My blood feels bubbly.
I’m light and heavy all at once, the spreading warmth beneath my skin hypnotizing. I’ve never felt so carefree, so unbothered by life and rules and hopes and failures…
What was I thinking? My head is spinning. Not in a particularly unpleasant way. But fast enough to routinely dump the thoughts from my head.
It doesn’t help that the rest of me has been spinning for… a length of time I don’t care to determine at the moment. I’ve finally untangled myself from Jax’s long legs after dancing—or something loosely resembling that—between the staring court members.
Because I’ve set my sights on something equally as fun.
The boys lean against a pillar, black suits stark beside the marble stone and—
And I can’t focus on anything else because, holy shit, they look good. I can feel my smile growing as I walk toward them in as straight of a line as I can manage. They are a pretty pair, the Azer brothers. And I have the rest of my life to spend with them. Married to one and in love with the other.
That bleak thought is one of the many I’d hoped the numerous glasses of champagne would ward off. But like all the others, the thought is fleeting. As is the urge to rip Blair’s head off. For now.
I’m suddenly standing before the king and his Enforcer. Kitt and Kai. Betrothed and regrettably not betrothed.
My tongue feels loose and dry and where the hell are my shoes? I ignore all of this to say, “Why aren’t you two having fun?”
It’s Kai who answers, voice enticing in a way I certainly wouldn’t refuse at the moment. “Are we supposed to dance with Jax as well?”
Kitt chuckles while I smile loosely, tilting my heavy head. I want him to laugh at my words like that. I want him to want to spend time with me. Or something like that. “No, I’m sure you’ve already done that. So, I’ve come to ask you to dance.”
Well, that’s an interesting idea. I’m scared what words will fall from my mouth next. Whatever I say is a shock to even myself.
Kai shakes his head. “And I thought you couldn’t surprise me any further tonight.”
When the Enforcer’s gaze meets mine, the king returns to his frustrating stoicism. Yes, I would very much like for us to be friends again. His words are clipped. “Me? Or Kai?”
I think I hear myself giggle. “Yes.”
And with that, I’m grabbing them both by the arm. I don’t bother trying to comprehend their persistent protests as I drag them toward the dance floor. The sea of people parts for us, amused enough to turn to their neighbor and gossip.
When I halt in the center of the dance floor, I turn to the boys. “As future queen, I hereby instate a new tradition.”
I might have yelled the words. Oops.
Kai is now pinching the bridge of his nose, swallowing the laugh in his throat. “Plagues, I hope you remember this tomorrow.”
“Shh, I’m making a decree,” I scold.
Kitt might have smiled. “We’re listening, Paedyn.”
I like that he said my name. That feels like progress.
I clear my throat, ignoring the many wide gazes surrounding, and—
Hmm. I feel like I should be taller for this. Establish my strength and such. So where the hell are my heels when I actually need them?
“I declare,” I say slowly, my spine straightening, “a dance between the three of us. Unified as one.”
I don’t even give them the chance to argue. How very queenly of me.
I’m wrapping an arm around each of them and swaying to the lively music. This is the fun I wanted. This will bring us together. What better way to force the king into friendship with me?
I laugh and laugh and, Plagues, have I ever laughed so much? A safe bet would be, no, I have never laughed so much. And I think it may be that very reason that gets the boys’ feet to move with me.
They share a single glance. It’s that brotherly bond that can never be broken—except by perhaps me, but what a grim thought—that has them communicating in a language I can’t hear. And the silent conclusion they come to is clearly for my benefit. Not rooted in pity, no, but in caring. Kai for me, and Kitt for Kai.
Soon enough, their arms weave around my back, wrapping around each other. We spin in our makeshift circle with any series of steps we desire. I’m pulled and spun and laughing louder by the minute. They laugh with me, at me, maybe, but I don’t care. This is a happiness I’m willing to sacrifice my dignity for.
We break out of our circle, dancing however we please. I’m spun between them, passed from arm to arm. I barely even notice the groups of people beginning to dance beside us, all following our lead. Clusters of bodies spin and dance among themselves, laughing at the informality of it all.
And I dare say it’s the most fun this court has ever seen.
Teetering on my toes, I throw both arms over the king and his Enforcer’s shoulders, beaming at the room around us. There is such beauty in chaos and I—
I’m being lifted off the ground.
I squeal when arms wrap around my waist and hoist my feet off the floor. I’m now a foot taller than the boys holding me up, and this is exactly the height I wished to be when making my impulsive decree.
I look down to my left. Kitt—crown crooked atop blond hair, smile shockingly wide, demeanor that of the boy I befriended so long ago, not the one I’d betrayed. I see hope when I look at him in this moment. A blooming companionship.
I look down to my right. Kai—black hair curling over his brow, eyes bright, and dimples that I curse beneath my breath. But above all, love. It lingers in his gaze, in his touch, down to the very curve of that smile I know belongs to me alone.
The room spins around me, but it’s him I focus on. Him I cling to.
Long after our dance and long into the next life.
The night passes in the form of hazy flashes.
My mouth hurts from smiling. My feet ache from dancing.
But I’m not on my feet in this flashing moment.
No.
I’m in strong arms, pressed against a broad chest, smiling up at a handsome face.
He tells me to stop looking at him like that.
My voice sounds far away. “And how am I looking at you?”
He says I’m looking at him like a promise I can’t keep.
This confuses me. Or maybe it doesn’t. Maybe it makes perfect sense.
“I want to tell you a secret, but I’m scared of it.”
He offers to say it for me.
I nod.
I notice what is hooked around his fingers, dangling from the hand beneath my knees.
“You found my shoes!”
He whispers the three-worded secret.
“You found my shoes for me.”
Another murmured declaration of devotion.
Tears prick my eyes. “… you found my shoes for me.”
He says he loves me. Again and again.
I cover my face with a pillow, smothering out the light.
Groaning, I roll over, nearly slipping off the side of my bed. My head pounds as I dare to peek open an eye and instantly regret it. Sunlight has long since poured into my room to bathe the bed in warmth, as if the rays wish to caress my cheek.
Throwing the covers over my aching head, I happily hide from the world beyond. Except, the world beyond begins to speak.
“You know, I bet noon, but Kai was confident on two hours past that,” says the familiar voice. “He was right. I suppose I should have listened. He does know you far better.”
“I wouldn’t give him too much credit,” I grumble from beneath the sheets. “It’ll go to his head.”
Gathering my courage, I slowly peel back the fort I’ve buried myself beneath and squint in the painful light. I know by voice alone who occupies this room with me. But that doesn’t make it any less shocking when I see his green eyes and tousled blond hair.
He is in my room. Shocking still, he came to see me. I don’t remember much of last night, but I must have done something right. Now, I just need to ensure I don’t ruin this progress.
I scramble into a sitting position as Kitt so obviously points out, “Champagne is not nearly as fun in the morning.”
My heavy eyes land on where he sits beside my bed. The king is watching me closely and all I can manage is a weak, “My head is pounding.”
“That,” he says slowly, “I expected. So I had Gail mix this up for you.”
He grabs a glass from my bedside table, swirling the murky liquid within it. I try my best not to seem shocked by his kind gesture. But it’s difficult to ignore the hope swelling in my chest. “That looks… terrifying,” I finally croak. “What even is it?”
His smile is worrisome. “It’s best if you don’t know. But it will make you feel better. Trust me.”
I cut him a skeptical glance after peering at the liquid. He inclines his head, urging me to drink. But as soon as I press the glass to my lips and tip my throbbing head back, I immediately regret it. The taste can only be described as foul, and I’m momentarily considering spitting the grainy texture out.
“No, don’t give up yet.” The corner of Kitt’s mouth kicks up, and that alone keeps me going.
Hastily gulping down the rest of the vile liquid, I push the cup into his hand with a sputtering cough. “That was…” I physically shudder. “That was awful.”
“Gail’s hangover remedy is not for the weak, let me tell you.” His gaze grows distant. “Kai and I have endured it many times over the years.”
I’m handed a glass of water next, which I eagerly drain in the hopes it will rid me of the horrid taste in my mouth. The king watches me closely, looking far from the title with how casually he sits beside me. “How are you feeling?”
I assess myself before determining, “Better, actually. Thank you. I didn’t…” I’m feeling annoyingly awkward. “I didn’t think you would come and see me.”
“Someone had to ensure you were still alive up here,” he says simply.
“I’m glad you cared to check.”
There is a long pause. It’s as though he hadn’t considered that to be true. Then comes his curt change of subject. “I’m addressing the court today about your next Trial.”
I straighten. “Already?”
Kitt nods. “Testing your benevolence will take longer than your bravery, so I’m getting you started sooner.”
“I’ll be in another Trial within the next few days.”
The words are deafening, and yet, I had hardly whispered them. A familiar sense of panic eats away at my composure. I may have completed the first Trial, but that does not guarantee I’ll make it out of this one alive. And just as I have been my entire life, I’m afraid.
“At least you’re plenty rested,” Kitt offers.
I lean my head against the wall where it continues to ache dully. “When did I get back to my room last night?”
“Nearly five in the morning,” he states. “Kai carried you up here.”
I practically wince at his words. There is no bite to them, and that almost makes it worse. Talk of Kai has always been, and always will be, unbearably awkward. So I attempt to avoid it. “Plagues, how much did I drink?”
“Enough to not remember much, I assume?”
I blow out a breath. “Yes, it’s all very… blurry. I remember bits and pieces of the ball.” Cutting him a glance, I add, “Well, I certainly remember why I started drinking in the first place.”
The sight of Blair flashes in my mind, managing to boil my blood even now.
“I’m sorry that her being there was so upsetting,” Kitt states, not sounding too torn up about it. “But I need you to get used to her being around. I can’t simply make her disappear.”
“Oh, I could.” There is not a hint of a smile on my face. “Allow me. Please.”
“You know that’s not possible, Paedyn.” He runs a hand down the back of his neck. “But you seemed to be having fun despite her being there. Even managed to get the court to have a good time, and that is no simple feat.”
“Yes, the dancing,” I say slowly. “My feet are sore.”
“Well, I hear you discarded your shoes rather quickly.” He nods to the heels that were hastily strewn beside my bed.
I stare at them, a memory struggling to surface at the sight. But before I have a chance to recall, Kitt is standing to his feet. “You made another decree as well. Very impressive.”
I laugh. “Don’t mock me.”
That almost manages to earn me a smile before he clears his raspy throat and stands. “I’ll send Ellie in to get you ready. I have a meeting to get to.” He points to the bedside table, drawing my attention to what sits there, steaming in the sunlight. I hadn’t noticed the bowl in my foggy state. “Kai said you might want some of that. Again, he knows you rather well, so I took his word for it.”
Despite myself, I smile at the porridge decorated with fruit. Fruit that Kai despises. Blueberries sit among the steaming oats, reminding me of that long night under the willow. “Thank you,” I murmur, lifting my eyes to his. “For bringing it for me.”
He gives me a quick nod of his head. Then he coughs into an ink-stained fist. “You have two hours. I’ll see you at the throne room then.”
Stepping out the door, he’s quickly replaced with Ellie. I scarf down the porridge while she readies the room, eying me from afar. “What is it, Ellie?” I finally ask between bites.
“Nothing,” she answers quickly. “I’m just happy you’re feeling better. You were very out of it when Prince Kai dropped you off last night.”
I feel my cheeks redden. “Yes, not my finest moment.”
“He insisted on staying in here with you.” She glances over at me bashfully. “Said he would sit in that chair until he was sure you were asleep.”
I swallow. “And did he?”
“Yes.” Her voice is quiet. “And long after.”
We fall silent soon after that, setting our focus on the task at hand. After a cool bath that further wakes me, Ellie ensures I look presentable in record time. She’s pinned half of my damp hair up with the exception of a few pieces that fall around my powdered face.
Next, I step into an elegant green gown behind the screen. The drooping sleeves and high neckline cover my scars, following the requirements I’d given Ellie for any future dresses. Shoving on my heels, I’m hit once again with that fleeting memory at the sight of them.
But Ellie is pushing me out the doors before I have the chance to ponder it further. I set a steady pace down the hall, passing the many emotionless Imperials lining it. They stare, and I stare back.
Soon enough, I’m threading my arm through Kitt’s and watching the large doors swing open. When I look over at him, he nods slowly. And then we’re stepping into the throne room.
The same eyes that watched me last night are watching me now. We walk between the throng of people on either side, faces forward. Reaching the dais, Kitt guides me up before we turn as one toward the court. His fingers reach for mine, lacking all the hesitancy he shows in private. But this is for show, not feelings.
“Ladies and gentlemen of the court, today we gather in honor of Paedyn Gray’s second Trial,” Kitt announces, voice steady. “As you and the rest of Ilya know, she successfully retrieved Mareena Azer’s lost crown. After proving her bravery, she will now prove her benevolence.
“As second of the three B’s,” Kitt continues, “benevolence has proven difficult in the past, due to our isolation from neighboring cities. But with our borders now open, we must extend peace to the kingdoms. This will take more than a letter detailing Ilya’s changes. It will require action.”
My eyes skim over the crowd, finding Calum among the unfamiliar faces. He’s smiling slightly at Kitt’s words, pleased with every one that leaves his mouth. Beside him stands a girl I haven’t seen since the Resistance meetings at my old home. Her hair is the same blond as her father’s, eyes nearly as blue.
Mira.
When she catches me staring, I’m barely offered a nod, let alone a smile. This is hardly surprising. We weren’t particularly close, and I’m not sure she would give me a grin even if we were.
I turn my attention back to the king when he glances over at me. It’s a fleeting look that just might resemble an apology. “For that reason,” Kitt declares, “Paedyn will be traveling across the Shallows Sea to befriend the city of Izram and open future trade between us.”
My sharp inhale is drowned out by the clapping crowd.
Of course they’re clapping. No one has crossed the treacherous stretch of water in years. And I may not make it back if I dare test the unforgiving sea.
That is why they cheer.
“Paedyn will inform Izram of our opened borders and negotiate peace…”
Kitt continues his speech, but I hear none of it.
No, my eyes land on Kai’s before running over his rigid body.
Fear pulls at his features, and when he dares to meet my gaze, I’m forced to once again wonder why I ever bother looking at anyone else. Those icy eyes drag over my body, feeling heavier than a touch, more meaningful than a word. I revel in his reverence. That is, until it lands on the fingers I’ve laced between his brother’s.
A muscle feathers in his jaw. I can see the anger seeping out from beneath the unbothered mask he’s slipped on.
So he looks away. He turns. He strides from the throne room.
And I can feel myself beginning to drift without him to anchor me.
