After sleeping in the crowded barracks for the last two months, itโs weird, and oddly decadent, to have my own room. Iโll never take the luxury of privacy for granted again.
I close my door behind me as I limp into the hallway.
Rhiannonโs door, across the small hall from mine, opens and I see Sawyerโs tall, lean frame come out. He runs his fingers through his hair, and when he sees me, his eyebrows rise and he freezes-his cheeks almost as red as his freckles.
โGood morning.โ I grin.
โViolet.โ He forces an awkward smile and walks off, headed toward the main hallway of the first-year dormitory.
A couple from Second Wing holds hands as they come out of the room next to Rhiannonโs, and I offer them a smile as I lean back against my door and wait, testing my ankle by rolling it. Itโs sore, just like every time I sprain it, but the brace and my boot hold it in place well enough to keep my weight on it. If I were anywhere else, I would call for crutches, but that would just put another target on my back, and according to Xaden, I already have a big enough one as it is.
Rhiannon walks out of her room and smiles as soon as she sees me. โNo more breakfast duty?โ
โI was told last night that all the less desirable duties were being handed off to the unbonded so our energy can be redirected for flight lessons.โ Which means Iโll have to find another way to weaken my opponents before challenges. Xadenโs right. I canโt always count on taking every enemy down with poison, but Iโm not going to ignore the only advantage I have here, either.
โOne more reason for the unbonded to hate us,โ Rhiannon mutters.
โSo, Sawyer, huh, Rhi?โ We start down our hallway, passing a few other rooms before meeting up with the main corridor that leads to the rotunda. Have to say, the first-year rooms arenโt as spacious as the second-yearsโ, but at least we both got ones with windows.
A grin curves her lips. โI felt like celebrating.โ She darts a quick side-eye at me. โAnd why have I not heard of you celebrating?โ
We melt into the crowd moving toward the gathering hall. โHavenโt found anyone I want to celebrate with.โ
โReally? Because I heard that you and a certain squad leader had a moment last night.โ
My gaze whips toward hers, and I nearly stumble over my feet.
โCome on, Vi. The entire quadrant was out there, and you donโt think someone saw you?โ She rolls her eyes. โYouโre not going to get a lecture from me. Who gives a shit if itโs frowned upon to be in a relationship with a superior officer? Thereโs no regulation, and itโs not like any of us is guaranteed to live through the day.โ
โSolid points,โ I admit. โBut itโsโฆโ I shake my head, searching for the right words. โItโs not like that with us. Iโd always hoped it would be, but when he kissed me-there was nothing there. Like. Nothing.โ Itโs impossible to keep the disappointment out of my voice.
โWell, thatโs shitty to hear.โ She hooks her arm through mine. โIโm sorry.โ
โMe too.โ I sigh.
A door opens farther down the hall, and Liam Mairi walks out with his arm wrapped around the waist of another first-year who bonded a Brown Clubtail. Looks like everyone was celebrating last night except me.
โGood morning, ladies.โ Ridoc forces his way through the crowd and slings an arm around each of our shoulders as we enter the rotunda. โOr should I say, riders?โ
โI like the sound of riders,โ Rhiannon replies, shooting a smile in his direction.
โIt has a certain ring to it,โ Ridoc agrees.
โItโs definitely better than dead. Whereโs your relic?โ I ask Ridoc as we pass through the columns of carved dragons and take the steps into commons.
โRight here.โ His arm falls off my shoulders, and he shoves the sleeve of his tunic up to reveal the brown mark of a dragon silhouette on his upper arm. โYou?โ
โCanโt see it. Itโs on my back.โ
โThat will keep you safer if youโre ever separated from that massive dragon of yours.โ His eyes dance. โI swear, I thought I was going to shit myself when I saw him on the field. What about yours, Rhi?โ โSomewhere youโll never see,โ she responds.
โYou wound me.โ He slaps his hand over his heart.
โI highly doubt that,โ she retorts, but thereโs a smile on her face. We move through commons and into the gathering hall, then make our way through the line for breakfast.
Itโs odd to be on this side of it, and I startle at the sight of the guy behind the counter.
Itโs Oren.
He glares at me with a hatred that trickles like ice down my spine. I skip his station, opting for fresh fruit that I know canโt be tampered with, just in case he decides to take my approach to conflict and poison me.
โAsshole,โ Ridoc mutters behind me. โI still canโt believe they tried to kill you.โ
โI can.โ I shrug, taking my chances with a mug of apple juice. โIโm the weakest link, right? Unfortunately for me, that means people are bound to try and take me out for the good of the wing.โ We head toward the Fourth Wing section and find a table with three extra seats.
โMind if we-โ Ridoc starts.
โAbsolutely! Itโs yours!โ A couple of guys from Tail Section scurry off the bench.
โSorry, Sorrengail!โ the other says over his shoulder as they find another table, leaving this one empty.
What the hell?
โWell, that was really fucking weird.โ Rhiannon rounds the other side of the table, and I follow, putting our backs to the wall as we step over the bench and sit, setting our trays in front of us.
Iโm half tempted to give my underarms a whiff to see if I smell.
โEven weirder?โ Ridoc remarks, gesturing across the hall toward First Wing.
Following his line of sight, my eyebrows lift. Jack Barlowe is being squeezed out of his table. Heโs forced to stand as others take his seat.
โWhat the hell is going on?โ Rhiannon bites into a pear and chews.
Jack moves to another table-whose occupants wonโt make room for him -and then finds a place two tables down.
โHow the mighty have fallen,โ Ridoc notes, watching the same show I am, but thereโs no satisfaction in watching Jack struggle. Feral dogs bite harder when theyโre cornered.
โHey, Sorrengail,โ the stocky girl from First Wing I beat in my second challenge says with a tight smile as she walks past our table.
โHi.โ I wave awkwardly as she walks away, then turn to whisper to Ridoc and Rhiannon. โShe hasnโt spoken to me since I took one of her daggers in that challenge.โ
โItโs because you bonded Tairn.โ Imogen blows her pink hair out of her face and throws her leg over the bench across from us to sit, pushing up the sleeves of her tunic and revealing her rebellion relic. โThe morning after Threshing is always a clusterfuck. Power balance shifts, and you, little
Sorrengail, are now about to be the most powerful rider in the quadrant. Anyone with common sense is going to be scared of you.โ
I blink, my pulse elevating. Is that whatโs going on? I look around the hall and take note. Social groups have split up, and some of the cadets I would have considered threats are no longer sitting where they usually do.
โWhich is why youโre now sitting with us?โ Rhiannon arches a brow at the second-year. โBecause I can count on one hand the number of nice words youโve said to any of us.โ She holds up a fist with zero fingers raised.
Quinn-the tall second-year in our squad who hasnโt bothered to so much as look our way since Parapet-takes a seat next to Imogen, and Sawyer arrives, sitting on Rhiannonโs other side. Quinn tucks her blond curls behind her ears and brushes her bangs out of her eyes, her round cheeks rising as she smiles at something Imogen says. Have to admit, the hooped piercings that line the shells of both her ears are pretty awesome, and among her half dozen patches, itโs the dark-green one-the same color as her eyes-with two silhouettes thatโs most intriguing. I should have studied up on what all the patches mean, but according to what Iโve heard, they change every year.
Iโm personally a fan of the first ones weโve been given. I had to sew the flame-shaped patch with the emblem for Fourth Wing and the centered, reddish number two with great care, being sure to only stitch the fabric of my corseted armor, since itโs not like any needle is going to penetrate the scales.
My favorite patch, though, is the one beside the Flame Section one. Weโre the squad to have the most surviving members since Parapet, this yearโs Iron Squad.
โYou werenโt interesting enough to sit with before,โ Imogen responds, then bites into a muffin.
โI usually sit with my girlfriend in Claw Section. Besides, no use getting to know you when most of you die,โ Quinn adds, tucking her curls away
again, just to have them spring forward. โNo offense.โ โNone taken?โ I start on my apple.
I nearly spit it out when Heaton and Emery, the only third-years in our squad, flank Imogen and Quinn on the bench across from us.
The only people weโre missing are Dain and Cianna, who are eating with leadership as usual.
โI thought Seifert would bond,โ Heaton says to Emery across the table, as though weโve caught them mid-discussion. The normally red flames in their hair are green today. โOther than losing to Sorrengail, he nailed every challenge.โ
โHe tried to kill Andarna.โ Shit. Maybe I should have kept that to myself.
Every head at the table turns toward me.
โMy guess would be that Tairn told the others.โ I shrug.
โBut Barlowe bonded?โ Ridoc questions. โThough from what Iโve heard, his Orange Scorpiontail is on the smaller side.โ
โShe is,โ Quinn confirms. โWhich is why heโs struggling this morning.โ
โDonโt worry-Iโm sure heโll make up for his lack of social standing in other ways,โ Rhiannon mutters, her gaze narrowing on my tray. โYou have to have some protein, Vi. You canโt just survive on fruit.โ
โItโs the only food I can be sure isnโt tampered with, especially with Oren behind the counter.โ I busy myself with peeling an orange.
โOh, for fuckโs sake.โ Imogen scrapes three pieces of sausage onto my plate. โSheโs right. Youโre going to need all your strength to ride, especially with a dragon as big as Tairn.โ
I stare at the sausage. Imogen hates me just as much as Oren does. Hell, sheโs the one who broke my arm and ripped out my shoulder on assessment day.
โYou can trust her,โ Tairn says, and I startle, dropping the orange.
โShe hates me.โ
โStop arguing with me and eat something.โ Thereโs zero room for debate in his tone.
My gaze rises to meet Imogenโs, and she tilts her head, staring back in challenge.
I use my fork to cut the link, then pop it into my mouth and chew, focusing on the conversation at the table again.
โWhatโs your signet?โ Rhiannon asks Emery.
Air rushes down the table, rattling the glasses. Air manipulation. Got it. โThatโs epic.โ Ridocโs eyes widen. โHow much air can you move?โ โNone of your business.โ He barely spares him a glance.
โSorrengail, after class is out today, youโre mine,โ Imogen says.
I swallow my current bite. โIโm sorry?โ
Her pale green eyes lock on mine. โMeet me in the sparring gym.โ โIโm already working with her on sparring-โ Rhiannon starts.
โGood. We canโt afford her to lose any challenges,โ Imogen retorts. โBut Iโm going to help you with weights. We need to strengthen the muscles around your joints before challenges resume. Thatโs the only way youโll survive.โ
The hairs rise on the back of my neck. โAnd since when do you care about my survival?โ This isnโt a squad thing. It canโt be. Not when she didnโt give a shit before.
โSince now,โ she says, gripping her fork in her fist, but itโs the lightningfast glance toward the dais at the end of the hall that gives her away. Her concern isnโt coming from the goodness of her heart. Something tells me itโs an order. โSquads are about to be condensed at morning formation. Weโll be down to two in every section,โ she continues. โAetos kept the highest number of his first-years alive-hence the patch-so heโll be allowed to retain his squad, but weโll probably gain a few when they strip the squads from those who werenโt as successful.โ
As discreetly as I can, I look to my right, past the other Fourth Wing tables and to the dais where Xaden sits with his executive officer and the section leaders, including Garrick, whose shoulders look like they should take up at least two seats. Itโs Garrick who looks my way first, his forehead lining withโฆ What is that? Worry? Then he looks away.
The only reason heโd be remotely worried-he knows. He knows my fate is tethered to Xadenโs.
My gaze snaps to Xaden, and my chest tightens. So. Freaking. Beautiful. Apparently my body doesnโt care that heโs as dangerous as they come in the quadrant, because heat rushes through my veins, flushing my skin.
Heโs using a dagger to peel an apple, removing the rind in one long curl, and the blade continues its path as his eyes lift, locking with mine.
My whole head tingles.
Gods, is there any part of my body that doesnโt physically react to the sight of him?
He glances toward Imogen and back to me, and thatโs all it takes for me to know for certain. Heโs ordered her to help train me. Xaden Riorson is now in the business of keeping his mortal enemy alive.
โฆ
A few hours later, after the squads are rearranged and the death roll is read, all the first-year riders in Fourth Wing stand in our newly issued flight leathers, waiting in front of our dragons on the flight field. The uniform is thicker than our usual one, with a full jacket Iโve buttoned over my dragonscale armor.
And unlike our regular uniforms, whatever we choose them to be, flight leathers bear no insignia besides our rank at our shoulder and any leadership designation. No names. No patches. Nothing that could give us away if weโre separated from our dragons behind enemy lines. Just a lot of sheaths for weapons.
I try not to think about possibly fighting in the war effort one day and focus on the organized chaos evolving on the flight field this morning. I canโt miss the way the other cadets look at Tairn or the wide berth the other dragons give him. Honestly, if I had those teeth bared at me, Iโd back away, too.
โNo you wouldnโt, because you didnโt. You stayed and defended Andarna.โ His voice fills my head, and I can tell from his tone there are places heโd rather be.
โOnly because there was a lot going on at the moment,โ I respond.
โAndarna isnโt coming this morning?โ
โShe has no need for flight lessons when she canโt bear you.โ
โGood point.โ Though it would have been nice to see her. Sheโs quieter in my head, too, not as meddlesome as Tairn.
โI heard that. Now pay attention.โ
I roll my eyes but focus on what Kaori is saying from the center of the field. His hand is up, using common lesser magic to project his voice so we can all hear.
God help us when Ridoc figures out how to do that. I bite back a smile, knowing heโll find some way to annoy the shit out of every rider in the quadrant, not just his squad.
โโฆand at only ninety-two riders, you are our smallest class to date.โ
My shoulders dip. โI thought a hundred and one were willing to bond, plus you?โ
โWilling doesnโt mean they found worthy riders,โ Tairn answers.
โAnd yet two of you chose me?โ With forty-one unbonded? Thatโs quite the insult.
โYouโre worthy. At least I think you are, but you apparently donโt pay attention in class.โ He chuffs and a warm puff of steam blasts the back of my neck.
โThere are forty-one unbonded riders who would kill to be standing where you are,โ Kaori continues. โAnd your dragons know that your bond is at its weakest point right now, so if you fall, if you fail, thereโs a good chance your dragon might let you if it thinks the unbonded will be a better choice.โ
โComforting,โ I mutter.
Tairn makes a noise that reminds me of a scoff.
โNow, weโre going to mount, then follow a series of specific maneuvers your dragons already know. Your orders are simple today. Stay in your seat,โ Kaori finishes. Then he turns and breaks into a sprint, racing the dozen feet toward his dragonโs foreleg and making the vertical climb to mount.
Just like the last obstacle on the Gauntlet.
I swallow, wishing I hadnโt eaten so much for breakfast, and turn to face
Tairn. To my left and right, other riders are doing the same mounting maneuver. Thereโs no way I can pull that off normally, let alone with my ankle still healing.
Tairn dips his shoulder and makes his leg into a ramp for me.
Defeat just about swallows me whole. Iโve bonded the biggest-and certainly grumpiest-dragon in the quadrant, and yet he has to make accommodations for me.
โTheyโre accommodations for me. Iโve seen your memories. Iโm not about to have you sticking daggers into my leg to climb up. Now letโs go.โ
I snort but make the ascent, shaking my head as I navigate his spikes to find the seat. My thighs ache from yesterday, and I wince as I get into position, gripping the pommel of scales.
Kaoriโs dragon launches into the sky.
โHold tight.โ
I feel the same bands of energy clamp around my legs, and Tairn crouches a millisecond before he hurls us skyward.
The wind tears at my eyes as my stomach falls away, and I risk holding on with one hand to lower my flight goggles. Immediate relief.
โWe had to go second?โ I ask Tairn as we fly out of the canyon and higher into the mountain range. I get it now, why I didnโt see the dragons training often even though Iโve basically grown up at Basgiath. The only people around us are other riders. โEveryone is going to see when I slide right off.โ
โI only agreed to follow Smachd because his rider is your instructor.โ
โSo youโre an in-front kind of guy. Good to know. Remind me to spend some time at temple so I can make multiple appeals to Dunne.โ I keep my focus on Kaori, watching for when the maneuvers will start.
โThe goddess of strength and war?โ Tairn clearly scoffs this time.
โWhat, dragons donโt think we need the gods on our side?โ Shit, itโs cold up here. My gloved hands tighten on the pommel.
โDragons pay no heed to your puny gods.โ
Kaori banks right, and Tairn follows suit, leading us into a steep dive down the face of one of the peaks. I clench with my legs, but I know itโs Tairn keeping me in the seat.
He holds me there through another climb and even a near-spiral of a turn, and I canโt help but notice that heโs taking everything Kaori is doing and making it harder.
โYou canโt hold me here the entire time, you know.โ
โWatch me. Unless youโd rather be scraped off the glacier below like Gleannโs rider back there?โ
I whip my head around to look, but all I see is Tairnโs tail swinging, his massive spikes blocking the view.
โDonโt look.โ
โWe already lost a rider?โ My throat knots.
โGleann chose poorly. He never bonds strongly anyway.โ Oh. My. God.
โIf you keep holding me like this, your energy will go into keeping me on instead of channeling when we need power for battle,โ I argue.
โItโs a minuscule amount of my power.โ
How the hell am I supposed to be a rider if I canโt stay on my damn dragon by myself?
โHave it your way.โ
The bands fall away.
โThank yoooooh shit!โ He banks left and my thighs slip. My hands slide. I skid right off his side, my fingers fumbling for purchase and finding none.
Rushing air fills my ears as I plummet toward the glacier, raw fear gripping my heart and squeezing like a vise. The shape of a body below grows bigger and bigger.
Iโm yanked upward as Tairnโs claws catch me, harnessing me just like he did during Threshing. He climbs high, then tosses me again, but at least Iโm prepared for impact this time as his back rises to meet my falling bottom.
Thereโs a disgusted roar of something I donโt understand in my head.
โWhat the hell does that mean?โ I scramble for the seat and get myself into position as he flies level.
โThe closest translation for humans is probably โfor fuckโs sake.โ Now. Are you going to stay in your seat this time?โ He dips back into formation, and I manage to stay on.
โI have to be able to do this by myself. We both need me to do this,โ I argue.
โStubborn silver human,โ Tairn mutters, following Kaori into a dive.
I fall again.
And again.
And again.
โฆ
Later that evening, after dinner, I make my way to the sparring gym. Everything hurts from how many times I slid off Tairnโs back, and Iโm pretty sure there are bruises under my arms from him catching me.
Iโm through the rotunda and crossing into the academic wing when I hear
Dain calling my name, jogging to catch up with me.
I wait for that familiar swell of happiness that we might have a minute alone, but it doesnโt come. Instead, thereโs a sea of awkwardness that I donโt know how to navigate.
What the hell is wrong with me? Dain is gorgeous and kind and a really, really good man. Heโs honorable and my very best friend. So why donโt we have any chemistry?
โRhiannon said you were headed this way,โ he says once he reaches my side, concern knitting his brow.
โIโm going to work out.โ I force a smile as we turn the corner where the gym is just ahead of us, the large arched doors open.
โYou didnโt get enough during flight today?โ He touches my shoulder and stops, so I do, too, pivoting to face him in the empty hallway.
โI definitely fell enough today.โ I check the bandage on my arm. At least I didnโt tear open my stitches.
His jaw works. โI honestly thought youโd be all right once Tairn chose you.โ
โAnd I will be,โ I assure him, my voice rising. โI just need to strengthen my muscles to stay seated through maneuvers, and Tairn insists on making everything harder than what Kaori is doing.โ
โFor your own good.โ
โAre you always around?โ I snap back mentally.
โYes. Get used to it.โ
I fight the urge to growl at the intrusive, overbearing-
โStill here.โ
โViolet?โ Dain asks.
โSorry, Iโm not used to Tairn butting into my thoughts.โ
โItโs a good sign. Means your bond is strengthening. And honestly, Iโm not sure why heโs giving you a hard time with maneuvers. Itโs not like thereโs any aerial threat out there besides gryphons, and we all know one breath of fire means those birds are goners. Tell him to ease up on you.โ โTell him to mind his own business.โ
โIโllโฆuhโฆdo that.โ I bite back a laugh. โTake it easy on him. Heโs my best friend.โ
Tairn snorts.
A sigh rips from Dainโs lips, and he palms my face gently, his gaze dropping to my lips for a heartbeat before he steps back. โLook. About last nightโฆโ
โThe part where you told me Xaden would get me killed if I bonded Tairn? Or the part where you kissed me?โ I fold my arms across my chest, careful with my right.
โThe kiss,โ he admits, his voice lowering. โItโฆit never should have happened.โ
Relief courses through me. โRight?โ I crack a smile. Thank gods he feels the same way. โAnd it doesnโt mean weโre not friends.โ
โThe best of friends,โ he agrees, but his eyes are heavy with a sadness I donโt understand. โAnd itโs not that I donโt want you-โ
โWhat?โ My eyebrows rise. โWhat are you saying?โ Are our wires somehow crossed?
โIโm saying the same thing you are.โ Two lines appear between his brows. โItโs incredibly frowned upon to have a physical relationship with anyone in our chain of command.โ
โOh.โ Yeah, that definitely isnโt what Iโm saying.
โAnd you know how hard Iโve worked to be a squad leader. Iโm determined to be a wingleader next year, and as much as you mean to meโฆโ He shakes his head.
Oh. This is all about politics for him. โRight.โ I nod slowly. โI get it.โ It shouldnโt matter that the only reason he isnโt pursuing me is rank, and it honestly doesnโt. But it definitely makes me lose a little respect for him, which is something I never expected.
โAnd maybe next year, if youโre in a different wing, or even after graduation,โ he starts, hope lighting up his eyes.
โSorrengail, letโs go. I am not sitting around all night,โ Imogen calls from the doorway, her arms folded across her chest. โIf our squad leader is done with you, that is.โ
Dain rears back, glancing between Imogen and me. โSheโs training you?โ โShe offered.โ I shrug.
โSquad loyalty and all that. Blah, blah.โ Imogen offers a smile that doesnโt reach her eyes. โDonโt worry. Iโll take good care of her. Bye, Aetos.โ
I toss Dain a quick smile and walk away, refusing to look over my shoulder to see if heโs still there. She quickly follows after me, then leads me toward the corner on the left where glass meets stone and pushes open a door Iโve never taken the time to notice before.
The room is lit with mage lights and full of a variety of wooden machinery with racks and ropes and pulleys, benches with levers, and bars attached to the wall.
And on the other side, doing push-ups on a mat, is one of the first-year Tyrs I saw in the woods that night, Garrick crouched down next to her, urging her on.
โDonโt worry, Sorrengail,โ Imogen coos in a saccharine-sweet tone. โThereโs only three of us in here. Youโre perfectly safe.โ
Garrick turns, his gaze meeting mine even as he continues calling off reps for the other first-year. He nods once, then goes back to his task.
โYouโre the only one I worry about,โ I say as she leads me to a machine with a polished wooden seat and two cushioned squares that meet in front of it at knee height.
She laughs, and I think itโs the first genuine sound Iโve heard her make. โFair point. Since we canโt work that ankle of yours or your arms until they heal, weโre going to start with the most important muscles you have for staying on a dragon.โ She glances down my body and sighs with obvious distaste. โThose weak-ass inner thighs.โ
โYouโre only doing this because Xaden is making you, right?โ I ask, parking my ass in the seat of the machine with the cushioned wood between my knees as she makes adjustments.
Her eyes meet mine and narrow. โRule number one. Heโs Riorson to you, first-year, and you never get to question me about him. Ever.โ
โThatโs two rules.โ Iโm starting to think my first guess about them is right. With that kind of fierce loyalty, they have to be lovers.
I am not jealous. Nope. That pit of ugliness spreading inside my chest isnโt jealousy. It canโt be.
She scoffs and pulls a lever that puts immediate tension on the wood, and they rush outward, separating my thighs. โNow get to work. Push them back together. Thirty reps.โ