โโ chess drama is usually boring, but this one might actually be juicy. Could you explain to our audience whatโs going on in the World Championship?โโ
โHere is the deal, Mark: out of the ten people who make it into the Challengers tournament, nine are selected because of ratings, or because they win qualification tournaments. The tenthโthe wild cardโ is chosen by FIDE. Itโs usually a way to include a top-ten player who for some reason didnโt make it in. This year, everyone thought that the wildcard would be Antonov. Or Zemaitis. Or Panya, though heโs due to have a baby in February, when the championship will be on, and probably would have declined. Instead, last week the committee selected a low-rated, inexperienced player. Now, to be fair, Greenleaf is a talented player with great promise. But sheโs only played professionally for a couple of months, and is still unproven. Her performance at the Olympics was remarkable, but choosing her for the Challengers is akin to asking a third grader to play an NFL game. The tournament is happening the week after Thanksgiving in Las Vegas, and many doubt that she can hold her own against other stratospheric players.โ
โSome say she was chosen because sheโs a woman?โ
โThere has been lots of conversation over the lack of female representation in professional chess, and Greenleaf โs invitation could be a response to that. But there are many women with higher rankings and more
experience whoย earnedย that spot. Which had some people speculating that itโs not because she isย aย woman, but because sheโsย the womanย of a particular chess player.โ
โJuicy!โ
โYup. Nolan Sawyerโ Youโve heard of Sawyer, right?โ โOf course.โ
โHeโs chess royalty, a bona fide rock star. So influential in the sport, he might have pressured FIDE into choosing a specific player for the Challengers. And he has been photographed with Greenleaf in positions that are . . .โ
โI see what you mean.โ
โI bet you do! So people are wondering ifโ โ
โYou should stop torturing yourself, Mal.โ
I look up from my iMac to find Defne leaning against the doorframe, silver septum ring gleaming as she gives me a worried look.
โAnd if you decide toย continueย torturing yourself, could you use your headphones?โ Oz glares at me from his desk. โSome of us are not unlearned prodigies mistakenly assumed to be Nolan Sawyerโs new concubine. Some of us have to actuallyย practiceย chess.โ
โI just . . .โ I massage my temple. โWhyโs theย Todayย show talking about chess? Shouldnโt they cover important stuff? Fracking, or the sustainable terraforming of Mars, or Malalaโs book club?โ
Oz blinks. โHave you literallyย everย watched cable television?โ I groan and head- desk.
I know Iโm being Sabrina-level sullen, but I earned the right, because November has beenย sucking: everyone thinks Iโm some Nolan groupie who slept her way into chess. Easton loves Colorado too much to come home for Thanksgivingโ a scary ellipsis at the end of the dangling sentence thatโs our friendship. And someone I went to middle school with texted to ask if Iโm โreally a professional softball player now, pregnant with a Dutch underwear modelโs triplets?โ A game of telephone, but still a clear sign that my nameโs going around too much, and that Mom or Sabrina might come across my secret career any day.
So, yeah.ย Sullenย is now my defining personality trait. Iโm more sulk than woman, ready to brood with reckless abandon at a momentโs notice.
โI should have refused the invitation,โ I mumble against the polished wood.
โThe prize is one hundred thousand dollars,โ Oz reminds me acidly. โWeโve been over the tax withholdings and the net earnings and the amounts of mortgage payments youโll be able to afford when you were moping all over yourself last week. I didย notย whip out the calculator app for you to step back now.โ
โItโs just . . . mortifying. People are saying on national television that Iโm too weak to survive the winter.โ
โPeople have said on the same national television that the California wildfires were started by space lasers.โ Oz rolls his eyes. โListen, itโs not that I donโt want to provide scaffolding for your delicate nerves, but as I mentioned before, Iโd rather die impaled by a harpoon while farming beets than engage with the fungus of human emotionsโ โ
โOz,โ Defne interrupts, โcould you leave us for a few minutes?โ โWhat?โ
โMallory and I need some privacy. To talk about mushrooms and such.โ โBut all my stuff is here. What am I supposed to do?โ
โI donโt know. Go farm beets? Find a harpoon? Come back in half an hour. Chop chop.โ
Defneโs my boss, but sheโs neverย feltย like my boss so much as she does now, rounding my desk with a serious expression, sitting on it with an agile hop, a cloud of merrily jingling earrings and citrus and tobacco. She stares like weโre about to have a solemn talk, and it occurs to me that the misery of the past few days could be exponentially more pukeworthy if I were to be fired.
Crap.
โI know Iโve been whining, but I promiseโ โ โTheyโre right, Mal.โ
โWho is right?โ
โFIDEย didย choose you because you are a woman.โ She pauses, letting her words land. โThe Nolan thing is bullshit, of course. He doesnโt haveย nearlyย as much sway on FIDE, and FIDE must have made the decision before those pics came out. I donโt know whatโs happening between you twoโ โ
โNothing!โ
Itโs true enough. I havenโt seen Nolan since I ran out of his apartment three weeks ago in an internet- induced panic, though he did get my number (from Emil, I assume) because heโs been texting me. Initially stuff likeย Ran away again, did you? and Mallory. Are you okay? and I just want to talk to you.ย Then, a few days later, while I was watering Darcyโs chia porcupine,ย Cormenzana always opens with the Ruy Lopez.ย It was followed by many similar messages, with little advice (Kotov vs. Pachman, 1950) and big (Make sure you hydrate).
I donโt reply. I never reply, because . . . Because I donโt want to.
Because weโre not friends.
Because I woke up on his couch and my first instinct was to burrow into him. A horror story in fifteen words.
I donโt reply, but I do read. And in between bouts of sulking, I do what he recommends, because itโs irritatingly good advice. I tell myself that heโs helping me only because he hates Koch, but I donโt bother trying to believe it.
Itโs not like Iโm going to win the Challengers anyway. After all, they only chose me because . . .
โDid you say FIDEย didย choose me because Iโm a woman?โ
Defne nods. Then amends, โNot only. But it played a big role.โ โWhy? Tons of women play.โ
โWhat do you know about women in chess?โ
โNot much.โ I remember Kochโs sneer in Philly.ย I like it better when women stick to their own tournaments.ย โJust that there are separate tournaments, only for women.โ
โBigger than thatโ there are separate leagues, separate rankings. Itโs a controversial topic: some say these leagues shouldnโt exist, because they hold women back and imply that they cannot hold their own against male players. Others disagree, and want to preserve a space in which weโre not harassed or made to feel like weโre less.โ
โWhat do you think?โ
She sighs. โI think itโs damned if you do, damned if you donโt. Thereโs no winning here, and thatโs part of why I stopped playing competitively and chose to focus on . . . still chess, but the part of it that doesnโt make me want to stab a down pillow with a cutlery knife. That stuffโsย expensive.โ
Iโm no stranger to overt and covert s*xismโ I used to work in aย garage, forย Bobโ and dudes with moronic takes have been a constant in my life, so
โ
Except that, no. Theyย havenโt.
โI donโt remember it being like that when I played as a kid,โ I tell Defne. โMaybe because I was unrated, or my dad shielded me from it, but chess wasnโtย alwaysย a male- dominated sport.โ
She nods. โWhen you were young, everyone was fascinated with chess and no one really commented on gender, right?โ
โYes.โ
โYou probably narrowly missed the interesting part. When kids grow up, start looking up to the greats, and find out that Kasparov, theirย fave, once said that no woman could ever sustain a prolonged battle.โ
I stiffen. โAre you serious?โ
โOnce, after a tournament, I went to dinner with other players. Someone pulled up a YouTube videoโ an old interview of Fischer saying that women are stupid and bad at chess. Everyone thought it was hilarious.โ Defne looks down at her shoes, uncharacteristically subdued. โI was seventeen. And a GM. And the only woman at the table.โ
โIโ Screw that, Defne.โ I stand, livid. She was younger than I am now. Alone with dickheads. โFischer was a raging antisemite anyway. He doesnโt get toโ โ
โThe hurtful part wasnโt Fischer, but the guys in my age group who thought that wearing aย Female chess player is an oxymoronย shirt might be a fun joke. The hurtful part was FIDE not doing anything about it. And Iโm there, going to tournaments, losing more and more, often to these chess bros who joke about how female brains are too folded to really comprehend king safety, and I start wondering if theyโre right. Female GMs are what, one percent? Thatโs nothing. Maybe we reallyย areย less. Maybe we do need our special league.โ
โDo you . . .โ I blink at her, betrayed. โDo you really think that?โ
โI did. For a while. And the more I did, the more I lost. I took a chess break, actually. Went to college, got my MBAโ did you know I have an MBA? Now you do, please donโt tell anyone, itโs my most shameful secret. Anyway, I thought I was done with chess. Then, one day, I read about a study.
โSome scientist in Europe took a bunch of women and had them play online chess against male opponents in their same rating bracket. When the female players didnโt know the gender of their opponent, they won fifty percent of the games. When the female players were led to believe that their opponent was a woman, they won fifty percent of the games. When they wereย toldย that they were playing against men, their performance dropped. But in truth, their opponents were always the same.โ She shrugs. Her earrings jingle again, despondent. โIf youโre a woman, this system tears you down. Makes you doubt yourself and drop out of the chess club to leave room for the ones who are actually talented. Oz, Emil, Nolan . . . even the good ones, they donโt know how it feels. They donโt know what itโs like, being told that youโre inherently destined to be second best.โ Suddenly, Defneโs expression shifts into an impish smile. โBut itโs not true. And once we know it, they cannot take it away from us. The day after I read about the study, I went to get this.โ She slips her arm out of the sleeve of her cardigan. The chessboard tattoo curves against her biceps.
โWhat is it?โ
โMoscow, 2002. The final position of the game Judith Polgar won against Garry Kasparov. Despite that pesky thing he once referred to as her
โimperfect feminine psyche.โ โ
I laugh. I laugh, and I donโt stop for a good minute. โThis isโ this is
amazing.โ
โI know.โ Defne laughs, too. Then her face grows serious, and she takes my hand. โMallory, I grew up in this world, and I know how these assholes think. There has been a reckoning. The old farts at FIDE realize that they canโt keep women out of chess, and they saw you as an opportunity. An outsider who made a big splash at high- profile events. Unlike with other women whoโve been around for years, they can justify their choice by saying that your score is only low because youโre newโ but that youโre also promising enough to invite. They can use you to virtuesignal. But Iย knowย them. I know that they also think that you canโt beย thatย good. That your victories were probably a fluke, and that you wonโt win the Challengers.โ
Something tightens low in my gut. Isnโt it the same thing Iโve been telling myself for weeks? That I cannot compete. That Iโm unprepared. That Iโm not as good.ย Iโm not going to winย has been the default status in my brain. Because . . . Iโm inexperienced. Because I donโt want it or deserve it. Because Iโm a woman?
Do you know how incredible you are?ย Nolan asked me in Toronto. I told him yes, while still believing deep down that I wasnโt anything special after all. Which one is it, then?
I look Defne in the eye. She has always encouraged me. Always been honest. No relentless, toxic positivity with her.
โDo you think I can win the Challengers?โ I ask her, trembling a little at the prospect of the answer.
She takes my other hand, and I feelย held. I feelย comforted. I feel
stronger.ย โMallory. I think you can win the World Championship.โ