Oh God. All color drains from my face. “You told him, Josh? Seriously?”
My shock is beginning to grow into anger—no, fury.
Josh steps fully out of the doorframe, pulling the door shut behind him. “Laura, I’m sorry. He straight-up asked me. He’s a smart kid—you know that. And he literally had a picture of you guys from high school. It didn’t take me telling him for him to figure it out.”
This isn’t how this was supposed to go. It was our choice to figure out how to tell him, if and when we were ready.
My anger is boiling. It needs an outlet, and it finds its target.
I grab his shirt collar and pull him down to my level. “How could you let this happen, Josh? This shouldn’t have happened. It shouldn’t have happened today and especially not with you. Don’t you think it would have been a lot better, coming from his actual mom and dad?”
I slam my eyes shut, and my heart aches, knowing I’ve gone too far. Josh has always looked at Jack almost like a son. He watches him when I’m busy, takes him to school, and picks him up when I can’t. And he always makes sure he is available for anything Jack needs.
He yanks back out of my grasp, pursing his lips. “Nice, Laura. Thanks.” Josh turns on his heels, heading back inside.
“Josh! I’m sorry!”
Josh and I will be okay. I’m just too overwhelmed right now.
Alec’s hand finds my back. My eyes begin to burn. I hate confrontation, especially when I have no idea it’s coming.
I knew the second those words left my mouth that I had gone too far. Josh and Charlotte are my rocks. I have no idea where I’d be today if I didn’t have them in my corner.
Alec begins lightly rubbing my back. “Lu?”
Turning to him, I push back the feelings wanting to break free. “I’m okay.”
He slides his hand over my cheek, cupping my jaw. I settle into the strength his simple touch gives me.
“What do you want to do?”
I know he’s talking about Jack. The problem is that I have no fucking idea. I thought I had time. Time to figure it out, ease him into it. Not show up after visiting Mom and not having a say in how it played out.
I let out the huge sigh that’s been building in my chest. “I don’t know, but let’s head in.”
Alec furrows his brows. “Do you know what you’re doing?” He offers me his hand.
I lock my fingers with his. “No fucking clue.”
Alec opens the door for us, and I take the lead. I was so not prepared for this to be happening so soon. I mean, Alec and I still have a lot to talk about. We haven’t made anything official yet, and he’s only here on tour right now. I did not want Jack to know unless there was no doubt about us getting back together for good. I don’t want his heart getting broken too.
When we walk in, the downstairs is empty. Josh is probably in his room, hating me. Charlotte’s at the club, doing prep for tonight. And I imagine Jack is in his room, hoping his dream of Alec moving in will come true.
When I turn and go up the stairs, my heart is pounding. This is the exact type of moment when I need my mom. I need her to tell me what to do, how to handle this. I need her to wrap her arms around me, kiss my cheek, and tell me it will all be okay.
But she’s not here to do any of that, and I’ve never missed her more. Jack’s door is closed, so I knock.
“Come in!” Jack shouts, seemingly far from the door, probably lying on his bed.
I take one last deep breath before opening the door. “Hey, buddy.”
Jack jumps up from his bed, Legos flying onto the floor from him flinging his blanket off him. He runs over, his arms spread wide.
I bend down and embrace him in a hug, standing up with him in my arms.
He leans back, and I run my fingers through his soft hair. “We have to talk, bud, okay?”
Jack’s eyes drop to the floor. “Is it about what I talked to Josh about?” I nod. “Come on. Let’s go sit downstairs.”
I have a weird sense of calm, walking back down the stairs. I don’t know how to explain it. I just trust that I’m here, doing my best, and I will just know what to say in the moment.
Having Jack so young was terrifying, and I have always been scared that I’m doing the wrong thing. But if I’ve learned anything from being a mom, it is that you will never know everything, you will never have the perfect solution, and the only thing you can do is your absolute best.
I set Jack down on the couch, sitting him to my left with Alec on my right. Jack is still avoiding my eye contact.
But then he turns to me, leans up, and whispers in my ear, “Are you mad at me, Mommy?”
I instantly cup his cheeks in my hands, locking eyes with him. “Oh, honey. No, no, no. I’m not mad at all, not at all.”
“Promise?” The concern in his eyes breaks my heart.
“Yes, baby, I promise.” I give him a kiss before releasing his precious little face. “Now, I know you found the old photos in my closet, and I know what you and Josh talked about. And Josh told you the truth. Alec is your dad, Jack.” I rub my thumb over his tiny fingers. “I know this is probably all confusing. Your dad and I were young when I got pregnant with you. It was scary and hard because I didn’t know how to be a mom. And then your dad moved away, and he never knew about you … until now.”
“But why didn’t you tell him?” Jack interrupts me.
“It’s a long story, bud. But he’s here now, and he wants to be a part of your life.” I look at Alec, hoping that he feels that way.
His face says it all. His nose is flaring as he attempts to hold back the tears I can see are trying to fall.
Alec gets off the couch and kneels in front of Jack, taking his other hand. “I’m sorry, Jack. I wish I could’ve been here for you your whole life. I wish I could’ve seen you take your first steps, celebrated every birthday, watched you open your first Christmas present, dropped you off on your first day of school.” His voice breaks. “I wish I’d never left your mom. I wish I’d never left you.”
A lump grows in my throat at his words, making me fall for him all over again. “But you’re here now.”
“Does that mean I can call you Dad? I’ve always wanted one of those.” Jack’s smile is beginning to form.
Alec looks to me, his head cocked to the side in a silent plea.
How can I possibly say no after that speech? I nod.
He turns his attention back to Jack as the first tear rolls down his cheek. “I would love that.”
Jack’s smile expands, looking too big for his face. I haven’t seen him smile like that since before Mom was sick.
Jack stands up, placing his hands on Alec’s shoulders. “Okay, Dad.” He says it almost in a joking voice.
I know the two will be best friends. Jack is so much like his father that I sometimes wonder what he got from me.
Feeling a weight lift off my chest from this conversation being over, I stand up. “How about I go get dinner started, and you guys hang out here?”
Jack hops off the couch and runs to his toy bin. “Okay, Mom!”
I am heading into the kitchen when Alec whistles. I turn around, and he raises his palm to his mouth and blows me a kiss. I dramatically jump in the air, catching it and smacking it to my lips. He chuckles and then turns to Jack, and I turn around, leaving my son to play with his dad for the first time.
I finish making the sauce when my phone chimes. Picking it up, I see it’s an email from The Crooked Spine.
Laura,
We are so excited to have you start with us. Mrs. Lang has shown us some of your work, and we are thoroughly impressed.
Next time you are in her class, fill out the paperwork. She has it.
Have a great evening. Darius Corwin
Owner of The Crooked Spine
I can barely contain my smile as I close the email. Mrs. Lang is my hero for getting me this job. It’s exactly what I want to do. I want to manage the marketing and social media of a company.
Not a lot in my life has ever gone to plan. I definitely didn’t plan on getting pregnant. I didn’t imagine raising my son alone. I never thought I
would almost lose my mom when she had her stroke. I never expected to see Alec again.
Don’t get me wrong. Jack is my light. He is the love of my life and all I will ever need.
But it definitely hasn’t been easy.
I worked hard to keep bills paid and food on the table. I spent the last three years in school working as hard as I possibly could to get my education and to succeed in all my classes. And for the first time in a long time, my effort is being noticed; I’m being seen.
I lock my phone and get back to the task at hand—dinner. I strain the noodles and add them to the pan, mixing it in with the zucchini and sauce. I plate it in our sturdy black plastic bowls that I got from Target.
I call out to my boys, “Dinner’s ready!”
Jack’s pitter-patter gets louder, and he barrels into the kitchen, straight to the dining table. “Thanks, Mom!”
Alec walks in behind him, and I just stop. I stop thinking about all the negatives in my life, and I focus on this, taking a mental screenshot.
Alec walking into my kitchen to sit down and have dinner with our son and me is almost surreal.
It feels like after all these years, he’s finally come home.
