My teacup lands on its saucer with a wince-worthy clang.
I glance up at the queen, only to find her eerily green eyes already running over my disheveled appearance. She seems content to watch me squirm under her gaze, following each fidgeting movement I make.
I’d awoken with a start, as though commanded from my sleep. But there she was, sitting lazily in a velvet chair and sipping from a porcelain cup. I was forced to stumble from the bed and sit immediately at her impromptu tea party.
My eyes wander over my shoulder quickly, meeting the rumpled bed sheets I rolled from. I only hope Kai did as well—long before the queen slipped into my room.
“Oh, he left,” she says evenly, lifting the teacup to her lips.
I nearly choke on my sip. “I’m sorry?”
“The Enforcer,” she clarifies. “Yes, we had a quick chat before I sent him on his way. Didn’t want a boy here during our tea time.”
She says this as though we share a secret jest. As though her last sentence was far more important than the one before. “So…” I clear my throat, trying to sound unbothered. “So, you saw him.”
“I did.” She gives me a slight smile, revealing the sharp glint of her teeth before the emotion vanishes. “I also saw right through his obvious feelings for you.”
I open my mouth, heart racing and lips forming the beginning fragments of a lie when she speaks right over my attempt to salvage the situation. “But I’m rather bored of that topic already, so we will move on to another.”
My teacup rattles against the delicate saucer when I set it down with shaky hands. “And what topic would that be?”
“So formal,” Zailah muses. “Practicing for when you’re queen, yes?”
“Just practicing to survive. Like I always have.”
“Oh, yes.” I seem to have captured her attention enough to have her scooting to the seat’s edge. “Do tell me about the king and that bit of survival. I want to hear every gory detail. Did you really plunge a sword into his chest?” Her expression is giddy. “And then a dagger through his throat?”
“I did.” My ring taps a steady beat against my leg. “Though, you make it sound far more… exciting.”
“Ugh.” She sits back, her arms draped over the chair. “That’s because I’m jealous. He was a bastard, that king. I wish I was the one to lure him into Death’s arms.”
My eyes drag over her perfect form. “Really?”
Her smile is sharp. “You should know better than most that looks can be deceiving, Paedyn Gray.”
On that, we agree. And she’s slightly less intimidating for it.
“How did you hear about me?” I venture. “It seems the whole kingdom knows who I am, and yet, there is no longer a way to relay information across the Shallows.”
Her smile is fearsome. “I have my ways. Perhaps one day I will share them with you. Now”—another sip of her tea—“what about this new king? Do you plan on killing him as well?”
The queen’s words are smooth, thought out, even. Her genuine question has me gawking. Such an innocent sentence has never struck so hard.
“Of course not,” I breathe into the chilled air between us. “I… I would never.”
She clicks her nails against the wooden arm of her chair, shrugging slightly. “Well, if you say so. I figured he was as much of a dick as his father, so—”
“He’s nothing like his father,” I cut in, and try not to regret that decision when her eyes narrow. “He is saving Ilya, even begrudgingly. And I will marry him if it means the kingdom is united.”
She raises a hand, her nails piercing the air. “Fine. I didn’t realize you trusted him so much.”
I manage a nod, though I’m not sure I should be agreeing with her. My relationship with the king is strained. And I fear my actions have forever driven an invisible wedge between us.
“Tell me, Paedyn,” Zailah croons, her voice a sort of lulling melody. “Are we going to be friends?”
My answer is honest. “I hope so.”
“Splendid.” She smiles like it’s a weapon. “I do love a good enemy, but I have no need for any more of those.”
“As do I.” A pause. “Thank you again for your generosity. I hope you find the roses to be a fair trade for it.”
She stands, signaling the end of this conversation. Her gaze is piercing, as though searching for something within mine. “Yes, our healers are not nearly as advanced as those in Ilya.”
Her words are blunt in a way I admire. “Of course. But it seems you’ve already helped this city thrive without our assistance.”
She smiles distantly. “They didn’t want me to rule. And now, here I am, their savior.”
She turns away, leaving me to watch her glide toward the door. “Oh, and Paedyn?” She turns, her long fingers wrapped around the handle. “Don’t fear power. Wield it. Perhaps even let it control you.” The queen smiles sharply. “Being an Ordinary is not what makes you weak. It’s your heart.”
“I miss land.”
I say this, of course, around the stale bread sticking to the roof of my mouth. Kai picks at the plate of bland food atop his lap, legs spread out on the wooden floor. My own are crossed beneath me while my back rests against the bed.
This has become something of a routine—the two of us sitting on the floor of my humid cabin, talking about nothing in the hopes we will forget to taste the food in our mouths.
Kai’s gaze lifts to mine. “Well, you still have five more days of missing it.”
“Thanks for the reminder,” I grumble before taking a sip of warm water. “I’m not sure if it will be you or this unbearable heat that has me jumping into the Shallows.”
“You know,” he says genuinely, “I can’t think of a single reason you’d wish to escape me.”
“Your arrogance is astounding as always, Kai.”
“Thank you.”
I cut him a glance. “That wasn’t a compliment.”
“Then don’t say my name, and I won’t thank you for the sound.”
The corner of his smile is decorated with a dimple. I roll my eyes, if only to distract him from the blush stinging my cheeks. “The sea has been relatively calm,” I say instead of something I’ll likely regret.
“Yes.” He takes a bite of salty beef and twists his lips in the same way he always does. “It’s been eerily quiet. I’m not sure that’s a good thing.”
I nod, having worried the same myself. The heat hangs over us thickly, as though weighing down the waves. Compared to the storms we barely survived on the way to Izram, the sea is strangely still beneath us.
“The queen mentioned you spoke yesterday,” I say suddenly, surprising myself.
“Did she?”
I nod. “Did she talk about Kitt at all?”
He clears his throat, setting aside the half-empty plate. “She asked if Kitt knew about… us.”
I stiffen. “Us?”
“Yes, us.” Confusion crinkles his brow. “Everything going on between you and me. She saw me in your bed, Pae.”
“I know, but”—I swallow before hurling the harsh truth at him—“there is no us. There can never be an us, Kai. Not really.”
Silence.
The words hurt, tearing ribbons of regret up my throat. I can feel the slow shattering of my heart with every day we spend pretending. And speaking the inevitability of our doom only fissures the organ further.
Something shifts behind his gaze. Maybe it’s hurt. Perhaps disbelief. In fact, I don’t care what emotion lingers behind the mask he’s suddenly put up, only that there is one and I’m staring at it.
He seems to dull—something I’ve never seen happen when his eyes are on mine. We promised to have no masks between us, and yet, I’ve forced him to wedge one atop the hurt I caused.
His eyes drift from mine. A cold huff leaves his mouth. “The queen seemed to think as much.”
I take a deep breath before trying to justify the damage I’ve caused. “Kai, you know it’s true. You’ve always known it was true. This”—I gesture between the two of us—“is a fantasy.”
“Right. Pretend.”
“No,” I say sternly. “Nothing about the way I feel is pretend, but…” I lift my hand, letting the diamond there catch the streaky light. “I’m still marrying your brother.”
And I hate that.
He’s shaking his head now, and the bite in his voice makes me wince. “And I’ll watch you two look down at me from the dais, nothing more than a weapon you can wield just like the king you killed had.”
Disgust drenches my voice. “You think so little of me?”
“I wish I did.” His eyes are icy. “I wish I could think about anything else.”
My voice settles into something stern. Hurt hardens me, and I spew the damning truth I’ve avoided for so long. “What did you think we were going to do? Hide for the rest of our lives beneath the willow tree?”
The words are harsh enough to penetrate his mask. He blinks at me, voice low. “Well, that’s where I will be. Hiding from the royal couple.”
I shake my head. Tears sting my eyes. “You know why I have to do this.”
He laughs, and it’s a biting sound I forgot him capable of. “Of course I know. But don’t you see? That doesn’t matter.” He lifts a hand toward my face before thinking better of it. “I’m selfish, Paedyn. I burned your home to the ground just to have you and now it is all of Ilya standing in my way, tempting me to light a match.”
His words are jarring enough to have me stumbling over my own. “I’m s-sorry. You know I never wanted any of this—”
“Well, it doesn’t matter what either of us wanted, does it?” He leans back, expression cold. “It was all a fantasy anyway. Kitt is who you, the Silver Savior, were destined for.” I watch him stand to his feet in one swift movement. “I was nothing more than a distraction.”
I follow quickly after him, my expression hardening at the mocking nickname. The words I hurl at his stony facade are far from the truth, but hurt sharpens them on my tongue all the same. “Maybe you’re right.”
“You’ll find that I typically am, Majesty.”
My chest heaves, mere inches from his. It’s anger at our cruel fates that has me lashing out. “Maybe I should distance myself from this distraction.”
A muscle twitches in his jaw. “Maybe you should.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
I give him one last withering look before spinning on my heel and heading for the door. But the harsh words he mutters have my feet halting atop the rocking floor. “And what exactly did the queen ask you about Kitt?”
I stand there for a moment, hand clutching the door’s rough edge. Then I’m whipping around to meet his gaze of indifference with words that are equally so. “She asked if I was going to kill him.”
There is a long pause wedged between us. “And are you?”
“Again,” I say between clenched teeth, “you think so little of me?”
“You know I do not.”
My eyes flick up his rigid body. “Then you should know the answer to her question.”
He looks away, crossing his arms over the broad chest beneath. “Good. Because if I have to choose between you or Kitt…”
“I know,” I murmur. Tears threaten to wash away the anger I’m cowering behind.
“Do you?” Those gray eyes glide over me in that way I’m certain I’ll never get used to. “Because I sure as hell don’t.”
