HENRY
NATE TOLD ME TO TRUST the process and I’m trying to listen to him, but as it turns out, I’m not really a trust-the-process kind of guy.
I can be laid back, sure, but am I trusting that urge to just let shit play out?
No.
I like predictability. I like routine. I like certainty.
Which is why when I sent Halle that email, I threw all those things I like into chaos, and I’m going to have to practice patience—something I’m not known for—to wait a week until she gets home to 1nd out what she thought.
After only a handful of text messages to make sure she knew I was thinking about her during the month, I can hardly expect—okay, I’ve been told by the guys that I can hardly expect—her to contact me right away.
JJ said what I haven’t learned from hooking up with whomever I want and then moving on is that when you do really like someone, it is inevitable that you will, at some point, cause a fucking mess that you need to 1x.
All the guys agreed, so I’m taking this as one of those times JJ gives out okay advice.
According to him, followed by a team cosign, this is my “grand gesture” to make sure she knows how much she means to me.
After Russ 1nally caved and let me look at the book, I was immediately mad at myself for not insisting Halle let me read it sooner. I loved seeing her words on the page, recognizing her voice but seeing it tell someone else’s story. It was magical, and maybe if I’d spent more time encouraging her and less time distracting her, we could have reached this point sooner.
Someone knocks on my door, and the beeping of the code being entered follows when I shout come in. Russ appears with a cup of tea for me, an unfortunate habit I’ve developed in the past month. As a rule, I hate listening to Aurora, but I’m going to let her have this win.
“Halle good?” Russ asks, putting the mug on my bedside table and sitting at the foot of my bed.
“I think I should have called her 1rst. I caught her oI guard; she poked me for some reason. I don’t know how to describe it properly. She seemed… out of reach. Even though I could touch her. She seemed far away.” Russ rubs his neck. “Go on. Say what you gotta say.”
“It’s hard saving someone from themselves,” he says. Russ repositions himself to face me, leaning against his knee. “It might take her a minute to 1nd her footing again. You guys went from spending every spare minute together to nothing, when you were still only just starting. Things were never going to be totally normal when you shut her out.”
“But I didn’t only shut her out, I shut everyone out. And in the end, I was trying to help her.”
“It’s hard for people to understand that other people sometimes just shut down; that not everyone’s brain works in the same way when dealing with stress. I think she gets you better than anyone, though.” I nod in agreement. “She knows that if you’re left unchecked, the chances are you’ll spiral and procrastinate and all the other shit, okay? But she also knows, like the rest of us do, that the more she forces you to try and do something, the longer it’ll take for you to do it. You know that you’ll hit a point and then you’ll 1x it. It’s not the same thing, but with addicts it’s called hitting rock bottom.”
“The past month felt a lot like rock bottom.”
“Yeah, exactly. For her, you know that she’ll drop everything for you, even if it means putting herself last, which you obviously don’t want. I don’t mean this in a mean way, dude, but Halle wouldn’t have 1nished her book if she’d helped you stop spiraling and get up to speed last month. You were keeping her away to help her help herself, while suIering because you missed her. And she was staying away because you asked her to, suIering because she missed you and probably believed that she could 1x it. Am I making sense?”
This feels a lot like a riddle, but I think I’m following. “We both had to struggle for a while and do what we needed to do for ourselves, for everything to work out now?”
“Basically,” Russ says, nodding.
“That was a really long-winded way to say what you meant. You spend too much time with Aurora.”
Russ laughs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I know. I’m sorry, I’ll leave the motivational speeches to Nate.”
“Is Aurora mad at me?” The question’s been playing on my mind because Aurora, who normally spends a lot of time at this house, has hardly been here. “I’d understand if she was.”
He thinks about it for a minute, mouth pinching while he considers what he wants to say. “No, is the easy answer. Rory gets that how we would deal with something together is not how everyone else would. I think she just feels very protective of Halle, and maybe a bit guilty? They’ve been in the same classes for two years, and it took you befriending her for her to realize that she called her a friend, but she wasn’t really her friend, I guess?”
“Halle didn’t think she had friends when we met. She told me,” I say, thinking back to when I asked her why she lived alone.
“Yeah. Acquaintances was probably a better word, but Rory borrowed her notes and went to her book club and sat next to her in class, and that’s as far as it went. So yeah, I don’t know if guilt is the right word, but I think she thinks she could have done more before now. So she isn’t mad at you; she just wants the best for Halle. And you, obviously.”
“Is it weird that I miss her?” “Who? Halle?”
I grimace. “No… Aurora.”
Russ laughs so hard the bed shakes beneath him. “I’m not telling her you said that. She’ll be unbearable. She’s leaving for her girls’ trip in an hour, but I’ll get her to come over when she comes back next week.”
As I reach for my cup of tea, Russ stands from the bed and heads toward the door. “I’m glad you’re feeling better. Not sure what I’d do without you on the team.”
“You made it weird.”
He sighs. “Get over it. I’m going to watch TV downstairs if you want to hang out.”
“I’ll come down after I’ve 1nished this sketch. Hey, Russ…” Russ stops, holding my bedroom door open. “Not sure what I’d do without you, either.”
“Am I interrupting a special moment?” We both look into the hallway outside my room. “I can leave if you two need privacy.”
Halle’s smiling face is the last thing I was expecting to see today. “I think we’re all special-momented out, actually. It’s really good to see you, Halle,” Russ says, immediately moving out of her way so she can walk into my bedroom. The door closes behind her and I climb oI the bed.
Her eyes are bright but puIy. I see the black marks beneath them where her eye makeup has smudged. “What are you doing here? Why do you look like a panda?”
Of all the things I want to say to her and to ask, that’s the 1rst one that comes out of my mouth.
“I’m here for the board meeting.” Her hand reaches into her bag and pulls out the book that I spent hours working on. “I think we need to discuss all the rule breaking that’s been happening. You read my book.”
“There wasn’t a rule about not reading your book,” I say, taking a step toward her. “But I would have broken it if there was. I want to read every word you ever write from now on.”
“There was a huge mistake in the book. Massive one, in fact.” My heart sinks. I checked it so many times. “What was it?”
She grins. “It said I have a boyfriend. And as far as I can remember, nobody has asked me to be their girlfriend.”
“Hmm. You sure?”
“I can’t believe you made my book a book, Henry.” She holds up the bound novel, taking a small step in my direction. “And you made me an audiobook.”
I nod because yeah, I fucking did, and it was hard as hell. It’s given me a whole new appreciation for all the narrators Halle listens to. I remember the one thing I’ve been impatiently waiting to ask her. “You switched the ending. I knew my guy would come through. But why didn’t you stick to what you planned?”
Halle holds the book to her chest, every emotion I felt reading the book written on her face. “I couldn’t stomach the thought that two people in love might not get to live happily ever after. They deserved a chance.”
I close the gap between us, pulling her mouth to mine. It’s crazed and desperate, the excitement tainted by how long it’s been since we last kissed. Breaking us apart, I rest my forehead against hers while she directs me backward toward the bed, climbing into my lap as my ass hits the mattress. “I love you, Halle.”
“I love you, too. Please don’t break my heart.”
Relief is my dominant emotion right now, because after a month apart I worried if she’d still feel the same way about me. “Never.”
I drag her mouth back to mine, slow and controlled. Patient, as much as I don’t want to be anything close to patient. I want to enjoy that she’s here with me when I thought I wouldn’t see her for a week.
Wait.
Leaning back, I furrow my brows. “What about your Right?”
“I called my mom and told her I don’t want to go. She thought something might have happened, but I was honest and said being there with the Ellingtons will really impact me negatively, and I’m choosing not to put myself through it just to make everyone else happy.”
Pride. “And what did she say?”
Halle’s beaming. “That she was of course disappointed she wouldn’t get to spend time with me, but if I wanted to go on vacation with them next year, we could do it just as a family—no Ellingtons. She’s glad I’m setting boundaries for my well-being, and she’s going to bring my sisters to visit at Easter.”
“That’s incredible, Halle. I’m so happy for you.”
She nods, clearly pleased with herself. “Yeah, she’s been putting in a lot of effort.”
Her arms wrap around my neck as mine circle her waist, and we hold each other close. “Does this mean I get to see you this week?”
“Uh, no. Actually, I need to leave in about two minutes.”
I move so quickly to look at her face, trying to gauge if she’s joking, that she nearly slips off my lap. “Where are you going?”
She’s beaming, and I know that whatever her answer is, I’ll be okay with it just to see her this happy. “I’m going on my first girls’ trip! I called Aurora when I left LAX, and she said I could still join them. I just need to hurry and get there with my passport. I’m so nervous but excited, even though I know nothing about race cars. Aurora mentioned we’ll have to support a team, and their colors will suit me, but I promise it’s not her family’s team… I’m rambling because I’m excited, but I really do need to go.”
“Yeah, it sounds like a lot; I’m sure she’ll fill you in on the plane. Will you video call me while you’re gone? I miss seeing your face. I’ve been looking at pictures of you on my phone a lot lately.”
She kisses me once, then twice. “Of course. I miss you too. I’ll be back in a week.”
She climbs off me, and I have to force myself not to cling to her. Honestly, I’m glad she’s doing something for herself. I guess I can manage sharing her with Aurora from time to time. I watch her walk away, and it reminds me of something I need to say before she leaves. “Cap?”
Halle turns to look back at me. “Yeah?”
I clear my throat. “Can I be your boyfriend?”
I’ll never get over being the person to make her smile so big. She moves toward me quickly, throwing herself into my open arms as I fall Rat on the bed. She kisses me before answering. “Yes.”
She rolls oI me onto the bed beside me, cuddling into my side before sitting up, frowning. “You have a painting above your bed!” She gets to her feet to study the canvas properly and I stand to look at it next to her. “How the hell did I not notice that totally huge painting when I walked in here 1ve minutes ago?”
“Too distracted by how good-looking I am, probably.”
“What happened? What other art did I miss?” she asks, looking around the room. She won’t 1nd anything; there’s only this one.
“Finally found something I wanted to look at every day.”
She leans forward. “Wait, is this the, y’know. The one where we? On the canvas?”
“It’s the canvas we fucked on, yeah.”
Her mouth is wide open. “It looks so good! I was expecting it to be total trash if I’m honest. Like, I know you’re talented, but there’s only so much talent you
can control in that kind of setting.”
“You underestimate me.” I can feel the seconds until she has to leave, even though I’m thankful she’s here at all.
“What do you feel when you look at it?” she asks.
Wrapping my arm across her shoulders, I kiss her temple. “Love.”
