, then slides the box toward us.

โ€œNo, thanks,โ€ I say. Ashleigh pops one right out, reaching for the cigar cutter in the boxโ€™s lid. โ€œSo how do all ofย youย know each other?โ€ I ask.

Harvey starts to shuffle. โ€œOh, we all go way back.โ€

โ€œGrace Episcopal.โ€ Lenore nods like,ย You understand. I donโ€™t.

โ€œMy mom was the priest there,โ€ Ashleigh explains. โ€œMy stepmom, technically, but my dad died when I was tiny, and my mom married Adara when I was six, so she was a parent to me for basically as long as I can remember.โ€

A sadness flutters through the room. Harvey sets his hand atop Ashleighโ€™s and gives it a squeeze. โ€œShe was a good woman.โ€

โ€œThe best.โ€ Lenore exhales a perfect ring of smoke toward the open bay window. โ€œGreat poker player too.โ€

Before I can askโ€”or decide if I shouldโ€”Ashleigh says curtly, โ€œStomach cancer. Five and a half years ago.โ€

I think of my own mother and feel like my chest might crumple. โ€œIโ€™m so sorry. I had no idea.โ€

โ€œItโ€™s hard.โ€ She cups a hand around her cigar as she lights it. โ€œWhen we lost Adara, Mom really needed to be somewhere new, so she moved out to Sedona, where her sister lives. Mulder and I miss both of them a lot, but at least without Mom and Adara in the game undercutting me, I can finally take these geezers for all theyโ€™re worth.โ€

Lenore scoffs. โ€œGood luck.โ€

โ€œShe taught me everything she knew,โ€ Ashleigh says, hands up, cigar dangling from the corner of her mouth like a Hunter S. Thompson character. โ€œIโ€™m the heir apparent here.โ€

โ€œWouldโ€™ve been,โ€ Barb replies, โ€œif youโ€™d been the kind of kid who listens to a damn word your elders say.โ€

They ooh. They aah. They trash-talk. They keep accusing each other of putting off the inevitable, until finally we play the first round.

I quickly fold, nothing but a pair of twos in my hand. Harvey celebrates his winning royal flush by shuffling into the kitchen and coming back with a bottle of nice scotch. He pours a little for each of us and Barb puts a new record on.

โ€œRound two,โ€ Lenore says, rubbing her hands together.

By the end of the night, Iโ€™ve lost forty bucks, won eleven of it back, smoked my first cigar, and promised to go to Harveyโ€™s seventy-fifth birthday party, which isnโ€™t until Octoberโ€”three and a half months from nowโ€”but for which planning has already commenced.

โ€œWeโ€™re going to rent a party bus and go down to the casino!โ€ Barb tells me, eyes sparkling from laughing, drinking, smoking, and soundly kicking our asses at the card table.

โ€œAssuming I donโ€™t kick the bucket before then,โ€ Harvey says.

โ€œOh, no, weโ€™ll still rent the party bus,โ€ Lenore puts in. โ€œItโ€™ll just be a funeral instead of a birthday.โ€

โ€œGoing out in style,โ€ Harvey says.

โ€œShould we make sure youโ€™re wearing your signature look?โ€ I ask, gesturing toward his getup. As soon as Iโ€™ve said it, I feel that familiarย oh shitย dip in my stomach, unsure whether the joke crossed an invisible line.

But Harveyโ€™s coughing out a laugh along with a cloud of smoke. โ€œYou can come back,โ€ Harvey tells me; then to Ashleigh, pointedly, โ€œBring her back.โ€ Then, to me again: โ€œJust donโ€™t expect special treatment at work.โ€

I cross my heart.

At the front door, we all exchange hugs farewell, then Ashleigh and I slip on our shoes and step out into the quiet cul-de-sac. Most of the other houses are either totally dark or have one lone bulb glowing beside their front doors, but if Ashleighโ€™s to be believed, poker night is just getting started.

โ€œShare a cab?โ€ she asks, swaying slightly on the spot as she summons one on her phone.

Neither of us is fit to drive. โ€œFirst a hobby, then a cab,โ€ I say. โ€œWhatโ€™s next?โ€

โ€œA deadly secret,โ€ Ashleigh deadpans. At least I think itโ€™s a joke.

โ€œThat was really fun,โ€ I say. โ€œI havenโ€™t been to a party since . . .โ€ I think for a moment. โ€œMy engagement party, I guess.โ€

โ€œYou thought that was a party?โ€ she says. โ€œWe really do need to get you out more.โ€

I shrug. โ€œIโ€™ve always been kind of a tagalong, I guess. Only lately I havenโ€™t had anyone to tag along after.โ€

โ€œYouโ€™re not a tagalong,โ€ she says. โ€œYouโ€™re a we-girl.โ€ โ€œLike aย wee lass?โ€ I ask.

โ€œNo, like, Weย love that restaurant. Weย always vacation there. Weย donโ€™t really like scary movies. A woman whoโ€™s more comfortable being a part of a whole, who never goes anywhere without a partner.โ€

โ€œShit,โ€ I say. โ€œYouโ€™re right.โ€

โ€œOf course Iโ€™m right,โ€ she says. โ€œIโ€™m wise.โ€

The firstย weย was my mom and me, then it was Sadie and me, then Peter. Iโ€™ve always cleaved to the people I love, tried to orient my orbit around them. Maybe, I realize, Iโ€™ve been trying to make myself un-leave-able. But it hasnโ€™t worked.

โ€œI donโ€™t want to just be a part ofย we,โ€ I say. โ€œI want to be anย I.โ€ โ€œYouโ€™re already anย I. Itโ€™s just about how much you embrace it.โ€ โ€œI guess,โ€ I say.

Ashleigh appraises me. โ€œYou held your own tonight.โ€

โ€œYeah, well, I have a feeling they went easy on me,โ€ I say.

โ€œOh, they treated you like you were made of glass,โ€ she agrees, her head cocked and gaze appraising. โ€œBut youโ€™re not so delicate, Vincent.โ€

โ€œIโ€™m not.โ€ It feels true, at least right now. Iโ€™m not so delicate. Lonely, hurt, angry, a little bit whiny? Sure.

But not delicate.

Maybe I could handle staying here, where my life fell apart. Maybe I could start over, making something my own this time.

The cab pulls up. โ€œAshleigh?โ€ I say. โ€œHm?โ€ she says.

โ€œThank you,โ€ I say. โ€œReally.โ€

She rolls her eyes. โ€œWe needed a fifth.โ€

I shake my head. โ€œNot just that. For being my friend. For still giving me a chance, after the last year.โ€

Her ever-blunt features soften. โ€œYou know,โ€ she says, โ€œI needed one too.โ€

โ€œIโ€™m glad it could be me,โ€ I tell her.

โ€œRight back at you.โ€ The cabdriver flashes his lights at us, and with our arms slung over each otherโ€™s shoulders, we wobble down the driveway to meet him.

For reasons I donโ€™t completely understand, I feel like I could cry.

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