โThe last day is the perfect combination of challenging chess, high stakes, and teamwork. We already know we donโt have enough points for the gold, but if we play our cards right, we can still make the podium.โ
And we do. I make the executive decision to put the events of the previous day out of my mind and focus on the play. My opponent tries the Muzio Gambit. Iโm briefly confused, then remember going over it with Defne and know exactly what to do. We donโt quite kick Russiaโs ass, but we spank it a little bit. At the medal ceremony, we all squeeze onto the lowest step of the podium, the national anthem mixing with the camera clicks in my ears. Tanu pulls me to her, Emil shouts, โItโs whatย we do!โ and Nolan gives us a half- pleased, half- reproachful look. I feel part of something. Like I havenโt in a long, long time.
Itโs a stupid chess tournament. I swore I wouldnโt care, and yet I feel happy. In the crowd, I spot Eleni Gataki from the BBC giving me the thumbs-up, and wave back at her, bemused. I guess Iโm starting to know people in the chess world.
โCome, Malโthe press wants to interview us,โ Tanu calls afterward. โOh . . . Actually, Iโd rather not.โ
โWhy? Itโsย CNN! This is how Anderson Cooper becomes my bestie!โ โI think he already has Andy Cohen. โ
โYou have to come,โ she insists. โYouโre the reason we won. Oh, lower that eyebrow, Emil, you know itโs true!โ
โReally, Iโm fine.โ
โButโ โ
โShe doesnโt want to,โ Nolan says, tone calm but final. I send him a grateful look. He stares back like either he didnโt notice or he doesnโt care about my gratitude. Iโm pondering my frustrating, utter inability to read him, when someone taps my shoulder.
โMs. Greenleaf.โ Itโs an older man in a gray suit. His beard is garden- gnome- long, his accent from somewhere I cannot place. โMay I congratulate you on your victory?โ
โOh . . . sure.โ I search for a non- rude way to ask him who he is and find none. โIt was a team effort.โ
He nods. โBut you were by far the most impressive player on the team.โ โNo more than Nolan.โ
The man laughs. His gaze, however, is sharp. โItโs hard to be impressed by Sawyer these days. He has accustomed us to a certain level of performance. Some people even say that he hasย ruinedย chess.โ
I frown, thinking about the people who have recognized him in the last few days, telling him that they took up chess after seeing him play. โI donโt think itโs true.โ Am I feeling defensive on behalf of Nolan Sawyer? Itโll start raining frogs any minute. โHeโs made chess visible and popular.โ
โCertainly. But he always wins. He hasnโt had a rival in years, and people rarely get invested in a sport whose outcome is a foregone conclusion. I would know. I organize the Challengers tournament.โ
โOh.โ It sounds familiar, but I donโt know why and I donโt care. This man, his hawkish gaze, and the odd things he says about Nolan are making me uncomfortable.
โIโm sorry.โ I gesture somewhere behind me. โI need to meet up with my teammates.โ
โIโve been hearing lots about you, Ms. Greenleaf. I believed the rumors were exaggerated, and yet . . .โ His look is long and assessing. I want to hug myself. โRun along. You friends will be waiting for you. Whoever they are.โ
Yikes.
I wander away, checking my phone to look busy. I find a text from Defne (You done good, kid.) and millions from Darcyโ apparently, they both spent the past four days refreshingย ChessWorld.com.
DARCYBUTT:ย BRONZE!!!!!!!!
DARCYBUTT:ย You and Nolan got the most points in the whole Olympics. You guys should get married and have a child.
Sheโd be so good at chess.
DARCYBUTT:ย Or sheโd suck. Sheโd trudge through life saddled by crushing disappointment. Resent you well into your old age. Take away your car keys and put you in a home the second you let your guard down. Okay, abort plan.
DARCYBUTT:ย Youโll be home tomorrow night, right? I miss you. Sabrina only talks to me to say โEw.โ
MALLORY:ย ofc. and when she says ew she actually means i love you. or something.
MALLORY:ย what present do you want from canada?
DARCYBUTT:ย A mate for Goliath.
I sigh. And then the air rushes out of my lungs, because Tanu is hugging me again; a cloud of lavender surrounds me. โLast night in Toronto! You know what that means, right?โ
โI was thinking of maybe taking a walk downtownโ โ
โOh, no. No way.โ She pulls back and takes my face between her hands. Her eyes are night stars bursting with excitement. โTonight, Mallory, we
playย Skittles!โ
SKITTLES IS LIKE CHESS.
Actually: skittlesย isย chessโ without a clock or scorecard, surrounded by half-empty beer cans and Salt-N-Pepa songs that are older than us, under the light of a starry- sky LED projector that some girl from Belgium brought as a โhotel roomโ warming present.โ
Itโs a multicultural frat party, with chess instead of spin the bottle. For reasons that I must attribute to Tanu and Emilโs event- planning skills and Nolanโs reputation, taking place right inย ourย shared area. People have been coming and going in a steady stream for hours, bringing their sets and playing blitz, rapid, Fischer Random.
Strip chess.
โDrinking ageโs nineteen, Mal,โ Tanu says when I decline a fruity drink for the second time. She lost a bishop and her socks about ten minutes ago. โItโs legal! Like en passant capture! Or queening! Or castling shoโ Crap, Iโm soย sorry!โ She spills her glass onto the Italian guy Nolan defeated yesterday and promptly moves to paint whiskers on a cute Japanese guy, forgetting all about eighteen- year- old me.
I go back to focusing on my rapid game against a Sri Lankan girl I bonded with after noticing herย Dragon Ageย Solas pin. Sheโs very pretty, and a great player to boot, and a-couple-of-monthsago- Mallory would be making a move on her. I swore to Saturn and back that I wouldnโt play for fun. Yes, itโs exactly what Iโm doing. Nope, I wouldย notย like to talk about it. โโthat time Nolan stole a black knight from Kaporaniโs board at GEโs tournament and all matches were delayed by twenty minutes because of the
search?โ
โThat was after Gibraltar, when Kaporani switched my water with distilled vinegar.โ
โWeโd already gotten revenge for that with the glitter bomb. He sparkled forย months.โ
People laugh. Emil and Nolan are on the couch, playing tactical team, surrounded by a mix of old friends and fans. Thereโs a girl, for instance, whoโs almost as blond as me, curled up next to Nolan. Hard to tell how he feels about it, since heโs so focused on his game. He must have run a hand through his hair, because itโs vaguely mussed, unbearably attractive.
Something else Iโd rather not talk about.
โMust be cool to play with him,โ the Sri Lankan girl says, following my gaze.
I look away. โHe can be kind of a dick,โ I say, though he hasnโt really been one to me.
She chuckles, low and smoky. Sheโs really my type. โAll geniuses are. I heard he has an IQ of 190. Maybe higher, but tests cannot measure it.โ
โHe doesnโt eat meat loaf like someone with a 190 IQ,โ I mutter, resentful.
โSorry?โ
โNothing. Um, checkmate, by the way.โ I stand, wiping my palms over my leggings and abandoning my half- hearted seduction plans. My heartโs not really in it, or maybe Iโm too tired to get laid. โIt was great to meet you. Iโve got an early morning andโ โ
โWhere are you going, Mal?โ Tanu appears out of nowhere. โItโs like, not even midnight!โ
โOh, you donโt have to keep it down for me. I just need to buy presents for my sisters tomorrow morning, soโ โ
โBut donโt goย now! Donโt you want pizza?โ โPizza?โ
โYes, letโs go get pizza!โ โIโm kind of tired, andโ โ
โThen weโre getting it and bringing it back!โ She turns around and bellows drunkenly, โWho wants to come get midnight pizza?โ
Might be because Tanu is the life of the party, or because pizza is hands down the best food in the world, but in half a minute the music is turned off
and our shared area empties out of everyone but me.
Maybe Iโm eighty years old inside, but: Blessed. Quiet.
โYouโre not coming?โ the blond woman who was with Nolan earlier asks from the door. Her accent is very pretty. But weโve never really talked, so Iโm confused why sheโd want to know whether Iโ
โNo.โ
I startle and turn around. Nolanโ she was talking to Nolan. Whoโs still on the couch.
โYou sure?โ
He barely spares her a glance. โVery.โ He probably hates pizza. Only eats authentic Sicilian calzone made with tomatoes grown around the mouth of Mount Etna.
Whatever. Iโm going to bed. โNolan, when Tanu comes back, will you tell her that I went to sleep?โ I wave past the chairs, the chess sets, the couch. โHave a goodโ โ
His hand snatches my wrist. Iโm too surprised to wiggle out. โLetโs play a bit, Mallory.โ
I freeze. I stiffen. And this time I do wiggle out. โI told you, I donโtโ โ โโ play outside of training and tournaments. Yes. But youโve been
playing all night, outside of training and tournaments. With five different people.โ
I scoff. โDid you count?โ
โYes.โ He looks up at me. Stars dance occasionally across the line of his jaw, his cheekbones. โI was sure youโd end the night in Bandaraโs room.โ
โBandara?โ
โRuhi Bandara. You two were just playing.โ
I take a step back and refuse to admit that I entertained the same thought. Instead I say, โI donโt want to play against you.โ
โA problem, since Iย reallyย want to play against you.โ
I shiver, because it feels like heโs saying something else. Like . . . I donโt know.
โYou already have.โ โOnce.โ
โOnce was enough.โ
โOnce wasย nothing. I need more.โ
โIโm sure there are plenty of people whoโd love to play. Whoโd probably
payย just to sit across from you.โ โBut I want you, Mallory.โ
I swallow heavily, then look away. Heโs rightโ I already broke all my no-chess-outside-work rules. So why am I resisting this so hard?
Maybe itโs because Iโve seen him play. Iโve seen him be brilliant, read positions with a glance, do things I canโt even understand. If we played, Iโd lose. And yes, I hate losing, but this is hardly a fair match. So the number one player in the world is better than this yearโs reluctant Zugzwang fellow. Big deal. As newsworthy as being slower than Michael Phelps in the 200m butterfly.
Maybe something else bothers me, then. Not that Iโll lose, but that heโll
knowย that I lost.
Yes. This . . . interest, obsession, fascination he seems to have with me came because I beat him.ย Once. Iโm innately good at chess, but Iโm not better than someone whoโs just as innately goodย andย has had decades of professional training. Weโd play, heโd win, and then Iโd be just like everyone else: someone Nolan Sawyer defeated.
His captivation with me would instantly wane, andโ
That would be a good thing, wouldnโt it? I donโt like Nolan Sawyer showing up to my house and talkingย Riverdaleย with my sisters, do I? I should agree to play, and end whateverย thisย is.
And yet.
โNo,โ I hear myself say.
His jaw works. โRight, then.โ He relaxes and reaches across the glass bottles, chess pieces, half- eaten bags of chips, grabbing a pencil and a German Chess Federation flier. โSit down.โ
โI told you, Iโ โ
โPlease,โ he says, and something in his tone stops me. I try to remember the last time I heard him say it. A simple word,ย please. Isnโt it?
โFine.โ I sitโ across from him, as distant as possible. This is what I get for refusing pizza. โBut Iโm not going to play, soโ โ
โChess.โ
โWhat?โ
โYou said you wouldnโt play chess. You didnโt mention anything else, so
. . .โ He turns the flier to me. He has drawn a three-by-three grid, put an X through a space, and . . .
I laugh. โTic- tac- toe?ย Really?โ
โUnless you have Uno handy? Checkers? Operation?โ โThis is worse than Candy Crush.โ
He smiles. Lopsided. โDonโt tell Tanu or sheโll put another pushpin under my pillow.โ
โAnother?โย I shake my head, amused. โYou canโt really want to play tic- tac- toe.โ
He shrugs and takes a long swig of his IPA. โWe could raise the stakes.
Make it fun.โ
โIโm not going to play for money.โ
โI donโt want your money. What about questions?โ โQuestions?โ
โIf I win, I get to ask you a question,ย anyย question, and you answer. And vice versa.โ
โWhat could you possibly want to ask me thatโ โ โDeal?โ
It seems like a bad idea, but I canโt pinpoint why, so I nod. โDeal. Five minutes. Then Iโm turning in.โ I pluck the pencil from his fingers and write down my O.
The first three games are draws. The fourth goes to me, and I smile ferociously. I do love to win. โSo I get a question?โ
โIf you want.โ
Iโm not sure what to ask, but I donโt want to forfeit my prize. I wrack my brain for a moment, then settle on, โWhatโs the Challengers tournament?โ
His arches an eyebrow. โYour question to me is something you could easily google?โ I feel slightly embarrassed, but he continues. โItโs the
tournament that determines which player will face the current world chess champion.โ
โWhich would be you?โ โAt the moment.โ
I snort softly. โAnd for the past six years.โ
โAnd for the past six years.โ There is no boast in his voice. No pride. But it occurs to me for the first time that he became world champion at the same age I left chess for good. And that if Iโd only stuck around a couple of years longer, weโd have met much earlier. In completely different circumstances. โThe Challengers has ten players, who qualify by winning other super- tournaments or are selected because of their high FIDE ratings. They compete against each other. Then, a couple of months later, the winner competes for the World Championship title.โ
โThe one whose prize is two million dollars?โ โThree, this year.โ
My heart skips a beat. I cannot even conceive what that money would do for my family. Not that Iโd win against Nolan in a multiday match. Or that Iโd end up at the Challengers, since Iโm not invited to super- tournaments and my rating is currently hanging out with a piece of gum under the sole of my shoe.
I grip the pen a little too forcefully and draw another grid. My mind must still be on the money, because Nolan wins the following game.
I roll my eyes. โI was distracted. You donโt really deserveโ โ โWhy did you quit chess?โ
I tense. โExcuse me.โ
โIn September, after Philly, you said your fatherโs death wasnโt the reason you quit chess. What is it, then?โ
โWe never agreed that questions would be aboutโ โ
โWe agreed toย anyย question.โ He holds my eyes, a hint of a challenge in his tone. โOf course, you can always back out of the game.โ
Itโs exactly what I should do. Get out and leave Nolan alone with his stupid, invasive question. But I canโt make myself, and after a few seconds of lip biting and a burning desire to carve my next O into his skin, I say,
โMy dad and I became estranged a whileโโย three years, one week, and two daysโ โbefore he died. I stopped playing then.โ
โWhy did you become estranged?โ
โThatโs two questions. And if you win again, no follow-up questions are allowed.โ
He frowns. โWhy wouldnโt they be?โ
โBecause Iย say so,โ I bite out. He is quiet for a second, but he reads my tone well, because he nods.
After that, we draw a few games. As in: twenty- three games. It becomes clear that neither of us wants to be in the position of being asked the next question when I win the twenty- fourth game, and Nolan channels his most traditional self by slapping his palm on the table. Honestly, it feels nice.
I wasted my Challengers question, so I think hard about what Iโd like to know about him. Something about his relationship with Koch, maybe? The Baudelaire story? His grandfather? Thereโs something Iโve been wondering for weeks, but it seems like too much.
On the other hand, heย didย ask about Dad, and Iย amย feeling vengeful.
Maybe even vicious.
โAt my house, when Sabrina asked you who you have s*x with, you said
. . .ย conflictingย things, and . . .โ I trail off.
โWhatโs the question? Who do I have s*x with?โ
I nod quickly. My cheeks are on fire. Iโm already regretting this. โNo one.โ
Uh? โExcuse me?โ
โI donโt have s*x. Or at least, I never have.โ
It takes a few moments for the words to penetrate. For it to really sink in: Nolan Sawyer, the Kingkiller, blithely admitting that heโs a virgin at the age of twenty. Not that thereโs anything wrong with that. But.
No. I misunderstood. What about the Baudelaire thing? โYouโve never had s*x,โ I repeat.
โNope,โ he says, confident, calm, like he has nothing to prove to anyone, like he doesnโt care to be anyone but himself, fully himself. At least here, tonight, with me.
โOh.โ I feel like I should tread carefully. โSo you . . . ? I mean, are you happy with that, or do you wish that . . . ?โ I flush harder. He takes pity.
โDo I wish I were having s*x?โ
I nod again. Jesus, Iย canย speak. I amย betterย than this.
โNo.โ He doesnโt even think about it. โNot until recently.โ โWhat . . . what changed recently?โ
He stares for a long moment. โNo follow-up questions, I was told.โ The corner of his lip twitches into a smile. โBesides, I hear you have enough s*x for the both of us.โ
I groan. โIโve barely beenโ You should never believe anything Darcy says. โ
โItโs not like itโs a bad thing.โ He draws another grid. Iโm still flustered, and he wins immediately. โWhat are you going to do at the end of your fellowship?โ
โWhat do you know about my fellowship?โ โNo answering questions with other questions.โ
I roll my eyes. โIโm going to look for auto- mechanics jobs. Any leads?โ โWhat about chess? Are you going to just stop playing?โ
โYeah.โ I steal the pen from his hand. โThereโs no future for me in chess.โ
He snorts. โYou canโt justโ โ
โQuestion answered. Next round.โ He gives an annoyed, stubborn look, and immediately wins. How? Heโs drinking and Iโm not, but Iโm the one slipping. โWhatever.โ I roll my eyes. โNo follow-up questions.โ
He leans toward me over the table, dark eyes earnest, stars traveling on his skin. โDo you know how incredible you are?โ
I cannot breathe. Temporarily. So I force myself to laugh. โReally?
Youโre wasting your question on this?โ
โI am serious. Do you realize how exceptional you are, Mallory?โ โWhat are youโ โ
โI have never seen anything like what you do with chess.ย Never.โ
โIโ You are ten times better than me. I beat youย once, while playing White, and you were probably expecting an easy game.โ
โYou havenโt answered my question.โ He leans in even farther. He smells like soap and beer and something good and dark. โDo you know how fuckingย goodย you are?โ
My eyes hold his. โYes, Iย know.โ It almost hurts to admit to it. To this boundless talent I have, for something that I swore to myself I wouldnโt pursueโ a promise I fully intend to keep. โDoes it bother you, that Iโm that good?โ
โNo.โ Heโs not lying. Does he ever lie? โMaybe it should. But.โ He lets thatย butย dangle mysteriously.
โWhy?โ
He clucks his tongue. โYou havenโt earned a question.โ New grid. New game. New victory for Nolan. Itโs my turn to slam my fist on the table. Nolanโs bottle, now empty, clinks against the cheap plastic, and irritation bubbles up my throat. Screw this game.
โAre you cheating?โ I ask, acid. Angry.
โNo. But itโs fascinating how your performance suffers when you lose your composure. You might want to work on that.โ
โIโmย notย losing my composure, and my tic- tac- toe performance is hardlyโ โ
โQuestion,โ he interrupts, a new edge to his voice. โWhy do you pretend you donโt want this?โ
โThis?โ
He gestures around himself. But then he says, โChess. Why do you pretend you donโtย wantย to play it?โ
โYou donโtย knowย me,โ I bristle. โI just donโt like chess that much.โ
He shakes his head with a small smile and draws another gridโ then wins easily when I fumble. My hands are shaking, and Iโmย soย done withโ
โYou feel it, too, donโt you, Mallory?โ His tone is pressing. Low. โWhen you play, you feel the same thing I feel.โ
I grit my teeth. โI have no idea what you feel. Chess is a stupid board game, andโ โ
โItย isย a stupid board game, but itโsย yours. I see the way you look at the pieces. Itโs your world, isnโt it? The one you choose for yourself, well
within your boundaries. You can be the queen in it. The king. The knight. Whatever you want. There are rules, and if you learn them well enough, then youโll be able to control it. Youโll be able to rescue the pieces you care about. So unlike real life, huh?โ
How dare he act like heย knowsย me, like heโ I hate him.
I donโt remember the last time Iโve been this angry. Thereโs bile churning in my stomach. I tear the flier from his hand and make another grid, almost ripping the paper in the process. It takes seven tries, but I finally win.
โWhat the hell do youย wantย from me?โ I snap, leaning closer with a glare.
He lifts one eyebrow.
โBecause I donโt understand,โ I nearly yell. โWhyย are you here when you have a tournament next week? Why do you presume to know anything about me? Why do you even care about my thoughts on chessโ โ I end with an angry, beastly noise.
If Nolan is affected, he doesnโt show it. โI thought you were starting to get an idea.โ
โIโm not. Justย tellย me what you want andโ โ A loud sound.
I turn to the door. Tanu and the others are walking inside, holding a stack of take- out pizzas, yelling something about pepperoni and anchovy discounts. I realize how close I am to Nolan and pull back. He keeps staring at me, the ghost of a sad smile on his lips.
โI guess the game is over,โ he says, getting to his feet to help Tanu. โGoodnight, Mallory. And good luck.โ