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Chapter no 8 – Juliette

Defy Me (Shatter Me Book 5)

Iโ€™ve been sitting in the back of a police car for over an hour. I havenโ€™t been able to cry, not yet. And I donโ€™t know what Iโ€™m waiting for, but I know what I did, and Iโ€™m pretty sure I know what happens next.

I killed a little boy.

I donโ€™t know how I did it. I donโ€™t know why it happened. I just know that it was me, my hands, me. I did that. Me.

I wonder if my parents will show up.

Instead, three men in military uniforms march up to my window. One of them flings open the door and aims a machine gun at my chest.

โ€œGet out,โ€ he barks. โ€œOut with your hands up.โ€

My heart is racing, terror propelling me out of the car so fast I stumble, slamming my knee into the ground. I donโ€™t need to check to know that Iโ€™m bleeding; the pain of the fresh wound is already searing. I bite my lip to keep from crying out, force the tears back.

No one helps me up.

I want to tell them that Iโ€™m only fourteen, that I donโ€™t know a lot about a lot of things, but that I know enough. Iโ€™ve watched TV shows about this sort of thing. I know they canโ€™t charge me as an adult. I know that they shouldnโ€™t be treating me like this.

But then I remember that the world is different now. We have a new government now, one that doesnโ€™t care how we used to do things. Maybe none of that matters anymore.

My heart beats faster.

Iโ€™m shoved into the backseat of a black car, and before I know it, Iโ€™m deposited somewhere new: somewhere that looks like an ordinary office building. Itโ€™s tall. Steel gray. It seems old and decrepitโ€”some of its windows are crackedโ€”and the whole thing looks sad.

But when I walk inside Iโ€™m stunned to discover a blinding, gleaming interior. I look around, taking in the marble floors, the rich carpets and furnishings. The ceilings are high, the architecture modern but elegant. Itโ€™s all glass and marble and stainless steel.

Iโ€™ve never been anywhere so beautiful.

And I havenโ€™t even had a moment to take it all in before Iโ€™m greeted by a thin, older man with even thinner brown hair.

The soldiers flanking me step back as he steps forward. โ€œMs. Ferrars?โ€ he says.

โ€œYes?โ€

โ€œYou are to come with me.โ€ I hesitate. โ€œWho are you?โ€

He studies me a moment and then seems to make a decision. โ€œYou may call me Delalieu.โ€

โ€œOkay,โ€ I say, the word disappearing into a whisper.

I follow Delalieu into a glass elevator and watch him use a key card to authorize the lift. Once weโ€™re in motion, I find the courage to speak.

โ€œWhere am I?โ€ I ask. โ€œWhatโ€™s happening?โ€

His answer comes automatically. โ€œYou are in Sector 45 headquarters. Youโ€™re here to have a meeting with the chief commander and regent of Sector

45.โ€ He doesnโ€™t look at me when he speaks, but thereโ€™s nothing in his tone that feels threatening. So I ask another question.

โ€œWhy?โ€

The elevator doors ping as they open. Delalieu finally turns to look at me. โ€œYouโ€™ll find out in just a moment.โ€

I follow Delalieu down a hall and wait, quietly, outside a door while he knocks. He peeks his head inside when the door opens, announces his presence, and then motions for me to follow him in.

When I do, Iโ€™m surprised.

Thereโ€™s a beautiful man in military uniformโ€”Iโ€™m assuming heโ€™s the commanderโ€”standing in front of a large, wooden desk, his arms crossed against his chest. Heโ€™s staring me straight in the eye, and Iโ€™m suddenly so overwhelmed I feel myself blush.

Iโ€™ve never seen anyone so handsome before.

I look down, embarrassed, and study the laces of my tennis shoes. Iโ€™m grateful for my long hair. It serves as a dark, heavy curtain, shielding my face from view.

โ€œLook at me.โ€

The command is sharp and clear. I look up, nervously, to meet his eyes. He has thick, dark brown hair. Eyes like a storm. He looks at me for so long I feel goose bumps rise along my skin. He wonโ€™t look away, and I feel more terrified by the moment. This manโ€™s eyes are full of anger. Darkness. Thereโ€™s something genuinely frightening about him, and my heart begins to hammer.

โ€œYouโ€™re growing up quickly,โ€ he says.

I stare at him, confused, but heโ€™s still studying my face.

โ€œFourteen years old,โ€ he says quietly. โ€œSuch a complicated age for a young girl.โ€ Finally, he sighs. Looks away. โ€œIt always breaks my heart to

break beautiful things.โ€

โ€œI donโ€™tโ€” I donโ€™t understand,โ€ I say, feeling suddenly ill. He looks up again. โ€œYouโ€™re aware of what you did today?โ€ I freeze. Words pile up in my throat, die in my mouth.

โ€œYes or no?โ€ he demands.

โ€œY-yes,โ€ I say quickly. โ€œYes.โ€

โ€œAnd do you know why you did it? Do you know how you did it?โ€

I shake my head, my eyes filling fast with tears. โ€œIt was an accident,โ€ I whisper. โ€œI didnโ€™t knowโ€” I didnโ€™t know that thisโ€”โ€

โ€œDoes anyone else know about your sickness?โ€

โ€œNo.โ€ I stare at him, my eyes wide even as tears blur my vision. โ€œI mean, n-not, not reallyโ€”just my parentsโ€”but no one really understands whatโ€™s wrong with me. I donโ€™t even understandโ€”โ€

โ€œYou mean you didnโ€™t plan this? It wasnโ€™t your intention to murder the little boy?โ€

โ€œNo!โ€ I cry out, and then clap both hands over my mouth. โ€œNo,โ€ I say, quietly now. โ€œI was trying to help him. Heโ€™d fallen to the floor and Iโ€” I didnโ€™t know. I swear I didnโ€™t know.โ€

โ€œLiar.โ€

Iโ€™m still shaking my head, wiping away tears with shaking hands. โ€œIt was an accident. I swear, I didnโ€™t mean toโ€”I d-didnโ€™tโ€”โ€

โ€œSir.โ€ Itโ€™s Delalieu. His voice.

I didnโ€™t realize he was still in the room.

I sniff, hard, wiping quickly at my face, but my hands are still shaking. I try, again, to swallow back the tears. To pull myself together.

โ€œSir,โ€ Delalieu says more firmly, โ€œperhaps we should conduct this interview elsewhere.โ€

โ€œI donโ€™t see why thatโ€™s necessary.โ€

โ€œI donโ€™t mean to seem impertinent, sir, but I really feel that you might be better served conducting this interview privately.โ€

I dare to turn, to look up at him. And thatโ€™s when I notice the third person in the room.

A boy.

My breath catches in my throat with an almost audible gasp. A single tear escapes down my cheek and I brush it away, even as I stare at him. I canโ€™t help itโ€”I canโ€™t look away. He has the kind of face Iโ€™ve never seen in real life. Heโ€™s more handsome than the commander. More beautiful. Still, thereโ€™s something unnerving about him, something cold and alien about his face that makes him difficult to look at. Heโ€™s almost too perfect. He has a sharp jawline and sharp cheekbones and a sharp, straight nose. Everything about him reminds me of a blade. His face is pale. His eyes are a stunning, clear green, and he has rich, golden hair. And heโ€™s staring at me, his eyes wide with an

emotion I canโ€™t decipher.

A throat clears. The spell is broken.

Heat floods my face and I avert my eyes, mortified I didnโ€™t look away sooner.

I hear the commander mutter angrily under his breath. โ€œUnbelievable,โ€ he says. โ€œAlways the same.โ€

I look up.

โ€œAaron,โ€ he says sharply. โ€œGet out.โ€

The boyโ€”his name must be Aaronโ€”startles. He stares at the commander for a second, and then glances at the door. But he doesnโ€™t move.

โ€œDelalieu, please escort my son from the room, as he seems presently unable to remember how to move his legs.โ€

Hisย son.

Wow. That explains the face. โ€œYes, sir, of course, sir.โ€

Aaronโ€™s expression is impossible to read. I catch him looking at me, just once more, and when he finds me staring, he frowns. Itโ€™s not an unkind look.

Still, I turn away.

He and Delalieu move past me as they exit, and I pretend not to notice when I hear him whisperโ€”

โ€œWho is she?โ€

โ€”as they walk away.

โ€œElla? Are you all right?โ€

I blink, slowly clearing the webbing of blackness obscuring my vision. Stars explode and fade behind my eyes and I try to stand, the carpet pressing popcorn impressions into my palms, metal digging into my flesh. Iโ€™m wearing manacles, glowing cuffs that emit a soft, blue light that leaches the life from my skin, makes my own hands seem sinister.

The woman at my door is staring at me. She smiles.

โ€œYour father and I thought you might be hungry,โ€ she says. โ€œWe made you dinner.โ€

I canโ€™t move. My feet seem bolted in place, the pinks and purples of the walls and floors assaulting me from every corner. Iโ€™m standing in the middle of the bizarre museum of what was likely my childhood bedroomโ€”staring at what might be my biological motherโ€”and I feel like I might throw up. The lights are suddenly too bright, the voices too loud. Someone walks toward me and the movement feels exaggerated, the footsteps thudding hard and fast in my ears. My vision goes in and out and the walls seem to shake. The floor shifts, tilts backward.

I fall, hard, onto the floor.

For a minute, I hear nothing but my heartbeat. Loud, so loud, pressing in on me, assaulting me with a cacophony of sound so disturbing I double over, press my face into the carpet and scream.

Iโ€™m hysterical, my bones shaking in my skin, and the woman picks me up, reels me in, and I tear away, still screamingโ€”

โ€œWhere is everyone?โ€ I scream. โ€œWhatโ€™s happening to me?โ€ I scream. โ€œWhere am I? Whereโ€™s Warner and Kenji and oh my Godโ€”oh my Godโ€”all those peopleโ€”all those people I k-killedโ€”โ€

Vomit inches up my throat, choking me, and I try and fail to suppress the images, the horrible, terrifying images of bodies cleaved open, blood snaking down ridges of poorly torn flesh and something pierces my mind, something sharp and blinding and suddenly Iโ€™m on my knees, heaving the meager contents of my stomach into a pink basket.

I can hardly breathe.

My lungs are overworked, my stomach still threatening to betray me, and Iโ€™m gasping, my hands shaking hard as I try to stand. I spin around, the room moving more quickly than I do, and I see only flashes of pink, flashes of purple.

I sway.

Someone catches me again, this time new arms, and the man who calls me his daughter holds me like Iโ€™m his child and he says, โ€œHoney, you donโ€™t have to think about them anymore. Youโ€™re safe now.โ€

โ€œSafe?โ€ I rear back, eyes wild. โ€œWhoย areย youโ€”?โ€

The woman takes my hand. Squeezes my fingers even as I wrench free from her grip. โ€œIโ€™m your mother,โ€ she says. โ€œAnd Iโ€™ve decided itโ€™s time for you to come home.โ€

โ€œWhatโ€โ€”I grab two fistfuls of her shirtโ€”โ€œhave you doneย with my friends?โ€ I scream. And then I shake her, shake her so hard she actually looks scared for a second, and then I try to pick her up and throw her into the wall but remember, with a start, that my powers have been cut off, that I have to rely on mere anger and adrenaline and I turn around, suddenly furious, feeling more certain by the second that Iโ€™ve begun to hallucinate, hallucinate, when

unexpectedly

she slaps me in the face. Hard.

I blink, stunned, but manage to stay upright.

โ€œElla Sommers,โ€ she says sharply, โ€œyou will pull yourself together.โ€ Her eyes flash as she appraises me. โ€œWhat is this ridiculous, dramatic behavior? Worried about yourย friends? Those people are not your friends.โ€

My cheek burns and half my mouth feels numb but I say, โ€œYes, yes theyโ€™re my frโ€”โ€

She slaps me again.

My eyes close. Reopen. I feel suddenly dizzy.

โ€œWe are your parents,โ€ she says in a harsh whisper. โ€œYour father and I have brought you home. You should be grateful.โ€

I taste blood. I reach up, touch my lip. My fingers come away red. โ€œWhereโ€™s Emmaline?โ€ Blood is pooling in my mouth and I spit it out, onto the floor. โ€œHave you kidnapped her, too? Does she know what youโ€™ve done? That you donated us to The Reestablishment? Sold our bodies to the world?โ€

A third, swift slap.

I feel it ring in my skull.

โ€œHow dare you.โ€ My motherโ€™s face flushes crimson. โ€œHowย dareย youโ€” You have no idea what weโ€™ve built, all these yearsโ€” The sacrifices we made for ourย futureโ€”โ€

โ€œNow, Evie,โ€ my dad says, and places a calming hand on her shoulder. โ€œEverything is going to be okay. Ella just needs a little time to settle in, thatโ€™s all.โ€ He glances at me. โ€œIsnโ€™t that right, Ella?โ€

It hits me then, in that moment. Everything. It hits me, all at once, with a frightening, destabilizing forceโ€”

Iโ€™ve been kidnapped by a pair of crazy people and I might never see my friends again. In fact, my friends might be dead. Myย parentsย mightโ€™ve killed them. All of them.

The realization is like suffocation.

Tears fill my throat, my mouth, my eyesโ€”

โ€œWhere,โ€ I say, my chest heaving, โ€œis Warner? What did you do to him?โ€

Evieโ€™s expression goes suddenly murderous. โ€œYou and that damn boy. If I have to hear his name one more timeโ€”โ€

โ€œWhereโ€™s Warner?โ€ Iโ€™m screaming again. โ€œWhere is he? Whereโ€™s Kenji?

What did you do with them?โ€

Evie looks suddenly exhausted. She pinches the bridge of her nose between her thumb and index finger.

โ€œDarling,โ€ she says, but she isnโ€™t looking at me, sheโ€™s looking at my father. โ€œWill you handle this, please? I have a terrible headache and several urgent phone calls to return.โ€

โ€œOf course, my love.โ€ And he pulls a syringe from his pocket and stabs it, swiftly, into my neck.

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