Waking up this morning feels like I am digging myself out of a grave.
It takes me two hours to get ready. I have to redo my makeup about three times because I keep breaking down halfway through. I miss Alec. When I woke up, I checked my phone, but not a single call or text. But Alec has always been respectful, whether it was to be held for hours, or given some space, he was always there for me however I needed him to be.
Grabbing my powder-blue pantsuit, I get dressed in a haze. With one last look in the mirror, I grab my purse with my marketing plan for The Crooked Spine and head out the door.
Charlotte doesn’t work at Fireflies until tonight, so she volunteered to watch Jack while I’m gone. I need to visit my mom today too.
I saw a voice mail from the missed call last night. I ignored it because I’m sure it’s a verbatim message of the other messages they’ve left in the past.
The Crooked Spine is only about four blocks from the house, so at least I don’t have too much time to get trapped in my thoughts while I drive.
Walking up to the beautiful brick building, I pause before heading inside. This could be the start of a change for the better for Jack and me. And I can’t let what’s going on with Alec ruin that.
Taking a deep breath, I do my best to leave all my pain and heartache at the door.
I’m immediately greeted by one of the workers. She offers a polite smile. “Hey, how can I help you?”
I smile back. “I’m here for a meeting with Mr. Corwin.”
Her arm gestures to the back of the shop. “Mr. Corwin is waiting for you in our main conference room, right past our YA section.”
The Crooked Spine also hosts other business meetings. Their conference rooms are always available to be rented out.
“Thank you,” I reply and walk straight ahead with a little bit of hope sneaking back into my body.
The door is open, and I walk in. Darius is sitting at the table along with a woman I don’t recognize.
He rises when he sees me. “Laura, just the woman I wanted to see.”
My customer-service persona kicks in. “Well, I sure hope so! Been working my butt off for you.”
He laughs and gestures to the seat across from them. “Well then, let’s get started. Oh, this is Alyssa, the store manager of sales of this location. We want to test out your plans here, and then depending on the results, we would like to push it into all stores by the end of the year.”
Holy shit.
No one ever said anything about going nationwide with my work.
I take a seat, my hands shaking a little, and start setting out my plans.
Once I feel organized and comfortable, I begin to tell him everything I’ve come up with.
I walk them through my marketing campaign. Starting next month, we should set TikTok-trending tables in every store. I also tell them this might be productive with any other socials that are blowing up as well.
Then, I share my ideas about working with indie authors and how this is a group of authors with immense followers and readers, who are often skipped over in corporate stores.
I suggest setting up a schedule with author signings and spotlighting an indie author every month.
By the time I finish my presentation, I have the biggest smile on my face. And both Darius and Alyssa give me a standing ovation, which feels a little silly, as they’re the only people in the room.
The high of the presentation quickly fades as I walk outside. The reality of Alec being gone crashes through me again.
I thought I could handle hurting him for a short while, but I wasn’t ready for it to crush my soul.
I fumble with my keys as I unlock my door, my vision blurring from the tears welling.
I don’t think I can do this. I think I have to tell Alec. I need to call him, to hear his voice, to soothe the burn in my chest.
I reach for my phone and scroll through my Contacts to his number and hover over the Call button.
My heart is begging me to press it, but I’m afraid that my heart might lose this battle. I can’t be selfish enough to take his entire life’s work away
from him even if he might be selfless enough to lose it all for us.
I lock my phone and chuck it behind me, hearing it smack the backseat.
If I can’t have Alec right now, I will go to my next best listener—my mom. I would give anything to hear her voice right now.
The last time I met with the doctors, they said that with each day, it’s less likely that she’ll wake up. But I refuse to accept the fact that she’ll be gone one day.
My mom is my best friend, and she’s the only one I want to talk to right now.
 |
“Laura! Get in here!” my mom hollered from the kitchen.
I rolled my eyes and dragged myself and my swollen ankles over the worn carpet. And when I turned the corner to the kitchen, tears stung the backs of my eyes.
She had her arms gesturing to the counter filled with all sorts of stuff for Jack—a car seat, bottles, diapers, clothes, bibs, blankies, socks, and a framed photo of his most recent ultrasound.
My hand found my parted lips, but it did nothing to stop the whimpers that came from it.
“Oh, honey. I didn’t mean to make you cry.” My mom rushed toward me and embraced me as best she could with the giant bump between us.
An alien sensation gushed between my legs, and I could feel wetness soaking through my leggings.
“M-Mom.” My eyes went wide.
She pulled back, hearing my concern. “What’s wrong?”
I couldn’t find the words, my fear overwhelming me. I just looked down, my mouth hanging open.
She squinted her eyes and then reached out and touched my leg, feeling the moisture that had saturated my black leggings. “Oh! Oh my gosh. Okay. I’ll grab the go bag, and you get in the car.” She turned and then spun back around with her finger in the air. “You change. I’ll grab the bag, and then we’ll go. Time to meet little Jack.”
She reached out and kissed my forehead, and I remained frozen.
She took a step to turn and noticed I hadn’t moved. “Laura, what are you doing? We’ve got to go.”
My breathing quickened, and my heart rate was skyrocketing. “Mom … Mom, I can’t do this. I can’t have a baby. I’m not ready. I—”
She grabbed my face in her hands, pulling all of my attention to her. “You listen to me. You are so strong, Laura. No one ever feels ready when this moment comes—no one. It’s scary—you’re bringing life into this world. But you are ready, baby. I have watched you grow into an incredible woman these last nine months, and that little boy is going to have the best mother anyone could ask for. We don’t have time to prepare for the greatest moments; they just simply find us when we need them most.”
I nodded, my nerves still eating me alive, but her words began to sink in.
She took my hand in hers, and eighteen hours later, I got to kiss my baby boy for the first time.
|
I slam my car into park and fly out of it, speed-walking into the building, my hands needing to feel hers again. I nod and smile, going through the motions that I have become so accustomed to with the staff. But they must have had a bad day because they all look sadder than normal.
I smash the elevator button once inside and take a quick ride to her floor. Once the doors open, my muscles guide me to her room, purely from memory. But when I turn the handle on her door and push it open, the room is empty. And it’s not just my mom that’s missing. All of the flowers, all of
the cards, the pictures Jack colored for her, everything, it’s all gone.
I turn around to head to the nurses’ station to ask where she was moved when I spot Angie, and a sense of warmth settles into me.
But it fades as fast as it came. Because Angie isn’t her usual bubbly self as she’s walking my way, slightly behind Dr. Mercer—one of my mom’s doctors. She doesn’t have a smile plastered across her face. She has her hands locked together in front of her. And she’s struggling to meet my eyes.
She opens her mouth, and when she speaks, the six words I hoped I would never hear fall from her lips, and I feel the cold rush of all color draining from my face. “Can we go somewhere to talk?”
