ALTHOUGH I FELT COMPLETELYย fine and, indeed, ready to get back into the thick of it all, HR had insisted on a โphased returnโ, whereby I only worked during the mornings for the next few weeks. More fool them โ if they wished to pay me a full-time salary for part-time hours, it was their lookout. At lunchtime on Friday, the end of my brief working day and my first week back, I met Raymond for the second time that week.
Since then, weโd been communicating solely by electronic means. I had spent the previous evening searching online. It was so easy to find things. Too easy, perhaps. Iโd printed two newspaper articles without reading beyond the headlines, then sealed them in an envelope. I knew Raymond would have found them already himself, but it was important to me thatย Iย did the searching. It wasย myย history and no one elseโs. No one else alive, at any rate.
As requested, heโd joined me in the cafรฉ, so that I wasnโt alone when I read them for the first time. Iโd tried to cope alone for far too long, and it hadnโt done me any good at all. Sometimes you simply needed someone kind to sit with you while you dealt with things.
โI feel like a spy or something,โ said Raymond, looking at the sealed envelope that lay between us.
โYouโre completely unsuited to a career in espionage,โ I told him. He raised his eyebrows.
โYour face is too honest,โ I said, and he smiled. โReady then?โ he said, serious now.
I nodded.
The envelope was a buff Manila self-sealing A4, which I had purloined from the office stationery cupboard. The paper had come from there too. I felt slightly guilty about it, especially since Bob, I knew now, had to factor this sort of thing into his running costs. I opened my mouth to tell Raymond about the stationery budget, but he nodded towards the envelope encouragingly, and I realized that I could delay matters no
further. I eased it open, then held it towards him to show him that there were two pages of A4 inside. Raymond shuffled even closer, so that we were touching, sides together, congruent. There was warmth and strength there and, gratefully, I drew on it. I started to read.
The Sun,ย 5ย Augustย 1997, p2
โPretty but deadlyโ kiddie killer โfooled us allโ, neighbours say
โKiller Mumโ Sharon Smyth (pictured),ย 29, had been living in a quiet Maida Vale street for the last two years, neighbours said, before deliberately starting the fire that ended in tragedy.
โShe was such a pretty young woman โ she had us all fooled,โ said a neighbour, who did not wish to be named. โHer little ones were always properly turned out, and they spoke so nice โ everybody said what lovely manners they had,โ he told our reporter.
โAs time went on, you could tell something wasnโt right, though. The kiddies always seemed terrified of her. Sometimes they had bruises, and people heard a lot of crying in that house. Sheโd go out a lot. We just assumed there was a babysitter, but looking back on it โฆ
โOne time, I was talking to the older girl โ she was only nine or ten, Iโd say โ and the mum shot her such a look that she started to shake, trembling like a little dog. I dread to think what went on in there behind closed doors.โ
Police confirmed yesterday that the fatal blaze at the property had been started deliberately.
A child (10), who cannot be named for legal reasons, remains in hospital in a critical condition.
I looked at Raymond. He looked at me. Neither of us said anything for a while.
โYou know how it ends, right?โ Raymond said, gentle, quiet, looking me in the eye.
I pulled out the second article.
London Evening Standard,ย 28ย Septemberย 1997, p9
Maida Vale murder latest: two dead, plucky orphan recovers
Police confirmed today that the bodies recovered from the scene of last weekโs Maida Vale house fire belonged to Sharon Smyth (29) and her youngest daughter Marianne (4). Her eldest child, Eleanor (10), was released today from hospital after making what doctors described as a โmiraculousโ recovery from third-degree burns and smoke inhalation.
The spokesman confirmed that 29-year-old Smyth started the fire deliberately, and died at the scene as a result of smoke inhalation as she fled the property. Tests on both children revealed that a sedative had been administered, and provided evidence that they had been physically restrained.
Our reporter understands that Eleanor Smyth initially managed to free herself and escape the blaze. Neighbours then reported seeing the badly injured ten-year-old re- entering the house before the emergency services arrived. Firefighters allegedly found her attempting to open a locked wardrobe in an upstairs bedroom. The body of her four- year-old sister was recovered inside.
Police have been unable to trace any living relatives of the child, who is being cared for by social services.
โThatโs all I found, too,โ Raymond said, as I pushed the printouts towards him.
I looked out of the window. People were shopping, talking on mobiles, pushing prams. The world just went on, regardless of what happened. Thatโs how it works.
Neither of us spoke for a while. โAre you OK?โ he said.
I nodded.
โIโm going to keep seeing the counsellor. It helps.โ
He looked at me carefully. โHow do you feel?โ he said.
โNot you as well.โ I sighed, and then I smiled so that he would know that I was joking. โIโm fine. I mean, yes, obviously, Iโve got a lot of things to work through, very serious things. Dr Temple and I are going to keep talking about all of it โ Marianneโs death, how Mummy died too, and why I pretended for all those years that she was still there, still talking to me โฆ itโs going to take time, and itโs not going to be easy,โ I said. I felt very calm. โEssentially, though, in all the ways that matter โฆ Iโm fine now. Fine,โ I repeated, stressing the word because, at last, it was true.
A woman jogged past, running after a Chihuahua, shouting its name in an increasingly anxious tone.
โMarianne loved dogs,โ I said. โEvery time we saw one, sheโd point and laugh, then try to hug it.โ
Raymond cleared his throat. More coffees came, and we drank slowly. โWill you be OK?โ Raymond said. He looked angry with himself. โSorry. Stupid question. I just wish Iโd known sooner,โ he said. โI wish I could have helped more.โ He glared at the wall, looking as though he was trying not to cry. โNo one should have to go through what youโve been through,โ he said finally, furious. โYou lost your little sister, even though you tried your best to save her, and you were only a child yourself. That you could come through that, all of it, and then spend all
those years trying to deal with it on your own, itโsโโ
I interrupted him. โWhen you read about โmonstersโ,โ I said, โhousehold names โฆ you forget they had families. They donโt just spring from nowhere. You never think about the people that are left behind to deal with the aftermath of it all.โ
He nodded slowly.
โIโve requested access to my files from Social Services now. Iโve had cause to review my opinion of the Freedom of Information Act, Raymond, and let me tell you, itโs actually a splendid piece of legislation. When it arrives, Iโm going to sit down and read it cover to cover โ the Bumper Book of Eleanor. I need to know everything โ all the little details. Thatโs going to help me. Or depress me. Or both.โ
I smiled, to show him I wasnโt worried, and to make sure that he wasnโt worried either.
โItโs more than that though, isnโt it?โ he said. โAll those lost years, wasted years. Terrible things happened to you. You needed help back then and you didnโt get it. Youโve got a right to it now, Eleanorโโ He shook his head, unable to find the words.
โIn the end, what matters is this: I survived.โ I gave him a very small smile. โI survived, Raymond!โ I said, knowing that I was both lucky and unlucky, and grateful for it.
When it was time to leave, I noticed and appreciated Raymondโs effort to move the conversation towards something else, something normal.
โWhat have you got planned for the rest of the week, then?โ he said.
I counted things off on my fingers. โIโve got to take Glen to the vet for her vaccinations,โ I said, โand Iโve got a Christmas night out at the safari park to organize. Their website says that theyโre closed for winter, but Iโm sure Iโll be able to persuade them.โ
We went outside and stood by the doorway for a moment, enjoying the sunshine. He rubbed his face, then looked over my shoulder towards the trees. He cleared his throat again. One of the many perils of being a smoker.
โEleanor, did you get my email about that concert? I was just wondering whetherโโ
โYes,โ I said, smiling. He nodded, looked closely at me, and then slowly smiled back. The moment hung in time like a drop of honey from a spoon, heavy, golden. We stood aside to let a woman in a wheelchair
and her friend go inside. Raymondโs lunch break was almost up. I had the rest of the day to spend however I wanted.
โBye then, Raymond,โ I said. He pulled me in for a hug and held me for a moment, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. I felt the warm bulk of him, soft but strong. When we broke apart, I kissed his cheek, his bristles all soft and ticklish.
โSee you soon, Eleanor Oliphant,โ he said.
I picked up my shopper, fastened my jerkin and turned towards home.