SATURDAY, JUNE 1ST
7 7 DAYS UNTIL I CAN LEAVE
MILES AND Iย pass the next week without so much as brushing shoulders in the kitchen.
I donโt think either of us is actively avoiding the otherโitโs more like,
we both suddenly remember we donโt know each other and have nothing in common beyond our hilariously bad breakups. Weโre back in the territory of polite nods, separate dinners, and conversation made via monosyllable.
When we got home, he made a big show of scribblingย WANING BAY TOURISMย on the calendar, drawing an arrow down the Sunday column, but since then, he hasnโt added anything else.
By the time my Saturday morning shift rolls around, Iโm convinced that his adamancy about showing me around was a by-product of the joint we shared.
Iโm out the door before heโs even up, the sun and birds out full force, though the air remains crisp. Iโm early, as usual, so I decide to walk to work and even stop in at a whitewashed coffee shop overflowing with hanging plants to grab a hot chai.
Itโs strange; Iโve driven this way dozens of times, but on foot, I notice new things:
A Tudor house with a lush flower garden and a wooden sign advertising it as a Montessori school. A hobby shop called High Flyers, whose theme seems to be a mix ofย kitesย andย THC. Then I turn down a residential street, reading the yard signs as I go: one about Bigfoot, another promoting an
upcoming arts fair, then a crooked For Sale sign in the shaggy, overgrown lawn of a taffy-green bungalow.
Its white picket fence is in disrepair, some slats entirely missing, and its diamond-paned windows are crawling with ivy. It looks like something from a storybook: magical and cozy, yet somehow wild, mysterious in that irresistible way of fairy-tale houses.
At work, I help Harvey swap out the programming corkboard for the week. Waning Bay Public Library is a small enough operation that itโs usually all hands on deck. You do whatever needs doing, regardless of job title.
While pinning a flyer for Build Your Own Terrarium Night, Harvey says, โYouโve been in brighter spirits this week.โ
He bears more than a passing resemblance to Morgan Freeman, and his voice, although raspier and not quite so low, has the same kind of gravitas. Itโs a voice that makes you want to do him proud.
โSorry,โ I say quickly. โIโll be better. About not bringing all of that into work.โ
Harvey harrumphs, pushes his gold wire-frame glasses up his nose. โItโs a library, Daphne. If you canโt be a human here, where can you?โ
At his kindness, I feel a sting of guilt about my job search. Aboutย knowingย thereโs a technical services librarian position open in Oklahoma, a place I know nothing about that canโt be learned from the musicalย Oklahoma!
โWeโre lucky to have you,โ Harvey goes on, hanging the sign-up sheet for Fridayโsย Dungeons & Dragonsย tournament. โJust keep bringing your whole heart in for those kids. Thatโs all.โ
The sting redoubles.
Harvey pats the wall, then ambles back to the office, while I move on to dismantling the origami Dinosaur Day display to make room for the Pride Month display. Afterward, I help Ashleigh finish the Juneteenth and Loving Day displays, while she fills me in on her firstย realย date with Craig, delivering each startling tidbit of information in a perfect monotone while I try not to pee myself from laughing.
(When they got to his house after dinner, he made her sit with him in the car for twenty unspeaking minutes while the Phish album heโd put on finished playing, then did the exact same thing after he drove her home.)
โIโm glad someoneโs enjoying this,โ she says, but I can tell sheโs enjoying telling it too. Itโs fun and a little thrilling, feeling like weโre kind of, sort of real friends now.
When I get back to my desk, I field a few calls, after which I teach roughly five hundred kids how to sign in to an online game for the five hundredth time.
By then itโs the peak of my workweek: Saturday Story Hour.
Bonus: itโs a warm, cloudless day, so we can take this activity outside.
When weโre settled in a ring in the grass out front, I ask, โWhoโs ready to hear a story?โ
Hands go up around the circle. Shameless excitement. Open expressions of feelings.
Itโs funny: As a kid, I had no idea how to interact with other kids. I felt most at home with Mom and her friends. But as an adult, I find kids so much easier to understand.
They say how they feel, and they show it too. There are fewer ulterior motives and unwritten rules. Silences arenโt unbearably awkward, and abrupt segues to different subjects are the norm. If you want to be friends with someone, you just ask, and if they donโt want to, theyโll probably just tell you.
I clear my throat and openย Snappsy the Alligatorย to get us started, scanning my rapt audience as I begin to read.
Arham, of course, wears his trademark Spider-Man costume. A three- year-old, Lyla, has spaghetti sauce all over her face and dungarees. Sheโs also sucking on a lemon wedge like itโs a pacifier.
Basically, all is right with the world.
Halfway through our second story, I notice someone approaching from the parking lot, seemingly carried on a burst of summer air and sunshine. Heโs gazing at the covered breezeway to the front doors like heโs never seen anything like it, possibly never seen a library, period.
His eyes slice sideways toward us, and I lose my place in the sentence. Milesโs face lights with a grin. He lifts his chin in greeting and draws to a stop just beyond our little ring.
I clear my throat and glance down at the picture book in my hand, finding my place in the sentence to begin reading aloud again.
When I next look up, heโs still there, looking enraptured.
By this story. About anthropomorphic mice. Learning to do gymnastics.
I wish I hadnโt beenย quiteย so committed to doing voices for all of the characters before he showed up, because now Iโm obliged to keep at it.
So I use my high-pitched squeak for the littlest mouseโs dialogue, and my low grumble for the portly older mouse with the distinguished mustache. Every time I scan the crowd, Milesโs smile is a little bigger, goofier. He keeps looking around at the kids, parents, and nannies, like,ย Can you believe this shit? Wild!
When I reach The End, the toddlersโ caregivers give the mild applause appropriate for a late-afternoon library trip, whereas Miles sticks his fingers in his mouth and whistles, which somehow instantly turns all fifteen kids from sleepy angels into rowdy buccaneers, drunk on distilled-belowdecks rum. A couple of moms eye my scrubby, wolfish roommate curiously.
He is blissfully unaware, ambling toward me through the crowd as the other patrons gather their diaper bags and sticky-handed children to pull them toward the parking lot.
โI had no idea you could do that,โ he says.
โOh, yeah,โ I say, starting back toward the front doors. They whoosh open and we enter the cool, musty quiet. โIโve been reading since I was six. Iโm getting pretty good.โ
โI mean the voices,โ he clarifies. โYou were such a convincing elderly magician mouse.โ
โIf that impressed you, you should see me do the old woman who lives in a shoe,โ I say.
โIโll clear my Saturdays,โ he says. โI was kidding,โ I say.
He grins. โNot me.โ
I gesture toward the stacks. โCan I help you find something?โ
โI was hoping you could spell out every word of a love poem to me,โ he deadpans.
โThat guy already called today,โ Ashleigh pipes up from the reference desk.
โYeah, Iโve hit my limit on daily X-rated flower metaphors, so thatโs the one thing I canโt help you with,โ I tell him.
He shrugs. โIโll try again on Monday. Actually, I was on my way in to Cherry Hill and I just wanted to double-check weโre still on for tomorrow. Wouldโve texted, but I forgot my phone at home.โ
โTomorrow?โ Ashleigh looks up from the gel manicure sheโs giving herself, complete with a little light-up device plugged in between her computer and the printer. Harvey left already for his daughterโs fortieth birthday and the front desk quickly descended into lawlessness. โWhatโs tomorrow?โ
โI wasnโt planning to hold you to that,โ I tell Miles.
He scoffs. โItโs on the calendar. It might as well be etched into the annals of history.โ
โItโs pronouncedย anals,โ Ashleigh says. Miles looks to me, brow lifting.
I shake my head. โItโs definitely not. And you really donโt have to ferry me around. I can just, like, buy a map.โ
He rolls his eyes, slumps forward on his forearms at the desk. โJust be ready at one p.m., okay?โ
โOkay,โ I say.
He looks between me and Ashleigh. โShould I expect you at Cherry Hill tonight?โ
โIโve got Read-a-thon stuff I need to work on,โ I say.
โAnd my kidโs having friends over to play video games,โ Ashleigh says. โSo Iโll be shoveling pizza rolls in and out of the oven until dawn. But heโs at his dadโs again next Sunday night, if you guys want to do something then.โ
โShould we expect Craig too,โ Miles teases, leaning across the desk, vaguely flirtatiously.
Ashleigh shudders. โNo, no, we should not. Daphne can fill you in on that. I canโt bring myself to utter it aloud again.โ
โHe had too much Phish,โ I explain. โLike an aquarium?โ Miles says.
โLike posters upon posters of Phish. The band,โ I say. โWhatโs wrong with Phish?โ he wants to know. โNothing, in moderation,โ Ashleigh volunteers.
โBut he also had commemorative mugs and action figures and cardboard cutouts. And . . . I want to sayย sheets?โ
โHand towels,โ she corrects me. โI donโt begrudge a man a hobby, but if youโre forty and your apartment has aย theme, I just donโt see it working out for us.โ
โWell, shit,โ Miles says. โThat rules out pretty much everyone I know.โ โIโve seen your place,โ Ashleigh says. โI didnโt see a cohesive theme.
Unless it wasย major depressive episode.โ โWhen did you see my room?โ Miles asks.
โI picked Daphne up there,โ she says, apparently happy to admit to her snooping.
โActually, the theme is, youโre never invited over again,โ I tell Ashleigh.
Then, to Miles: โWhat time do you need to get into work?โ
โShit!โ He pitches himself forward over the desk to check the time on my computer. His eyes flash back to mine, and he points for good measure, which really accentuates the Popeye-style anchor tattoo on his bicep. โTomorrow. One oโclock. Donโt be late.โ
โI never am,โ I say.
MILES IS FIFTEENย minutes late.
I tell him this when he enters the apartment.
โI know,โ he says. โSorry. I went to get coffee, and the line was really long.โ He holds out a paper cup to me. I recognize the stamp on it as being from Fika, the shop I stopped in to on my way to work yesterday.
โThank you,โ I say.
He doesnโt answer, just waits expectantly for me to take a sip, I guess.
โI donโt really drink coffee,โ I say. โUnless Iโm super tired, it makes me too jittery.โ
His brow furrows, his lips knitting together. โYou had one of their cups on your desk yesterday, so I assumed . . .โ
โChai,โ I say.
He taps his temple, like heโs nailing the information to his head. โShould we go?โ I ask.
Outside our building, the sudden daylight briefly scalds my retinas. I lose all sense of direction, somehow running directlyย intoย Miles when he wasย justย beside me.
He catches my upper arms and turns me toward his truck, half a block up the street.
โSo where are we going,โ I ask. โShopping.โ
โReally?โ I turn toward him, the wind whipping my hair across my face. I catch a fistful and push it out of my eyes, pinning it to my forehead. โAre we doing a makeover montage?โ
He looks down at himself. โAre you trying to tell me something here?โ โI mean, when you showed up at Story Hour yesterday, I caught Mrs.
Dekuyper looking between you and a Big Bad Wolf picture book, like she was trying to spot the difference.โ
โYeah, right,โ he says, โshe thought I was hot.โ
โYou donโt even know which one Mrs. Dekuyper was,โ I point out. โThey all thought I was hot,โ he says. โWomen of a certain age love
me.โ
โYou must remind them of when they were young,โ I say, โand Abraham Lincoln wasย Peopleโs Sexiest Man Alive.โ
He unlocks the passenger door of his truck and hauls it open with one hand, while he scratches his bearded jaw with the other. โYou think I should shave it?โ
โI think you should do whatever you want.โ I climb onto the ripped seat. โBut you think the beard is bad.โ He closes the door, the window rolled
down between us.
โI think the beard is sheer chaos,โ I say. โBut not inherentlyย bad. Itโs your face, Miles. All that matters is how you feel about it.โ
He sets his forearms atop the door. โWell, Daphne, Iโm less sure howย I
feel about it since that snarky Big Bad Wolf comment.โ
โDonโt take my opinion too seriously,โ I say. โYou already know I have terrible taste in men.โ And honestly, the beardโs growing on me. Chaos suits him. โWhere are we going shopping? Family Fare?โ
โBetter.โ He pushes the lock down, then rounds the truck and gets in. โTomโs Food Market?โ I say.
โBetter,โ he repeats.
โOh, I know!โ I cry. โMeijer.โ
He looks over, the engine starting with a sputtering cough. โDo me a favor,โ he says lightly, โand unlock your door.โ
โWhy?โ
โSo I can push you out as I peel out of this parking lot,โ he says. โYou would never,โ I say.
โI would never,โ he admits, and pulls onto the road. He turns us away from town and the water, toward the countryside.
His heartbreak playlist is still in full effect.
Or maybe heโs just put it back on to amuse me, because heย doesย seem a little more smirky than usual.
The traffic thins as we drive inland, away from the quaint downtown and the cotton-candy-colored Victorian- and Colonial Revivalโstyle resorts that line the beach.
Itโs easy to forget how secluded Waning Bay really is, when youโre inside of it, but within minutes, weโre winding into gloriously sunlit farmland.
Then, out of nowhere, weโre pulling to the side of the road. Through the dusty windshield, I spot a green-painted farm stand on the shoulder, behind which two older ladies in work pants, floral tank tops, and matching visors are hawking asparagus.
โSo to be clear,โ I say, โwhen you saidย shopping, you meantย for asparagus.โ
Miles gives me a mildly offended look. โThis,โ he says, โis just phase one.โ
I hop out, dirt kicking up under my sandals, and follow him to the stand. โWell, hello there!โ one of the ladies calls. โBack already?โ
โOf course,โ Miles says. โBarb, Lenore, this is my friend Daphne Vincent. Daphne, this is Barb Satล and Lenore Pappas.โ
โNice to meet you,โ I say.
โDaphneโs newish to town,โ Miles goes on, โand sheโs never had your asparagus before.โ
โIs that so?โ The smaller of the two women, Barb, perks up. She starts rustling through the crates. โLet me find you the best of the best.โ
โIโm sure thereโs no bad stalk to be had,โ I say.
โNo, no, of course not,โ the other woman, a head taller than the first, says, โbut Barb does have a knack for picking the best, and we want our first-timers to come back, so let her work her magic.โ
โI appreciate it,โ I say.
Lenore leans across the table. โHowโve you been holding up, honey?โ โGood,โ Miles says. โIโm good.โ
She squeezes his forearm. โYouโre a good boy, and you deserve to be happy. Donโt you forget that.โ
โThese are the ones for you.โ Barb lifts a bundle of asparagus that must contain at least twenty-seven stalks.
โOh, yeah, those look good,โ Miles agrees, holding open the tote bag he brought from the truck. She drops the asparagus in, and he slides his wallet from his pocket.
โNo, no, no,โ Barb says. โYour moneyโs no good here.โ
He shoves the ten in his hand into their tip jar to much protestation. โIt would be a crime not to pay for this.โ
โTheft, technically,โ I put in.
โYou take care of our boy,โ Lenore tells me sternly, but with a wink. โHeโs one of the good ones.โ
โIโve been picking up on that,โ I say.
They coo and fawn over him as we wave our farewells and trek back to the dirt-smeared truck, my cheeks aching from subconsciously matching their sunny smiles. As soon as weโre in the car, and out of earshot, I drop my voice to a murmur. โYou werenโt kidding about that beardโs effect on our honored elders.โ
He laughs. โNo,ย theyย hate the beard. They just like me because I spend a fuck-ton on their asparagus. And their corn, later in the season.โ
A guffaw rises out of me as we glide back onto the road. โMiles, Iโm pretty sure they wouldโve given you their entire surplus,ย andย everything in the tip jar. How much corn can one man possibly eat to earn that kind of adoration?โ
โItโs not one man,โ he says.
โDamn,โ I say. โA modern Walt Whitman.โ โNo, I mean, we source from them.โ
โWe?โ I ask.
โCherry Hill,โ he says. At my blank response, his eyes dart to the road, then to my face and back a couple more times. โIโm their buyer.โ
โWhat does that mean,โ I say.
โIt means our chef, Martรญn, makes a few different menus every season, and I get the best stuff I can find for him. So I go to the butcher, and the farm stands, and the olive oil store, and the cheesemongerโโ
โCheesemonger!โ I say. โYou have a cheesemonger on speed dial?โ
โSince itโs not 1998,โ he says, โno, I donโt have her on speed dial. But we text whenever sheโs got something special in.โ
โWow,โ I say. โWho knew I was moving in with the most well- connected man this side of Lake Michigan?โ
โProbably everyone that Iโm connected to,โ he replies. โSo, like, half of Waning Bay?โ
โSo if I was in need of, like . . . strawberry preserves.โ
โReddy Family Farm,โ he says. โBut if they are low, Drake is good too.โ โAnd if I wanted butternut squash,โ I say.
โFaith Hill Sustainable Farms,โ he says. I open my mouth and he adds, โNo connection to the country singer, sadly.โ
I frown. โToo bad.โ โI know,โ he says.
โWhat about if I needed green beans?โ I ask. โTed Ganges Green Bean Farm,โ he says.
โAnd if I needed to take out a hit on someone,โ I say.
โGill from MEATLOCKER,โ he answers, not missing a beat.
At the look on my face, a laugh rockets out of him. โItโs a joke, Daphne.
But Gill did mention he was looking for homes for a litter of kittens.โ
โIโm not sure the Cherry Hill clientele is quite that culinarily adventurous,โ I say.
โAnd lucky for them, Chef Martรญn isnโt either. Iย haveย been thinking about getting a cat, though,โ he says.
โOne more reason I should move to Maryland,โ I say. โIโm allergic.โ โThe catโs out,โ he says.
โDonโt give up your hypothetical cat for me, Miles,โ I say. โBarb and Lenore will actually kill me if I rob you of that joy.โ
โThe cat was just a pipe dream,โ he says. โAfter an infancy with Gill, thereโs no way Iโll be able to give one of those kittens the life itโs accustomed to.โ
โTrue. You donโt own enough leatherย orย have a motorcycle with a tiny sidecar and helmet.โ
โOh my god, that would be so fucking cute,โ he says, delight lighting up his deep brown eyes.
He puts on his blinker as we approach a cherry stand.
Itโs essentially a repeat of our stop at the asparagus stand, except that Barb and Lenore are replaced by Robert Sr., a portly guy in his forties, and
Rob Jr., a gangly kid whoโs anywhere between eleven and twenty-two. This time, I insist on paying for the two bags of cherries, and when we climb back into the cab of the truck, Miles looks at me expectantly, his seat belt still undone and the engine off.
โArenโt you going to try one?โ
โIs this some kind of kink for you?โ I say.
A blush hits the tops of his cheekbones, the only part not hidden by his werewolf beard. โI just want to know if you think theyโre as good as I do.โ
โOkay, okay.โ I dig around for two plump, long-stemmed cherries and hand him one. As if thereโs some invisible countdown, we hold eye contact and pop the cherries in our mouths at the same second.
Itโs sweet without being overpowering. Tart without giving that biting- down-on-metal sensation. And juicy. Juicier than any cherry Iโve ever bought in a store. So juicy that when I bite into it, sticky pink sluices out between my lips and drips down my chin.
And even thoughย not two seconds agoย I had been determined not to make a sound, an enthusiasticย mm-mmย rolls through me, followed by a โwow.โ
Grinning, Miles grabs a Big Louieโsโbranded napkin from the center console and mops up my chin before I can get cherry juice everywhere. He crumples the napkin into an empty paper cup in the cupholder, then spits out the pit from his cherry and holds the cup up for me to do the same, a strangely intimate gesture that makes my insides feel like theyโve been baking in the sun just a few minutes too long and will char if theyโre not turned over soon.
โBest cherry youโve ever had,โ Miles guesses.
โHonestly, I didnโt even know I liked cherries until right now,โ I say. He says, โThey werenโt my thing either until I moved here.โ
โWhere are you from again?โ I ask. โSorry, I forget.โ
His eyes flash away from mine. โNo, thatโs okay.โ He starts the car. โIโm from Illinois.โ
โAnd howโd you end up out here?โ I ask.
He looks over his shoulder before merging onto the road. โFollowed a girl.โ
โPetra?โ I say.
He shakes his head.
โOoooh, theย otherย girlfriend,โ I say.
โNumber one, of two,โ he confirms. โDani. Sheโs actually Chef Martรญnโs cousin. He and his husband started Cherry Hill, and he offered Dani a job in the tasting room. So she got me one too, and we moved from Chicago. Broke up a few months later. By then, I didnโt want to leave, and she did, so she moved back to the city.โ
โSo thatโs why you donโt think I should leave?โ I guess. โBecause of the one percent chance that Petra and Peter will decide to go first?โ
โI told you,โ he says. โI donโt think you should leave because I donโt want you to leave. And my happiness isย veryย important. You heard Barb and Lenore.โ
โI did,โ I say. โI remember that lyric from the second stanza of the ballad they sang about you.โ
โThat was nothing,โ he says. โWait until you meet Clarence from the lavender farm.โ
โYou are either the friendliest man on the planet,โ I say, โor a world- class serial killer.โ
โWhy not both?โ
CLARENCE CANโT BEย more than five years older than either of us, soft- spoken with curly red hair. He isnโt a farmer himself, just the attendant for the little shop in the whitewashed cottage beyond the rows of vibrant purple flowers heavily populated by bumblebees.
They sell lavenderย everything.
Lavender room spray and lemon-lavender bars of hand soap. Tea towels with dainty lavender print on them, made by a local artisan, and a plush
robe with lavender embroidered on its pockets, made by aย differentย local artisan.
But the real reason, I suspect, Miles brought me here is for the lavender shortbread and blueberry-lavender lemonade. Miles buys one cookie for each of us; Clarence deposits six into the bag.
โMaybe I should get something for Ashleigh,โ I say. โWait, maybe I should getย everythingย for her, so sheโs forced to have a lavender-themed home.โ
โI donโt know why she was so freaked out by Craigโs Phish love,โ he says, grabbing the pastry bag and his cup of lemonade and leading the way out to the patio overlooking the lavender fields. โThe man clearly knows how to commit. Thatโs aย goodย thing.โ He stops and pulls a piece of shortbread out for me, then takes one for himself.
He looks away as I bite into the shortbread, and I wonder if I actually managed to embarrass him with the kink comment. A week ago, I wouldโve thought him unembarrassable.
โHeavenly,โ I say. He is soย obviouslyย pleased that I canโt help but feel a crush of affection for him.
Itโs quickly snuffed out by a much bigger crushing sensation. Because, in the parking lot, a tall and lithely muscled man is emerging from a familiar BMW, the sun catching his neatly coiffed golden hair and sparkling emerald eyes.
They wander right past us to the shop as he trudges toward it, then backtrack abruptly right to me.
Our gazes latch.
The fluttery warmth in my stomach curdles.
Peter misses a step. For a second, it looks like heโs going to trip and skid across the sun-bleached gravel, face-first.
But heโs Peter. Nothing so ordinary as gravity could take him down. Miles tracks my gaze, right as Peter starts across the lot again.
Under his breath, Miles says, โShit.โ
Itโs bad enough that Iโm running into Peter so soon, but to run into him
here, in this place he never told me about, let aloneย broughtย me to, just feels
like a weirdly specific slap in the face.
Like a reminder that he was never that invested in whether I was happy here, whether I fell in love with this place. Like I should have been content with him and him alone, thoughย Iย could never be enough forย him.
Heโs peeling off from the path now. Striding purposefully toward us instead.
Shit, indeed.