Kai
I thought Iรขโฌโขd known torment until it wrapped around her finger.
No, torment is tangible, and it gleams atop her tanned skin.
I stare, unblinking, at the symbol my brother slid onto her finger. It is binding. It is infinite. It is my undoing.
A laugh threatens to slip past my numb lips. Itรขโฌโขs not as though she hadnรขโฌโขt promised to be my ruin, hadnรขโฌโขt already become my demise. She is the single most destructive thing I have ever desired, and yet, it is the diamond on her finger that will destroy me.
I watch Paedyn through the gaps of a gawking crowd, just as I will for the rest of my life. Iรขโฌโขll be forced to spend my days at her service but never at her side. In her shadow but never truly seen. In love with a girl Iรขโฌโขd have bowed to long before she became my queen.
Kitt steps aside, allowing the court full view of his betrothed. Short hair whispers atop her shoulders with each slow turn of her head. Silver meets tanned skin, gliding across the scar trailing her neck until the torn skin gleams like the sharp end of a blade. Her blue eyes cut through the crowd, searching and swift and so unsure.
I step behind one of the many marble pillars framing the room, avoiding her piercing gaze for perhaps the first time. Iรขโฌโขve been nothing but willing when it comes to drowning in those ocean eyes. But now, I canรขโฌโขt fathom drowning if she is not the anchor Iรขโฌโขm sinking with.
Questions fly around the room, each one teetering on an accusation. I blend into the chaos, listening as the court voices my very own confusion. Because this was the last decree I ever thought would form on Kittรขโฌโขs lips. And he hadnรขโฌโขt even bothered to inform me of it.
I roll my neck, practically feeling that indifferent mask of the Enforcer melting away from the rage simmering beneath. The abilities of every person in this room begin to press down on me, begging to be unleashed. Anger is too dangerous an emotion to let myself feel. It dulls my senses and heightens my Wielder ability until all I know is the power pulsing beneath my skin.
But I have no one to blame but myself. I did this to her, to us, to each moment I spent hoping she would be the center of every one to follow.
I am the monster who hunted her down. I am the beast who delivered her to this doom. And I am afraid Iรขโฌโขll become so much worse when Iรขโฌโขm no longer striving to deserve her.
A man shouts beside my ear, waving a hand so obnoxiously that I contemplate breaking it. Better yet, maybe Iรขโฌโขll borrow his Blazer ability and singe that wagging tongue from his mouth.
Fortunately for the man, Kittรขโฌโขs voice swells over the echoing shouts before I get the chance to do anything rash. รขโฌลI will answer all your questions in a formal meeting to come. Following that, we will announce our engagement to the surrounding kingdoms.รขโฌย
Engagement.
It feels as though the ground is caving in beneath me. Why couldnรขโฌโขt we have just stayed in that field of poppies? I would spend the rest of myย days making her flower crowns if she wanted to be a queen. My queen. Not Kittรขโฌโขs. Not Ilyaรขโฌโขs. Mine.
My eyes trace over her, tracking each movement. Kitt dismisses the court, quieting every conversation with a wave of his hand. In that moment, that single movement, I see our father. Itรขโฌโขs as though he is the one standing before this court, and Kitt is nothing more than his shadow.
This king is not the same one I left a fortnight ago.
This king is collected and calm and conscious of every move he makes.
But just as it always does, my gaze trails back to Paedyn. She is making her way across the room now, spine stiff and eyes straight ahead, fixed on the maid awaiting her beside the towering doors still several yards away. Sneers follow her every step as she strides through the crowd. Dozens of disgusted faces close in on her, growing bolder by the second. And Iรขโฌโขm already moving before a man steps into her path.
He leans close enough to subtly mutter his vile comment, but the spittle flying from his mouth to splatter her freckles doesnรขโฌโขt go unnoticed. I shove the man away from her so forcefully that I vaguely wonder whether I let a Brawny ability slip to the surface. The reckless action has me suddenly standing between Paedyn and the man who so clearly has a death wish. Stepping forward, I tower over him, ignoring the gasping crowd surrounding the scene Iรขโฌโขve made. Because the truth is, I donรขโฌโขt give a damn about what this court thinks of me. And my reputation sure as hell canรขโฌโขt get any worse.
รขโฌลSo much as breathe on her again,รขโฌย I snarl, รขโฌลand Iรขโฌโขll ensure itรขโฌโขs the last time you ever do.รขโฌย
รขโฌลNo.รขโฌย
Her voice cuts through every crazed thought, washing over me as though relief itself is nothing more than the mere presence of her. Paedyn steps beside me, her gaze unwaveringly set on the now ghostly pale man. รขโฌลNo,รขโฌย she repeats, voice lethal. รขโฌลI will be the one to ensure that theย next breath you take to insult me, or my people, will be the very last one you ever taste. And it will be me, an Ordinary, that ends your Elite life.รขโฌย
She stares at him, looking as though formidability is woven into the very fiber of her being. My ears ring in the sudden silence smothering the throne room. Every eye is pinned on her, every jaw slackened by her words.
My future queen has just made her first decree.
That damn ring is going to slip off her finger with how terribly her hands are shaking.
I follow her out the double doors, fleeing the stifling throne room and gossiping court within. She quickens her pace down the plush halls, and I can only imagine how out of place we look among the emerald embellishments. The Enforcerรขโฌโhalf-naked and wrapped in bandagesรขโฌโand the kingรขโฌโขs betrothedรขโฌโbloody and dipped in a layer of grime.
รขโฌลPaedyn,รขโฌย I call, lengthening my strides.
That only has her skidding around another corner. I sigh, trying again. รขโฌลPae, wait.รขโฌย
She stops, suddenly. Shakily. Even at my distance, I see her shoulders tremble, hear the shuddering of her breath. She braces a steadying hand against the wall, and Iรขโฌโขm about to call out again when a swarm of people spill into the hallway behind.
Shit.
I need to think fast, need to get Paedyn out of here before the entire court finds their future queen gasping for air in the hallway. Plague knows they would credit her panic to her weakened, Ordinary blood.
My eyes land on a door occupying the same wall Paedyn is currently slumped against before doing the only thing I can think of.
รขโฌลAll right, up you go,รขโฌย I murmur before scooping her legs into my arms and slinging the rest of her over my shoulder.
This manages to get her attention. Itรขโฌโขs as though Iรขโฌโขve awakened a slumbering beast. รขโฌลWhat the hellรขโฌโ?รขโฌย She wriggles in my hold, nails biting into the bare skin of my back. รขโฌลPut. Me. Down.รขโฌย
I head for the door, a flood of voices following. รขโฌลTempting, but Iรขโฌโขm a bit busy saving your ass at the moment.รขโฌย She canรขโฌโขt see the smirk that twitches my lips, but Iรขโฌโขm sure she hears it in my voice when I add, รขโฌลSpeaking of ass, howรขโฌโขs the view back there, Gray?รขโฌย
รขโฌลNauseating,รขโฌย she bites out.
I whip open the door and step inside. รขโฌลYou know I can see your left foot twitch, yes?รขโฌย
She grumbles incoherently in response to her betraying limb before nearly smacking her lolling head against the door I close.
Darkness swallows every inch of the small space.
I set her gently on the floor before me, feeling her breath tickle my heated skin. My hands linger over the shape of her. Calluses catch on the thin fabric of her shirt, dragging it up as my palms slide over her hips. I canรขโฌโขt see the shape of her in this pressing darkness, so Iรขโฌโขll simply have to settle with feeling every inch of it.
Her voice is breathy in a way that has me gripping her tighter. รขโฌลWhere are we?รขโฌย
รขโฌลLikely a forgotten broom closet,รขโฌย I mutter. รขโฌลCouldnรขโฌโขt have the entire court seeing their future queen in shambles, now, could we?รขโฌย
The words were intended to tease, but they tear through my teeth, biting and bitter. And I regret them the moment I feel her body tremble beneath my hands. รขโฌลHey,รขโฌย I amend gently, pulling at the hem of her shirt until she stumbles against me. รขโฌลTalk to me.รขโฌย
I can feel each thundering beat of her heart against my chest. And just like that, the distraction Iรขโฌโขd created for her dissolves. Sheรขโฌโขs crumbling again, her voice cracking as her composed facade does the same. รขโฌลIรขโฌยฆ I canรขโฌโขt do this. I donรขโฌโขt want to do this.รขโฌย I feel each vigorous shake of herย head. รขโฌลI was ready to die. I was ready for you to be the last thing I saw and nowรขโฌโรขโฌย
รขโฌลDonรขโฌโขt say that,รขโฌย I choke out, cutting her off before any more of my fears can escape her mouth. รขโฌลI would have never let that happen. I promised to fix this, and I will.รขโฌย
รขโฌลFix this?รขโฌย Her laugh is little more than a rasp. รขโฌลKai, this is no longer a matter of life or death. This isรขโฌยฆรขโฌย When her breath catches, I know it is the ring she runs trembling fingers over. รขโฌลThis is until death do us part.รขโฌย
Thereรขโฌโขs that anger again, washing over me in waves. Because she was meant to be the death of me, not the life of another. It was her I was meant to adore in this world and crawl to in the one after. But now sheรขโฌโขs tethered to a king, and I am nothing more than her killer.
I fumble for her hands, desperate to hold on to her for as long as I can. รขโฌลFocus on this ring,รขโฌย I urge, spinning the band on her thumb. รขโฌลYour fatherรขโฌโขs, not my brotherรขโฌโขs. Until I figure this out, spin it like you always do. Distract yourself.รขโฌย
I feel a weak scoff tremble through her body. รขโฌลBut this doesnรขโฌโขt belong to my father. Not truly.รขโฌย Her voice quivers beneath the weight of each word. รขโฌลEverything I thought I knew about my life was a lie. And now Iรขโฌโขm expected to live it alongside someone I thought wanted me dead?รขโฌย
I shake my head, not knowing how to help her deal with the sudden discovery of how she became Adam Grayรขโฌโขs daughter. It was not by blood, but by chance and neglect of a stranger. And I am useless when it comes to curing her of this confusion, this hurt.
รขโฌลI donรขโฌโขt understand any of this,รขโฌย she continues in a rush. รขโฌลI should be dead by now. Every person in this Plague-forsaken kingdom wants to see me dead, not on a throne.รขโฌย She sighs into the shadows, her breath skittering across my skin. รขโฌลBut Kitt is right. The kingdoms wonรขโฌโขt open trade if Ilya does not welcome Ordinaries again. You saw how hated Elites were in Dor.รขโฌย I feel the quick shake of her head. รขโฌลIรขโฌโขve wanted a unitedย Ilya more than anyone, even if the king does so begrudgingly. Butรขโฌยฆรขโฌย
รขโฌลBut the Elites will not accept an Ordinary queen so easily,รขโฌย I finish for her. รขโฌลHell, even the idea of Ordinaries freely living in Ilya.รขโฌย
Thereรขโฌโขs a beat of silence before words are spilling from her mouth, the one I canรขโฌโขt see but know the shape of by heart. รขโฌลI thought Kitt was spiraling. I thought he was grieving and angry.รขโฌย A shaky breath. รขโฌลI thought heรขโฌโขd order you to drive a sword through my chest the moment I set foot in that throne room.รขโฌย
รขโฌลI thought he would too,รขโฌย I murmur. รขโฌลAnd I was prepared to severely disappoint him.รขโฌย
The ache in her voice makes me wince. รขโฌลKaiรขโฌยฆรขโฌย
รขโฌลPae. I had no idea that this is what he had planned.รขโฌย Dirty fingers comb through the messy strands of my hair. รขโฌลIรขโฌโขve known little of Ilyaรขโฌโขs disarray over the years. And that is simply because I was spending more time in the slums than anyone filling this castle. You confirmed my suspicions in the Scorches, about the lack of food and land. But I hadnรขโฌโขt realized the situation was so dire.รขโฌย
I can feel her spinning that ring on her thumb.
รขโฌลYou said he wasnรขโฌโขt himself when you left,รขโฌย Paedyn ventures softly. รขโฌลHe was grieving. The people whispered about his madness.รขโฌย The next words are a distant thought plucked from her head. รขโฌลSo, what changed?รขโฌย
รขโฌลI donรขโฌโขt know.รขโฌย My mind wanders back to the plethora of paper that scattered his desk, and the stained hands rummaging through them. รขโฌลI donรขโฌโขt know.รขโฌย
The darkness speaks on our behalf for a long moment, swelling around us and filling our ears with a dull drone before Iรขโฌโขm once again tugging at that fraying hem of her shirt. She melts against my body, and it feels like relief. That is, until she admits quietly, รขโฌลI donรขโฌโขt know if Iรขโฌโขll survive this.รขโฌย
รขโฌลYouรขโฌโขve already survived worse,รขโฌย I remind her sternly. รขโฌลBesides, youย seemed to have no problem handling that man in the throne room.รขโฌย
รขโฌลAs did you,รขโฌย she counters, and I can perfectly picture the steely look accompanying those words. รขโฌลI donรขโฌโขt need you to fight my battles.รขโฌย
รขโฌลOh, darling,รขโฌย I murmur, รขโฌลI know you donรขโฌโขt. But if I am to be your Enforcer, then you better get used to it.รขโฌย
This shake of her head is imploring. รขโฌลI am no oneรขโฌโขs queen.รขโฌย
รขโฌลIs that so?รขโฌย My fingers find her cheek before trailing down the smooth slope of her nose. รขโฌลThen you have no idea how much power you hold over me.รขโฌย
รขโฌลYou seem to forget that Iรขโฌโขm completely powerless, Prince.รขโฌย Her words hold an edge, as though her breath has become a blade she drags along my neck.
รขโฌลSo be my weakness, then.รขโฌย
รขโฌลYou know Iรขโฌโขm betrothed to your brother,รขโฌย she whispers, lips dangerously close to mine.
I swallow, voice stern. รขโฌลFor now.รขโฌย
รขโฌลFor forever,รขโฌย she breathes harshly. รขโฌลI donรขโฌโขt think there is a way out of this. And if what Kitt said in the throne room is real, then the future of Ilya and the Ordinaries within it rides on this.รขโฌย
I tip my face until her forehead meets mine. รขโฌลIรขโฌโขm too selfish to let you go so easily.รขโฌย
รขโฌลThen pretend.รขโฌย
My thumb drags lazily over her bottom lip. รขโฌลDoes that mean I have to drag you into a closet every time I want to touch you?รขโฌย
Iรขโฌโขm toying with her, trying to ignore the bitter taste each word leaves in my mouth. I refuse to let this be her fate, and yet, fear twines around me, tightening my chest even as I tease her. Because if she truly becomes Kittรขโฌโขs, I will spend the rest of my life mourning her.
So I distract. Deflect. Desire her more than ever in case this is the last time I get to.
I can hear the weak smile beginning to creep into her voice. รขโฌลYouรขโฌโขre not supposed to touch me at all.รขโฌย
รขโฌลBut you could command me to,รขโฌย I drawl. รขโฌลThen Iรขโฌโขd simply be following an order.รขโฌย
Her laugh is breathy, and I memorize the sound.
Her arms twine around my neck, and I wonder if she will hold him like this.
Her nose nudges mine, and I silently beg that she will never flick anotherรขโฌโขs.
Her lips have only just brushed mine when the door flies open.
