One thing we know about overthinking is that it often develops into anxiety and has a list of symptoms that are unhealthy for an individual. If you can’t sleep, use substances to quiet your thoughts, always seem tired, have the need to control everything, fear the future, worry about the past, and don’t trust yourself then you are most likely an overthinker.
When you overthink, your judgments become clouded by your
cluttered mind, you always seem tired or sore because of what stress
does to your body, and you may feel overworked just by looking at your surroundings. If your mind is constantly busy, you will feel drained and fatigued most of the time, which makes daily chores like cleaning your kitchen seem like an impossible task. In fact, your mind has been so busy, that the reason it seems impossible to slow down is that you have allowed your brain to take over, and everything you do or see has
become revolved around your overthinking, making it a habit. Finally, if that wasn’t enough, now you have toxic people all around you to promote even more negative thinking and patterns you are trying to rid yourself of.
Holy cow, that’s a lot. Ever think that the life you are living right
now may be the reason for your overthinking disorder, worried on-the- go mind, and anxious feelings? Well, if your answer was no, it’s time to change all that starting right now with this chapter.
Here are the best-researched ways to help you stop overthinking today:
Become aware of your thought patterns and anxious triggers
To be aware of your overthinking and anxiety triggers, you must
practice mindfulness. When you are one with yourself and completely in the present moment, you become one with your thoughts as well.
Allowing yourself to become observant of your thoughts will help
you define and recognize your triggers. When you are not being mindful, but have a sense of high stressful emotions that bring forth unwelcome symptoms, is when you should pause and take a moment. Think about what you were doing and what you were just thinking to bring on these emotions and anxiety symptoms. Carry a notepad with you at all times, and write down what you were doing (making dinner), what you are feeling right now (anxious), and what thoughts you were just thinking (I am so stressed, I am going to burn my dinner and the night will be ruined). As you continue to do this ask yourself certain questions like:
-
-
Am I predicting the future?
-
What exactly caused me to think and feel this way?
-
Is there a traumatic situation that happened I can link my situation to?
-
Am I uncertain?
-
Am I experiencing something new?
-
Was my last conversation stressful?
-
As you continue to ask yourself these questions, continue to jot
down your thoughts, feelings associated with your thoughts, urges associated with your feelings, and where you were or what you were doing when this happened. You will start to notice a pattern.
Within these patterns, you will define your triggers. Once you understand your triggers, the advice in this book will become easier to apply to in your life.
-
Organize your life
Life can be challenging as it is. So, when you add unnecessary
worries and thoughts to it, life becomes even more complicated and overwhelming, making room for new disasters, more mistakes, and unhealthy habits. Consider the following when trying to decrease your overthinking patterns.
-
Acquire a broader perspective – Will this matter in a week to a year? By asking yourself this one simple question, it should help you realize that what you are so stressed about doesn’t matter later, so there won’t be any point in obsessing over it now.
-
Make quick, but wise decisions – When we are faced with a bunch of choices, we tend to try to control every option which leads us to overthinking and stressing us out more than we need to be. Give yourself a time limit like
five minutes for small things like what are you cooking for dinner, or what you will wear for the day. Give yourself half an hour to decide one larger decision like the theme for your child’s birthday, or what you will say at your big speech.
-
Take mental breaks every day – Overthinkers forget “me time,” and so they constantly allow themselves to spiral when they don’t get downtime. When we do have
downtime is when our thoughts take over. When life is
hectic and there seems to be no time in the day, make time. For ten minutes focus on just breathing, being completely aware of your breath. For twenty minutes go for a nice
nature walk, or for forty-five minutes (at most) catch up on your favorite show you have been meaning to watch.
-
-
Practice positive affirmations regularly
Affirmations are specifically used and were created for clearing your negative thoughts. It is a tool to challenge your thoughts and replace them with positivity. Whenever you feel anxious, or start to overthink, stop yourself and either say out loud or write the positivity down. In your spare time, you can create flashcards and put it on a keychain for when you are out and about. Some examples are:
- “I am in control of my thoughts, they do not control me.”
- “I am choosing to let go of my overthinking and obsessive thoughts at this moment. I will return to them later.”
- “I refuse to believe the images or future telling thoughts, as they are unhelpful, and I cannot predict the future.”
- I am happy, and I choose to stay this way.
-
Create a daily exercise routine
Exercise is a great way to release that pent up energy that is stored within the deep tissues of your brain. It releases healthy chemicals and develops a stronger hippocampus and amygdala. Exercise is
repetitive – just like your obsessive thoughts. Instead of allowing yourself to think about things that aren’t helpful, get out for a jog, or do some light yoga stretches. Or, go to the pool and sit in the hot tub after a nice swim. When you focus on what your body is doing, you don’t have time to think, therefore when you go to sleep at night, you will get some peace because you are worn out mentally and physically.
-
Always live in the moment
This task can be quite tricky for most people. It’s hard to live in the present moment when there are alarming anxious feelings happening, or when you have deadlines coming up, or when your bills are overdue. The fact about living in the present moment is that you have accepted the stressors of life, and understand that they aren’t going anywhere. By obsessing and stressing over them right now, you are only enabling yourself to repeat the same habits you have been exhibiting since you started overthinking. Let go of what might happen, could happen, or should have happened, and live for right
now. Figure out what you can do right now, what decisions can you make at this moment to help you for a successful future? Practice
mindfulness every day, and in everything that you do. The more you do, the more likely you are going to be able to relax.
Breaking overthinking habits is mainly difficult because it has become familiar, and normal for you. You are so used to controlling
every aspect of your life (and others) that you don’t know how to slow down and just relax. Has someone ever told you that you were uptight and just needed to let loose? Well, take a night off from life once in a while and just ‘let loose’. The fact is that life will always be here. There will always be stress, and there will always be problems. It’s about how you deal with the stress and problems that keep you from losing your mind.
A Cluttered Mind
Do you ever feel scatter-brained or spaced out? This may be because when you have so much going on your life and in your mind, your brain becomes tired which promotes symptoms of fatigue, exhaustion, and more burn-out. Ways that we can start to declutter our minds so we don’t feel this way are as follows:
-
Journal
Writing everything down and journaling your thoughts can be a
thought-release for most people. Instead of memorizing tasks that you need to do, have a to-do list on your fridge, a grocery list on your front door and in your car, and appointments written on your calendar. Your mind can become overwhelmed simply by trying to remember all of the things you need to do or have not done yet. Journaling can help with giving you a different perspective, and also re-reading what you wrote can help you look at your life from a third-person perspective.
-
Think things over and reflect
Have you ever just sat there and thought about one thing, focused on one object, or even one word at a time? If not, try this trick and try to let the other thoughts and emotions pass by. Everything you do, do
one at a time. For example, wash ONE dish, then pause. Take ONE
breath, then pause. Walk ONE step, and pause. Practice doing one thing at a time to give your cluttered mind a break.
-
Release your negative thoughts
This may sound repetitive, but that’s because it is so important to work on this skill. Thoughts are important to have unless they become unhealthy, unwelcomed, and overwhelming. If you hadn’t purposely thought about something, and your mind develops intrusive thoughts or mental images, then it’s your thoughts that are actually controlling you. The goal is to have it the other way around. So, the next time you find yourself obsessing, or worrying, or overplanning, or trying to be perfect, simply say out loud or to yourself – “Hello unwelcome thoughts, here is where I take my control back. Goodbye.” Always remind yourself that you will have time to address your thoughts later and move on with your day.
There are many more techniques and information about how your
mind becomes so cluttered and what you can do about it. However, for now, this was just a general overview of what you can learn and how these techniques will benefit your life.
The Wounded Body
As we have already learned, the way we think and perceive the
world around us, and the stress we take on can really affect our bodies. Just a sneak peek into the sixth chapter, here is a list of things that can happen to your body:
Your Mind
- Feelings of overwhelming doom, or like you may be having a heart attack, or that something is physically wrong.
- Panic attacks, restless and ongoing thoughts
- Damage to the limbic system, and it’s elements (amygdala, and hippocampus).
- Depression due to too much stress and anxiety.
- Headaches from body tension and not enough exercise.
-
- irritability due to too many headaches caused by overthinking.
Your Chest
- An increased heart rate that never seems to slow down
- heart problems due to constant heart racing symptom
- heart palpitations due to anxiety and heart stress
- Breathing problems caused by overthinking and anxiety
Your Gut
- Upset stomach
- Bowel problems
- Nausea
- Loss or gain in appetite
- Hunger pains that don’t go away
- Muscle tensions and aches or pains
- Decreased interest in sexual activity
- Your legs
- Fatigued muscles
- Weak or shaky legs
- Restless leg syndrome
- Cramps or tendon problems
- Increase in blood pressure
Undiagnosed or ‘invisible’ problems
So, how do you get rid of these symptoms? Why do they happen?
What causes the body so much of this stress? How do we reduce it? It’s important to know what to look out for and to realize that some
physical symptoms can be caused by overthinking. In Chapter Six we
will go into detail on how you can take care of your body by taking care of your mind.
Daily Habits
What seems to be a normal thing for some people seems like an exhausting task to overthinkers. For example, you are out at dinner with your significant other, and you decide to go somewhere new. It’s a fancy place that serves food you have never tried before and so you are a little worried. The little worries turn into big worries, especially if what you
ordered was not what you were expecting. You may spiral and let your thoughts convince you that the food is bad. You continue to eat it because you don’t want to upset your spouse, and at the same time, you’re trying to come up with a good excuse to leave. Does this sound
about right? If you are an overthinker, the following list can seem all too familiar. Overthinkers normally:
- Ask the same questions again and again
- Overplan, and overanalyze everything
- Over-explain, and tell the long story long instead of the long story short
- Continue to reach out for reassurance, or discreetly fish for compliments
- Become distant, or different when having an internal moment
- Apologize for everything, and for no apparent reason
- Avoid people or situations that have the potential of causing discomfort
- Cannot make a decision about anything ever
- Thinking about a simple question and taking forever to answer it in a given time frame
- Have low self-esteem
- Assuming the worst at the slightest sign of trouble
- Jumping to conclusions often without properly analyzing the situation
- Making tons of lists, and remaking them until they seem good enough, but they never are
All these are habits that can be hard to break. For example, apologizing may not mean that you are actually sorry for something, however, it has become something you just do, so you say it. Then you may stress out and wonder why you said sorry in the first place. Then you say sorry for saying sorry if the opposing party seems irritated,
which only makes them more irritated. From all this overthinking about a simple sorry that never needed to be said, it’s no wonder these have become unhealthy habits. So, how do we break these habits? First, we
need to become aware of them, then we need to fix them, and break them one by one. Breaking bad habits is a chain of its own and we will learn how to break such corrosive habits in Chapter Eight.
Toxic People
As if you weren’t your own worst enemy, you need to define the
types of people in your life that are actually increasing your stress level.
These people include narcissists, psychopaths, sociopaths – the three
personality types that take the biggest toll on your mental health. Then you have abusive relationships which could be your spouse, family members, needy friends, your employers, and even your children.
Creating strong boundaries and learning how to make difficult, yet wise decisions are how you will get away from these people. Although it may be hard for you to accept the toxicity – due to a close bond, or a family member that needs to be in your life – you have the choice to enable them or get away from them. What you need to understand is that you deserve people who love and support you no matter what. The main
reason you may be keeping these people in your life results from guilt.
They could be a family friend that you feel obligated to keep around. Or, they could be a friend of a friend that seems supportive but is mostly judgmental. Whatever it is, here is a list of how to tell if someone in your life is toxic:
-
The narcissist
Do you feel as though whenever you speak, the conversation is redirected to their needs or their priorities, as if they weren’t listening to you at all? This is called being around a selfish friend. Not all
narcissists are selfish, but they are great conversationalists and somehow leave you feeling as though you weren’t important.
-
The straight jacket friend
This type of person is controlling and can literally suck the air right from you. Do you find yourself trying to please this person, but never seem to measure up to their expectations? Do they try to have a say in what you do, say, think, and behave? Everything you do seems
wrong? This puts a strain on your mental development and it will seem as though you can’t do anything for yourself, increasing the negative thoughts that run through your mind.
-
The “mooch”
Everyone has that one person in their lives that take and take but forget to give back. Do you find yourself constantly saying yes to one specific individual because you feel bad for them or may feel obligated to help them? These people never have anything good to say and seem to have a very negative view of the world. From hanging out with this person, you may leave feeling blue or sad yourself. Watch out for the mooch in your friend list because they can greatly impact how you view your world as well.
-
Dramatic person
Almost everyone has drama in their lives, it’s hard to stay away from. However, do you have that one friend that cares about the drama, and no matter what they do they are either creating it or helping sustain it? These people don’t know how to regulate their own emotions and act on their impulses so they stir the pot for fun and satisfaction. They are attention seekers and seem to always complain or gossip about something or someone. They can never keep a secret, and don’t know
the full value of a relationship. Being around these people will always make you question their intentions and actions.
-
JJ’s
A JJ is a jealous-judgmental person. These people thrive on creating problems that aren’t there. They hate themselves so much that they project their own faults onto others and never take the blame for what they do wrong. They feel victimized every time you try to help them
and never see the flip side of things. They create problems inside your own head to get you to see things from their perspective and persuade you to feel judgmental of the less fortunate.
-
The storyteller
Whether they tell you little white lies or create a huge story to make
themselves look good, these people are straight up fibbers. They may say that once they owned a fancy car, and a nice acre of land, however, you have never seen it. They may go as far as competing for stories with you to have their lives seem better or worse than yours.
These people are great at manipulation and deceiving.
-
The tank
This type of person trumps everything in their way for their own benefit. They will easily rip someone else apart if they feel as though this person has become a problem for them. For example, if you did something amazing – or have a great idea – and share it with them, they will go out of their way to complete your goal or take credit for what you told them because they are in a position to get ahead. They feel as though they deserve everything, and everyone around them is a lesser person.
If anyone popped in your head, then it’s time to figure out exactly
why you have them in your life. Make sure to keep these people at a safe distance if it is impossible to cut ties completely. In order to get ahead
and be successful in your own life, you need to be aware of the people
who serve no support or benefit to you. Consider thinking of where you would be if it weren’t for them. Now picture life without them, and strive to excise them from your life or have them around much less.
Chapter Summary
In this chapter, we went over the various aspects you need to face in order to obtain a life free from overthinking. This was a general
overview of the battle that lies in front of you and the next chapters will go in depth on how you can break overthinking once and for all. We
discussed what a cluttered mind can look like, what may happen within the body physically due to overthinking, and what habits you should break to decrease your unhelpful thoughts. Also, we touched on how to pick out a toxic person in your life and promised ourselves a brighter future for when we decrease the interactions with toxic people. When you purposely work on all these aspects in your life, you should feel a whole lot better, and finally, be able to live the life you want without those pesky thinking patterns holding you back.
This chapter consisted of:
- What a cluttered mind is
- How to tell what a toxic person is
- Where in your body overthinking attacks
- What the bad habits that control an overthinker are
In the next chapter, you will learn how to break the first chain of overthinking – the cluttered mind. You will learn to spot what a
cluttered mind is, and how to practice being mindful while learning the ways which can help you declutter your mind. You will also understand how you can practice prioritizing your tasks so that you can declutter
your mind in the moment to set you up for a new day.
