As soon as Damen stopped in the driveway leading to the
house that I jump out of the car, rush to the door and climb the steps two at a time, praying that my sister is there. I need to see her, to talk to her about the incredible theories I have created in my head. She’s the only person I can confide in, the only one capable of understanding.
I inspect the playroom, the shower, then I stand in the middle of my room, and call out to him loudly. I am in a strange state of agitation, an incomprehensible panic that makes me tremble from head to toe.
When Riley doesn’t respond, I curl up on my bed and relive her disappearance for the second time.
Sabine drops her bag and, kneeling at my bedside, places her cool, reassuring hand on my sweaty forehead.
Ever, my darling, are you okay?
With my eyes closed, I shake my head, aware that, despite my
dizziness from this morning and fatigue from the last few days, I’m not sick. At least, in the sense she means it. It is more
complicated and not so easily treated.
I turn onto my side and wipe my eyes on a corner of the pillowcase.
There are times when… when memories come flooding in, you know? And it almost gets worse.
The sobs prevent me from continuing, and my tears increase.
Sabine stares at me, her features softened by pain.
I don’t think this will ever get better, you know. I think you have to get used to this feeling of emptiness and loss,
relearn how to live with it.
She dries my tears with her fingertips.
And when she lies down next to me, I don’t move away. I close
eyes, and allows me to feel his pain and mine, until
that the two merge into the same acute, unbearable suffering, without beginning or end.
We stay like this for a long time, crying, talking,
commune in sorrow, as we should have done long ago. If I had let her approach! Provided that I
didn’t push her away.
She gets up to make dinner and rummages through her tote.
All. — Look what I found. I borrowed it from you when you just arrived. I forgot it in the trunk of my car.
And she gives me a peach-colored sweatshirt. The one I had forgotten existed.
The one I haven’t worn since my first week of high school. The one I’m wearing in the photo that adorns the coffee table at Damen, even though we hadn’t met yet.
Arriving at school the next day, I pass Damen and the parking space he reserves for me every morning, and go to park at the end of the world, at the end.
But what’s wrong with you? Miles exclaims, his eyes wide. Haven’t you seen Damen or something? We’ll have to walk miles now!
I slam the door and cross the parking lot at a brisk pace, taking care to avoid Damen who is waiting for me, leaning against his car.
Miles grabs my arm.
Um… control tower in Ever. I’m notifying you of a large dark brown at 3 o’clock. You just walked past! What is happening ? Did you argue?
I unceremoniously extricate myself.
Forget it, there’s nothing at all, I said, striding away.
Last time I checked, Damen was far behind us. However, when I enter class and go to sit in my seat, he is already there. I pull up my hood and turn on my iPod, determined to ignore it until Mr. Robins makes the call.
I look straight ahead, my eyes fixed on the receding hairline
from our teacher, waiting for my turn to respond “present”.
Ever, I know you’re angry, but let me explain, Damen whispers.
I turn a deaf ear, my eyes glued to the painting.
Ever, please, he insists. But I persist in ignoring it.
Too bad, you would have wanted it, sighs my neighbor at the moment
Mr. Robins calls my name.
A second later, I hear a terrible boom, as nineteen foreheads slump on their desks.
Everyone except Damen and me.
I look around, speechless, I can’t believe my eyes.
That was exactly what I wanted to avoid, he says when I glare at him.
What did you do to them?
I contemplate the lifeless bodies that surround us, when
the horrible truth is coming to light. My heart is beating so loudly that Damen can’t help but hear it.
Oh my God ! You killed them! You killed them!
Come on, Ever, who do you take me for? Of course I didn’t kill them. Let’s just say they take… a little nap, that’s all.
I move away from him as much as possible, without taking my eyes off the door, ready to flee.
He crosses his legs, his face impassive, his voice calm and composed.
You can try, if you want. But you won’t go far. You saw
that I got here before you, even if you were ahead.
I remember some of my most vivid thoughts
embarrassing, and my cheeks burn. I grip the edge of my table.
You read my mind, right?
In general, yes. Almost all the time, in fact. A
part of me would like to run away, but the other part would like to get some answers before disappearing.
Since a long time ?
Since the first time I saw you, he replies softly,
eyes on mine, while a wave of heat invades me from head to toe.
And when did this go back?
I think about the portrait on the table, wondering how long he’s been watching me.
I’m not watching you, Ever. Not in the way you mean it.
And why should I believe you?
I am furious. I’m not likely to trust him. Never. — Because I never lied to you.
But there, you’re lying, exactly!
I never lied to you about the things that really matter. I am beside myself.
Ah good ? Because what do you think taking a photo of me before enrolling in this school means?
And being clairvoyant, and chatting with your dead little sister, what do you think that means?
You’re saying nonsense !
I’m getting up. My hands are sweaty, trembling, and my heart is beating
when I contemplate the bodies slumped on their desks. Stacia sleeps with her mouth open, Craig snores so loud it feels like his body is vibrating, and Mr. Robins looks happier and more peaceful than ever.
Is that the whole school? Or just our class?
I don’t know, but I think it’s the whole school. He smiled as he looked around him, as if he were very proud of his work.
Without thinking further, I rush outside, sprint down the corridor, cross the courtyard and the administration building, where the secretaries are dozing, their heads on their arms. The door slams
behind me, and I find myself in the parking lot. I rush to my little red car, next to which Damen is waiting for me, waving
my backpack at arm’s length.
I warned you, he said, handing it to me.
I stand there, panicked, sweating, on the verge of a nervous breakdown. All
what I had forgotten comes back to me: his face covered in blood, the moans of Haven struggling beneath him, this room that sends shivers down your spine, not to mention the fact that he tampered with my memory so that I ‘forget everything. Even if I’m not up to it, I’m determined to fight until the end.
He reaches out towards me, but lets it fall, looking pained, almost tragic.
Ever! Do you really think I want to kill you?
Because that’s not your intention, perhaps? Haven believes
that it’s a gothic delirium caused by fever, but I know what kind of monster you are. What I don’t understand, though, is why you didn’t kill us both when you had the chance. And why did you bother to confuse me?
memory and to keep me alive…
I will never hurt you, Ever. You are completely wrong, I was trying to save Haven, not kill her. I press my lips together to keep them from trembling, my eyes
planted in his own, struggling not to melt with tenderness.
Oh yes ? So why did she look like she was dying?
Because she was, precisely. The tattoo on her wrist had become infected and threatened to kill her. When you arrived, I was sucking out the infection, like venom from a snake bite, you know?
No, I know what I saw.
Damen takes a deep breath.
I guess what you were thinking. And I know you’re skeptical. I tried to explain to you, but you wouldn’t listen to me. And God knows I tried to convince you. Believe me, Ever, when I tell you that you’ve got it all wrong.
He stares at me intensely with his black eyes, his hands
open, palms facing me, but I don’t walk. I don’t believe a word of it. He’s had hundreds, maybe even thousands of years to perfect his act, so yes, he’s very persuasive, but it’s still an act nonetheless. I have a hard time believing what I’m about to say, I can’t get it into my head that it could be true, and yet it’s the only possible explanation, as crazy as it is.
I have trouble breathing, I feel like a prisoner in a hellish nightmare from which I want to wake up.
I want you to go back to your coffin, or your magical sect, or I don’t know where you lived before you moved here, and… leave me alone, okay? Oust! Cleared ! Go away ! Damen suppresses a chuckle.
Ever, I’m not a vampire.
Oh yes ? Prove it ! I said, convinced that I would need a crucifix, a clove of garlic or a wooden stake to overcome it. He bursts out laughing.
Don’t be ridiculous! Vampires don’t exist, let’s see!
I know what I saw.
The blood, Haven, this strange and disturbing room, if I
think again, he will see them too, I know it. Perhaps he could also explain to me the links that linked him to Marie Antoinette, Picasso, Van Gogh, Emily Brontë and Shakespeare – even though they lived centuries apart?
Look, if you want to know everything, I was also very close to Leonardo da Vinci, Botticelli, Francis Bacon, Albert Einstein, and John, Paul, George and Ringo.
He stops when he notices my tired look.
The Beatles, Ever! You make me look old!
I look at him without understanding. I have difficulty breathing, but when he reaches out his hand towards me, I have the reflex to take a step back.
I’m not a vampire, Ever. I am an immortal. I
shakes his head angrily. It’s so ridiculous to quibble over a name.
So what ? Vampire, immortal, it’s all the same.
Ah, but no, it’s a label that deserves to be quibbled with,
Ever. There is quite a difference. A vampire, you see, is a
fictional creature, which only exists in books, films, and, as far as you are concerned, in overly fertile imaginations. While I
am an immortal. Which means that I have been walking this earth since
centuries without interruption. Except that, unlike the film you invented, my immortality does not rest on human sacrifices, the blood of innocent victims or a vile rite of that ilk.
I think about her funny red drink, and I wonder if she
plays a role in its longevity. Some kind of immortality juice or something.
Juice of immortality! he laughs. Well found. This would do
a tobacco in the trade, just imagine! Ever, you have nothing to fear from me, he insists, seeing that I don’t relax. I am not dangerous, nor evil, and I will never harm you in the slightest. Let’s just say I’m someone who has lived a very
a long time. Too long, perhaps, who knows? But I’m not bad at all. Just immortal. And I’m afraid that…
He reaches out to me, but I step back, my legs trembling. I refuse to hear any more.
You lie ! This story is nonsense! You are completely screwed!
Damen takes a step towards me, his eyes infinitely sad.
Do you remember the first time you saw me here in the parking lot? Do you remember that the second your eyes met mine you felt like you recognized me? And the other day,
when you passed out? When you came to and saw me, you were about to remember, it was resurfacing, and then you lost track?
Immobile, I look at him, stunned. I guess what he’s saying to me, but refuse to hear it.
I take another step back. My head is spinning, my knees are
let go, my whole balance wavers.
No ! I said.
It was I who found you that day in the woods. It was I who brought you back to life!
I shake my head, my eyes flooding with tears. No !
It was me you saw when you… came back, Ever. I was there.
Very close to you. I brought you back to life. I saved you. I know you remember it. I read it in your thoughts.
No ! I said, closing my eyes and covering my ears. Stopped ! Shut up !
I don’t want to hear anything more. But his voice breaks into my thoughts and invades my senses.
Ever, I’m sorry, but it’s true. You have no reason to be afraid of me, you see?
I collapse, head on my knees, suffocated by violent sobs that shake me completely.
You had no right to get involved! It’s your fault that I’m
become a poor fool! It’s because of you that I’m stuck in this miserable life! You couldn’t leave me alone, right? Why didn’t you let me die?
He kneels next to me.
Because I couldn’t bear to lose you again. Not this
times. I don’t understand anything he’s saying, but I hope he doesn’t try to explain it to me. I’ve heard enough and I want him
stop. I can not stand it anymore.
An expression of pain is painted on his features.
Ever, no. Don’t believe that, please.
But my pain turns into indescribable rage.
So, if I understand correctly, you decided to revive me while my family was dying? But why ? Why did you do such a thing? And if what you say is true, if you are so strong that you are capable of resurrecting the dead, why not have saved them too? Why only me?
My hateful look makes him flinch.
I’m not as powerful as you think. And then it was too late, they had already crossed to the other side. But not you… You stayed behind. I thought it was because you wanted to live.
I lean against my car, breathing short.
That’s it, it’s true, it’s my fault. It’s because I don’t have them
followed right away, because I hung around, I walked around
in this meadow, fascinated by the trees that vibrated, the flowers that quivered. And meanwhile, the others continued their
way, they passed to the other side, and I fell into their nets…
Damen glances at me quickly, then turns his head away.
The only time in my life I’m so angry I’d be
capable of killing someone, it is precisely a person who claims to be, how should I put it… invincible.
Go away !
I tear the bracelet in the shape of a horse’s bit from my wrist.
horse encrusted with crystals and throws it in his face. I want to forget these memories, forget him, forget everything! I’ve seen too much, too much
heard.
Go away ! I never want to see you again.
Ever, please don’t say things you don’t mean, he stammers in a dull voice, as if torn with grief.
I hold my head in my hands, too exhausted to cry, too devastated to speak. But he can hear what’s going on in my head, so I close my eyes and think quietly.
You say you never meant to hurt me, but look what you caused! You destroyed me, you completely ruined my life, and all for what? So that I stay alone? So that I live like crazy
lonely for the rest of my life? I hate you for the pain you caused, for what you forced me to become! I hate you for being so selfish! I don’t want to see you again, ever!
With my head in my hands, I rock back and forth against the wheel of my car, letting the words flow out, over and over again.
I just want to be normal, please let me be normal.
Go away, leave me alone. I hate you… I hate you… I hate you… I hate you…
When I raise my head, I am surrounded by tulips, dozens of
thousands of red tulips whose thick, silky petals shine
in the morning sun, littering the parking lot and covering the cars parked there. And when I stand up with great difficulty, I instantly realize that their creator is no longer there.
