I shake my head hard enough that my vision blurs. “You can’t stand here and blame me for your addiction.”
He grabs my chin, forcing me to look him in the eyes. I’m not blaming you. “I’m just being honest about what happened last time.” “What last time?”
His fingers gripping my chin tighten. “I came back. Even though I swore I wouldn’t, I did it anyway because I was a stupid, hopeful fool.
I take a breath. “When?”
“Right before my grandfather was taken off the ventilators.” “But that was…” More than two years ago.
Oh no.
The expression on his face stabs an invisible dagger into my heart.
“I didn’t believe it at first.” Her gaze falls. Tension bleeds from her shoulders, each of her muscles rigid beneath the fabric of her shirt. “But then I saw you with my own eyes, kissing that boy, Victor, right next to Last Call.”
My eyes narrow. “Who told you about him?”
His upper lip curls in disgust. “Does it matter?” I look away.
His chest rises and falls from his deep exhalation. “You know what? I shouldn’t because that’s not my point.”
My eyes closed. “So what is it?” “I failed you for the last time that night.”
My head shakes hard enough to rattle my brain. “How? I didn’t even know you were in town.
“Because instead of fighting for you, for us, I chose the easier path that night. The acquaintance. The wrong one _ Instead of dealing with my problems, I wanted to drown them in alcohol until I couldn’t feel any more pain. Until I numbed the part of my brain that saw you in the arms of another man. I was so screwed after all that effort to get sober, but I couldn’t find it in myself to stop. I didn’t want to. They robbed me of the main reason to get better, which was exactly what my grandfather said would happen.”
He bares his soul to me, and I find it impossible to take him down at this moment. “I know I ruined our chance at something else. “It was selfish of me to try last time, knowing the kind of mental state I was in and that if we got together it could very well ruin our friendship.”
“Why take the risk then?” The question I’ve been obsessing over flies out of my mouth, along with any sense of self-preservation.
Take a deep breath. My stomach twists into a knot, the muscles stretching just enough to hurt.
His gaze fixes on mine. “I always thought we were meant to be. I may have messed up the weather a little, but that doesn’t change the fact that there is no one I love more in this world than you.
Breathing becomes exponentially more difficult.
“I was biding my time before because it was never the right time for us. Three years doesn’t sound like a big difference anymore, but back then it felt like a completely different life. By the time you turned eighteen, I was already a twenty-one-year-old loser with a stint in rehab under my belt. I was a fuck-up and you were…” He stops.
“If you say virgin , I’m going to punch you.” Cal teased me about it until one night I broke down and hooked up with a stranger. He was angry for an entire week, which was unheard of.
“Perfect. You were perfect. He runs his knuckles over my cheek. Cue the butterflies.
“You had all these dreams and so did I. One of us would have had to settle, and I didn’t want that for us. I didn’t want to risk you feeling me when we were older. Her smile falters. “I guess it was a stupid reason looking back.”
I have no grudge against you . “I just want to cut off the airflow and watch your face turn purple from time to time.”
“Under the right circumstances, I would love to act out your fantasy.” He winks.
“Of course. Our safe word can be more .”
A laugh explodes from his mouth, pure and light, as he looks at me like… Like before _
“ This is what I miss.” She gestures between us with a smile. “I know I can’t go back and change what I did the last time I was here. And as fucked up as it sounds, I don’t regret it either, even though I lost you in the process. Because I would have rather known what it felt like to have you for a summer than not to have had you at all.
My heart feels like it’s about to implode on itself, especially with what he says next.
“We had a rough start this summer, but I just hope we can be friends again. At least while I’m here.
“Friends?” The ground falls out from under me.
He reads my face like it’s his favorite book. “I know I screwed up big time yesterday.”
“You did it. Solidly.”
“ I’m glad to have you around to keep me humble.”
“Consider it my contribution to society. We can’t have someone like you running around town with an ego the size of Lake Michigan.
“After all, there must be some hope for me when I still have to deal with Lake Superior.”
I purse my lips in a poor attempt to hide my smile.
He sighs. “Look. I know asking to be friends again is a stretch… Yes, because you kissed me senseless just a week ago. “But I hope we can find some way to get along while I’m here.”
I move my bottom lip between my teeth as I consider his proposal. Being friends would set an expectation. can give us some boundaries that will hopefully stop us from doing something stupid.
Right. Because that worked so well the last time she was here.
I’m smarter now. Back then, the excitement of becoming a couple overcame my common sense. But now, I’m more prepared. I evolved . _ Letting go of the anger I have towards him would be a sign of maturity.
Distrusting him and his addiction is not a sign of immaturity, but of experience.
Experiences that I suffered not only with him, but also with my sister. The guy who taught me everything I know about living with loved ones suffering from addiction.
I open my mouth with every intention of rejecting his offer of friendship, only to purse my lips. He’s not the only one who misses our friendship.
I do it too.
I rock on my heels. “If you want to be friends again, we need to set some boundaries.”
“As?”
“If you get drunk again like you did the night of Cami’s graduation, we’re done. Forever.”
Swallow. “Good.”
Damn. She expected a little more hesitation with that. And no more kisses. The words rush out of my mouth.
His lips curve into the s*xiest smile. “It’s a difficult question, but I can try.”
“You survived a long time without even trying, so I think you can do it without another slip.” My cheeks heat up at the memory of last week.
“That was before.” Her voice deepens. “Before?”
I knew how you felt under me. He runs his knuckles along the side of my face. The air between us crackles, the goosebumps on my skin rising to the occasion.
It was stupid to think we could even try to be friends. There’s no possible way that could happen, not when a simple touch of his hand makes my body react like this.
I hate it. I love it. I shouldn’t let it happen again.
I clear my head with a quick movement. “You know what? It doesn’t matter. I can’t be your friend.
He pulls away, stealing his warmth and the tingling sensation running along my spine away from me. “Why not?”
“You can’t last even five minutes without flirting with me.”
“Well, you’re setting me up for failure if you expect me to last five minutes with you.”
I give it a review. “Disappointed but not surprised.”
His face turns red in five seconds. “That’s not what I meant.” “There is no need to be ashamed. You’re older now, so I understand. I am sure that with the right pills that problem can be solved very quickly.”
Take a step closer. “I’m not ashamed. I am angry . She faked a sigh. “Male fragility at its finest.” ” Wool”.
A word. Four letters. Thousands of sparks fly off my skin as he grabs the back of my neck and drags me against his chest. Our lips float inches apart, the heat of his minty breath hitting my face.
no vodka
My fingers curl against his chest.
His fingers press against the side of my throat. “I need to defend my honor.”
“I’m surprised there’s still anything left to protect.” Her eyes shine like a thousand stars exploding at once.
I’m antagonizing him. I know, but I can’t stop, no matter how loud the voice in the back of my head screams that nothing good can come of this.
Cal surprises me when he wraps his hand around my hair and pulls it like a rope until my head tilts to the side and my breasts press against his chest. He drags the tip of his nose down the side of my throat. It’s erotic, the way a single touch makes my entire body feel like it’s going to be consumed by flames. I shift, wanting to escape the feeling, only to rub against the part of him I offended.
Shit.
Every hard inch of him presses against my belly. I take a breath and he laughs. “Right. About that.” His voice, now harsher than before, makes me tremble. Tremble with what, I’m not quite sure. Excitement. Excitement. despair _ The options are endless, each one more dangerous than the last.
“You’re tough”.
“Cunning as always.”
I blink twice. “Why are you tough?”
“Because you exist.” His eyes burn a hole straight into my heart, searing their way through the ice that surrounds him.
I shake my head, trying to erase the image from his eyes. imprinting on my soul. “We shouldn’t be doing this.”
His fingers gripping my hair tighten. “I know.” She kisses the sensitive spot below my ear with a sigh. A shaky breath escapes me before I have a chance to swallow it.
“It is incorrect.” My heart beats harder in my chest, declaring the complete opposite.
His eyes close, but not before he catches the pain flashing within them. “Is that how you really feel about us?”
“I have never been more sure of anything.” I respond automatically, the impact of my response written clearly on her face.
It makes me physically sick to hurt him, but I have no choice. To risk getting close to him in any way is to risk my heart again for someone who doesn’t even plan to stick around.
I don’t have it in me to survive another heartbreak. I fear the next one will be the one that finally shatters me beyond repair.
His hand lets go of my hair before falling to his side like dead weight. “I apologize for crossing a line then. “I…” She stumbles over her words. “I got caught up in the moment for a second.”
My chest beats. The churning in my stomach intensifies, the acid crawling up my throat, ready to be purged from my trembling body.
Before I can stop myself, I offer an olive branch. A stupid olive branch that I know I’ll regret but can’t get back.
If you want to be friends, real friends, you can’t mistreat me like that anymore.
His face remains unreadable. “I thought you didn’t want to be my friend.” “Ehh, I changed my mind.”
“Because?”
“Because the only other friend you have in town is my five-year-old daughter and, frankly, that’s a little sad.”
The look on his face widens the pit in my stomach. “I don’t need a compassionate friend.”
“Too much. It’s a bribe-one-get-one Castle special.”
A true smile forms on his face, dissipating the shadows from his eyes. “Does that mean you’ll help build the ship with us?” Her enthusiasm is addictive, and I find myself saying yes. I hope regret is imminent, but instead I just feel a tingle in my chest at the thought of building something special with Cami and Cal.
Maybe an activity like that would be good for us. Maybe we can close and leave behind all the garbage that has been brewing on the surface for the last six years.
He holds my gaze for a moment longer before taking another step back. “I should be going. We have an early morning with the contractor tomorrow.”
I blink twice before regaining feeling in my limbs. “Right.”
He hands me the bag with the vase before walking back to his car. I’m so distracted watching him leave that I don’t notice the second bag on the porch until he heads toward the main road.
I walk into the house and place the first bag on the empty table under the stairs before going back out to grab the other one.
“What the hell is this?” I groan at the weight. My arms tremble as I place him on the floor next to the table.
First, I unwrap the vase. It’s simple, elegant and exactly something my mother would have chosen for herself. The second bag surprises me. I kneel on the floor and pull out a wrapped bucket. There’s a white envelope taped to the top of the wrapping paper and I cut it off with my fingernail before pulling out a card.
Maybe you were right in wanting to make the
dreams of another person.
-C
With trembling fingers, I peel back the wrapping paper to reveal a professional mixer. I recognize the brand as one that belonged to me is never going to happen, but I might as well torture myself by looking at it on the list. My eyes fill with tears. It’s not about the mixer itself, but the meaning behind it that turns me upside down.
I reread the card again, and the butterflies in my stomach grew angry and rioted even more the second time. The feeling has nothing to do with wanting to bake until two in the morning tonight and everything to do with the man who gave me the rush in the first place.
Before I chicken out, I pull out my phone and text Cal.
Negotiate.
Thank me by making my favorite.
Thanks for the blender.
I go to bed with the stupidest smile on my face that night, feeling better than I have in weeks.
