Paedyn
“That was not what it looked like.â€
A soft sigh. A nod that bobs the messy bun atop her head. “Like I said, I don’t know what it looked like, because I didn’t see a thing.â€
“Ellie,†I blurt, exasperated. “You know damn well what you saw.â€
She tucks a strand of loose hair behind her ear, as if that could distract from the smile lifting her lips. “I was just there to grab a broom, and that is exactly what I did.†As if to emphasize her innocence, she lifts said broom and continues down the hall while I trudge behind.
I’m thankful for the brisk pace she sets that blurs the faces we pass and cools the flush painting my cheeks. My mind refuses to do anything but replay the moment that door swung open to reveal the Enforcer and his future queen tangled in the dark. We’d sprung apart, but not before recognition widened Ellie’s brown eyes.
And yet, a smile tempts the corner of my mouth. I stifle it with a hand before it has the chance to spread. Because the longer I mull over the mortifying moment, the funnier I find it. In fact, my entire life is in shambles and all I can do is stare at the jagged pieces in my palm and laugh. I don’t dare look in a mirror because what stares back is a mosaic of every mistake, every tragedy traced into my skin, and the looming shadow of each one to come.
Powerless. Fatherless. Adena-less. These were the things I was already struggling to survive. And yet, it’s the ring on my finger that may be the death of me.
A choking laugh slips from beneath my palm, loud enough to have Ellie throwing a worried glance over her shoulder. I follow her blindly through the castle I only ever thought to be a prisoner within. My fingers fiddle with the intricate band now binding me to another. It glints in the light, harmless like a word not yet sharpened by a lashing tongue.
Of all the places I imagined sitting, a throne was the last of them. A dungeon, yes. At the edge of a blade, certainly.
Because Ordinaries don’t rule. They cower.
The seriousness of my current situation seems to crash into me once again as we round another corner. Servants stare; Imperials leer; laughter dissolves in my throat. Happiness flees in the face of my future.
Because I am the very object of weakness. I am loathed by all of Ilya. And if I am to be put on a pedestal, even to save their kingdom, they will gladly push me off.
Ellie stops suddenly before a door, and I nearly skewer myself on the broom handle she holds. Forcing my mind to wander back to the present, I follow her into the pristine room.
It takes all of two steps to realize that this is most definitely not the chamber I stayed in during the Trials. No, sprawled before me is the sort of decadence I’ve only dreamed of.
My feet fumble atop the plush floors, eyes wide as they skim over the largest bedroom I’ve ever seen. Intricate molding climbs up the far wall to surround each arched window lining it. Warm light pours in as the sun stretches across the green carpet, as though reaching for me.
The bed itself takes up most of the wall to my right, its floral quilt shadowed by the sheer canopy hanging above it. A desk, vanity, wardrobe, and rug all decorate the space, each one a soft white and far larger than I’d imagine they could be.
My eyes slowly slide back to Ellie. “What room is this, and why am I dirtying it?â€
She presses her lips into a thin smile. “It’s the queen’s quarters, of course. Well, the new ones. The memory of her late majesty, Queen Iris, still lives in the previous rooms.†Her words have my stomach dropping, skin paling. “This is where you’ll be living. I hope everything is… satisfactory?â€
“Satis—†I take a deep breath before I’ve even finished echoing her word in confusion. “Ellie, it has not been long enough for you to forget that I find everything about this castle to be far above my regular standards.â€
The smile she gives me is far slyer than I thought her capable. “Yes, I do recall you informing me how you’d crawled out of garbage the day we first met.â€
Swallowing my sudden sadness at her words, I manage a small smile.
My heart aches at the thought of our fort. Of the sanctuary Adena and I had scavenged for ourselves in the slums. To think I’d likened it to garbage makes me sick to my stomach. Though, to the naked eye, I’m sure that’s precisely what it looked like—and why it managed to stay untouched for so many years.
Now, it likely lies empty. Cold without her warmth and dull without her brightness.
Sun and sand and her bloody, broken body in my lap suddenly flash before my eyes. I blink back the memory, forcing myself to forget the sound of her final rattling breath or the thundering feet of bloodthirsty Ilyans surrounding us in the Bowl.
“Paedyn?â€
“Hmm?†My head snaps up to find a worried expression smothering Ellie’s soft features. I hadn’t even realized I’d been staring at the floor. “Sorry, yes, everything is more than satisfactory.â€
Clearing my throat, I step farther into the room. After ignoring what I’m sure is an equally exquisite washroom to my left, I find something far more enticing to stride toward.
I’m standing before the balcony within a matter of seconds. It’s only after throwing Ellie a giddy smile over my shoulder that I push open the glass-paned doors and step out onto the large stretch of stone.
The crisp air combs its fingers through my hair as I take in the beauty spread beneath me. It’s breathtaking, the gardens from this height. Rows of flowers weave around the circular cobblestone paths, colors colliding at every turn. The fountain where I’d thoroughly splashed Kitt lies at the center of it all….
Kitt.
That was all he was to me during those Trials. A prince, yes, and a replica of his father in face alone. But also, my friend. A friend I betrayed. And one I thought would surely kill me for that, and so much more.
But now he is so much more. First a friend, then a foe, and now my future.
I shudder at the thought and every implication behind it. Spinning on my heel, I head back into my—the queen’s—chambers to find Ellie patiently awaiting my return.
Shutting the balcony doors, I lean against them with a nonchalance I don’t feel and certainly haven’t for a long while. “Where is the queen? I mean, the… dowager queen.â€
I wince at the words I’ve stumbled over, but Ellie—angel that she is—offers an answer before I have the chance to butcher an elaboration. “She was moved to the west wing of the castle. That’s where the infirmary is,†she clarifies quietly. “But even if she wasn’t ill, she wouldn’t be occupying this chamber anymore. Because, as you know, these are the queen’s rooms and…â€
I brace myself against the doors. “And I am to be queen.â€
“Right.†She attempts a weak smile. “And I’m honored to be your lady’s maid. That is, if you’ll have me, of course.â€
I let out an exasperated laugh, and it feels good. Feels good to have my body shake with something other than pain. Make a sound other than a sob. “Ellie, if I’m truly made queen, I’ll ensure you don’t have to work another day.â€
“Oh, I don’t mind the work. Keeps me busy,†she admits shyly. “Besides, I want to serve you.â€
Another laugh surprises my lips, this one more biting than before. “Do you? After everything?†I take a few steps toward her. “You’ve heard the rumors. Probably even the truth.â€
“I’m sure you had your reasons,†she says softly, avoiding my gaze.
Her answer is jarring, like a sudden wave of relief. I swallow, scared of my own question. “But why is it you don’t hate me like the rest of Ilya?â€
She studies me then, letting a long, silent moment stretch between us. “The rest of Ilya doesn’t know you.â€
“And you do?†I ask, a little too quickly.
“Better than most. You learn a lot about someone when you’re their maid.†Then she’s walking over to the vanity, pulling out its matching stool, and beckoning me with a pat atop the plushy fabric. “Now, come on over and let me get you cleaned up.â€
I obey, stiff and unsure. Sinking into that cushioned seat feels like slipping into the past. A past where my only concerns were surviving the Trials ahead and the Ordinary blood in my veins. A simpler time, before I joined the Resistance and drove a sword through the corrupt king’s chest.
And this is how I’m rewarded for it. With a crown on my head and a kingdom at my throat.
“You cut your hair,†Ellie says softly, her tone inquiring. Wetting a cloth with warm water, she begins dabbing at the hardened blood speckling my skin.
She’s working on a particularly stubborn spot above my jaw as I murmur, “It was getting difficult to run for my life with it so long.â€
I say this instead of the pathetic truth of it all. Because I’d rather not reminisce on the feel of blood clinging to my hair so terribly that I begged Kai to cut it off. Because I still pale at the sight of it, feel it drenching my murderous palms, fear when I’ll see it gushing from the next person I love. Though, there are very few left to choose from, and the thought is woefully relieving.
I watch her reach for a pair of thin clippers. “Would you like me to even out the ends? It’s a bit choppy—â€
“No,†I blurt. Then I’m softly adding, “Thank you. I’d like to leave it.â€
Ellie nods, though I’m sure she aches to ask my reasonings. And if she had, I would have told her. I would have admitted why I cling to the crooked ends of my hair.
The bangs I continually cut for Adena looked the same.
Those jagged silver strands tether me to long nights in the Fort, snipping Adena’s curly bangs with nothing but the stars to see by. She would giggle at the tickling sensation while I chopped a crooked line through her hair. And then we would laugh, both blaming each other for the unfortunate outcome.
Now I will never again get that privilege. So I hold on to her in the ends of my own hair.
“What was it like?†Ellie finally asks, eyes wide. “Fleeing across the Scorches like that?â€
“Lonely,†I murmur. “Terrifying.â€
Ellie nods slowly, tucking a stray hair behind my ear. “Well, this length suits you. And I’m glad you’re back. Safe.â€
“Thank you,†I offer quietly. “I’m just as shocked about that as the court.â€
“Yes, I heard about that.†Her voice is the embodiment of a wince. “And I can’t say that the staff took the news much better.â€
“I can only imagine,†I groan. “In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m poisoned by the kitchen crew before the end of the week.â€
Ellie shakes her head, cloth persistently gliding over my skin. “Oh, no, they wouldn’t dare. Not with the king having claimed you as his bride-to-be.â€
Claimed me.
Those are words I certainly never thought would be associated with Kitt. His brother, on the other hand… I know exactly what it feels like to be claimed by the Enforcer. And I’ve embraced it.
“Well, that’s… reassuring,†I mutter.
“He’s been doing much better, you know,†Ellie adds softly, her eyes trailing the scar down my neck. It’s a struggle not to squirm beneath the weight of her obvious concern. But she continues, mercifully. “After his coronation, he was rarely seen. Kept to himself, locked in that study of his.†She leans in, lowering her voice as though we aren’t the only people occupying this room. “He’d dump his food from the window. Some of us servants stumbled upon the pile of scraps beneath it in the courtyard.
“But it’s to be expected, of course,†she continues with a sigh. “He was grieving his father, after all.†Her eyes slide to mine before quickly darting away. “And clearly Calum’s visits seemed to help. His majesty was able to hear firsthand what was happening in his kingdom, not just read it from the records.â€
I nod slowly, still trying to piece this perplexing puzzle together. “So, Calum would visit him? In his study?â€
“Well, not at first,†she amends. “He was in the dungeons for several days enduring Plague knows what. But I suppose Kitt saw something in him and decided to talk more civilly.†Ellie shrugs. “That’s really all I—and the staff—know on the matter.â€
I’ve never been so completely shocked and unsurprised in the same moment. Such a contradiction is the only reasonable response to the past hour of my life. Because, despite my hope for him, I never truly believed Kitt would strive to make changes that contradicted everything his father told him to believe. And it seems I was right. This king does not care wholly for a united Ilya, only that this kingdom remains by whatever means necessary.
I almost find the courage to smile, because this is a start.
Kitt has every right to hate me after I killed his tyrant of a father, but he needs me. Together, we could save this kingdom from more than just ruin. We could liberate it from the segregation that has plagued this land for decades. Perhaps, without Edric here to feed his son lies and prey on that insatiable need for approval, Kitt will be able to think clearly for the first time.
And with Calum offering him council, helping him see the truth of this kingdom, there might just be hope. His eloquence combined with that intent way in which he listens help make the Mind Reader so persuasive. Or maybe he simply uses that ability of his to comb through our thoughts, picking apart how we feel and think before saying exactly what needs to be heard.
My eyes fall to the bed, where my only belonging lies slumped on the floor beside it. The dirty pack was likely brought to my chambers by a reluctant servant. But it’s the journal residing inside that I itch to show Calum. Show Kitt.
That bound reminder of my father has me swallowing thickly. It’s odd, how the man I once knew was merely a thread in the tangle of truth I’m only now beginning to unravel. Until recently, Adam Gray was simply a father, a Healer who taught me how to survive with tedious observance and training. Then I watched him die. And that one devastating moment plunged me into a life I never thought I’d survive.
My father was the leader of the Resistance. Except, according to his journal, he wasn’t really my father at all.
Having been trapped within my mind for far too long, I turn my attention back to Ellie. “And the other Resistance members? I assumed some were taken as prisoners.â€
She shakes her head solemnly. “Last I heard, they were in the dungeons as well. But that was right after that final Trial, and it’s been a while since then….â€
She trails off, giving me time to imagine each cruel way they could have died. I wonder how many Resistance members—how many Ordinaries or the few Elites who supported them—were captured after that battle in the Bowl Arena. How many died brutally, because even after years of planning their uprise, it all went to shit.
Standing, I step out of Ellie’s gentle reach. “I need to speak with Kitt—the king.†I clear my throat. “And Calum.â€
She looks horrified by this idea. “Not looking like that, you won’t!†It takes mere seconds for the bashfulness to settle in once again. “I mean, you’ve had a very long journey and must rest—â€
“I thought I’d be dead long before this moment,†I cut in evenly. “Thought I’d be skewered with a sword in that throne room. But I’m not, and I intend to find out exactly why.†My voice lowers into something far more solemn. “I may not have much life left to live, so I won’t spend it resting.â€
“Okay, then,†Ellie says quietly. “No rest. But you must bathe before you show yourself to the castle again.â€
Right. My entire existence has been reduced to appearances.
I nod, suddenly unable to focus on anything but the blood crusted across my skin. It will be a relief to scrub away every remnant of the traitor running for her life. Every drop of blood, sweat, and tears shed on the treacherous journey.
Heading for the bathroom, I’m suddenly spinning on my heel and blurting, “Have you heard from Lenny? I saw him during my… travels, but we got separated.â€
“Right. About that.†Her gaze strays from my narrowing one. “Um, he’s here, actually.â€
“What?†I choke. “Where is he?â€
She pads toward me, brown bun bobbing with every step. “I’ll tell you after that bath.â€
“Ellie—â€
“My Lady.†She emphasizes the title with a lifted brow.
“Fine.†I huff, turning once again toward the bathroom. Then I’m calling over my shoulder, falsely cheery and absurdly genuine, “but only because the blood beneath my nails may drive me to insanity.â€
