Dirt smears my sweaty face.
The shovel is slick in my hands, peppering each palm with splinters. Dusk settles behind the willow’s swaying arms as I carve out a patch of earth among its roots. Fresh soil piles beside me; memories surface with each scoop of the shovel.
Kitt was with me the last time I dug a grave beneath this tree. He was at my side, shovel in hand and muddy face mirroring mine. We reminisced about Ava until our laughter turned to tears.
Ava.
Her death was the doing of the man I called “Father.” All because of Edric Azer’s greed for power. He killed my sister with a dose of the Plague. He killed my brother with the need to be great.
My vision blurs. I blink past the anger and grief and urge to crawl into this grave myself.
My brother.
My brother.
My brother is dead.
The shovel slips from between my fingers to land in a cushion of dirt. My knees sink into the damp grass, shoulders shaking with the weight of grief atop them.
His letters are fresh in my mind, each of them a stab in the gut before breakfast this morning. I wasn’t there to protect him from his own thoughts, from the need for greatness that swallowed him whole. He was breaking before my very eyes, tearing at the seams from something more sinister than the stresses of being king.
I’m reminded of that odd shift in his power and curse myself for dismissing the feeling. Kitt’s ability was the first I ever felt, one so familiar I could taste it on my tongue, but still, I failed him.
He had become a pawn to power, and I should have recognized myself in his gaze.
He took the Plague to be more. And I wasn’t there to tell him he was enough.
I hear the footsteps behind me. She wanted me to hear them.
The familiar warmth of her embrace wraps around me from behind, holding together the broken pieces I’ve become. I stare at the shallow grave, allowing a tear to escape my empty gaze.
He’s gone.
He’s gone.
“I’m right here,” she whispers in my ear. “I’ve got you.”
I turn slowly in her arms, watching that beautiful face come into view. Paedyn’s eyes swim with tears, just as they have for days. For me. There is only so much grief she can have for the man who wished to kill her. No, this hurt is for me.
My eyes fall to the shovel at her side. Managing a sad smile, I lift dirt-stained fingers to her face. “Have you come to help me dig, darling?”
“You’ve dug enough graves for me,” she breathes. “I figured I would repay the favor.”
My sob is part laugh. “I don’t know how I would survive this without you.”
“Well, never again will you have to survive anything alone.” Her gaze grows determined. “Cockroach, remember?”
I shake my head, forever astounded by her. “No. You are strength. Life itself. That is why Death fears you.”
“All I do is fear Death,” she corrects. “Fear losing you.”
It hurts to smile. “Death knows better than to try and drag me from you.”
We hold each other in our gazes, gentle but sure. Sniffling, she stares down at the shovel she brought and clears a tightening throat. “Once he’s buried, they will make you king.”
“So let’s sit here a little longer,” I mutter. “Please.”
We do.
Leaves rustle all around us as I breathe in the smell of freshly turned soil. Paedyn leans back on her palms, eyes shutting when a soft breeze whispers through her hair. Chattering birds muffle the stream of screaming thoughts in my head for a few blissful minutes.
“You will make a great king.”
The reminder of my looming future shatters the short-lived peace. “That was supposed to be Kitt. Not me.” My head falls into shaking hands. “But he was so focused on his father. On greatness.”
His father. Not mine. Perhaps not even before I discovered the truth of my birth. That king was never my family.
Distantly, beneath the growing ache of grief weighing on my chest, I wonder of the man meant to be my father. Perhaps he wasn’t worth knowing. Perhaps I’ll find out for myself one day.
“Kitt was obsessive.” Paedyn gnaws on her lower lip. “Sick with the Plague.”
“He tried to kill you,” I say numbly.
“He wasn’t himself. I… I don’t blame him for it.”
“I killed him.”
I barely hear her words. “It wasn’t your fault. He was already dying, Kai. The Healers told us so.”
“I still killed him, Paedyn.” My voice breaks. “I killed my brother!”
She hooks her arms around my neck, pulling my shaking body against her own. “Shh. It’s not your fault, Kai.”
I bury my face into her scar. “I couldn’t save him. I told him I would save him.” My voice is choked. That formidable power running through my veins had failed. “He was supposed to dodge. We were supposed to keep our promise.”
“You will,” she whispers. “You will see him again. Just like I will see my father. Adena. Mak.” There are tears in her eyes when she pulls away to clutch my face. “Your promises are not broken. They are just awaiting you.”
I can hardly breathe. “I need him, Pae. I need my brother.”
“Shh.”
“I can’t do this without him.”
“Shh. I’m right here.”
“I did this to him!” Each sob is a painful shake of my body. “I couldn’t save him. I couldn’t save my brother….”
Paedyn holds me until grief’s tide pulls away long enough for me to catch my breath. This is not the first time she has saved me from drowning.
A shovel is quickly pushed into my hand, followed by a string of stern words. “It’s time for Kitt to rest.”
A weight seems to lift from my chest.
Rest. Not death.
He is at peace, and that is all I have ever wanted for my brother.
Stiffly, I stand to my feet, pulling Paedyn up with me. My shovel meets the torn earth beside us. I push through the pain still lingering in my voice. “Think you can keep up, Gray?”
“Are you seriously making this a competition?”
I plunge steel into the ground, freeing dirt from the base of Ava’s willow. “Kitt always had a knack for making anything enjoyable.” My lips twitch into a smile I force myself to find just for him. “I figured he would want his death to be no different.”
Her grin has my heart stuttering back to life. “Then you better start digging, Azer.”
