When I park in the high school parking lot the next day, I
notices that Damen is not there. I get out of my car, sling my bag over my shoulder and head to my class, preparing myself for the worst. But, once in front of the room, I am paralyzed and stare stupidly at the green door. Unable to open it.
And as my psychic abilities fade when it comes to Damen, I only see the nightmare I’m playing in my head: Damen sitting on the corner of Stacia’s table, laughing, flirting, making roses appear from a little everywhere, while, head bowed, I pass in front of them to reach my place, Damen grazing me with his gaze, as if I were invisible, then turning his back on me to devote himself to my rival.
It’s unbearable. Stacia is cruel, petty, horrible, sadistic, and the worst part is that she makes no secret of it and displays it openly.
Me, on the other hand, it’s quite the opposite: I’m paranoid,
secret, I hide behind my sunglasses and my hoodies, and the burden I carry is so overwhelming that nothing is simple about me.
I reach out to turn the doorknob as I
lecturing. This is completely ridiculous. What will you do ? Give up your studies? You still have a year and a half left, so take it upon yourself, come in and let’s get it over with!
But my hand shakes so hard that it refuses to obey me. I’m about to turn on my heels and run away at a gallop when someone comes up behind me.
Um… are you going to open this door one day? he asks, inwardly calling me a poor idiot.
I take a deep breath, open it, and slide inside. And then, it’s worse than anything I could have imagined: Damen is not there.
At lunch, I look for him everywhere and, not seeing him anywhere,
I head to our usual table, where I arrive at the same time as Haven.
She places her lunch container in front of her and sits down opposite me.
It’s been six days since I heard from Evangeline. Miles materializes next to me and uncorks his bottle
vitamin water.
Have you thought about asking the group of anonymous people? Haven rolls her eyes.
They’re anonymous, Miles.
I’m talking about his mentor, Haven.
They are called sponsors. And, yes, of course I tried, but no one knows anything. Drina thinks I’m making a big deal out of it.
Ah, is that one still in the landscape? Miles asks.
Something about Miles’ tone intrigues me. I’m waiting for it
following. Having no gift of clairvoyance regarding Damen and Drina, I am as curious as he is to know the answer.
Um… yes… she lives here now. For what ? There is a problem ?
Miles shrugs and takes a sip of water. His thoughts tell another story, and his yellow aura darkens. He hesitates between saying what he thinks and holding his tongue.
No None. It’s just that…
It’s just that what? Haven asks, her features twisted
anger.
I mentally encourage him. Go ahead, Miles, tell him Drina is
a horrible arrogant bitch, that she is a bad influence and a source of trouble. You’re not the only one who sees it, me too, so go ahead and tell him that this girl is a disaster!
He hesitates, the words form on his tongue, I hold my breath.
Um… Nothing, forget it.
I glance at Haven. She’s furious, the aura is raging, lined with sparks and flames, and I see the explosion coming in three, two, one…
Excuse me, Miles, but there is no such thing as “nothing.” If you have something to say, go ahead, I’ll listen.
She glares at him and drums nervously on the table, her cake completely forgotten.
That’s it, act deaf, she continues, seeing that he doesn’t respond. And you too, Ever. Just because you don’t say anything doesn’t make you any less guilty.
Miles looks at me with wide eyes, eyebrows raised. I know that I should react, ask her rhetorically what she
reproach. But, in reality, I know it. She’s mad at me for not loving
Drina. Not to trust him. To suspect in her
something suspicious, even creepy. And not to hide it.
Haven is so beside herself that she almost spits in our faces.
You have no right to judge her without knowing her! That
You like it or not, I really like it, Drina. And even though I haven’t known her for long, I consider her a
true friend, more sincere than you two combined!
This is not true! Miles exclaims, outraged. You’re talking rubbish.
Sorry, Miles, but yes, it’s the honest truth. You tolerate me, but you don’t really understand me. Drina and I have the same tastes, the same interests. And she doesn’t hope to transform me, unlike you. She likes me the way I am.
Oh yes ? Is that why you completely changed your look, because she accepts you for who you are?
Haven closes her eyes, inhales slowly, then she stands up and picks up her things.
Fuck you, Miles. And you too, Ever.
Miles laughs:
And now, ladies and gentlemen, exclusively for you, the diva’s exit from the stage! No, but have you seen yourself a little? I just asked if she was still around, and you’re making a big deal about it. Wait, you need to calm down: sit down, find your little inner bubble and relax!
But she shakes her head and holds on to the table. On his wrist, the tattoo, now complete, looks red and inflamed. I stare at the little ink snake biting its tail. I know it’s some kind of mystical creature, but I forgot its name.
What is this symbol called?
Ouroboros.
I’m sure I can see the snake’s tongue sticking out when she runs her finger over it.
What does that represent?
It is the ancient alchemists’ symbol for eternal life, creation from destruction, life from death,
immortality, something like that, Miles explains. I sometimes read, too, he adds in response to our surprised looks.
It looks like it’s infected, I said. Maybe you should
see a doctor.
I realize that I would have been better off keeping quiet. Haven pulls down her sleeve in an angry gesture, and her aura crackles even more.
My tattoo looks great. And me too, thank you. But if I
May I allow myself to point this out to you, neither of you seems to care about Damen, who doesn’t even come to class anymore, I’ll point this out to you. What is this story ?
Miles is absorbed in his cell phone and I look away. She’s not completely wrong. She grabs her cake box, turns the
heels and begins to slalom between the tables like a fury, in a race that leads nowhere.
Can you explain to me ? Miles asks.
I tell him no. I can’t forget the image of the snake, coiled on his wrist, turning its head and boring its little glassy eyes into mine.
When I emerge into the driveway of the house, Damen, all smiles, is waiting for me, leaning against his car.
So, how was high school? he asks, opening my door.
I grab my bag without answering.
I see you’re still angry.
He follows me to the door. I feel his warmth, even though he doesn’t touch me. I open the door and throw my bag into the hallway.
I’m not angry.
Oh well, that reassures me. I booked for two. So, since you’re not angry, would you agree to come with me?
I look at his jeans, his boots, his black cashmere sweater, wondering what he could possibly have in mind.
He takes off my sunglasses and my headphones, and places them on
the entrance table. Then he pulls my hood down, takes me by the arm and leads me towards his car.
You don’t need all this clutter, Ever.
I obediently sit in the passenger seat, always ready to follow him, whatever happens.
Where are we going ? And my homework? I have a ton to catch up on.
Don’t worry. You’ll have time later, I promise.
I wonder if I will ever get used to its dark beauty, to
the warmth of his gaze, the ease with which I give in to all his whims.
So much later ?
He gets behind the wheel and drives off.
We’ll be back at the stroke of midnight, word of honor. Buckle up, let’s go.
Damen drives fast. Really quickly. So that when he pulls into the parking lot and hands the keys to the valet, I have the impression that only a brief moment has passed. I watch
around me and see green buildings and a sign
“EAST ENTRANCE”.
Where are we ? This is the “east entrance” of what?
He pulls me close while four sweaty thoroughbreds
trot past their groom, followed by a jockey in a pink and green coat, thin white silk breeches and muddy black boots.
Look, there’s the answer to your question!
The racetrack?
Like Disneyland, it’s one of the last places I would have thought of.
But not just any one. It’s Santa Anita. One of the most beautiful. Come on, we have a reservation for a quarter past three at
FrontRunner.
I freeze.
The what ?
Relax, it’s a restaurant. Come on, I don’t want to miss the opening of the races.
But… isn’t that illegal?
I know I look too innocent, but he’s so carefree, brash and unpredictable…
He smiles, but I can see he’s annoyed.
Is it illegal to eat?
No, to play, to bet, well you know…
Ever, these are horse races, not cockfights! Come on, come on.
He takes my hand and leads me towards the elevators.
Don’t you have to be twenty-one to be able to play?
Eighteen, he mutters, pressing the 5th floor button.
Actually, I’m sixteen and a half. Damen kisses me.
Rules exist to be ignored, or even broken. It is
More fun. You’ll see.
We cross a hall which opens onto a huge room,
decorated with different shades of green. Damen stops in front of the reception to greet the maître d’, like an old friend.
Ah, Monsieur Auguste, what a pleasure to see you! Your table is ready, follow me.
Damen nods and takes my hand. I am in another
room full of couples, retirees, single men, women in groups, a father and his young son – I don’t see a single empty seat. We finally arrive at a table overlooking the finish line, with a breathtaking view of the track and the hills
green surroundings.
Tony will come take your order in a moment. Would you like some champagne?
Damen glances at me and blushes slightly.
Not today, thank you.
Very good sir. Only five minutes left before the opening of the races.
Champagne ? I said, raising my eyebrows.
But Damen shrugs and opens the race program.
What do you think of Mandrake? I’m talking about the horse, not the aphrodisiac.
I’m too absorbed in the show to respond. Not only is the room huge, it’s packed – in the middle of the week, in the middle of the day, even. All
these people who are there, racing instead of working… It’s another universe that I didn’t know existed. I can’t help but wonder if this is where Damen spends his
free time. He takes out his pen and scribbles I don’t know what.
SO ? What do you think about it ? You want to bet ?
I wouldn’t even know where to start.
I could give you a lesson on odds, percentages,
horse statistics and pedigree. But since we’re short on time, why don’t you take a look there-
above ? You will tell me what you smell, the names that attract you. It always works with me.
He hands me the program, and when I open it, three names jump out at me in order.
Okay, so let’s say Mandragore winner, Acapulco Lucy second, and Son of Buddha third.
I don’t know where this inspiration comes from, but I’m sure of myself.
Lucy and Buddha in that order, Damen mutters, taking note. And how much do you want to bet? The minimum is two, but you should be able to go up a little.
Suddenly, I lose confidence and don’t want to empty my wallet on a whim.
No, two is fine.
Are you sure ?
I nod my head yes.
All right. I think you made a good choice, I’ll bet five. No, come on, ten.
No, not ten. You know, I chose them at random, I don’t even know why.
He gets up and tells me to put my wallet away.
We will soon be settled. You’ll pay me back when you win. I’ll place our bets. If the waiter comes to take the order, choose what makes you happy.
And for you ?
He left so quickly he didn’t hear me.
When he returns, the horses are in position and spring out of their stalls once the start is given. At first you only see small shiny black dots, then they round the corner and enter the final straight. I jumped to my feet when my three
favorites take the lead, and jump for joy seeing them cross the finish line in the order that I had announced.
Damen leans down to kiss me, while I watch
Mandrake advancing towards the winner’s circle, where he is covered with flowers for the photo session.
I do not believe it ! We won ! We won ! Does it still have this effect?
In general, yes. But there’s nothing like a first victory. It’s still the best.
I almost regret having doubted myself. I could have upped the ante a bit.
Yes, well, I don’t know if it’s going to be a big victory.
Since you only bet two, you must have won around eight, not much more.
Eight dollars?
I admit to being frankly disappointed. But Damen bursts out laughing.
Eight hundred! Eight hundred and eighty dollars and sixty cents, to be exact. You won the trifecta in order.
With only two dollars?
He nods, and I understand better why he has a regular table.
And you ? How much did you earn? Did you bet the same thing?
Actually, it turns out I lost. Big, even. I was too greedy and tried to quarter by adding a horse which did not place. But don’t worry, I intend to do it again in the next one.
And he doesn’t hold back. Later when we go looking
our winnings, I recover one thousand six hundred and forty-five dollars and eighty cents. But that’s nothing compared to what Damen pockets. He won the straight over by placing the first five horses in order. And since he is the first to succeed in several days, he cashes in five hundred and thirty-six thousand dollars and forty-one cents – all for a bet of ten dollars!
So, your impressions? he asks me while we
let’s go out arm in arm.
Let’s just say I understand better why you’re not very diligent in class. It’s not enough, I guess?
I giggle, I’m still hovering on my little cloud of having
earned such a sum, telling myself that I have finally found a way to profit from my donation.
Damen leads me to the gift shop.
I’d like to get you something to celebrate my awesome victory.
No, no, you don’t have to…
He takes my hand firmly and his lips tickle my ear.
Yes, I insist. And then I think I can afford it. But
on one condition… No sweatshirt, no hood! Otherwise, you can choose whatever you want.
I am tempted by a jockey hat, a statuette of a horse, an enormous bronze horseshoe intended to decorate the wall of my room, before setting my sights on a silver bracelet in
bridle bit shape. I first make sure that the little crystals that decorate it are not diamond. However, you should not
exaggerate…
So no matter what happens, you will never forget this day, he says, attaching the bracelet to my wrist while we wait for the car.
How could I forget it?
But when he opens the door, and I notice his eyes
veiled in sadness, I find myself hoping that this will be the only thing I will ever forget.
Unfortunately, the return journey passes even faster than the outward journey, and when he parks in front of the house, I have no desire to leave him.
Damen points to the ship’s clock.
You saw ? Well before the stroke of midnight, as promised.
And when he leans in to kiss me, I respond with a
so passionate that I barely pull him into my seat.
Can I go up? he whispers as his lips pepper my ear, my neck and my shoulder with a shower of kisses.
I push him away, shaking my head. Not just because of my
aunt and late homework, but also because I need to pull myself together and stop doing his bidding.
I hurry down before I change my mind.
See you tomorrow at school? You know, Bay View? That you
reminds you of something? Don’t tell me you’re planning to skip class again? I say quickly, seeing that he avoids looking at me.
But I’m bored to death. I don’t know how you do it. Looking up, I see Sabine watching us from behind the blinds before rushing back.
You do not know ? Pretty much like everyone else. I get up, get dressed and go, period. From time to time, we even learn a thing or two.
I realize this is a big lie. Honestly, I haven’t learned anything since the start of the year. How else can we do it when we already know almost everything? But I’m careful not to admit it to him.
He implores me with his eyes.
There has to be a better solution.
No doubt, but between us, skipping classes and abandoning your studies is not the best solution if you want to go to
college and do something with your life.
Another big lie. With a few days like this at the racetrack, we could live very well. And that’s an understatement.
Okay, as you wish. Well, for now. See you tomorrow, Ever.
By the time I got to the door, he was gone.
