โJaxonโ
โWhen the fuck is she going to turn back, Foster?โ โI donโt knโโ
โDonโt tell me that again. Donโt fucking tell me you donโt know.โ I turn on the librarian and the Biology of Ancient Creatures teacher who are sitting in front of the headmasterโs desk and demand, โArenโt you supposed to be able to figure out what the hell is going on around here? What the fuck is the point of putting you people in charge of this school if none of you can answer a simple fucking question?โ
โItโsย notย a simple question, Jaxon.โ The headmaster
pinches the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger.
โSure, it is. One minute, Grace was in my arms, blocking Hudsonโs attack.โ My throat closes up at the thought of those frantic, frenzied moments. Of the way she tried to drag me away, and when that didnโt work, how she threw herself betweenโ
I cut off the thought before it can derail me and this entire conversation with it. Because if I think about it now, if I think about what she didโฆ The ground beneath my feet starts to tremble and damn it, just damn it. The only thing keeping
me from leveling the whole fucking school is the knowledge that I might hurt Grace in the process.
I take a deep breath before continuing. โOne minute, she was there. And now Graceโฆ Grace isโฆโ I canโt say it. I canโt fucking say that sheโs gone, because if I say it out loud I canโt take it back.
If I say it out loud, then itโs true.
โShe was there, Foster,โ I repeat. โWarm, alive,ย Grace. She was right there. And then she wasโโ The ground rumbles yet again, and this time I donโt even try to control it.
Instead, I walk over to the corner, where whatโs left of Graceโmy Graceโis standing. โWhy canโt she just turn back?โ I demand for what feels like the millionth time. โWhy canโt you make her turn back?โ
โI know itโs hard for you, Jaxon.โ Dr. Veracruz speaks for the first time. โItโs hard for us, too. But we havenโt seen one for a thousand years. Itโs going to take time to figure out what went wrong.โ
โYouโve had four days! Four days. And you canโt tell me anything more than that! How am I supposed to get to her if you canโt even tell me whatโs wrong?โ
โI think youโre going to have to accept that you canโt get to her,โ Foster says, and for the first time I realize that he looks and sounds nearly as bad as I do. โI think weโre going to have to accept that sheโs not going to come back until she wants to.โ
โI donโt believe that,โ I tell him, voice hoarse and hands clenched into fists in an effort not to lose it completely. โGrace wouldnโt leave me like this voluntarily. She wouldnโt leave me.โ
โEverything Iโve read in the last four days says she should be able to turn back on her own,โ Amka tells me. โWhich means only two things are possible.โ
โDonโt say it,โ I warn her. โJaxonโโ
โI mean it, Foster. Donโt fucking say it. Grace isnโt dead.
She canโt be dead.โ
Because thereโs no way I can keep myself from breaking wide open if she is.
No way I can stop myself from razing this school to the fucking ground. And if Hudson somehow has herโฆ If heโs hurting herโฆjust the thought of what heโs capable ofโand what she might be going through because of itโsends a bolt of terror skittering down my spine and twisting in my stomach. If heโs harmed her in any way, Iโll find him. And then Iโll set him on fire just to watch him burn.
โSheโs not dead,โ I tell them again as I stare into her beautiful face. Her eyes are closed just like they were in that last second in the hallway, but that doesnโt matter. I donโt need to see her eyes to know how she feels about meโitโs written all over her face. She loves me, almost as much as I love her.
โIf sheโs not deadโand I agree with you that sheโs not,โ Dr. Veracruz says, โthen the only other option is sheโsย choosingย not to come back.โ
โYou donโt know that. She could be trappedโโ
โWe do know that,โ Amka reminds me firmly. โGargoyles canโt get trapped in their stone forms. If they donโt change back to human, itโs because they donโt want to.โ
โThatโs not true. Hudsonโs doing something to her. Heโsโโ
โJaxon.โ Fosterโs voice slices through my denials. โDo you really think Grace would change back if she thought she was bringing a threat to Katmere?โ The headmaster holds my gaze, eyes somehow both solemn and fierce at the same time as I will him not to say what heโs thinkingโwhat weโre both thinking. โOr to you?โ
Pain slices through me, destroying me. Eviscerating me where I stand. I can barely think, barely breathe, through the agony of knowing that heโs right. Of knowing that Grace might very well be suffering at this very momentโto save me.
I told her about Hudson, told her about my mother. She knows how much killing him nearly destroyed me. If coming back means bringing Hudson back with her, if it means making me kill my brother again, then thereโs no way Grace would do it. No way she would let me face that.
โSheโs saving me, isnโt she?โ I whisper, barely loud enough for myself to hear it.
But Foster hears it, and he braces a hand on my shoulder. โI think she might be.โ
Thereโs no might about it. Because Grace loves me. Sheโs already saved me once. I have no doubt that sheโll stay locked in stone for as long as she has to. Sheโll stay locked in stone for as long as it takes to keep everyone she cares about here at Katmere safe.
And sheโll stay locked in stone forever if it means saving me again.
My heart starts racing at the realization. My hands shake, my breath turns choppy and it takes every ounce of strength I have to stay on my feet.
I canโt let her do it. Iโve barely made it through four days without Grace. No way can I make it through eternity without her.
For a moment, just a moment, I let myself remember all the little things I love about her. And ignore the fact that every memory breaks me a little more.
The way her eyes go all soft whenever sheโs touching me.
The way those same eyes narrow when sheโs about to call me out on my crap.
The way she laughs when she tells those awful jokes. How do you cut the Roman Empire?
With a pair of Caesars.
That was a bad one. Hell, they were all bad ones, but that didnโt matter when she giggled up at me, so proud of herself.
Fuck, I miss her.
I miss her sugar-cookie-and-strawberry scent.
I miss her softness, the way her ridiculously hot body always curves so perfectly into mine.
I miss her curls.
This time when I reach out, itโs not to stroke her hair. Itโs to cup her stone-cold cheek the way she always cupped mine.
And tell Foster something that I desperately hope Grace can hear, too. โIโm going to find a way to separate her from Hudson. And Iโm going to contain or kill him or do whatever I have to, to make sure heโs never a threat to anybody ever again.โ
โThat might not be enough, Jaxon,โ Amka says. โShe might chooseโโ
โItโll be enough,โ I tell them. Because she loves me. Because she knows that I canโt last much longer without her.
I lean forward, press my forehead to hers for one second, two. And whisper, โIโm going to find a way to stop him, Grace. I swear. And then youโre going to come back to me. Because I need you. I need you to come home to me.โ
I close my eyes and swallow down everything else I want to say. Because it doesnโt matter. Nothing does without Grace.
She has to make it back. Because if she doesnโt, Iโm going to shatter. And this time, Iโm not sure Iโll be strong enough not to take the whole world with me when I do.
END OF BOOK ONE