I weave between the training rings, hands tucked casually behind my back.
Sweaty bodies pack the yard, some sparring while others groan through the set of exercises I’ve forced upon them. I scan the crowded expanse of dirt and torn grass, tracing the movements of those around me. My hand shoots out, lifting a Brawny’s elbow as I pass. “Keep your back straight. Carry the sword higher.”
The Imperial nods before I continue down the path, catching a Flash before he runs into a loaded crossbow or a Bloom keen on uprooting my training yard.
It seems my soldiers are out of practice.
Father ensured that most of my time was spent hunting down Ordinaries. But, seeing that Kitt freed me from that gruesome task, I can now focus on whipping my men into shape.
“I don’t care if you are the strongest Elite out here,” I call, standing in the center of chaos. “I want you to learn how to fight without ability.” I point to a particularly filthy Imperial. “Widen your stance. And you—” I step into a ring, pulling a Shell’s forearm higher. “Guard your face, always. You’re not made of stone right now.”
I’ve spent the entire day shouting variations of the same thing. Every two hours a new rotation of soldiers stepped into the yard, replacing the ones I’d worn out. Ordinaries are sprinkled among the Elites and instantly recognized by the group. They are timid, unsure of every movement, as if terrified to make a wrong one. I’ve learned over the past several hours that it is best to separate those Ordinaries from the taunting Elites. At least, until I’m confident they can swing a sword correctly.
Darkness has bled across the sky before I finally stride back into the castle.
I’m tired and hungry, but most of all, I’m thinking of her.
My feet are quick to find their way toward the queen’s quarters. It feels wrong, and yet, so entirely fitting that she is occupying them. The halls are quiet, the shadows are thick, and—
Her door is fixed.
I shouldn’t be surprised, considering I’m the one who told Andy it was in need of repair. With her hard work in mind, I gently rap my knuckles against the wood rather than kicking it off the hinges.
Her footsteps grow closer on the other side of the door. I’ve gotten rather good at memorizing every sound she makes. Every laugh from her throat, every shuffle of her feet, every sigh against my mouth.
The door swings open, and there she is. A large shirt hangs off her tan shoulder, the hem of it nearly covering the silk shorts exposing the length of her legs. Her short hair is damp, skin sweet with the remnants of bathing oils. I breathe her in as my eyes roam over the familiar figure before me.
She peeks her head out the door, expression suddenly anxious. “You shouldn’t be here,” she hisses into the silence. Then, without another word, I’m being tugged into her room.
I kick the door shut behind me. “Where else would I be?”
“Your own room, maybe?”
“My room doesn’t have you in it.” My lips twitch. “Hence why I’m in yours.”
She shakes her head at me in disbelief. “Insufferable, cocky bastard.”
I wrap an arm around her waist to pull her against me. My fingers flick the tip of her nose, voice softening to a whisper. “And my pretty—” I kiss her gently, feel her mouth melt against mine. “Pretty Pae.”
She tugs at my shirt, pressing her lips against mine. I shove away from the door before pushing her farther into the room. This kiss is greedy and aching. This kiss is made up of every moment I wasn’t able to touch her, every moment I wanted her but willed myself not to.
Her lips are as soft as the skin beneath my roaming hands. I feel a shiver snake down her spine when my fingers curl into her damp hair. “You shouldn’t be here,” she reminds again, barely managing to get the words out.
My response is a whisper against her lips. “I know.”
“Someone could have seen you,” she pants.
“I know.”
Her hands grasp at my hair. “I’m an engaged woman.”
My voice is low. “Oh, I know.” My fingers find that damning ring, slipping it off even as my mouth moves against hers. She makes a sound of protest against my lips that has my heartbeat quickening, but I manage to grab her other wrist from where it’s buried in my hair. Before she can stop me, I’ve pushed the band onto the finger of her right hand. “There. Now it’s just a ring. No vows attached.”
She pulls away with a smile that has my breath catching. “Oh, it’s that simple?”
“It could be,” I say too quickly, too desperately.
The heated moment fizzles out between us, leaving only panted breaths and the grim reminder of our future. Paedyn takes a step away, then a dozen more as she begins pacing the plush carpet. Lifting wet hair off her neck, she clears her throat. “Kitt is… suspicious of our relationship. I think that is why he pushes me away.”
I force myself to scoff, knowing that the alternative is far more dangerous. “Because he still cares for you.”
“We just need to be careful,” Paedyn says calmly. “I don’t want to make things more difficult than they already are.”
I turn away, shoving hands into my pockets. I’m suddenly very interested in the molding that decorates her door. “So, I take it you spoke to Kitt?”
“We had dinner together.” She waits for a reaction I don’t give her. “We’re going to start doing that regularly.”
“Of course,” I bite out. “Kings and queens dine together, after all.”
Jealousy weighs heavy on my words, straining my voice enough to have Paedyn sighing. Her hands cup my face to turn it toward her. “Please don’t push me away too. I don’t want this any more than you do.”
I manage a nod before she’s flicking the tip of my nose weakly. I’m momentarily stunned by the action, as I always am. But it never gets easier, adjusting to the joy that swells within me when her fingers flick my nose. To feel her endearment so physically is a privilege I don’t deserve.
“Don’t do that,” I breathe.
“Do what?”
I duck my head. “Ruin me.”
“I thought that is what you wanted?” she reminds me slyly.
“Not like this.” I tuck a damp strand of hair behind her ear. “Not with him.”
A slow ache begins its inevitable build in my chest. I will always love my brother, but I’m not sure I can bear to watch him grow old with her. Loyalty and love are damning enough when apart from each other. Now, they are dangerously tangled together.
A lingering, sympathetic look is the only answer she offers.
“So, did you come to say goodbye?” Pae’s voice is soft, her change of topic less so. “Just in case.”
“I don’t need to say goodbye,” I answer blandly. “Because I will see you after the Trial.”
Her gaze is distant. “I’m going to the Scorches. Or the Shallows.” I still at her words, prepared to ask how she knows this when the answer spills from her mouth. “Kitt told me. Two of the Trials will take place at the remaining landmarks I haven’t yet survived.”
I shake my head. “Of course they will. I shouldn’t be surprised that the court would throw you somewhere you’ve never been before.” She opens her mouth, urging me to add, “But, no, I won’t say goodbye, because you’re going to be fine. Bravery is the least of your worries.”
She’s quiet for a troublesome amount of time. Then, a soft smile finds its way to her lips. “When I left for the Purging Trials, Adena reassured me that it wasn’t a goodbye, simply a good way to say bye until I saw her again.” She swallows thickly. “It was the most ridiculous line, but she said it so many times over the years.”
She makes a pained sound that slightly resembles a laugh. I look down at her, finding a mingling of grief and anger harshening her features. My fingers lift her chin. “So, in the wise words of Adena, this is simply a good way to say bye until… whatever the hell.”
She was laughing before I’d even begun trailing off. But this time, it’s the kind of sound that has my breath catching, eyes unblinking so I don’t miss a single second of it. “Until whatever the hell,” Paedyn repeats with a nod.
I smile until the one she wears fades, and even then, I grin again in the hopes hers will return. After a moment too long, I finally admit why it is I’m here in the first place. “I have something for you.”
A shadow of skepticism falls over her face. “Should I be worried?”
Reaching into my boot, I carefully slide the gift from it. “I should be worried. It will likely find its way to my neck again.”
The silver dagger gleams, as if calling to her.
Her eyes widen, roaming up the sharp blade and over the swirling pattern dressing the hilt. Reaching out slowly, she grabs hold of her father’s knife. And for this one, single moment, all is right in the world.
There she is, the Silver Savior, standing before me—dagger in hand and a smile spreading across her face.
“Thank you.” She can hardly get the words out. “I thought I would never see it again.”
I smile. “Just try your best not to slice me open, yes?”
“You first, Prince.”
Her words are meant to tease, but instead my eyes drift to the scar crawling across her thigh. The smile fades from my face at the reminder of what I’d done to her while trying to fulfill my mission. She takes a step closer, sensing my sudden seriousness with a slight look of concern. My gaze trails up to the letter I know to be carved above her heart.
Her palm finds my face in a gentle caress. “You’re not him.”
Those three words threaten to shatter me to pieces.
I can’t bring myself to look at her. It’s a sudden, deafening relief that follows in the wake of her reassurance. I hadn’t even realized how terribly I’d needed to hear that from her lips. The symmetries between my father and the monster he made of me have haunted every corner of my mind for as long as I can remember.
“Kai.” Her voice is delicate enough to refocus my fragile mind. “You’re not him,” she whispers again, tears pricking those beautiful blue eyes. “I need you to know that. For me.”
I nod, not knowing where all my words went. She holds my face in her hands, holds me together with a touch I wish would belong to only me. “You’re not him,” she repeats with a soft smile. “But you have both left very different marks on my heart. One an O, and the other something even more damning.”
Her unspoken words hang in the air between us.
“Paedyn.” I tip my forehead against hers, aching to say what she is so scared of. In that field of poppies, I told her how impossible it was to stop myself from falling in love with her. And yet, the three damning words have yet to fall from my lips.
I love you.
I open my mouth, but it’s her strained voice I hear. “Don’t. Not yet.” She blows out a breath, her fingers brushing down the length of my cheek. “Every person who has ever said that to me is gone. And I… I need you more than I need those words.”
I smile, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “It will take far more than mere words to drag me from you, darling.”
“It better,” she breathes.
Her dagger hangs loosely from the hand she’s twined around my neck. Odd, that there was once a time I feared her burying it into my back. Now I readily bare my weaknesses before her.
It’s as though she is whole again in my arms, reunited with the ghost of her father and held in the arms of her Enforcer. And when she kisses me, long and fierce, I realize how happily I’d live the rest of my life at the end of a blade. So long as she is the one holding it.
