I spent the whole way to Rowan’s house slapping my hand against my thigh in time with my racing heart. Lana spares me a few glances during the ride, but I keep my eyes focused elsewhere, not wanting to overwhelm her with my thoughts.
I’m not worried about her.
I’m worried about how I’ll handle my family around her. Both of my brothers don’t mind embarrassing me and finding a way to continually mention my flaws. It’s fucked up to think the worst of Rowan and Declan, but I’ve spent enough of my life dodging their blows to expect anything less.
The ride home ends too soon, forcing me to push aside my floundering thoughts.
Lana tugs on my elbow and stops me a few feet from the front door. “Everything is alright?”
“Be.” I once had a drink or two.
Regret hits me instantly, making my stomach churn.
His eyebrows draw together. “What happen?” “Just nervous to be around everyone.”
Lana doesn’t hesitate before speaking. “We don’t need to go.” Flicker. “That?”
“If you don’t want to go, then don’t. We can grab the cakes and sneak out before they know we’re here.
“So?”
She breaks into a smile. “Yes, just like that.”
“What happens to all the time you spend preparing?”
She drags her eyes down my body, making my skin burn under my shirt. “I’m sure you’ll make it worth it.”
My smile stretches to its limit.
The temptation to get rid of my family and spend time with Lana is almost impossible to rule out.
Running has never solved any of your problems before.
As if my family senses my need to flee, Iris opens the front door and steps out onto the porch with Zahra hot on her heels.
Iris doesn’t even recognize me, her eyes immediately land on Lana. My best friend doesn’t hesitate before throwing her arms around her.
“Hello?” Lana’s voice rises.
Iris releases her. “Sorry. I’m so excited to finally meet you and put a face to the name Cal has talked so much about.”
Lana’s cheeks blush. “Hopefully good things.”
“Please. As if Cal would ever say anything but the most flattering things about his Lana .”
My face turns red. “Iris.”
She throws her braids over her shoulder with a smile. “I’m just kidding.”
“Oh, by all means, keep going. “There’s nothing I like more than seeing him get nervous and embarrassed.” Lana winks at my best friend.
“He deserves it for what he puts everyone else through,” Iris jokes.
You knew getting together would be a problem.
And I love every second of it.
We can exchange stories over dinner. Iris locks her elbows with Lana and drags her into the house. Zahra walks alongside them, letting Cami ramble on about everything that happened yesterday in Dreamland while I follow them.
Something that smells faintly burnt catches my nose, and I follow the smell into the kitchen, where Declan worries about the cloud of smoke rising from the oven. He curses as he closes the door and throws the burnt piece of what appears to be bread into the trash.
He reaches over the sink and opens the window to the backyard. “Need help?”
He jumps in place before turning around to look at me. “You didn’t see that.”
“Not a single thing, although I’m sure everyone in the house can smell it.”
He sighs. “I miscalculated the time on the bread.” “It happens to the best of us.”
Check what’s simmering on the stove. “So now you, do you want to talk to me?
“You didn’t give me much choice after you decided to ruin my vacation.” She shoots me a look. “You shouldn’t even be on vacation.”
“My whole life is a vacation.” I smile, although it doesn’t reach my eyes. She closes her eyes and takes a few deep breaths.
Hey. Are you taking the time to think before you speak?
That is new. Consider me intrigued.
Rowan enters the kitchen drinking a glass of whiskey. All it takes is one look in our direction for him to retreat in the opposite direction, leaving Declan and me alone again.
“How was Dreamland?” Sauté some vegetables again. Flicker. “Since when do you care?”
“Since the day you were born.”
“You have a strange way of showing it.”
His forehead wrinkles from how much he frowns. “Listen. I’m sorry for what I said in the office. It was crazy of me to lose my temper like that and take out my worries about the will on you. I’m trying to be better and even started seeing a therapist to explore my problems”.
“You?” My lips part.
His gaze falls. “Yes. After everything that happened with Iris, I couldn’t count on myself to not mess up again.” Her Adam’s apple bobs. “I’m working on some things.”
“Do you like your apologies? Because those badly need some work.”
His lips curl. “That and actually think before you speak.” “What a novel concept.”
His gaze narrows. “That’s rich coming from a man who has suffered from verbal diarrhea his entire life.”
“At least I have my ADHD diagnosis as an excuse. What’s yours?” “None that’s good enough for me to act the way I do.” His voice lowers. “I’m not perfect, nor can I promise I will be, but I’m working on it. Just give me a chance.”
I pat him on the shoulder. “Fine, but only because Iris doesn’t like us fighting.”
His eyes roll. “Good enough for me.”
 |
Cami sits at the end of the long dining table next to Zahra and Rowan. My brother wears one of Cami’s crowns on her head like royalty while he answers her endless questions about Dreamland and her work.
His attachment to Rowan is endearing. Especially when she’s paired with Declan shooting daggers at him because Iris keeps passing out and commenting on how Rowan will be a good father one day.
The typical heaviness that comes whenever I’m with my family settles in as I wrap my arm around the back of Lana’s chair. She looks at me with a smile before continuing her conversation with Iris, who gives me a few curious glances during dinner.
Once I’m done eating, I play with the ends of Lana’s hair, twirling them around my finger over and over.
“You’re quiet tonight,” Declan says from across the table. Because I don’t feel the need to disguise my pain and loneliness with endless conversations and fake laughter.
“Just taking it all in,” I say instead. “Taking what?” Declan asks.
The family I always wanted but never felt I could have. “Rowan shows you as the best guy.” I stick to a silly answer, knowing that’s what’s expected of me. I’m the fun brother. The happy one _ The type who can reduce tension with a single smile and a self-deprecating comment. No one wants to hear about my demons, depression and damn insecurities.
I don’t even realize what I said until an awkward silence settles over the table. Zahra and Iris look at each other over the rim of their wine glasses while Declan’s eyes look like they’re about to pop out of their sockets. I can’t bear to look in Lana’s direction, so I stare ahead like a soldier reporting for duty.
Rowan points to the crown on his head. “Please. Declan ever had a chance to beat me.
Cami puts her hand to her mouth and laughs.
Declan frowns. I haven’t even had a chance to spend time with her, you idiot. You’ve been hovering over her all night because she feeds your ego.
“You owe the swear jar!” Cami jumps out of her seat and approaches Declan with her hand outstretched. Tickets, please.
“That?” He looks at her fingers as if they were carrying flesh-eating bacteria.
Iris elbows him in the ribs. “That means you have to pay every time you curse.”
“How much?” Her expression is a pleasant mix of panic and some intrigue.
Cami gives Declan a quick pass with her eyes. “One thousand dollars.”
Lana chokes as she takes a sip of water. I pat her back as she sucks in big gulps of air.
“A thousand dollars? What’s it for?” Declan doesn’t even blink before pulling out his money clip and handing her hundreds.
“Collages.” She smiles at him.
“University,” I correct for her when Declan’s eyebrows knit together in confusion.
Declan shrugs as he drops the last hundred into his palm. “A good cause I can get behind.”
Lana finally regains the ability to speak. “Camila Theresa Castillo, give me all that back right now. You know we don’t ask people to pay a thousand dollars at her house.”
“But Cal gave me a thousand dollars.” His tense expression is so damn cute that even Declan smiles.
Iris takes one look at me and bites a thousand dollars?
I shrug. It’s worth it.
Lana’s eyebrows rise. “It’s not right to ask that of strangers.”
Declan’s eyes darken. “Strange? I’ve known you since you were about his age.
Lana takes a look at him. “So? I haven’t seen you since you stole my dolls because you wanted to play with them.
Zahra laughs into her wine glass as Iris howls with laughter, her hand slamming on the table as she breathes deeply.
Declan frowns, a tinge of pink rising to his cheeks. “My action figures needed to save the damsel in distress.”
Iris pats him on the shoulder. “There is no need to be self-conscious. “An active imagination is a sign of a healthy childhood.” “Of course it is.” Zahra raises her wine glass in a mocking cheer.
Declan looks at Lana in a way that makes most grown men wet themselves. Lana laughs, the sound filling every crack in my broken heart with the warmth of her.
The conversation changes, although the constant feeling of satisfaction that courses through my veins never fades. If anything, it only intensifies as the night progresses. Iris and Lana separate in a corner, laughing at whatever blackmail they’re exchanging at my expense.
Finally, Zahra and Lana come out with the two cakes, both covered with lit candles. Iris starts clapping and singing happy birthday. My brothers reluctantly intervene, their enthusiasm on par with a funeral march.
“Make a wish, old man,” Lana whispers in my ear.
The wax drips down the candles and onto the frosting. Cami comes over to my side and jumps on the balls of her feet excitedly, so I pick her up and place her on my lap.
“You want to help me? That’s a lot of candles.
“Yeah!” She smiles, her two bright orb eyes rivaling the sun.
Together, we blew out all the candles except one. I take a deep breath and repeat the same wish in my head from before.
I want to quit my addiction forever.
Getting dry is one thing, but staying sober is something else entirely. One that I have fought and lost already.
Failure is not an option this time. I want to succeed, win. evolve _ I want to get rid of the addiction that feels like an anchor around my neck, preventing me from rising above the demons that hold me back, almost as much as I want to become a man worthy of Lana and Cami.
It doesn’t matter how long it takes me to get there.
