Ella is asleep in my arms.
Ella.
I can’t really think of her as Juliette anymore.
We’ve been in the air for an hour now, and Ella cried until her tears ran dry, cried for so long I thought it might kill me. I didn’t know what to say. I was so stunned I didn’t know how to soothe her. And only when the exhaustion overcame the tears did she finally go still, collapsing fully and completely into my arms. I’ve been holding her against my chest for at least half an hour, marveling at what it does to me to just be this close to her. Every once in a while, it feels like a dream. Her face is pressed against my neck. She’s clinging to me like she might never let go and it does something to me, something heady, to know that she could possibly want me—or need me— like this. It makes me want to protect her even if she doesn’t need protecting. It makes me want to carry her away. Lose track of time.
Gently, I stroke her hair. Press my lips to her forehead. She stirs, but only slightly.
I had not been expecting this.
Of all the things I thought might happen when I finally saw her, I could never have dreamed a scenario such as this.
No one has ever apologized to me before. Not like this.
I’ve had men fall to their knees before me, begging me to spare their lives
—but I can’t remember a single time in my life when someone apologized to me for hurting my feelings. No one has ever cared about my feelings long enough to apologize for hurting them. In my experience, I’m usually the monster. I’m the one expected to make amends.
And now—
I’m stunned. Stunned by the experience, by how strange it feels. All this time, I’d been preparing to win her back. To try to convince her, somehow, to see past my demons. And up until just this moment, I don’t think I was ever truly convinced anyone would see me as human enough to forgive my sins. To give me a second chance.
But now, she knows everything.
Every dark corner of my life. Every awful thing I ever tried to hide. She knows and she still loves me.
God. I run a tired hand across my face. She asked me to forgive her. I almost don’t know what to do with myself. I feel joy and terror. My heart is heavy with something I don’t even know how to describe.
Gratitude, perhaps.
The ache in my chest has grown stronger, more painful. Being near her is somehow both a relief and a new kind of agony. There’s so much ahead of us, so much we still need to face, together, but right now I don’t want to think about any of it. Right now I just want to enjoy her proximity. I want to watch the gentle motions of her breathing. I want to inhale the soft scent of her hair and lean into the steadying warmth of her body.
Carefully, I touch my fingers to her cheek.
Her face is smooth, free from pain and tension. She looks peaceful. She looks beautiful.
My love.
My beautiful love.
Her eyes flutter open and I worry, for a moment, that I might’ve spoken out loud. But then she looks up at me, her eyes still soft with sleep, and I bring my hand to her face, this time trailing my fingers lightly along her jaw. She closes her eyes again. Smiles.
“I love you,” she whispers.
A shock of feeling swells inside of me, makes it hard for me to breathe. I can only look at her, studying her face, the lines and angles I’ve somehow always known.
Slowly, she sits up.
She leans back, stretching out her sore, stiff muscles. When she catches me watching her, she offers me a shy smile.
She leans in, takes my face in her hands.
“Hi,” she says, her words soft, her hands gentle as she tilts my chin down, toward her mouth. She kisses me, once, her lips full and sweet. It’s a tender kiss, but feeling strikes through me with a sharp, desperate need. “I missed you so much,” she says. “I still can’t believe you’re here.” She kisses me again, this time deeper, hungrier, and my heart beats so fast it roars in my ears. I can hardly hear anything else. I can’t bring myself to speak.
I feel stunned.
When we break apart, her eyes are worried. “Aaron,” she says. “Is everything okay?”
And I realize then, in a moment that terrifies me, that I want this, forever. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I want to build a future with her. I want to grow old with her.
I want to marry her.
