on _ Saturday, I wake up to chaos. Lana is hunched over the counter, finishing Cami’s birthday cake while the boy runs around the kitchen in circles, trying to steal the frosting from the bowl. He go get dressed before everyone arrives. Lana points in the direction of Cami’s room without looking up from her homework.
Cami leaves, without looking where she is going. I jump out of his way before he can crash into my legs, saving us both from falling.
“Watch where you’re going there.”
His eyes light up. “Sorry!”
“Happy Birthday.” He rubbed the top of her head.
She lunges for my legs, giving them a big squeeze. I never thought she would come to want hugs from a toddler, but every time Cami does it, I feel like I’m winning at life. Although mine isn’t organized like my siblings’, Lana and Cami make me feel complete in a way that a job or an inheritance could never attempt.
Maybe Declan and Iris were right when they said they wanted a whole litter of kids and a dog. There is something in a family that cannot be defeated.
Cami breaks away and runs to her room, leaving Lana and me alone. “It’s only nine in the morning and I already have a headache.” Lana rubs her face with the back of her hand, effectively smearing ice cream on herself.
chocolate on the cheek.
I can’t resist leaning forward and licking it off his skin before he has a chance to clean it. The blood starts to flow downwards, especially when she squints at me.
I’m tempted to recreate our first kiss with chocolate frosting this time. Lana seems to have a similar thought with the way her eyes trail from my lips to the bowl next to her.
“Tastes great.” wink
His eyes narrow, though the glow in them doesn’t quite fit.
I walk around her and check the medicine cabinet. “Here.” I hand Lana two Tylenols and a glass of water.
“Thank you.” She sighs before swallowing the pills. I lean on the counter next to her. “Tough morning?”
“I have like a hundred people coming in two hours, and I’m not even close to being ready.”
“What do you need help with?”
“All.” She slumps against the counter.
I grab my phone and open a note-taking app. She shoots me a look.
“That?” I ask when she doesn’t say anything. “I work better with a list or else I might forget something.”
“Are you really offering to help?”
“Of course. I don’t mind if you put me to work. I smile
She rolls her eyes with a smile. “Fine, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
Lana rattles off a list of random tasks, most of which require her to drive into town. It’s evident that with each task I take on, her tense shoulders drop a little lower.
Come back soon. I give him a quick kiss on the temple before leaving the house.
It takes me more than ninety minutes to finish all the tasks. My car is packed to capacity with balloons, food, and some last-minute supplies that Lana forgot at the store.
By the time I return to the guesthouse, it has been transformed into a Princess Marianna wonderland, with decorations covering almost every surface, streamers hanging from the ceiling in fun patterns, and a half-completed balloon arch behind the cake table.
“You did it!” Lana runs out of her room and grabs the balloons from my hand. She ties them to the balloon arch to finish it, although she needs my help to reach the highest point to secure the Princess Marianna inflatable.
“You really try your best.”
She laughs at herself. “Too bad she didn’t see last year’s theme. Cami wanted a Christmas-themed birthday because she didn’t want to wait until December, so I turned the backyard into a winter wonderland. Most of the town donated their Christmas decorations, so it ended up being
epic. He turned off the power grid overnight and everything.” She laughs to herself, making my chest warm.
I grab her hand and pull her towards me. “I wish I had been there.” She placed a soft kiss on the top of her head.
She looks at me with batted eyelashes. “Me too,” she says and places a quick kiss on my cheek before pulling out of my embrace, brushing against my penis in the process.
I moan “Cruel woman.”
“Sorry! I have to get ready!” She bolts into her room with a laugh, leaving me wondering how the hell I spent six years away from the only person who made me feel complete.
And how do I make sure I never spend another day without it again?
 |
My anxiety to spend time with Delilah, Violet, Wyatt, and the rest of the town that hates me intensifies as the clock approaches noon. The more I help Lana carry everything outside, the more real her whole birthday party becomes.
The first sip of vodka alone was meant to calm the nerves. I wasn’t proud to sneak back inside the guesthouse, but the fear of what could go wrong overcame my pride.
Music playing and people talking outside only make my anxiety worse, which feeds the vicious cycle.
I’m not happy with my moment of weakness, which pushes me to drink a little more. It’s a pathetic sight. me sitting on the floor, holding a bottle of vodka while Merlin watches from across the room, secretly judging me. I don’t stop until the burning in my throat rivals that in my chest.
By the time I recover and leave, the party is in full swing. I slide my sunglasses into place to hide any sign of my secret.
Wyatt raises his chin in my direction before resuming his conversation with a pair of men I don’t recognize.
“I was wondering where you went. I’ve been looking for you everywhere. Lana offers me a plastic inner tube. “Cami was hoping you could help her with this.”
I grab the inflatable from his hands without speaking. “Everything is alright?”
“Yeah.” I put the little plastic mouthpiece in my mouth and start blowing. Her head tilts. “Are you sure?”
I nod.
She places her hand against my cheek. Her furrowed eyebrows add to the shitty feeling brewing in my chest. “What happen?”
The fact that I drank despite knowing how much you hate it.
I move away from his touch. “Just tired.”
“It’s a shame then because he had plans for us tonight.” A mocking smile tugs at her lips.
“I’m sure I’ll get a second wind.”
He stands on tiptoe and kisses me on the cheek. “I hope so. After our last time, I owe you.”
“I’m going to make you do that.”
“I wouldn’t expect anything less from you.” She gives me a flirtatious smile that makes my cock spring into action. “But you have to go before Cami wakes up. If she catches us together, she will go into wedding planning mode.”
I laugh. “Negotiate.”
Something in Lana changes with the sound. Her nose twitches and her mouth pulls down into a frown. “Are you…” She takes my sunglasses off of her face. “Really? At a children’s party?”
My stomach drops. “I can explain it.”
“Why bother?” He tosses me my sunglasses before turning around. Her hips sway as she moves away from her, tempting me to grab her so she can hear me.
And say what? Did you drink because you couldn’t stand a six-year-old’s birthday party?
Right. Because that doesn’t sound pathetic at all.
You’re no better than her sister, which upsets her with your selfish decisions and lack of control.
The thought of relating to someone like Antonella only feeds on my fears, allowing them to grow until I have no choice but to escape.
Did you really expect anything less from someone who’s so good at fucking?
No not at all.
|
My anxiety and self-loathing fester and grow with each passing hour of Cami’s birthday party. For the most part, I keep to myself, mainly because Wyatt, Delilah, and Violet made it clear from the beginning that they want nothing to do with me. I know what my old friends think of me. It’s obvious in the way they look.
I am the drunk, the failed athlete. The man who broke his best friend’s heart.
I collected more bad titles than championships.
Even Lana has gone out of her way to avoid me since she found out about my drinking. She and the other parents stay in the covered seating area she added to the dock when I redid it. The dock next to it is empty, although the extra space gives the children a place to practice their jumps into the water.
No one comes to talk to me, least of all Cami, who makes an effort to check on me at least once before running back to her friends.
Icy stares and whispers tease my demons out of hiding, and I feel compelled to fill my half-empty glass of soda with vodka.
If Lana is going to be mad at me, she better not suffer from the buildup. Slowly, after two trips inside the guesthouse, my muscles loosen and the thick lump in my throat disappears. The warmth spreading through my veins replaces the chill, justifying my reason for drinking in the first place.
Peace.
I’m not sure how long I sit alone, swaying to the country music coming from Lana’s portable speaker, but at some point Wyatt sneaks up on me.
“Here.” Wyatt drops a cheeseburger in front of me before taking his seat. “Eat it and get sober.”
I’m barely buzzed, but he talks to me like I’m a mess. “I’m fine.” I push the plate away.
Grab my cup and smell. “You keep masking your problems with vodka?” I return it and down the rest of the drink regardless. “What are you doing here with me?”
“I want to talk.” “What’s happening?”
You can’t keep doing this to Alana. It’s not fair.” My nails bite my skin. “I’m not doing anything.”
“You’re tricking her into thinking you two have a chance.”
“Because we do it,” he raged.
He gives me a bored look, making sure to drive home how unimpressed he is with me. “No, if you continue like this, you won’t. That’s why I knew it was a bad idea for you to come back. You are not ready.
I am not ready? Ready for what exactly?
I keep my face calm and collected despite the anger building inside me. “What do you want?”
To help you for some damn reason.
I laugh. “What do you know about helping someone like me? You have the perfect life. Happy wife, good job, bright future.”
His grip on the picnic table tightens. “Why do you think that is?” “Because you were lucky?”
“No. Because I got to work.”
My lips press together.
He continues. “If you ever want to get Alana back, then you need to get yourself together. For real this time. Starting with this. He grabs my cup and throws it into the nearby trash can.
My eyes narrow. “Because you help me?”
“Because I want the best for Alana and Cami, even if it’s you.” He frowns.
“So you think she could do better.”
“In the end, it doesn’t matter what I think because she loves you, so maybe
“You’re the one who should do better with her.”
My heart stops in my chest. “She Loves Me?”
Her eyes move to the dock, where Lana is helping a boy with his float. “I’m not sure she stopped doing it.”
I shake my head. “She dated someone else.” “So? I’m sure you did too. “Dated? Hell no.
“So, you fucked.”
My teeth grind together. The period of my life when I was still getting high on Oxy was possibly the lowest I’ve ever dipped. Just thinking about the risks I took and the people I used to get high with makes me sick to my stomach.
On cue, as always, the acid in my stomach churns. “Not that it’s any of your business, but I haven’t been with anyone in over two years.”
“Two years? That’s…” His voice trails off.
At the same time I saw Lana with Victor.
If Lana felt even a fraction of what I experienced when I caught her kissing someone else, I can’t imagine the kind of pain she felt reading some of the headlines published about me.
The person I was when I was high is not the man I am now. However, no matter how many times he repeats the same words, I can’t erase the disgust I feel towards myself when I think about my past.
Shame makes my throat close.
His low whistle grates on my nerves. “Damn.” She actually laughs. “That’s hard”.
Your comment keeps me away from dark thoughts. Shut up, Eugene. He flashes me a blinding smile. “Delilah will never let him go.”
“I’m glad my sex life is a fun topic for all of you.” I take a bite of my burger to avoid saying anything else.
He rubs the back of his neck. “Delilah warned me not to do this, but…” her voice trails off.
“That?”
Take a deep breath. “If you need a sponsor, I’m willing to be yours.”
My mouth opens. “You?”
He nods. “We have an AA group that meets in the chapel every night.”
“Since when?” Wyatt was always squeaky clean and willing to do whatever he could to stay in the city’s good graces. Violet used to call it the quarterback complex. The biggest scandal of Wyatt’s life was that his parents divorced amicably and the two remained friends.
“A little less than a year after you left, I was transferred to a police station in Detroit to be closer to my dad after his heart attack, but the things I saw while working there… God. They would haunt me even in my dreams. He looks at Delilah, who waves at him with her cane. She shoots me a look as she cuts a line across her throat with the handle of the cane.
I’m glad to know that my presence draws so much passion from her.
Wyatt steals my attention again. “The transition from a small town Life in the big city was hard . “I struggled for a long time with PTSD and alcoholism before I finally got help.”
“Shit. I had no idea, man. Sorry.” I reach out and pat him on the shoulder.
He offers me a weak smile. “You’re not the only one who fought, you know?” My head hangs. “I see.”
Wool. Wyatt. Mrs. Castle. The list goes on and on, making my chest hurt.
He gets up from the picnic table. “Just think about it. My offer will always stand, even if you decide to return to Chicago once the house is sold.”
“Actually?”
“Yes, really . “I owe it to the man who used to be my best friend.” He walks away a few steps, but I call him by his name.
Look over your shoulder. “That?” “Does this mean we’re friends now?” He scoffs. “Absolutely not.”
However, the small smile on his face makes me believe that it could become a possibility one day.
|
“Come on!” Cami grabs my hand and tugs, ineffectively making me stand up from the picnic table I’ve spent the last two hours wallowing on.
“What’s happening?” I look around at the empty lawn.
“Let’s cut the cake!” She pulls harder this time. You almost missed it. “Sorry. He was daydreaming.
“Do that later!” She digs her feet into the ground and pulls.
“Everything’s fine. Let’s go.” The last thing I want to do is get stuck inside the guest house with a bunch of people who don’t like me, but if it makes Cami happy, I’m willing to be an adult and accept it.
After all, who am I to deny the birthday girl?
I rise from the bench, my movements much more fluid after spending the last two hours without touching another drink.
Cami doesn’t let go of my hand as she drags me into the guest house and places me behind the cake table. Lana is next to me, her body as rigid as her smile. Everyone else remains on the other side with their phones in the air. A variety of emotions are written on the parents’ faces. Surprise. Inconvenience. Curiosity.
Delilah and Wyatt share a knowing look while Violet pretends I don’t even exist, which is possibly even worse.
I move to take a step around the table, but Lana clings to my hand.
“Cami wants you here.” Her face remains calm, cool, and serene, though her eyes burn with enough anger to make me frown.
Cami looks at us both with a big smile. “Ready?” I nod, my throat feeling impossibly tight.
The crowd starts singing the happy birthday song as Cami rocks on her feet. Once the singing stops, Cami blows out the candles. Everyone cheers and applauds her.
While Lana is busy cutting the cake, Cami motions for me to come over.
I kneel “What’s wrong?”
She stands on tiptoe and whispers in my ear, “I wish you could be my new dad.”
I wished you could be my new dad.
God. Somehow eight words make my knees as weak as my heart.
I wrap my arms around her and squeeze. “There’s nothing I’d like more than that.”
And I mean every word.
