OF COURSE, I ALREADYย knew that we lived not far from one another, but it had not occurred to me that our lives might intersect in any unplanned way. Sometimes this place feels more like a village than a city, really. So we shared a love of Tesco. Unsurprising. I wondered where else our existences overlapped. Perhaps we frequented the same post office, for example, or had our prescriptions dispensed by the same pharmacist? I reflected again on the importance of being ready, at any time, for an encounter, of looking my best and having something appropriate to say. I was going to need more than one outfit.
Sammyโs homecoming party tonight was at seven, and Raymond had offered to meet me beforehand near Lauraโs house. At first, I thought that he was being surprisingly and uncharacteristically thoughtful, but then I realized that he simply didnโt want to arrive alone. Some people, weak people, fear solitude. What they fail to understand is that thereโs something very liberating about it; once you realize that you donโt need anyone, you can take care of yourself. Thatโs the thing: itโsย bestย just to take care of yourself. You canโt protect other people, however hard you try. You try, and you fail, and your world collapses around you, burns down to ashes.
That said, I did sometimes wonder what it would be like to have someone โ a cousin, say, or a sibling โ to call on in times of need, or even just to spend unplanned time with. Someone who knows you, cares about you, who wants the best for you. A houseplant, however attractive and robust, doesnโt quite cut the mustard, unfortunately. Pointless even to speculate, though. I had no one, and it was futile to wish it were otherwise. After all, it was no more than I deserved. And, really, I was fine, fine, fine. Was I not here, after all, out in the world, and going to a party? Dressed in my finery and awaiting an acquaintance? Look out, Saturday night, here comes Eleanor Oliphant! I allowed myself a little smile.
In the end, my mood soured somewhat, as I had to wait twenty-five minutes for Raymond. I find lateness exceptionally rude; itโs so disrespectful, implying unambiguously that you consider yourself and your own time to be so much more valuable than the other personโs. Raymond eventually clambered out of a minicab at quarter past seven, just when I was on the verge of leaving.
โHiya, Eleanor!โ he said, full of good cheer. He was clutching a clinking carrier bag and a bunch of cheap carnations. Laura had specifically told us not to bring anything. Why had he ignored her polite request?
โRaymond, the invitation was for 7 p.m.,โ I said. โWe arranged to meet here at 6.50 p.m., and we are now inexcusably late on account of your tardiness. Itโs very disrespectful to our hostess!โ I could not bear to look at him. Inexplicably, he laughed.
โChill, Eleanor,โ he said. I mean, really. Chill!
โNo one ever goes to a party on time. Itโs ruder to do that than to be fifteen minutes late, believe me.โ He looked me up and down. โYou look nice,โ he said. โDifferent โฆโ
I did not appreciate this crass attempt to change the subject. โShall we go?โ I said, quite curtly. He ambled along beside me, smoking as usual.
โEleanor,โ he said, โhonestly, donโt stress about it. When people say seven oโclock, they mean, like, seven thirty, earliest. Weโll probably be the first people there!โ
I was thrown by this.
โBut why?โ I said. โWhy on earth would you state one time whilst meaning something completely different, and how are people supposed to know?โ
Raymond extinguished his cigarette and dropped it into the gutter. He put his head on one side, considering.
โI donโt know how you know, now I come to think of it,โ he said. โYou just do.โ He thought some more. โItโs like, you know when you invite people over, and you say come at eight, itโs always a nightmare if some
โฆ if a person actually arrives at eight, because youโre not ready, you havenโt had time to tidy up, take the rubbish out or whatever? It feels quite โฆ passive aggressive, almost, if someone actually arrives on time or โ oh God โ early?โ
โI have absolutely no idea what youโre talking about,โ I said. โIf I were to invite people to attend at eight, then Iโd be ready for them at eight. Itโs sloppy time management otherwise.โ
Raymond shrugged. He had made no effort whatsoever to dress smartly for the party, sporting his usual uniform of training shoes (green ones) and a T-shirt. This one saidย Carcetti for Mayor.ย Unfathomable. He was wearing a denim jacket, paler than his denim trousers. I hadnโt considered that a suit could be fashioned from denim, but there it was.
Lauraโs house was at the end of a neat cul de sac of small, modern houses. There were several cars in the driveway. We approached the front door and I noticed that she had red geraniums in window boxes. I find geraniums somewhat unsettling; that rich, sticky scent when you brush against them, a brackish, vegetable smell thatโs the opposite of floral.
Raymond rang the doorbell โ the chime played the opening chords to Beethovenโs Third Symphony. A very small boy, his face smeared with, one hoped, chocolate, answered and stared at us. I stared back at him. Raymond stepped forward.
โAll right, mate?โ he said. โWeโre here to see your granddad.โ
The boy continued staring at us, somewhat unenthusiastically. โIโm wearing new shoes,โ he stated, apropos of nothing. At that moment, Laura appeared behind him in the hallway.
โAuntie Laura,โ he said, not turning round, and sounding distinctly unimpressed, โitโs more people for the party.โ
โI see that, Tyler,โ she said. โWhy donโt you go and find your brother, see if you can blow up some more balloons for us?โ He nodded and ran off, his little feet thumping on the stairs.
โCome in,โ she said, smiling at Raymond. โDadโll be pleased to see you.โ She didnโt smile at me, which is the normal state of affairs in most encounters I have with other people.
We entered, Raymond wiping his feet elaborately on the doormat. I copied him. It was truly an unforeseen day when I would look to Raymond for social guidance.
He handed over the flowers and the clinking bag, and Laura looked pleased. I realized that, despite her entreaty at the hospital, I ought to have brought something to hand over, too. I was going to explain that she had told us not to, and I had simply done her the courtesy of respecting
her wishes, but before I could speak, Raymond blurted out, โThese are from Eleanor and me.โ
She peered into the carrier bag โ I fervently hoped it wasnโt Haribo and Pringles again โ and thanked us both. I nodded in acknowledgement. She showed us into the living room, where Sammy and his family were seated. Banal pop music was playing softly, and a low table was covered with little bowls of beige snacks. Laura was wearing a dress, wrapped around her like black bandages, and teetered in heels with a two-inch platform. Her blonde hair was โ I grappled for the correct terms โ both tall and fat, and tumbled well past her shoulders in glossy waves. Even Bobbi Brown might have thought the amount of makeup she was wearingย de trop. Raymondโs mouth hung slightly open, just wide enough to post a letter through, and he seemed somewhat dazed. Laura appeared
entirely indifferent to his response.
โRaymond! Eleanor!โ Sammy shouted, waving from deep within an enormous velvet armchair. โLaura, get them both a drink, would you? Weโre on the Prosecco,โ he said, confidentially.
โNo more for you, Dad,โ his elder son said. โNot with those painkillers.โ
โOch, come on, son โ you only live once!โ Sammy said brightly. โAfter all, thereโs worse ways to go, eh, Eleanor?โ
I nodded. He was, of course, absolutely right. I should know.
Laura appeared with two flutes of urine-coloured fizzy liquid โ much to my surprise, I drank mine down in three gulps. It was dry and biscuity, and extremely delicious. I wondered if it was expensive, and whether it might in due course come to replace vodka as my bevarage of choice. Laura noticed, and topped up my glass.
โYouโre like me โ I only drink bubbles,โ she said approvingly. I looked around.
โYou have a very beautiful home,โ I said. She nodded.
โItโs taken me a couple of years to get everything the way I like it, but Iโm happy with it now,โ she said.
I was struck by how coordinated everything was, how clean and gleaming. There were textures everywhere โ feathers and flock, velvet, silk โ and jewel colours.
โItโs like an eyrie where a beautiful bird would nest,โ I said. โA quetzal, or an imperial eagle.โ
She appeared to be struggling for an appropriate response, strangely.
Surely a simple โthank youโ would have sufficed?
After a silence, not too uncomfortable because of the fizzy bubble drink, she asked me about work, and I explained what I did, and how I knew Raymond. We looked over at him โ he was perched on the arm of Sammyโs chair, laughing at something one of her brothers had said.
โYou could do worse, you know,โ she said, with a sly smile. โI mean, if you tidied him up a bit, decent haircut โฆโ
It took me a moment to grasp what she meant.
โOh no,โ I said, โyou completely misunderstand. I already have someone. Heโs handsome and sophisticated and talented โ a cultured, educated man.โ Laura smiled.
โArenโt you the lucky one! How did you two meet, then?โ
โWell, we havenโt, as yet,โ I explained, โbut itโs only a matter of time.โ
She threw her head back and laughed, a deep throaty sound that seemed wrong coming from such a slight, feminine woman.
โYouโre hilarious, Eleanor,โ she said. โYouโll have to come round for drinks some time. And if you ever decide to cut your hair, bear me in mind, yeah? Iโll give you matesโ rates.โ
I thought about this. I had been slacking somewhat with my makeover list, after the frankly disconcerting wax experience at the salon and the unremarkable changes that had been wrought on my nails. I supposed I ought to press on with it. Normally, I wasnโt at all interested in my hair and I hadnโt had it cut since I was thirteen years old. It ran down to my waist, straight and light brown โ just hair, nothing more, nothing less. I barely noticed it, in truth. I knew, though, that for the singer to fall in love with me, Iโd need to make much more of an effort.
โThis is, in fact, serendipitous timing, Laura,โ I said, drinking more of the delicious bubbles โ my glass seemed miraculously to have refilled itself. โI had been planning something of a reinvention. Might next week be suitable for you to effect a change of hairstyle?โ
She picked up her phone from a console table and tapped away. โHowโs Tuesday at three?โ she said.
We were allocated twenty-five days of annual leave, and I had used three โ a recovery day after painful root canal work, one of my biannual daytime social work visits, and an extra day Iโd added onto a Bank Holiday weekend in order to allow me to finish a particularly lengthy but thrilling volume on the history of Ancient Rome without interruption.
โTuesday would be splendid,โ I said.
She shimmered off towards the kitchen, and reappeared with a tray of malodorous, warm snacks which she passed around the room. The space had filled up with people, and the overall volume level was very loud. I stood for several minutes examining theย bibelotsย andย objetsย which she had artfully placed around the room. More from boredom than necessity, I went to use the bathroom, a tiny cloakroom under the stairs which was also shiny and warm, gleaming white and scented, improbably, with figs โ the smell, I eventually realized, emanating from a lit candle in a glass jar on the shelf below the mirror. Candles in a bathroom! I suspected that Laura was something of a sybarite.
I walked into the room at the end of the hall, which was, as I had correctly guessed, the kitchen. This room was also full of people and noise, but I could make out black marble worktops, gloss cream cabinets and lots of chrome. Her home was so โฆ shiny. She was shiny too, her skin, her hair, her shoes, her teeth. I hadnโt even realized before; I am matte, dull and scuffed.
Feeling the need to escape the noise and heat for a moment, I opened the back door and stepped out onto a patio. The garden was small and contained little in the way of botanical life, being mostly paved with concrete slabs or covered in slippery decking. Dusk was falling, but the sky felt small here, and I felt penned in by a high fence which ran on all three sides. I breathed in, deeply, hoping for cool night air. Instead, my nasal passages were assaulted by tar, nicotine and other poisons.
โNice night, eh?โ said Raymond, loitering unnoticed in the shadows and, just for a change, puffing on a cigarette. I nodded.
โI came out for some fresh air,โ he said, without a hint of irony. โI shouldnโt drink fizz, it knocks me for six.โ I realized that I was somewhat discombobulated myself.
โI think Iโm ready to go home now,โ I said, a little unsteady on my feet. It was, however, a lovely feeling.
โCome and sit down for a minute,โ Raymond said, steering me towards a pair of wooden armchairs. I was glad to do so, as my new boots rendered my balance somewhat precarious at the best of times. Raymond lit another cigarette โ he seemed to be becoming a chain smoker.
โTheyโre a nice family, arenโt they?โ he said.
โLaura is going to cut my hair,โ I blurted out. Iโve no idea why. โIs she now?โ He smiled.
โYou like her,โ I stated, nodding sagely. I was a woman of the world, after all.
He laughed.
โSheโs gorgeous, Eleanor, but sheโs really not my type.โ His cigarette end glowed red in the semidarkness.
โWhatย isย your type?โ I asked, finding to my surprise that I was actually interested.
โI donโt know. Someone less โฆ high maintenance, I guess. Someone
โฆ wait a minute.โ
I was more than content to sit still while he walked off, returning minutes later with a bottle of wine and two garishly decorated paper cups sporting cartoon rodents on skateboards.
โRastamouse,โ I read aloud, slowly. โWhat on earth is this?โ
โGive it here,โ Raymond said, and poured us both a โฆ cup. We tapped our vessels together. There was no clink.
โI thought Iโd found the perfect person for me,โ he said, staring at the back of the garden. โDidnโt work out, though.โ
โWhy not?โ I said, although I could, in fact, think of many reasons why someone might not want to be with Raymond.
โThing is, Iโm still not entirely sure. I wish Iย didย know โ it would make things easier โฆโ
I nodded โ it seemed like the appropriate thing to do.
โHelen said it wasnโt me, it was her.โ He laughed, not an amused laugh, though. โI canโt believe she came out with that old chestnut. After three years โฆ youโd think sheโd have known before then that it wasnโt working for her. I donโt know what changed.ย Iย didnโt change โฆ I donโt think I did, anyway โฆโ
โPeople can be โฆ unfathomable,โ I said, stumbling slightly over the word. โI often find that I donโt understand why they do and say things.โ
He nodded.
โWe had a lovely wee flat, went on some great holidays. I was โฆ I was actually thinking about asking her to marry me. Christ โฆโ He stared at the paving stones and I tried and failed to picture Raymond in a morning suit, top hat and cravat, let alone a kilt.
โItโs fine,โ he said, after a while. โItโs quite a laugh, sharing with the guys, and Iโve got this new job. Things are OK. Itโs just โฆ I dunno. She said I was too nice. What exactly am I meant to do with that? I mean โฆ become more of a bastard? Should I have hit her, or cheated on her?โ
I realized he wasnโt really talking to me; it was like in a play, when a character just talks out loud for no apparent reason. I knew the answer to his question, however.
โNo, Raymond,โ I said. โYou would never have done either of those things.โ I finished my cup of wine and poured some more. โI lived with a man called Declan for a couple of years. He used to punch me in the kidneys, slap me โ he fractured twelve bones, all in all. He stayed out some nights and then came home and told me about the women heโd been with. It was my fault, all my fault. But still, I know he shouldnโt have done that. I know it now, anyway.โ
Raymond stared at me. โJesus, Eleanor. When was this?โ
โSeveral years ago,โ I said. โWhile I was still at university. He saw me in the Botanic Gardens one day, just came up and started talking to me. I know it sounds ridiculous, looking back. By the end of the week, heโd moved in.โ
โWas he a student too?โ Raymond said.
โNo, he said reading books was a waste of time, boring. He didnโt work, either; couldnโt find a job that suited him, he said. Itโs not easy to find a job that suits you, I suppose, is it?โ
Raymond was looking at me with a strange expression on his face. โDeclan wanted to help me learn how to be a better person,โ I said.
Raymond lit yet another cigarette.
โHow did it end?โ he said, not looking at me, blowing smoke up into the air in a long stream, like a very unterrifying dragon.
โWell,โ I told him, โhe broke my arm again, and when I went to hospital, they somehow guessed that it hadnโt happened the way Iโd said. Heโd told me to tell them that Iโd had a fall, but they didnโt believe me.โ I took another large sip. โAnyway, a nice nurse came and spoke to me, and explained that people who truly love you donโt hurt you, and that it wasnโt right to stay with someone who did. The way she explained it, it all made sense. I should have been able to work it out for myself, really. I asked him to leave when I got home and, when he wouldnโt, I called the police, like sheโd suggested. And that was that. Oh, and I changed the locks.โ
He said nothing, and stared with intense concentration at his shoes. Without looking at me, he put out his hand and touched my arm, patted it very tentatively, as one would a horse or a dog (if one were frightened of horses or dogs). He shook his head gently, for a long time, but seemed
unable to articulate a response. No matter; I didnโt require one. The whole thing was ancient history now. I was happy being alone. Eleanor Oliphant, sole survivor โ thatโs me.
โIโm going to go home now, Raymond,โ I said, standing up quickly. โIโm going to get a taxi.โ
โGood idea,โ he said, finishing his drink. He took out his phone. โBut youโre not going to wander the streets on your own and try to hail one, not at this time of night. Iโll call you one โ look, Iโve got an app!โ He showed me his phone, beaming.
โWhat am I supposed to be looking at?โ I said, peering at the screen. He ignored me and checked the message. โItโll be here in five minutes,โ he said.
He waited with me in the hall until the cab arrived, then walked me to the vehicle and held the door open for me. I saw him peering in at the driver, a middle-aged woman who looked tired and bored, as I climbed into the back seat.
โAre you coming too?โ I said, wondering why he was hesitating on the kerb. He checked his watch, ruffled his hair and looked from the house to the taxi and back again.
โNah,โ he said. โI think Iโll hang around here for a bit. See what happens.โ
I turned to watch him as the car moved off. He staggered slightly as he walked up the path, and I saw Laura framed in the doorway, two glasses in her hands, one of them offered out to him.