âMax!â Indy exclaims as soon as she opens the door to her new house. âKai too,â I remind her with a laugh.
âYeah, yeah.â She holds her hands out for my son. âYou too.â
Max reaches for her, so I hand him off before she covers him in cheek kisses, and I follow the sweet sound of my sonâs laughter into the house.
âHey, man,â Ryan says when we find him in the kitchen. âThanks for coming early.â
I put my hand in his, the other going around him in a hug. âThanks for hosting early.â
âWell, youâre the only one in season right now. Figured we should cater to your schedule.â
Ryan Shay is the captain of the Devils, Chicagoâs NBA team. We share the same agent, and he was the first athlete I met in my new city when I moved here eighteen months ago. Until this spring, when he and I both bought houses outside the city limits, we had also shared the same downtown apartment building.
Weâve been friendly since we met, but it wasnât until Indy, his new fiancĂ©e, came into his life that we became good friends. He was admittedly closed off, not willing to let anyone too close before her. Iâm not sure if he even had a real friend other than his twin sister, but since he and Indy have been together, heâs constantly having people over to their new home.
And every Sunday evening, the two of them host family dinners with guests including his twin sister, Stevie, and her fiancĂ©, Zanders, starting defenseman for Chicagoâs NHL team. Zandersâ blue line mate, Rio, is a constant here, as are my son and I. The other guys sometimes bring a few of their teammates too and Isaiah tags along if he doesnât have any other plans lined up.
Unlike my brother, I look forward to Sunday dinners all week because more than anyone else in Chicago, I feel like these people get me.
Zanders and Stevie are expecting, and Ryan and Indy are trying for their first. Theyâre always excited for Max to be at the house and I donât feel like Iâm bringing the party down because I have my fifteen-month-old with me the way I feel around my teammates sometimes.
âHi, Maxie,â Ryan says as Indy rounds the kitchen island for her fiancĂ© to say hello to my son as well.
Theyâve been trying to conceive for a few months now with no luck, so Iâm happy to give them all the time with Max they want. They regularly ask to babysit, and Indy is the only woman Max feels comfortable being left with.
Well, she was the only woman. Before Miller.
âWho do you guys play tonight?â Ryan turns back to the stovetop. âCincinnati.â
âNo Isaiah?â Indy asks, bouncing Max around the kitchen.
âIâm fairly certain heâs still in whoeverâs bed he landed in last night.
Sunday mornings are typically a no go for him.â
And family breakfast is typically a no go for the Shays unless I have a Sunday night game. Theyâve got some weird thing about breakfast that they like to keep it to themselves, but they made an exception today.
âIs your uncle a little playboy?â Indy asks my son, which gets him giggling. âYes, he is. Heâs a playboy, huh?â
âYou talking about me, Ind?â I hear as the front door closes. âNo, Zee, not everything is about you.â
âGood luck convincing him of that,â Stevie says, hand on her belly. âHello, my beautiful, radiant best friend.â Indy hugs her future sister-in-
law, all while holding my son on her hip.
âIf by radiant you mean hungry and cranky all the time, yes, Iâm so
radiant.â
âThe most radiant,â Zanders says with a kiss to the top of her curls.
After hellos are said, the girls take my son into the backyard to play in the fresh air while I hang back with Ryan and Zanders in the kitchen.
âHowâs Max doing?â Ryan asks, pouring the three of us mugs of coffee. âGood. Heâs good. Heâs been a champ this season with the travel and
living in a hotel room part-time. Heâs easy. Iâm lucky.â
I drink down half my mug and hand it back to Ryan for a refill.
His brow arches, filling it up again. âWe all love Max, but this is probably the only time youâre able to bitch about being a single parent. So,
letâs hear it. Other than you clearly being exhausted.â He hands my coffee back over.
âPlease donât ask me to complain to you of all people, when you and Indy are trying so hard to become parents.â
âKai, we all have our shit. Just because weâre dealing with our own stuff, doesnât mean I canât hear about yours. Besides, weâre having fun trying.â
Hesitating, I eye them both. It seems weird to complain about the person you love more than you knew your heart was capable of loving. Max is the best thing to ever happen to me, but being a single parent is still the hardest job Iâve ever had.
âHe pissed on me the other day,â I admit. âIâm talking all over me. Dripping down my shirt while I was trying to change him. Iâm pretty sure it hit the ceiling, sprayed the walls.
âJesus.â Zandersâ eyes go wide.
âJust you wait, Zee. You might want to rethink your wish for a boy.â
âYou should rethink wishing for a boy,â Ryan cuts in. âNo way in hell do we need another one of you running around.â
âLove you too, brother,â Zanders adds with a smile and a middle finger. âAt least heâs cute,â Ryan says, looking out the window as my son plays
with his fiancĂ©e and sister. âKind of makes up for the pissing in the air thing.â
âHeâs cute as hell, but the kidâs got the worst taste in entertainment. His latest obsession is this show about a fruit salad dance party. Like a bunch of fruit and veggies have eyes and mouths but they donât talk, they just dance to rave music. I swear to God whoever created that was dropping acid at the time. Whenever itâs on TV I feel like Iâm in a fever dream.â
Zandersâ face scrunches in horror.
âI tried to turn it off and he screamed his head off until it was back on.
The radishes were twerking.â
âHow does a radish twerk?â Zanders asks, his mug to his lips.
âI donât know, man. I donât fucking know.â I shake my head. âAnd last week I had to track how many times he took a shit. I literally had to write it down. The first thing on my mind every morning was this kidâs shit because he hadnât taken one in a couple of days.â
A small smile spreads on Ryanâs lips but he tries to cover it with his coffee mug; all the while Zanders stares at me like I told him someone kicked his dog.
âAnd the sleep schedule. Those naps are the most sacred times of the day. If one of my teammates tries to mess with his sleep schedule, Iâll lose it on them. Iâm talking âuse their balls as a speedbagâ kind of lose it on them. Heâs miserable if heâs not sleeping properly, and those are the only moments of the day where I have my own time without feeling guilty.â
âYou feel guilty?â Zanders asks.
âAll the time.â I exhale a long breath. âAll the fucking time. If Iâm not with him, I feel guilty for being gone, but if Iâm with him all day without a moment to myself, I feel guilty for wanting a bit of my own time. And the anxiety. Iâm so afraid something is going to happen to him when Iâm not there, or something will happen to me, and heâll be left without anyone.â
Zanders takes my mug from me and adds a healthy pour of Baileys into my coffee.
âWhat are you doing? I have a game tonight.â
âYouâre in the bullpen tonight, and you need that,â he says, adding a splash into his mug and his future brother-in-lawâs.
Ryan nudges my shoulder. âYou know Indy and Iâweâre always here to help you. Whenever you need a break. Weâve got you.â
âI shouldnât want a break, though. I had a break for the first six months of his life.â
âJesus, Kai,â Ryan exhales. âYou canât be punishing yourself for that. You had no idea he even existed. You have no balance in your life. âDadâ is just one of your titles.â
âAnd the other is âStarting Pitcherâ. My time is split between baseball and him, and when Iâm focused on one instead of the other, Iâm constantly feeling guilty that the other doesnât have my full attention.â
Shit. Talk about word vomit. I try not to complain because I donât have much to complain about. Max is the greatest part of my life, but I wonât lie and say Iâm not tired. Iâm tired of worrying all the time, tired of wondering if Iâm messing everything up.
âYou know,â Ryan begins with a small laugh. âFor a split second, when I first introduced you to Indy, I was so concerned she was going to like you. You used to be a lot like her. A walking ray of fucking sunshine. Little did I know, six months later youâd be as grumpy as I used to be.â
âIâm not grumpy,â I state in a tone that sounds real fucking grumpy. âIâm exhausted. I became a single dad at the beginning of the off-season last
year. I had it handled when baseball wasnât an issue, but now . . . If I could just retire earlyââ
âNo.â
âShut your mouth,â Zanders adds.
âYouâre not retiring early,â Ryan continues. âFor being your age, youâre surprisingly at the top of your game. Youâre not calling it quits. You just need to figure out how to ask for help and learn to accept it. Howâs it going with Troy?â
I avert my eyes from his. âI fired him.â
Pausing for only a moment, he bursts out a laugh. âOf course you fucking did.â Opening the kitchen window that faces the backyard, he calls out, âBlue! Kai fired the nanny!â
I hear her footsteps racing inside the house. âWas it before or after Wednesday?â
âThursday, I think. Why?â âGoddammit!â
Ryan cackles. âThank you for that.â âWhat am I missing here?â
âIndy and I bet on when you were gonna fire him. Had a feeling it was gonna be this week. She bet on the first half of the week, I bet on the second.â
âYouâre making bets on Maxâs childcare now? Love that for me.â
Stevie follows Indy inside, holding Maxâs hands above his head to help him walk. âWhat does the winner get?â
âBlue owes me a blow job.â Ryan smiles into his coffee once again. âGross.â Stevie grimaces.
Indy tosses her hair over her shoulder. âJokeâs on you. Little do you know, I like giving you blow jobs.â
âYeah, little do I know. Thereâs no way I would know that, huh?â
Ryan rounds the kitchen island to pick up Max, he and Indy doting on him. Zanders joins Stevie in setting the table, with him not so sneakily copping a feel every so often.
As much as I feel connected to these guys, us all being professional athletes settled down, they both have partners they can lean on. Someone else to help lessen the burden. Theyâll luckily never understand what it means to go through the hard stuff alone. But maybe worse than that is going through the good stuff and not having someone to celebrate those
moments with. No one else heard Maxâs first word. No one else saw the first time he crawled.
And in this moment, watching the four of them, I couldnât feel more single.
That is, until the other very single guy of the group comes bursting through the door.
âIâm here!â Rio DeLuca, Zandersâ teammate, busts through the house with his boombox on full blast, making his grand entrance. âWhat did I miss?â
âKai fired another nanny,â Ryan explains before throwing my kid in the air, catching him mid-laugh.
âYeah, well, about time. Itâs been what, two weeks since he got hired?â âFour.â
âRecord for ya, Kai?â
Is it? Wow, Iâm not sure.
âI already hired someone else. She watched Max in Miami.â
Conveniently, I leave out that sheâs now gone as well, but my tendency to hastily fire any and everyone is quickly becoming everyoneâs favorite joke.
âShe?â Stevie asks. âShe.â
Rio turns down his boombox. âWho is she? And is she single?â
Is she? I have no idea if Miller is single. I learned she doesnât live anywhere in particular so I canât imagine how sheâd make a relationship work, but maybe her partner is a nomad like her.
âIâm not sure, actually.â
âLetâs say, hypothetically, sheâs very single. Very available,â Rio continues. âWould she be into me?â
âNo.â
âGeez, Kai. Answer a little quicker next time.â
âI mean, I donât know. Sheâs my coachâs daughter so I think itâs best if no one in my lifeââI motion around the roomââtries to find out.â
âCoachâs daughter, Kai?â Indy wears a knowing grin. âInteresting. I do love that plot line.â
âNothing about this is interesting, you hopeless romantic.â
âHopeful,â she corrects, pointing towards Ryan. âThe new term is âhopeful romanticâ.â
âYeah, well, whatever kind of scenario youâre creating in your head right now about me and the new nanny, let me squash it for you. Monty hired her without me knowing and I couldnât exactly say no.â
âBullshit,â Ryan barks out. âYouâve never let something like pleasing your coach be the reason you compromise when it comes to Max. You like her.â
âNo, I donât. I kind of canât stand her, but it doesnât matter either way because sheâs already gone.â
The entire house is wordless once again.
âWhat the hell is wrong with you?â Ryan asks, breaking the silence. âYou have a game tonight. What are you going to do with Max?â
I raise a suggestive brow at him and his fiancée.
âOh, no. Donât look at us like that.â Indy waves her hands at me. âWe love Max, but weâre not enabling you. What was wrong with this one? Did you not like the way she breathed? Was she too nice? Did you not agree with her favorite color?â
âMax liked her too much already.â
Sheâs also way too fucking tempting to be glued to my side all summer, but I leave that part out.
Indy blinks at me blankly. âYouâre ridiculous. You need to call her and get her back here.â
I already did. Right after she left. I didnât get a chance to explain that sheâs done too good of a job with my son, but even if she gave me the opportunity, how pathetic would it be for me to admit that my attitude towards her is due to Max growing so comfortable with her that it made me nervous. In the one day Miller was with him, he was the most content heâd been with any nanny before, and I fucked it up all because Iâm afraid. Afraid of her being around, but even more afraid of her leaving.
âI tried,â I admit. âAbout fifteen times, but sheâs ignoring me.â
âOh, youâre so gonna sleep with her.â Zanders laughs. âHate sex or make-up sex. One of the two.â
âNo, Iâm not.â
âNo, heâs not,â Rio adds. âBecause if Kai meets someone, Iâm going to be the only single one left, and I refuse to be the old, sad, single one. Well, besides Isaiah, but he doesnât count. He likes being single.â
âRio,â Indy coos. âYouâre still a baby, but when you get old, you could come live with us, and weâll take care of you. Ryan will cook us breakfast
and you could be our platonic third wheel.â
âIâm not cooking him breakfast,â Ryan cuts in.
âAnd Iâm not anyoneâs third wheel. And donât even tease me about living with Ryan Shay, Ind. That will very quickly turn into a two-wheel situation, and you wonât be one of them.â
Ryan huffs a laugh under his breath.
âAll right, letâs eat. I gotta get home. Iâm hoping Monty can convince Miller to give me another chance before my game tonight.â
âHer name is Miller?â Stevie asks, taking a seat at the table, stretching out her legs and rubbing her stomach. âShe sounds cute.â
She is cute. In the same way a tornado is cute. Or a pack of starved lions.
Super cute.
âOh my God,â Rio chastises my silence. âHe didnât even try to deny it! I am going to be the only single one left. Iâm going to have to move into my best friendâs house and grow old with Ryan freaking Shay.â
Zanders makes a plate for Stevie as we all take our seats. âYou donât sound all that upset by that.â
Rio pops his shoulders. âNever said I was.â
Everyone gathers around the table, and I pull out the highchair I store for Max here before taking my seat as well. My friends take their turns feeding my son or entertaining him. His blue eyes are bright as he laughs and smiles at the group of professional athletes making silly faces at him.
And though, yes, sometimes I feel single as hell around these people, I couldnât be more grateful for them pulling me into their fold and giving me a place in Chicago that feels like home.