Mommy ! Look!” Cami runs into the kitchen, dropping mail envelopes behind her like a trail of breadcrumbs .
” Careful!” I grab her before she runs straight into an open closet.
He holds his envelope high in the air. “I got mail!”
I recognize the logo instantly. It’s been a few months since Cami took the entrance exam for Wisteria Prep, an exclusive private school she opened just a few years ago to serve families moving here from Chicago. Cami begged me to apply since some of her friends were transferring there, so I let her even though the principal warned me that they only had two seats available for the incoming first grade class.
My girl is the smartest girl I know, but those kinds of places are about politics and who you know. His chances of getting in were always slim.
That is why you have to face the consequences of your actions.
She bounces up and down, waving the envelope in the air. “Can we open it now? Please?”
“Let me do it.” At least that way I can have a second to mentally prepare myself for how I’ll break the news to him.
My hands shake as I wipe them on my apron, prolonging the inevitable by wiping the flour from my fingers.
“Mommy! Hurry!” He waves the envelope in front of my face. “Everything’s fine. Let me have it.”
Cami slaps it into my waiting hand. I open the envelope with a butter knife before removing the thick piece of paper.
“What does it say?” He shifts his weight from one foot to the other, causing his sneakers to light up.
“Go.” I unfold the paper and read the first line.
Congratulations, Camila Teresa Castillo…
“You came in.” The words come out in a hoarse whisper.
“What?! Ah! She runs out screaming at the top of her lungs. “I can go to school with all my friends!” She disappears into the hallway, her voice echoing off the twelve-foot ceilings.
I continue reading the letter, my heart soaring at the tuition price at the bottom.
“Thirty five thousand dollars? For first grade?
Somehow it keeps getting worse. Prices only go up from there, with twelfth grade costing almost fifty grand. The letter also emphasizes how Wisteria Prep encourages the arts and requires students to participate in at least one extracurricular activity. They can range from a thousand dollars a month to five, depending on the activity the child chooses.
The room spins around me. When Cami applied, it was just a pipe dream meant to make her temporarily happy, but now that it’s a reality, I feel sick to my stomach. Even after accounting for the financial aid they offered Cami, there is still no way she can pay for school with my salary.
I reach for the counter, afraid my knees will buckle. “Hey, what’s all that screaming? Oh! Are you OK?”
Of all the people who will be present during my little breakdown… I’ve been lucky enough to avoid him since our fight over the house, but I knew it would only last so long.
Just keep it short and sweet.
I take a deep breath and look at Cal. His usual casual outfit of button-down shirt and slacks is replaced with sweatpants and a workout t-shirt that’s soaked with sweat around the neck. “What are you wearing?” I try my best to keep my eyes focused on his face, but they stray to his abs pressing against the tight fabric of his shirt.
“I was working in the attic when I heard screams.” “Oh.” I speak to his stomach muscles.
His low laugh snaps me out of my embarrassing display of desperation. She reaches for a glass in the cabinet and fills it with water. My skin heats up, my heart beats harder from the way her tongue darts out to lick a stray drop from her lips.
What would you offer me to do the same…
“What’s going on?” His Adam’s apple bobs with every gulp of water.
Shit.
Is it hot in here or am I just collapsing? I air my face with Cami’s letter, trying to cool my hot cheeks.
Cal catches me looking at him and winks.
Ugh . Even a simple wink makes my body vibrate with excitement. “What’s that?” He points to the paper in my hand.
“Acceptance letter from Cami.” “So that?”
“A private school that just recently opened on Main. It’s pretty hard to get in, so she’s a little excited to stay with her best friends. I spent half the year preparing her for a rejection letter, but now that it’s in…”
“You’re worried,” he says in a matter-of-fact tone. For someone who has spent the last six years away, he sure hasn’t lost the ability to read me well.
My head falls. “Yeah.” “Because?”
“Because not all of us are billionaires.” I do everything I can to support Cami. What my girl wants, my girl gets. Dance classes, fitness classes, after-school art programs. Keeping her happy and busy comes with personal sacrifices, but I’m happy to provide for her in a way my sister never could. However, I still feel like she could do more. That she could work harder. Pick up a side hustle. Find a way to make more money.
There is an option.
A feeling of piercing heat shoots through my chest.
Cal’s brow furrows in confusion. “Didn’t my grandfather leave you some money after he died?”
My body temperature rises and I try to breathe deeply. to regulate myself. I’m not even sure who I’m angrier at: Cal for bringing up the inheritance or my sister for wasting most of it. Cal’s gaze hardens. “He left you some money, right? “
My jaw hurts from how hard I clench my molars. “What happened-“
I speak before he can finish his sentence. “She left.” “How much did she give you?”
My nails bite into the flesh of my palms. “Why does that matter?”
His face softens. “Because you’re not the type of person to spend that much money unless something happens.”
“You know what? Forget I said anything. I throw the rest of my mail off the counter and walk out of the kitchen before I have a chance to wonder where the money went.
Cal warned me years ago about my sister, but I didn’t listen. If he found out about all the mistakes I made, he would be furious.
Not to me.
But for me
And I know with all my heart that I can’t risk what a reaction like that will do to me, so I do what Cal has always done best.
I run.
 |
“What’s up with you tonight?” Violet nudges her shoulder. “You didn’t even comment on Mr. Jeffries flirting with Ms. Reyes at the bar.”
“Sir. Does Jeffries like Mrs. Reyes? Since when?” I’ve worked with both of them at school for years and would never have guessed that one liked the other based on their STEM rivalry.
“Apparently! Although the feeling isn’t mutual based on how quickly she put it out.”
“It was pretty sad to see.” Delilah clasps her hands over her heart. “But also strangely entertaining. Kind of like one of those reality dating shows on TV.”
“It’s a mystery how some people find their future spouses here.” I look around Last Call. The bar is old and run down, but all the locals love it because tourists don’t know about it. There’s even a jukebox that still works if you hit it in the right place.
“There’s always that tourist trap bar on Dale Mayberry Road if you’re in the mood for selfish, stock market jerks who are obsessed with anal sex because regular sex is ‘too intimate.’” Violet throws a couple of air quotes.
Delilah chokes on her mineral water. “I’m so glad they took me.”
“Not all of us were lucky enough to find the love of our lives in high school.” Violeta sticks out her tongue.
Delilah looks at her ring with a smile. My chest tightens, the sensation twists my head. I’m not jealous of Delilah. I feel nothing but happiness for her and her husband, but something in me feels off .
Maybe you’re jealous .
The thought makes the acid in my stomach churn.
“I’m going to use the bathroom.” I slide out of the cabin and run towards the bathrooms.
A few people stop me along the way to say hello, but I keep the chatter to a minimum as I travel to the back of the bar.
The noise around me disappears when I close the door and turn the lock. The sick churning feeling in my stomach remains,
and I take a few deep breaths to ground myself.
Guilt always hits me first. It tramples all sensible thoughts, making me feel like a shitty person for being jealous of Delilah and Wyatt. Of wanting what they have and wishing I was the one who could find someone special.
As soon as the guilt arose, it fades away, leaving me with an empty feeling in my chest, the same feeling I always get when I think about going home tonight and climbing into bed alone.
It is better to be alone but safe than in a relationship and worried.
It takes me a few minutes to collect myself and let the overwhelming nausea pass. When I return, Delilah and Violet have moved on to safer conversations and the empty feeling in my chest is no longer present.
It only took five minutes of deep breathing in a public bathroom to get there.
My mind wanders for the next hour. At one point, I return to drawing meaningless patterns through the condensation collecting on my glass of water.
“What do you think, Alana?” Delilah asks. “That?” Flicker.
“Did you hear a word I just said?” I shudder. “Sorry.”
“Seriously, what’s wrong with you?” Violet turns to look at me.
“I think I’m going to have to sell the house.” Even though I’ve spent the last two days processing the news, it still doesn’t feel real.
“That because?” Delilah gasps. “Cami got into Wisteria Prep.”
“I knew he would do it! They would be stupid not to choose her. Dalila claps her hands. Her enthusiasm dies quickly as she watches the look on my face. “Wait. Are you going to sell the house to help pay for school?”
I swallow the thick lump in my throat. “I do not have any other option”. “What about financial aid?” Violet frowns.
“They offered me a good amount, but even with the scholarship it is not enough to cover everything.”
But you love the house. Her frown deepens.
“And I love Cami more.” My voice breaks. “You should have seen the look on her face when she walked in.” My smile falters. “She spent the whole morning working on her dance steps because she wants to be ready for ballet with the big girls. There is no way she can say no.”
Delilah grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze. “Are you sure about this?” No, I’m not, but hopefully by the time we’re ready to sell the house, I’ll be ready to accept leaving it, even if it means breaking a part of my heart in the process.
|
I stop in front of the store’s empty window and look at my reflection in the glass.
My two best friends continue walking down the sidewalk, unaware of my absence while Violet continues talking to Delilah about her neighbor from hell. “Can you believe he actually told him to go buy earplugs? Like I’m the abnormal one because I don’t want to listen to him fucking like a porn star at three in the morning. I swear, one of these days I’m going to bring him bring someone home so I can see how it feels…
What are you doing? you think, hey! Violet steps back.
Delilah follows behind, using her cane for support. Today is a horrible day for her with arthritis, but she doesn’t let that stop her from pursuing Violet. “Sorry.” She looked at them with a shaky smile. “I got distracted.”
Delilah nudges my shoulder. “What are you dreaming about this time?” I close my eyes and imagine the window full of decoration and glass pastry stands. “Summer themed exhibition. Bright colors that stand out and sweets with the fruits of the season.”
Violeta sighs. “Sounds like a dream.”
That’s because it is.
“What do you think would be your best seller?” Delilah points her cane toward the window.
I look away from our reflections in the window. “Dee—”
She waves her finger in front of me. “UH uh uh. You know how we play the game.
The three of us have been doing the dream game since Violet learned about manifestation. It hasn’t worked for us yet, but that doesn’t stop my friends from trying.
She pushes me in the side. “Stop thinking so much and just tell me the first thing that comes to mind.”
I bite my lip and consider my response. “Well…you know how crazy everyone goes over my blueberry crumb cake.”
Violet smiles. “She had never seen so many people fight over a bunch of leftover crumbs. Even Sheriff Hank was ready to lend a helping hand during last year’s Fourth of July barbecue, and now he’s practically medically sedated.”
My lungs burn from how hard I laugh.
Delilah, the gentler of my two best friends, shifts her cane to her left hand so she can wrap her other arm around my shoulder. “You know, if you sold the house, you would have the money to buy this place and turn it into the best bakery in Michigan.”
I shake my head so hard my vision blurs. “It’s not happening.”
Violet goes up. “Just think about it. You’re the one who said you wouldn’t risk giving up a stable job and health insurance for a dream. But once you sell the lake house, you’ll have the money to cover all the startup costs of opening a business.” New business”.
I shake my head. “No way. That money is not for me.
Violet tilts her head. “Even with Wisteria Prep tuition, she wouldn’t spend more than a quarter.”
“You should be saving, not spending.”
Delilah’s grip around my shoulders tightens. “It’s okay to be a little selfish and think about yourself from time to time. Cami would want you to be happy.
“What if I’m not good enough?” I express my fear out loud. It’s the same one that has kept me up many nights, deeply rooted in years of questioning my self-worth. I’ve spent most of my life running from that worry since my father packed his bags and said he wouldn’t be coming back.
“What if you end up spending the rest of your life regretting not taking a chance when you had it?” Violet wraps her arm around me, right on top of Delilah.
“Or what if Missy opens a shop here and ends up becoming the town’s favorite baker?” Delilah jokes.
I gasp. “Take that back.”
“I don’t know. It might be possible that someone is coming for your crown. I heard Missy was trying to master a tres leches recipe before the 4th of July baking contest.
I cross my arms over my chest. “I should have suspected something when he followed me around the grocery store last month, asking me all kinds of questions about which brand of condensed milk I like best.”
Violet pinches me on the side, making me laugh. “The point is, you’ll miss out on all the things you could have done if you just asked yourself why not instead of what if. ”
“Who knew you could be so deep?” She touches her temple. “Tequila makes me think.”
“And hot,” Delilah finishes for her, earning herself a jab in the ribs.
I wrap my arms around my two friends and pull them into a big hug. “Will they be my first two clients?”
Delilah smiles. “As if we ever had a choice.”
