While I’m getting ready the next morning, Riley sits
on my dresser, dressed as Wonder Woman, unpacks the latest social gossip. The actions of our former neighbors and friends must have eventually tired her, and she decided to go snooping around Hollywood. As a result, she knows more juicy gossip than the tabloid press.
I look at her, speechless.
No ! Amazing ! It’s Miles who’s going to hallucinate when I tell him!
She shakes her brown curls. She looks jaded, overcome by everything, as if she had seen too much – the word is weak.
And again, you don’t know much! Nothing is ever this
as it seems. It’s just a big charade, like in the movies.
And believe me, the stars’ agents go out of their way to keep it a secret.
I’m dying to know more. I wonder why I
never had the idea of tuning into the energy of the people I see on TV or in magazines. I really want to ask him if the rumors circulating about my favorite actress are true.
Who else have you spied on? And, tell me, do you know if… At the same time, Sabine pokes her head through my bedroom door.
If I know what? I cough.
Um… nothing… I didn’t say anything.
Sabine gives me a funny look, and Riley collapses in laughter.
Well done, Ever, what eloquence!
I turn my back on him and focus on Sabine’s presence
in my room: she is invited for the weekend and doesn’t really know how to tell me.
You wanted to tell me something ?
She enters my room with a stilted gait, her back stiff, takes a deep breath and sits on the edge of my bed, where she nervously fiddles with a thread sticking out of my blue duvet while searching for words.
Jeff invited me to spend the weekend with him, she said
frowning to the point they touch. But I wanted to talk to you about it before accepting.
I hang my earrings and turn to her:
Who is Jeff?
I know who it is, of course, but it seems more normal to ask.
She glances at me furtively. Her mind is troubled, as she feels so guilty of neglecting her role as guardian, of not being a
model to follow. But this failed to affect his aura, which was bright pink with happiness.
You saw him at the party. He was dressed as Frankenstein.
I stuff my books into my backpack. I don’t really know what
TO DO. Jeff isn’t who she thinks he is. Far from there. But, as far as I can tell, he cares about her and has no intention of hurting her.
wrong. And it’s been so long since I saw her so happy
that I don’t have the heart to tell him the truth. Besides, I don’t see how I would go about it at all.
Um… excuse me, this Jeff? Mr. King of Finance? He’s absolutely not what you think he is. If you want to know, he still lives with his mother! Don’t ask me how I know, I know, that’s all.
No. Out of the question. I can’t. After all, we must let
relationships follow their own course, their own rhythm. Besides, I too should think about mine. That’s right, things are starting to stabilize with Damen. We’re getting closer and closer, we’re really starting to become a couple, so I think maybe I should stop pushing him away and move on to
the next step. And if Sabine isn’t here for two days, well, maybe that’s an opportunity that won’t come around again.
so early. She’ll eventually learn the truth about Jeff, anyway, and she’ll do with it what she wants.
Go ahead ! Have fun !
She smiled, relieved and excited at the same time.
We’re leaving this evening, leaving the office, she adds, getting up to head towards the door. He has a house in Palm Springs.
It’s less than a two-hour drive, so if you need anything, we won’t be far away.
Um… let’s say it’s his mom who has a house in Palm Springs.
We go back on Sunday, she continues. Ah, Ever, if you want
inviting friends is no problem, but… do you want to talk about it?
I’m paralyzed. I know very well where she is going with this, to believe
that she read my thoughts. But no, she is just trying to behave like a responsible adult and a substitute “parent”. I shake my head no.
Don’t worry, I know everything there is to know. I
I grab my bag, rolling my eyes at Riley who is dancing on my dresser singing, “Party!” Celebration ! “.
Sabine is obviously as relieved as I am to not have to go into details about sex.
See you Sunday then! she says.
It works, I said, going down the stairs.
I park in the school parking lot, and, from the sweet excitement that overcomes me, I feel Damen’s presence before I even see him.
I swear he’s gay!
I was sure of it ! Miles exclaims. But how do you know? There is obviously no question of divulging my sources and admitting to Miles that the ghost of my little sister is my
privileged informant in Hollywood.
Um… I forgot, I said getting out of the car. But I guarantee you it’s true.
What is true? asks Damen, filing a
kiss on my cheek.
Jo… Miles begins.
I silence him with a nod. I don’t want Damen to discover the superficial side of me at this stage of our relationship.
Nothing, we were just saying that… By the way, did you know that Miles got the role of Tracy Turnblad in Hairspray?
And I start spouting off a bunch of anecdotes without a tail
nor head, until Miles walks away with a wave to his class.
I have an idea, Damen said as soon as Miles turned his back. Shall we go have breakfast?
I glance at him meaningfully without stopping. But I haven’t taken three steps before he grabs my hand and pulls me back, bursting into contagious laughter.
Come on !
I look around. We’re already in danger of being late and I don’t want to make it any worse.
We can’t do that, and besides, I’ve already had breakfast.
With folded hands, he begs me on his knees.
Ever, if you have one ounce of kindness left, please don’t make me go into this!
I bite my lip to keep from bursting out laughing. How can Damen, so handsome and sophisticated, beg me on his knees? It’s the world upside down. But I shake my head no.
Get up, it’s okay…
And sure enough, the bell rang before I had time to finish my sentence.
He stands up, smiles, rubs his jeans and puts an arm around my hips.
You know what they say, it’s better not to arrive at all than to arrive late.
Who is “we”? You just made it up, I bet.
Maybe. But I assure you there are much better ones
ways to spend the morning. Ever, you know, you don’t have to wear that, he adds, taking off my sunglasses and my hoodie. The weekend has officially started.
I could give him a thousand good reasons not to dry the
classes and not starting the weekend until 3 p.m., like all
Fridays, but when he looks at me and I see the invitation in his eyes, I dive headlong, without thinking.
Let’s hurry before we close the gate, I said in an unrecognizable voice.
Everyone takes their car, as if it was tacitly accepted that we would not return to high school. And, while I’m Damen
in the bends of the road that runs along the coast, I observe the cliffs, the pristine beaches, the navy blue waters, the heart swollen with
gratitude to the idea of having the chance to live in this magnificent setting. And then I remember how I ended up here, and suddenly the spell is broken.
Damen parks on the right, not far from a small white cabin.
Have you ever been here? he asks, opening my door.
I do not think so, no.
You’re not hungry, I know, but they make the best milkshakes in the world here. You should try the date one, or the
chocolate and peanut butter. Or both, it’s me who invites you. I wrinkle my nose.
With dates? Ugh, that doesn’t mean anything to me at all.
He bursts out laughing and leads me towards the counter, where he orders
the two drinks, then we sit on a blue painted bench, overlooking the beach.
So, which one do you prefer?
I taste them one after the other, but they are so thick and creamy that I take the lid off and dip my spoon in them.
They are both excellent, but oddly enough, I think I prefer the date one.
I hand him the cup, he shakes his head and pushes it away. And this small, insignificant gesture pierces my heart.
There’s something wrong with him, and I’m not just talking about the magic tricks or the speed he moves. This boy never eats.
But as soon as the idea crossed my mind, he dipped his straw into the milkshake and took a big gulp. And when he leans down to kiss me, his lips are frozen.
Let’s go down to the beach, will you?
Hand in hand, we rush down the path, passing each other
milkshakes, of which, I must say, I liquidate most of them. Arriving on the beach, we take off our shoes, pull our jeans up to the
knees and walk in the freezing water that licks our toes and
splashes on our ankles.
Do you surf? Damen asks, stacking the empty cups one inside the other.
I shake my head as I climb onto a small pile of rocks.
Would you like to learn?
My toes blue from the cold, I take refuge on a dry sandbank, where Damen follows me.
In freezing water like that? No thanks !
With a wetsuit, of course.
If it is lined with fur, in a pinch!
I pack the sand with my toe so that we can get there
installations, but Damen takes my hand, and bypassing the water holes, he leads me towards a cave dug in the rock.
Amazed, I examine the smooth walls, the freshly raked sand, the surfboards and towels piled in a corner.
It’s really well hidden, it’s incredible! We do not suspect its existence from the outside.
Yes, that’s why I leave my stuff there. It is so well hidden in the folds of the cliff that you pass by without seeing it. Note, it’s like life, people
rarely look further than the tip of their noses.
I settle down on the large green blanket that he has spread out on the ground.
How did you discover it?
It seems that I don’t work like everyone else.
He lies down next to me and gently pulls me against him. Chin in the palm of his hand, he stares at me with an intensity that ends up making me uncomfortable. He caresses my cheek with his fingertips and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.
Why do you disguise yourself under your baggy jeans and your hoodies? Don’t you know that you are very beautiful?
The compliment makes me happy, but, at the same time, I wish he would shut up. I don’t want to explain myself, to justify my way of being. He would have preferred the one I was before, of course, but it’s too late. This girl is dead. Only me remains.
I turn my head away so he doesn’t see the tears welling up in my eyes. But he hugs me tightly and erases my sadness by pressing his lips to mine.
Ever…
His voice hoarse, his eyes burning, he wraps himself around me,
enveloping me in a comforting warmth, which quickly becomes torrid.
With my lips, I caress his jaw, his chin, breathing through
jerks, undulating to the rhythm of his hips marrying mine, bringing back the sensations that I had tried so hard to repress.
But I’m tired of fighting and suppressing my feelings.
I would love to be normal, like everyone else… And what’s more normal than that?
I close my eyes and let Damen take off my sweater. I do not
struggle no more, I abandon myself to the softness of his hands as they slide
in the waistband of my jeans to unbutton them. I let myself be overcome by this delicious feeling, this explosion of euphoria in my veins which can only mean… love.
But when his fingers pass under the elastic of my panties, I
I suddenly stand up and push him away. I want to continue, to melt into him, but not yet, not here, not like this.
His eyes search mine, but I turn my back on him. I feel the heady warmth of his body nestled against mine, his breath against my ear.
Ever… It doesn’t matter, I assure you. Rest now, everything is fine.
Lulled by his voice, I close my eyes and doze off without realizing it.
I turn around, blinking in the darkness, but my hand meets nothing but emptiness. I grope around the cover. Damen is really gone.
Damn?
I stand up and look around me. But only the sound of the waves answers me.
I put on my sweater and go out, staggering a little into the light
fading sun, hoping to spot him on the beach.
Not seeing him anywhere, I ended up entering the cave, where I found the little note that he left on my bag.
Went surfing. Come back very quickly. D.
I rush out again, piece of paper in hand, pacing the beach in all directions. But the only two surfers I see are
blond and pale. No Damen on the horizon.
