Iย inhaled the bracing air, so fresh yet hollow without a trace of spice. As the cloud darted through the sky, I
stumbled, grabbing Pingโerโs arm. How eerie the night was without the lanternsโ glow. Only this morning, fear had
been a foreign emotion to me, and now I was choked with it. Fortunately, the cloudโs dewy folds did not give way
beneath my feet, but was as firm as the groundโif not for the surging wind all around.
It would be a long journey to the Southern Seaโbeyond the Celestial Kingdom, past the lush forests of the Phoenix Kingdom. Farther than the Golden Desert even, the vast
crescent of barren sand that bordered the feared Demon Realm. How would I ever find my way home? It struck me then, perhaps they did not think I ever would.
A sea of lights glimmered in the distance, drawing me from my bleak thoughts.
โThe Celestial Kingdom,โ Pingโer whispered.
As a sudden gust sprang up, she glanced over her shoulder, the color draining from her face. I whirled, my
gaze probing the night. A large cloud soared toward us, the shadowy forms of six immortals upon it. Their armor
gleamed white and gold, although their features were obscured by the dark.
โSoldiers!โ Pingโer gasped.
My heart hammered. โAre they searching for us?โ
She pulled me behind her. โThey wear Celestial armor.
They must be here at the empressโs command. Stay down! Hide! Iโll try to outrun them.โ
I pressed myself down as flat as I could, burying myself in the cool tendrils of the cloud. Part of me was glad to not
see the soldiers, and yet my skin crawled with dread of the unknown. Pingโerโs eyes were closed as a thin stream of
light shot from her palm. Until tonight, I had never seen her use magicโperhaps, there had been no need for it before. Our cloud dashed onward, but all too soon slowed again.
Sweat beaded her skin. โI canโt make it go faster; Iโm not strong enough. If they catch us . . . theyโll discover who we are.โ
โAre they near?โ I twisted to peer behind, wishing I had not.
Steel glinted from the soldiersโ hands, drawing ever closer. Soon, they would overtake us. Someone might recognize Pingโer, questions would be asked. I was a
clumsy liar, without the practice which welled from needโ one stern look from my mother was enough to spill the
truth from my tongue. Monstrous visions crowded my mind: of soldiers storming through my home, dragging my mother away in chains. A crackling whip of lightning lashed across her back, splitting her skin as blood spattered the
white silk of her robe. I gagged, hot bile rising in my throat.
My nails dug into the flesh of my palm. I could not let them catch us. I could not let my mother and Pingโer be
hurt. But weak as I was, there was only one thing I could think of, which might very well be the last thing I ever did.
Gritting my teeth until they ached, I forced the words out. โPingโer, set me down here.โ
She stared at me as though I had lost my mind. โNo, this is the Celestial Kingdom! We must reach the Southern Sea.
We mustโโ
My calm shattered. I tugged her arm with a frantic strength, pulling her down. โWe canโt outrun them. Once
they capture us, theyโll punish us all. I . . . I think we should split up. You must stay on the cloud; I canโt control it.
Pingโer, at least this way we have a chance!โ What choice did we have? None which might give us both a hope of escaping. Yet, try as I might, I could not stop myself from trembling.
She shook her head, but I pressed on. โIโll be safe in the Celestial Kingdom, as long as they donโt realize who I am. I promised Mother I wouldnโt tell anyone, and I wonโt. Iโll
find someplace to hide. Maybe you can outrun the soldiers without me?โ My words fell out in a rush. In a moment it would be too late, the decision wrenched from us.
Fire blazed through the night, streaking toward us. It struck, our cloud shuddering as it swerved sharply. Heat flashed over my skin as Pingโer raised her hand, gleaming with light which extinguished the flames. With a cry, she
fell beside me.
โTheyโre attacking,โ she said in disbelief, even as she pressed her glowing palms into the cloud, speeding it along.
Terror gripped me but I could not succumb. Not now,
when every second mattered. โPingโer, itโs the only way. We canโt let them catch us.โ I spoke firmly, urgentlyโno longer a child pleading to be heard. โThis is my choice, too.โ
Something hardened over her face then, a grim determination. She pointed to a thick cloudbank in the distance. โOver thereโIโll drop down as low as I can. Iโll shield you from the fall.โ
Despite her reassuring words, something unsettled me.
Her breathing came harsh and labored. Her skin was damp to my touch. Was she sick? Impossible. Immortals did not
suffer such ailments. โPingโer, are you hurt? Did the fireโโ โJust a little tired. Nothing to worry yourself over.โ
I rolled on my side, peering over the edge as the cloud
hurtled on. My mind leapt to the perils aheadโbeyond the emptiness beneath, to those glittering lights weaving across the darkness. Beautiful. Terrifying. Scrambling up, I threw my arms around Pingโer, hugging her tight. Wishing I did not have to let go. Wishing for so many things, none of which would ever come to pass.
She clutched me with a raw desperation as we dove into the cloudbank. Droplets of icy water brushed my skin, the moisture clinging to my clothes. As we plunged lower, the chill bit deep, right into my bones. My legs quivered as I
uncoiled them to stand. Pingโerโs skin was like ash gone cold as she wrapped an arm across my shoulder. The air shimmered as a feathery tingle glided over me.
โThe shield will cushion your fall. But you might still feel pain and you must be careful at all times.โ Her hands shook as she slung my small bag over my arm.
โWill you try to return? Once the danger passes?โ I clung to this frail hope, trying to gather the scraps of my courage. Trying not to fall apart.
Tears pooled in her eyes. โOf course. But if I donโtโโ
โIโll find my way back. One day, when itโs safe to,โ I said quickly, to assure us both.
โYou will. You must, for your mother.โ She drew a sharp breath. โAre you ready?โ
I was wound so tight I thought I might snap. No, I would never be ready . . . to leap into this unknown, to sever this final cord to my home. But if I didnโt leave now, if I yielded to my clawing panic, if I let myself sink into the shadow of doubtโwhat little resolve remained would vanish. Facing her, I forced my stiff legs to take a step back to the edge. I would rather see her a hundred times over than the gaping hollow below.
โNow!โ She cried out in a sudden burst of strength, her eyes blazing.
My legs staggered backโjust as Pingโerโs head rolled to the side and she collapsed into a crumpled heap upon the cloud. But I was falling, too, through the black void of the sky. The wind struck all thought from me, swallowing the cry that erupted from my throat, whipping my face and limbs until they were raw. My clothes sucked forward in a cloud of silk. I could not breathe through the air slamming against me, my lungs afire. A roaring in my ears blocked
out everything except my pounding heart.
Yet ahead of me, shrinking to a speck was Pingโerโs cloud, gone still. Her body was huddled where she had fallen. Had she fainted?ย Move!ย I screamed in a soundless cry, as the soldiers raced toward her. Terror shriveled my insides as I
stretched out my handsโa futile gestureโgrasping wildly at . . . at something within me. My skin tingled, hot then cold, as a glittering surge of air hurtled across the emptiness toward Pingโerโs cloud. It shimmered brightly, before bolting away, vanishing into the distant horizon.
I crashed into the ground, pain erupting across my body.
The air knocked from my chest, I could only lie there as tears flowed from my eyes, mingling with the sweat that slicked my skin. A weariness gripped me. As my fingers
grasped soft grass beneath me, I drew a trembling breath, the scent of flowers filling my nostrils. Sweet, yet I was
numb to it. Pressing my palms to the ground, I pushed myself upโsore and achingโbut otherwise unharmed.
Pingโerโs enchantment had shielded me from the worst of the fall.
I thought I was saving her, but she had helped me get
away, careless of her own safety. Had she escaped? Was my mother safe? Wasย I? My breaths came short and fastโI was drowning, struggling for air. Immortals did not suffer from illnesses or old age, but we could still be hurt by the weapons, creatures, and magic of our realm. Fool that I was, I never imagined such dangers would touch us. And now . . . I curled into a tight ball, arms wrapped around my
knees, a thin, keening wail slipping from me like that of a wounded animal.ย Stupid, I cursed myself again and again for bringing this upon us, until at last I clamped my lips
shut to mu๏ฌe the sounds.
I did not know how long I lay there, my throat racked raw with swallowed grief. And yes, I feared for myself, too, as thoughts of cruel soldiers and vicious beasts crowded my mind. Who knew what lurked in the dark? I was unraveling, a tangled wreck, but then a beam of light fell across me.
Lifting my head, I stared at the moonโthe first time I had seen it from afar. Beautiful and luminous, and comforting, too. I breathed easier, finding solace in the thought that as long as the moon rose each night, I would know my mother had lit the lanterns and was well. A memory crept into my mind, of her walking through the forest, her white robe
gleaming in the dark. My bruised heart cramped with longing, but I steeled myself against sinking into the abyss of self-pity again.
Bright flickers from below caught my eye, shimmering lights dancing within their inky depths. Were these the ones I had glimpsed from above? Only then did I realize the ground was like a mirror, a reflection of the stars weaving across the night. Their unfamiliar beauty seared me, a stark reminder that I was no longer home. I slumped back down, clasping my arms across my body. Staring at the
moon until my pain subsided and I finally fell into a dreamless sleep on the cold, hard ground.
Someone was patting my arm. Was it my mother? Had all this been a terrible dream? Hope flared, shattering the
haze of slumber. My eyes opened, blinking in the brightness of day. The swirling lights had vanished and reflected in their place were the rosy clouds of dawn.
A woman crouched beside me, a basket by her side. Her hand, which rested on my elbow, was as warm and dry as
the surface of a paper lantern.
โWhy are you sleeping here?โ She frowned. โAre you all right?โ
I lurched up, suppressing a gasp from the ache in my back. I could barely manage a nod to her question, numb from the memories which crashed over me.
โBe careful here. You should go home. I heard there was some disturbance last night and soldiers are patrolling the area.โ She picked up her basket, rising to her feet.
My insides knotted.ย Disturbance? Soldiers?ย โWait!โ I cried, unsure of what to say, yet not wanting to be left alone. โWhat happened?โ
โSome creature broke through the wards. The guards gave chase.โ She shuddered. โWeโve had fox spirits in
recent years. Though I heard this might have been a Demon, trying to snatch Celestial children for their evil arts.โ
One of those monsters from the Demon Realm? It hit me, then, that it wasย Iย the guards were searching for. That I was the supposed Demon. I would have laughed aloud had I not been stricken with fear. Pingโer must not have been aware of the wards. โDid they catch anyone?โ My voice came out
feeble and thin.
โNot yet, but donโt worry. Our soldiers are the finest in the realm. Theyโll capture the intruder in no time.โ She
gave me a reassuring smile, before asking, โWhat are you doing here at this hour?โ
I sagged with relief. Pingโer had gotten away! Yet I must have lain here for hours and she had not come back. That gale which had burst through the skies, sending her
soaring awayโdid it take her too far?
A thought nudged me. Had that power, somehow, come
fromย me? Could I do such a thing again? No, how ridiculous to think so. Besides, nothing good had come of my magic so far, and I could not risk drawing any attention to myself. I started, realizing the woman was staring at me, her earlier
question left unanswered. She did not suspect me because she expected some fearsome beast or fiend, but I dared not give her any reason to doubt me now.
โI have nowhere to go. I . . . I was dismissed from the
household I worked in. I fell, and fainted.โ My words were
clumsy, my tone halting. My tongue unused to uttering such brazen lies.
Her face softened. Perhaps she sensed my misery, spilling from me like a river swollen with rain. โBy the Four Seas,
some of these nobles are so ill-tempered and selfish. There now, it isnโt so bad. Youโll soon find another place.โ She
cocked her head to one side. โI work at the Golden Lotus Mansion. I hear the Young Mistress is looking for another attendant, if youโre in need of a position.โ
Her kindness was a warmth in the winter of my misery. My mind raced. Wandering alone by myself would surely arouse suspicion. I wasnโt sure how I could think of such mundane things, but something hardened inside me. Grief was a luxury I could ill afford after wallowing in it half the
night. If I fell apart now, it would all have been for nothing. I would find a place here and somehow, I would make my way homeโwhether it took me a year, a decade, or a
century.
โThank you. Iโm grateful for your kindness.โ I bent from my waist in a graceless bow, as we never stood on such
ceremony at home. It seemed to please her as she smiled, motioning for me to follow her.
We walked the rest of the way in silence, past a grove of bamboo trees and across a gray stone bridge that arched over a river, before arriving at the gates of a large estate. A black lacquered plaque was displayed just below the roof of the entrance, gilded with the characters:
GOLDEN LOTUS MANSION
It was a sprawling estate, a cluster of interlinked halls and spacious courtyards. Red columns held up curved roofs of midnight blue tiles. Lotus flowers floated upon the ponds, their fragrance heady and sweet. I followed the woman
through long corridors lit by rosewood lanterns, until we reached a large building. Leaving me by the doorway, she approached a ruddy-faced man and spoke to him. He
nodded once, before coming toward me. I stood straighter, instinctively smoothing out the creases in my robe.
โAh, this is well timed!โ he exclaimed. โOur Young Mistress, Lady Meiling, admonished me just last night for not having found her a replacement. Although one wonders why she canโt make do with three attendants,โ he muttered, as he fixed me with an appraising stare. โHave
you served in a large household before? What are your skills?โ
I swallowed hard, thinking of my home. I had not been idle, helping out whenever I could. โNot as large as this one,โ I finally ventured. โI would be grateful for any
position you can offer. I can cook, clean, play music, and read.โ My skills were far from impressive, but my answer seemed to satisfy him.
The next few days were spent learning my tasks, from how to brew Lady Meilingโs tea to her liking, to preparing her favorite almond cakes, and caring for her garmentsโ some adorned with such exquisite embroideries they
seemed to quiver beneath my touch. Other duties included polishing the furniture, washing the bedding, and tending to the gardens. I was kept on my feet from dawn till night, maybe because I had no powers to speak of that might have eased my chores.
It was the rules here which chafed more than the labor: dictating the depth of my bows, requiring me to hold my tongue until spoken to, to never sit in my mistressโs presence, to obey her every command without hesitation.
Each rule ground my pride a little more into the dirt, widening the gulf between mistress and servantโa
constant reminder of the inferiority of my position, and the fact I was no longer home.
These might have stung more, yet my heart was already leaden with grief, my mind sunken with worries far greater than aching feet or palms scraped raw. And in a way, I was glad my days were crammed even with such drudgery,
leaving me little time to dwell on my misery.
When the chief steward finally deemed my performance satisfactory, I was assigned to Lady Meiling, along with her other attendants with whom I would be sharing a room.
She was supposedly a demanding mistress, but I hoped
among the four of us we might suffice. When I arrived with my bag, the other attendants were getting dressed, slipping on willow green robes over their white inner garments. One of the girls helped another tie a yellow sash around her waist. A pretty girl with dimples slid a brass lotus-shaped
hairpin into her hair, which all of us were required to wear. They were a lively trio, chattering among themselves with easy familiarity. Despite the misery that weighed on me, a spark kindled in my chest. Perhaps I finally had the
opportunity to make the friends I had long wished for.
The girl with the dimples swung toward me. โAre you the new girl? Where are you from?โ
โI . . . I . . .โ The story Pingโer had helped me concoct flew out of my head. Under the weight of their stare, heat
rushed into my cheeks.
The others giggled, their eyes gleaming as rain-washed pebbles. โJiayi,โ one of them called to the girl with the lotus pin. โShe seems to have lost her voice.โ
Jiayiโs stare raked me, her mouth curling as though
seeing something which displeased her. Was it my plain
hairstyle or the lack of ornaments dangling from my waist, wrists, and neck? Or was it that I lacked her poise, her
assurance of her place in this world? All of which heralded
the simple truth that I was an outsider, that I did not belong.
โWhat do your parents do? My father is the chief guard here,โ she declared with a distinct air of superiority.
My father slew the suns. My mother lights the moon.
That would wipe the smug expression from her face, yet I stifled the reckless impulse. A momentโs satisfaction was
not worth being branded a liar or thrown into a cell. Not to mention the danger to my mother and Pingโer, if they
believed me.
โI have no family here,โ I said instead. A safe answer,
though one which would earn me more of their contemptโI could already see it in the looks they exchanged, now they knew I had no one to protect me.
โHow dull. Where did the steward find you? Off the
street?โ Jiayi sniffed, turning away. One by one the rest
followed suit, talking among themselves once more as gaily as a flock of birds.
Ice glazed the pit of my stomach. I was not sure what
they expected of meโonly that, somehow, I had been found lacking. Unworthy. I walked woodenly to the far corner and lifted my bag onto the empty bed. The girls laughed,
sharing a joke among themselves, their merriment driving the sting of my isolation deeper. As a lump formed in my throat, I hurried outside to gather my composure. I hated running away, but I would hate more crying in front of them.
Save your tears for something which matters,ย I told
myself fiercely before returning to the room. They swung to me at once, the sudden silence jarring. Only then did I
notice my cloth bag was unknotted, its contents strewn across the floor.
The air was thick with hostility as I crawled around to retrieve my possessions. Someone snickered, my ears
burning at the sound.ย Childish. Petty, I seethed. But oh, how the humiliation seared! How privileged I had been to
have only known love and affection until now. In my childhood, I had been terrified of the vicious monsters I
read about in my books. Yet I was learning that as much to be feared was a scythe-like smile and words that cut deep. Never had I imagined people like this existedโthose who took pride in treading on the dignity of another, those who thrived on the misery of others.
A small voice inside me whispered that I was indeed
picked off the street, with no skills or connections to speak of. Perhaps if I held my tongue and kept my head down,
they might eventually accept me as one of them. I was so tired, I just wanted to let things be. What did it matter if they won? Who cared for dignity or honor? It was nothing compared to all I had lost. But something within me cried out in protest. No, they would not shame me. I would not
pander or flatter to gain their friendship. I would rather be alone than have friends as these. And though I felt lesser
than an insect in this moment, I raised my chin to meet their stares.
Scorn was stamped across Jiayiโs pretty features, yet
there was unease, too, in the way her eyes flicked away. Did she expect me to slink aside and fade into the shadows? I was glad to have disappointed her. They had wounded me, but they would not have the satisfaction of knowing it.
Their unkindness only had as much power as I gave it, and I would wrench back my tattered pride from beneath the soles of their feet because . . . it was all I had left.
