It’s funny, literature classes without Damen by my side to hold my hand, whisper in my ear and serve as my “pause” button. I had gotten so used to it
presence that I had forgotten how obnoxious Stacia and Honor could be. But to see them giggling stupidly while sending each other
texts like “what a mess, this one, no wonder he left”, I understand that I will have to start hiding again
behind my hoodies, my iPod and my sunglasses.
I am not insensitive to the irony of the situation. Me who
begged my immortal boyfriend to disappear from my sight so that I could finally live normally, here I am the turkey of the joke.
Because, in my new life without Damen, the unbridled thoughts, colors and sounds flying in all directions are so intrusive, overwhelming, that my ears are constantly ringing and my eyes are itching. And I suffer from sudden, excruciating migraines that invade my mind, take me hostage, make me nauseous and dizzy to the point where I’m barely able to
to function normally.
The most curious thing is that I was so afraid of announcing the
news to Miles and Haven that I waited a week before broaching the issue. They are so used to his repeated absences that his disappearance did not worry them too much. So one day, at lunch, I took the plunge.
By the way, Damen and I broke up, I announced. He is
gone,” I added, raising my hand to silence them when they widened their eyes and started talking at the same time.
He left ? they repeated, incredulous.
And even though I didn’t doubt their concern and knew that I
owed them an explanation, I abruptly ended the discussion. With Ms. Machado, it was a different story.
A few days after Damen left, she approached my easel, trying hard not to look at my disastrous imitation of Van Gogh.
I know you and Damen were friends. I imagine how hard it must be for you now that he’s gone, so I thought this would make you happy. I’m sure you’ll find it extraordinary.
And she gave me a canvas which I propped up against the leg of my easel without interrupting my work. I had no doubt that she was extraordinary. Everything Damen achieved was. But when you’ve wandered the Earth for centuries, it’s normal to master a few skills…
Aren’t you looking? she exclaimed, surprised by my lack of interest in Damen’s masterpiece.
No, but thanks anyway.
When the bell finally rang, I carried the painting in my
car and stuffed it in the trunk, which I closed without even looking at it.
What is this ? Miles asked.
Nothing, I replied, inserting the ignition key.
Anyway, I didn’t expect to feel so alone. I
hadn’t realized how much I relied on Riley and Damen to fill the voids, to patch up the little cracks in my existence. And even though Riley had warned me she would be gone for a while, after three weeks I started to panic.
If giving up Damen, my beautiful and disturbing boyfriend, potential murderer and immortal, was much more difficult than I will ever admit, saying goodbye to Riley was completely beyond my strength.
On Saturday, I accepted Miles and Haven’s invitation to accompany them to the annual Winter Fantasy Pilgrimage, the winter craft show. It’s high time to get out of the house, fight the depression and return to the world of the living. And since it’s my first festival, they are very excited to serve as my mentors.
It’s less interesting than the Sawdust Festival, mind you.
Miles once we bought our tickets and went through the entrance.
No, it’s better, corrects Haven, who is ahead of us. Miles smiled knowingly.
Anyway, apart from the fact that one takes place in winter and
the other in summer, there is not a big difference. Glass blowers are my favorite things.
Not surprising ! Muscular guys working shirtless! Haven laughs, putting her arm through Miles’.
I walk alongside them, my head full of colors, images and sounds that attack me from all sides. I regret not being
stayed quietly at home.
Oh no ! You’re not going to do it here, anyway! Haven protests as, having pulled up my hood, I am about to put on the headphones.
I obey and obediently stuff my iPod into my pocket.
I’d like to drown out the general hubbub, but I don’t want my friends to think I don’t care about them too.
Come on, Miles said. You absolutely have to see the glassblower. It is sensational!
We pass a larger-than-life Santa Claus and several goldsmiths before stopping in front of a guy who is lecherous about
magnificent colored vases using his mouth, a long metal tube and fire.
I have to learn how to do it, Miles murmurs, captivated.
I linger for a moment to look at the liquid colors
take shape, before heading towards the neighboring stand, where some very pretty handbags are on display.
I grab a small light brown bag and caress the soft, creamy leather, thinking that it would make a great Christmas present for Sabine, because it’s something she’ll never give herself, even if she perhaps secretly wants it.
How much does it cost ? I say, grimacing, because my voice resonates in my head like a gong.
The merchant dressed in a blue batik tunic, faded jeans
and Peace and Love necklace, is ready to drop the price, I guess. But my eyes burn and my head hurts too much to bargain. I can’t wait to get home.
One hundred and fifty, but I’ll do it to you at one hundred and thirty, I tell myself-
she asks as I put the bag back in its place and turn on my heel.
It’s still at the top of its price range and there’s still room, but I won’t push it.
We know that its floor price is eighty-
fifteen dollars. Why did you give up so quickly? someone asks behind my back, as I leave.
I turn around to see a slim woman with auburn hair, shrouded in a bright purple aura.
Ava, she introduces herself.
I recognized you, I said, ignoring his outstretched hand.
She smiles as if I hadn’t just committed the worst rudeness, which makes me even more uncomfortable.
How are you ?
I turn my head away without answering. I look around for Miles and Haven, and start to panic when I don’t see them.
Your friends are waiting in line at Laguna Taco. But don’t worry, they won’t forget to order something for you.
I know.
It’s wrong. I have too much headache to read anything
either. And as I start to walk away, she grabs my arm.
Ever, remember that my offer still stands. I would like
really help you.
My first reaction is to get away and run as far away as possible, but when she puts her hand on my arm, the gong in my head goes silent, my ears stop ringing, and my eyes no longer water. And then I remember in time that it was the horrible woman who stole Riley from me.
Don’t you think you’ve helped me enough already? I said, shaking myself free, fighting back my tears with great difficulty. You took my sister from me, what more did it bind you?
She gives me a look full of compassion while her aura vibrates with a beautiful purple glow.
Riley never belonged to anyone. And she will always be with you, even if you don’t see her.
She reaches out to hold me, but I refuse to listen to her and let her touch me again, even though her presence is comforting.
I… Leave me alone. Riley and I were doing great before you got involved.
She doesn’t move. She stays there looking at me like that
annoys me to no end, as if she cares about me.
I know about your migraines, Ever, she continues in a soothing voice. I can help you if you want.
I would give much to be free of the noise and pain that consumes me, but I turn around and run away at full speed, hoping to never see her again.
Who was it ? Haven asks, dipping a tortilla into a bowl of salsa.
Nobody, I said, sitting down next to her.
Oh? She looked like the psychic from Halloween at your aunt’s house.
I accept the plate Miles hands me and grab a plastic fork.
Since we didn’t know what you wanted, we chose a bit of everything, he explains. Have you found a bag you like?
I shake my head and immediately regret it, because my migraine is getting worse. I put my hand over my mouth, the sound of chewing brings tears to my eyes.
Too expensive. And you, did you buy a vase?
I suspect not, not only because I’m clairvoyant, but because I don’t see a package near him.
No, I especially like watching them blow in their big
tube ! he replies with a burst of laughter.
Haven rummages through the huge holdall that serves as a bag.
Shh, you people! It sounds like my phone is ringing!
You’re the only one with Marilyn Manson ringing… comments Miles, who is nibbling the inside of his taco.
Are you on a diet? He nods.
I got into it, yes.
I take a sip of Sprite while watching Haven. The expression
of indescribable joy which is painted on his face enlightens me on the identity of his interlocutor.
She half turns her back to us and covers her other ear.
I thought you had disappeared from traffic! I’m with Miles. Ever is there too. Yes, yes, they are next to me.
She puts her hand on her phone and trumpets, a euphoric glint in her eyes:
Drina says hello.
She waits for a response, but seeing that we don’t react
no, she gets up to continue her conversation a little further.
They say hello to you too.
I didn’t say anything, Miles retorts. You neither, Ever, right?
I mix my red beans and rice without saying a word.
Here comes the trouble again, adds Miles.
He’s right, of course, but I still wonder what
that means, because the surrounding energy is swirling like a big cosmic soup, with too many lumps for me to
can navigate or read anything on it. The light is so intense that my eyes hurt.
My head hurts too much to read Miles’s.
What do you mean ?
It’s obvious, right? I find that there is something
shady in their relationship. Love at first sight between girls exists, of course. But this is really something that I don’t understand and that scares me.
I bite into my taco.
Explain yourself.
He abandons his rice and concentrates on his beans.
This may seem unbelievable to you, but it’s as if she’s making Haven her accomplice. A follower, a devotee, a clone, a Mini-Me, whatever. It’s really too much…
Creepy, I said.
He sips his soda thoughtfully.
Have you noticed that she dresses like her, not to mention
colored lenses, hairstyle, makeup, way of moving, speaking. She slavishly copies it… well, she tries.
Is that all that’s bothering you, or is there something else?
I wonder if he knows other details that I don’t, or if he just has a bad feeling.
For what ? Isn’t that enough for you?
I put my half-eaten taco back on my plate, my appetite gone.
And this tattoo thing, really very weird, huh? he continues, glancing at Haven to make sure she’s
do not hear. No, but it’s true, what is this thing? I know what that means, but what does that mean to her? There
latest vampire-chic trend? Because Drina isn’t really goth, you know. Besides, I don’t really know what kind of look she wants to give herself with her tight-fitting grand dame dresses.
silk and its bags to match the shoes. Does she belong to a sect? A secret society? Not to mention this infection. It was
horrible and not normal, if you ask me. That’s what made her sick, I’m sure.
I don’t know what to answer. At the same time, I wonder
why I don’t confide in him Damen’s revelations – much more distressing secrets that have nothing to do with me. But
I hesitate too long.
In any case, it’s really unhealthy, Miles continues, sealing the vault of secrets, at least for today.
What is unhealthy? Haven asks, stuffing her phone into her bag.
Not washing your hands after going to the bathroom, Miles replies innocently.
Haven doesn’t look convinced.
Is that what you were talking about? Do you really think I’m going to buy this lie?
But yes. Ever thinks it’s useless, and I was trying to convince her of the dangers she faces. And so are we.
He gives me a reproachful look.
I blush without really knowing why, while Haven searches
in her bag, among tubes of lipstick, a cordless curling iron, mints that have long since lost their
packaging, before putting her hand on a small silver flask which she uncorks to add a generous portion of transparent and odorless liquid into our glasses.
That’s all well and good, but I’m sure it’s me you were talking about. You know what ? I’m so happy I don’t care.
I place my hand on my glass to prevent him from adding alcohol to it. Since the day I vomited my guts out at cheerleading camp after drinking too much of the bottle Rachel had
smuggled in, I swore I wouldn’t touch the vodka again. As I brush against his arm, I panic when I see a calendar where December 21 is circled in red.
You don’t ask me what makes me happy?
No, since you’re going to tell us, Miles retorts, abandoning his plate where he ate all the proteins, leaving the rest to the pigeons.
You’re right, Miles, but you would have been nice to ask me anyway. Anyway, it was Drina. She is still in New York, where she enjoyed a few crazy days in the stores. She even thought of me, incredible, right? she adds
with an ecstatic smile. In short, she greets you, even if you were too rude to answer her. And don’t think she didn’t understand, she adds, giving us an accusatory look. Anyway, she’s coming back soon, and she invited me to a party to which I
I’m super excited to attend.
I try not to let the fear show in my voice. I wonder if it wouldn’t be December 21 by chance.
When is it ?
Sorry, top secret. I promised not to say anything.
For what ? Miles and I exclaim in unison.
Because it’s super exclusive, invite only, and they don’t want any free riders.
Ah, because you think we’re the type to free ride? Too kind…
Haven just takes a sip from his glass, without responding.
That’s not right, Miles insists. We’re your best friends, so you have to tell us everything.
No. I promised to keep it a secret. But I’m so excited that I’m going to explode soon!
His pleasure frightens me. My head is pounding, my eyes are itching,
and his aura is so mixed with those of the crowd around us that I can no longer read his thoughts.
Forgetting the vodka, I mechanically take a sip of my
glass and feel a wave of heat burning my throat, whipping my blood, making me dizzy.
Haven gives me a worried look.
You are always sick ? You might want to take it easy if you’re not completely healed.
I take another sip, then another, until my senses dull.
Cured of what?
The dream flu! Remember the other day when you passed out at school? I told you it started with
nausea and dizziness. If you start having dreams, promise to tell me about them, they are amazing.
What dreams?
Didn’t I tell you?
Not in detail.
I take another sip, and notice that, although my head is spinning, my ideas become clearer as the light fades.
whirlwind of visions, thoughts, colors and sounds that assailed me.
It was great! Don’t be angry, but I even dreamed of Damen. Nothing was going on between us, you know. This was no ordinary dream. It was as if he was coming to my aid, that he was
fought against the forces of evil to save my life. Very weird. By the way, Drina saw him in New York.
I suddenly feel cold, despite the alcohol which should be warming my blood. I hurry to take another sip, then
another, and another, as the cold disappears, erasing the pain and anxiety.
Why are you telling me this?
Oh, for nothing, Drina thought you’d like to know, that’s all.
