Once everyone left, I tried to take Lana aside to talk, but she dedicated herself to cleaning up the mess left after the party. Wyatt, Delilah and Violet helped her. Instead of sitting down, I joined even though it was obvious no one wanted me to. The meaningless task gave me time to sober up and think about everything that happened today.
By the time I threw out the last bag of trash, Lana was already moving on to Cami’s bedtime routine.
I stopped bothering her until an hour later. When I turn the doorknob, she doesn’t move.
I press my forehead against the door and sigh. “Wool”. “Leave. I’m tired.”
I can only imagine. After spending most of the day organizing Cami’s party, I’m surprised she’s not asleep yet.
My hand is still glued to the knob. “We can talk?” “No.”
“I beg you to give me a few minutes of your time.”
His moan comes out muffled because of the door between us. “I don’t have anything good to say to you right now.”
“Then tell me the not-so-nice things.” “Because?”
“Because I’d rather you be mad at me than leave me out. I don’t think she can handle that again.” It seems impossible to go back to the way it was before. I’m not sure I could live in the same house like this, knowing how good things could be between us if I had my shit together.
“Do you want to fight? Good. Let’s fight.” She drags me inside and closes the door. I lift my hands. “I knew it was wrong.”
She crosses her arms. “Then why do it?”
My head falls. “Because I couldn’t help it. “Being around everyone… knowing what they probably think of me… It was too much at the same time.”
His eyes close as he takes a few deep breaths. “I can’t take this up and down again, Cal. I just can’t. Her voice cracks, matching the one building through my heart. “I can’t make you want to be sober. And honestly, I don’t want to be your reason for giving up alcohol in the first place. It didn’t work last time, and it’s not going to work this time because something like that has to come from deep inside. And until you do, it will never get better. I know that. She releases a sharp exhale. “I am willing to support you throughout your journey to get sober, always have been and always will be, but only if you are willing to collaborate. the hard work it takes to find better ways to manage your feelings.”
All the progress I’ve made with Lana up to this point escapes me.
the fingers.
I swallow the thick lump in my throat. “I can choose to be sober.” I just need time. As much as I want to accept Wyatt’s offer to attend local AA meetings, I can’t do it until he goes to rehab first. I’ve been through the process enough times to know what I need, and daily AA meetings aren’t going to cut it right now.
His lips lift into a small, reassuring smile that hurts me more than any of his words. “I know you can. I never stopped believing in you, even when you gave up.”
I grab his hands and place them against my beating heart. “Please give me until we sell the house to get help. That’s all I ask.
My hope deflates with a single movement of his head.
“Please.” She pressed her palm against my cheek, drawing her eyes to mine pleadingly. “I want to be someone you can count on. “I really do, but I can’t commit to going back to rehab until the house is sold.” Desperation bleeds through my voice.
The process of combing through my past and working through my shit will kick me in the ass for weeks or maybe longer, and I’m not ready for that kind of emotional pain until I meet my grandfather’s deadline.
You mean the deadline for an inheritance you haven’t even told him about?
My stomach churns, guilt working its way up my throat.
You could tell him.
No , the voice of reason speaks.
Telling Lana about my grandfather’s will could risk everything, and I didn’t go through all this trouble to prove myself a failure once again.
One day, I will be able to tell him everything about the inheritance, but today is not that day, no matter how bad I feel about hiding the truth.
His gaze fixes me in my place. “Who cares about selling the house?” “Yeah.” My voice breaks.
His lips purse in disgust. You’re losing her again. “Because?” she asks.
“Because I committed to selling it and I can’t go back.” My throat feels like someone wrapped their hand around it and squeezed it.
“A commitment to whom?”
“Myself.” I speak with absolute honesty. “That?”
“You have a lot of happy memories in that house, and although I have them too, it’s not enough to make me want to keep it. Not by a long shot.”
She swallows visibly. “Why not?”
“Because it reminds me of some of the worst moments of my life. The mother I lost. The father who no longer exists. A grandfather who abandoned me when he needed him.” I take a deep breath. “I don’t think I can really move on with my life with that house still hanging over my head.” The words I speak are completely true, but they still feel like a lie.
You are doing this to protect your brothers and their future.
If I’m doing the right thing, why does it feel so bad?
His head shakes. “If you are serious about us, then you would go get help before this gets worse, regardless of whether you need to sell a house. “I refuse to see history repeat itself, for me and my daughter.”
He won’t do it anymore. I can promise you that.” “How am I supposed to trust you?”
As good a question as any, and one that makes my heart beat harder in my chest.
I hold onto his chin. “Because I can’t survive losing you again. Taking a look at the life we could have if it changed is enough to convince me that I will never be happier than I am with you, even if I have a long way to go before we can move forward together.
Did you ask me if I’m willing to work? “I’m so fucking ready, I would sell the house tomorrow.”
Different emotions flash on his face.
Sadness. Uncertainty. Resignation . It’s the last one that makes my stomach-churning acid unbearable.
Lana takes a few deep breaths before looking up from under her eyelashes. “Then do it.”
My eyebrows draw together. “Do what?”
Put the house on the market tomorrow before we leave for Dreamland.
My mouth opens. “Tomorrow?”
” This is a problem? You are the one who wants to sell it so you can move on with your life, so this is your chance. Contact the real estate agent first thing in the morning.
The tightness in my chest makes breathing a nearly impossible task. “I thought we agreed to remodel the house first.”
What are you doing interrogating her? She just accepts and takes your victory where you can get it.
His chin trembles. “Many people put houses on the market while they are in the middle of construction. “We can have the real estate agent share the renovation mockups Ryder sent us, along with the plans.”
His plan is logical and foolproof, but the look on his face makes me question the whole thing.
If you talk to him about the inheritance, you are not only letting down your siblings, but also yourself.
It’s one thing to fail myself, but risking the future of others, including Iris, isn’t worth it.
I let out a suppressed sigh. “I will contact the real estate agent and the rehab center early in the morning.”
I’m not sure if leaving before the end of summer is a possibility, but I’ll call Leo beforehand to find out how or if that might affect willingness.
I hope not. I’ve already spent a good part of my summer here.
She blinks twice. “Are you sure that’s what you want?” I have never been more sure of anything. Getting sober was always the end goal, and Lana encouraged me to find a way to get there sooner.
“Yes. There is nothing I want more for myself than a future with you.
She bites her lower lip. “It’s not just me anymore. “Cami and I are a package.”
I wrap an arm around her waist and pull her against me. “You and Cami are not a deal. You two are a lottery jackpot, and it’s time someone treated you that way.”
