The nurses make me stay in the hospital for three whole days.
This is almost intolerableโto the point that, despite my gratitude for their excellent care, and all the cups of ice water they bring me, I might have gotten in a serious fight with them. Except that Raylan is right beside me, laughing and joking, smoothing over my grumpiness at having my blood pressure taken for the eight hundredth time.
Heโs my rock. The only person who can soothe the pain I feel knowing that Uncle Oran tried to kill me. Itโs a betrayal that cuts deep. Not only because I truly respected my uncle, but because I misjudged his character so badly. It puts a crack in my perception of my own good judgment.
But I was right about one person at least: the man sitting next to me. Raylan flew to Chicago to make sure I was safe. He saved me, when nobody else was there to do it. He hasnโt left my side since, except to brush his teeth or use the shower in my hospital room.
Weโre so happy to be together again that itโs all we talk about.
We donโt discuss the looming question of how weโll stay together long- term. I know that Raylanโs family wants him back home. But my family needs me here, more than ever. With Uncle Oran gone, they need me to take over the law firm. Not just as a partner but as managing partner. It canโt go to anyone elseโonly a family member can be trusted with our most vulnerable secrets.
Thereโs a more urgent reason that I need to get out of the hospital: I donโt want to miss Dante and Simoneโs wedding.
Itโs going to be small and intimateโfewer than twenty people in attendance. Including me and Raylan.
Dr. Weber insists on running a hundred tests on me before Iโm allowed to leave. At the end of it all, he concludes that I might have some mild liver- damage, but Iโm otherwise unscathed by Uncle Oranโs attempted poisoning.
โWatch your alcohol intake over the next few months, and hopefully any damage will heal,โ Dr. Weber says.
โI assume that doesnโt include wine,โ I tell him. โIt definitely includes wine.โ
โWhat about scotch?โ
He shakes his head at me, unamused.
โIโll make sure she behaves herself,โ Raylan says.
โYouโre going to bodyguard me against liquor now?โ I say, giving him an incredulous look.
โIf thatโs what I gotta do.โ
I fling my hair back over my shoulder. โIโd like to see you try,โ I say, coolly.
Raylan grabs my arm and pulls me close, so my body is pressed right up against his broad chest. His stubble scratches my cheek as he leans over to whisper in my ear. โDonโt you think youโre safe, just โcause weโre in Chicago, darlin.โ I can find a riding crop, if I need to.โ
The wave of lust that hits me almost knocks my knees out from under me. If he wasnโt holding me up with that iron grip on my arm, Iโd definitely stumble.
Still, I look up into those bright blue eyes with my haughtiest expression. โIโm not going to make it so easy for you next time,โ I say.
โEasy or rough . . . Iโll take what I want,โ he growls.
I have to turn away from him before he sees my cheeks flaming as red as my hair.
Raylan and I part ways briefly, so we have time to get clothes before the ceremony. I can tell he doesnโt want to let me out of his sight, even for an instant.
โItโs okay,โ I tell him. โThereโs nobody left to try to kill me.โ
โIโm not so sure about that,โ he says, eyebrow cocked. โYou had a pretty hefty list of enemies here, if you remember.โ
โIโm not worried,โ I say. โIโm getting pretty handy in a fight.โ โCanโt argue with that,โ Raylan says, giving me one last quick kiss.
Nessaโs waiting for me out front of the hospital, in her army-green Jeep. She witnesses the kiss, and the prolonged conversation before Raylan and I part ways.
I can feel her excitement as I slide into the passenger seat.
โWas that just top-quality customer service?โ she says. โOr does the bodyguard have serious feels?โ
โPlease donโt call it โfeels,โ โ I say, rolling my eyes.
โRiona Griffin, you better tell me EVERYTHING right now!โ Nessa cries. โAlright,โ I say. โBut you have to promise not to freak out. Itโs been a pretty
. . . intense couple of weeks.โ
โI will not freak out,โ Nessa says, but sheโs already bouncing in her seat, barely able to pay attention to the road as she pulls away from the curb.
โDonโt crash the car, either,โ I say.
โI would never!โ Nessa sniffs. โIโve only gotten two tickets so far this year. My driving has vastly improved.โ
โIโm going to pretend you didnโt say that.โ
I tell Nessa the Cliffs Notes version of what Iโve been doing since my apartment caught fire. I can tell sheโs dying to interrupt a hundred times, but she keeps a lid on it so she can hear the rest of the story. When I finally get to the end, she squeals, โI canโt believe it!ย Is my big sister maybe, possibly, actually . . . in love?โ
I frown. โDid you miss the part where our future goals have us living five hundred miles apart?โ
โNo,โ Nessa says, serenely. โI just donโt think that matters.โ โHow does it not matter?โ
โBecause love finds a way!โ she says. โLook at me and Miko. He HATED our family. And you all hated him.โ
โWell, he did abduct you, and try to extort us . . . โ Nessa rolls her eyes.
โAnd he framed Dante for murder . . . โ
โExactly!โ she says, cheerfully. โAnd look how well it all turned out! If Miko and I can get through that, Iโm sure you and Raylan can figure out a way to make things work.โ
Usually Nessaโs relentless optimism would annoy me. I guess itโs a sign of how desperate I am that today I find it comforting. I do want to find a way to be with Raylan. Without either of us losing the other things in our lives that matter to us.
Nessa and I go shopping on the Mag Mile, popping in and out of fancy boutique shops until weโve found the perfect dresses for the wedding.
Itโs easy to find something for Nessa, because everything looks perfect on her slim dancerโs figure, against her creamy skin and her chestnut hair. She ends up buying a lavender gown with a slit up the thigh, and long, puffed sleeves. It reminds me of something a 1940s film star might wear. Nessa always chooses things that look vintage in some way, and they always suit her, because she has that delicate, timeless beauty that would fit any era.
Itโs harder for me because a lot of colors clash with red. Plus, Iโve always avoided showing too much skin, because I want to be taken seriously. But today, still flushed from my last conversation with Raylan, I choose a backless dress in a rich, dark teal. The cool silk flows around my body, caressing my skin.
โOh my god!โ Nessa says, when she sees it. โIโve never seen you look so . .
. dangerous.โ
โIs it too much for a wedding?โ I ask her.
โNo! You have to buy it. Itโs the best youโve ever looked.โ
I buy the dress, not worried that Iโm going to outshine Simone. Sheโs literally the most gorgeous woman in the world, with the modeling paychecks to prove it. Thereโs no way she could ever be upstaged at her own wedding.
By the time Nessa and I have our hair and makeup done at the Asha Salon, we have to head straight to the venue. Luckily I bought my gift for Dante and Simone weeks ago, and even luckier I stored it at my parentsโ house. Nessa brought it with her in the Jeep.
โWhat did you get them?โ she asks me.
โItโs a sound-wave print of the first song they ever danced to,โ I tell her. โItโs printed in gold-leaf, and I had it framed.โ
โOh!โ Nessa says. โI wish it wasnโt wrapped so I could see it.โ โWhat did you get them?โ I ask her.
โSalted bread and a bottle of Chateau Mouton-Rosthchild. Also, gold ingots for Henry and the baby. Mikolaj pickedโtheyโre traditional Polish wedding gifts,โ Nessa explains. โI thought Simone would enjoy that, since sheโs been everywhere.โ
โIโm sure she will,โ I agree. Iโve never met anyone more cultured than Simoneโsheโs a diplomatโs daughter, and she lived all over the world, even before she started modeling.
Nessa and I drive over to Le Jardin, the massive greenhouse where Simone and Dante will be wed. Iโm guessing they picked this place because they wanted greenery and flowers all around them, even though theyโre getting married mid-November. No one suggested that they should simply wait for summerโafter being separated for nine years, I doubt Dante would wait a single day longer to make Simone his wife. Besides that, Simone is pregnant with their second child. She probably wants to tie the knot while itโs still easy to fit in a standard wedding dress.
Even though itโs getting colder by the minute, Raylan is waiting outside for me. He grins as we pull up, excited to show me what he looks like in an actual tux.
He should be pleased with himselfโhe looks damn good. Even better than I expected. The smoke-gray jacket is perfectly fitted, and his beard and hair look blacker than ever by contrast. His blue eyes have taken on a steel- colored cast under the gray autumn sky.
He takes my arm, looking me up and down with obvious appreciation.
โGoddamn, woman,โ he says. โJust when I think you couldnโt impress me any more than you already have, you come out of that car and blow my fucking mind.โ
โYou clean up pretty nice yourself,โ I say. โWhereโs your boots?โ Raylan grins. โIn the car. Donโt tempt me, or Iโll go and grab โem.โ
The interior of the greenhouse is lush and humid, though not uncomfortably so. Flowers and vines run across the trellis overhead, entwined with fairy lights. A bearded cellist plays a cover of All of Me.
All ofย Me โ Brooklyn Duoย (Spotify)ย All ofย Me โ Brooklyn Duoย (Apple)
An iron archway marks the place where Dante and Simone will be wed. The arch is woven with greenery and cream-colored flowers: orchids, peonies, and roses.
Raylan and I take a seat on the groomโs side of the aisle. Weโre sitting behind Enzo Gallo, the patriarch of the Gallo family, and Aida and Callum. I can see little Miles Griffin peeking over Callumโs shoulder. Heโs been pacified with a soother stuffed in his mouth, but his gray eyes still look furious and his dark hair sticks up in all directions.
Aida turns around to whisper, โHi!โ She squeezes my knee as we sit down. I can see her looking Raylan over with great curiosity.
Two rows back, Neroโs sitting with his arm around the shoulders of a pretty girl with dark, curly hair. That must be Camille. I check her handsโsure enough, I spot the faint remnants of oil at the edges of her fingernails. Just the same as Neroโs handsโproof of their mutual love of combustion engines. Theyโre talking intently, their heads close together, as if theyโre the only two humans in the world.
Nessa has dropped our gifts off at the reception table, and now sheโs sliding into her seat next to Mikolaj, directly behind me. Miko had been silent and scowling up until that moment, his pale face and white-blond hair in stark contrast to his all-black suit. When Nessa sits beside him, his expression changes entirely. His sharp features soften into a smile, and a light comes into his ice-blue eyes, until he hardly looks like the same person. Now he seems almost approachable, and not like he might murder all of us. He lifts one heavily-tattooed hand, to tuck a lock of hair back behind Nessaโs ear. In his accented voice, he says, โYou look stunning,ย moja maลa baletnica.โ
Across the aisle, I see a tall, trim black man in a navy tuxedo. Heโs sitting with a slim blonde woman, with Henry sandwiched between them. Clearly thatโs Yafeu Solomon, Simoneโs diplomat father, and his wife Eloise. Henry is Simone and Danteโs nine-year-old son. He looks much taller than nine, with a head of soft, dark curls, and a gentle expression on his face. Heโs quietly solving a Rubikโs cube while he waits for the ceremony to begin. Behind Henry is a pretty young woman who I believe is Henryโs tutor and nanny. Sheโs obviously been invited because sheโs close to Simone, not because Henry needs to be supervised.
My parents come in next, taking a seat behind the Solomons because thereโs no more room on Danteโs side. My mother squeezes my shoulder on her way to her seat. She came to visit me in the hospital every day, even though
I told her it wasnโt necessary. She brought me clothes, toiletries, books and magazines, Brazil nuts, dried fruit, and chocolate. She brought treats for Raylan, too, until there was barely room for anyone to sit down anymore.
I think my parents feel guilty about Uncle Oran, though none of that was their fault. The funny thing is, whatever grudge I might have held against them when I felt like Callum was their heir, and Nessa was their favorite . . . it all drifted away in those moments when I lay dying on the carpet. In those last few seconds before I drifted away, I didnโt feel anger or resentment. I thought to myself, โIโve been loved.โย My only regret was that I hadnโt shown that same love strongly enough in return.
The last person to arrive is the youngest Gallo brother, Sebastian. Heโs here alone, without any plus-one. Heโs the tallest of the Gallo boys, taller even than Dante. He walks with a lanky kind of grace, having finally shaken off the persistent limp that plagued him after my brother smashed his knee. His face is somber, though, with dark shadows under his eyes.
I donโt know Sebastian well. I know he used to be a basketball star, with dreams of playing professionally. It was my family that ended those dreams. The Griffins and the Gallos called a truce, and Sebastianโs never shown any resentment toward us since. But I canโt imagine that it doesnโt burn somewhere deep inside of him.
He had no interest in the mafia life. Heโs been slowly drawn into it by the violence and conflict of the last few years. I know he shot one of Mikolajโs menโprobably the first person heโd ever killed. I wonder if it eats at him. Or if it felt like an inevitable step. A fate that was always destined to find him, one way or another.
All I know is that he doesnโt look happy today. He sits behind my parents, apart from his own family members.
The cellist pauses, and a different song begins to play, light and hopeful:
First Day ofย my Life โ Bright Eyesย (Spotify)ย First Day ofย my Life โ Bright Eyesย (Apple)
I look down the aisle where Simone and Dante are standing, hand-in-hand. Simone is tall, slim, as bronze as a goddess against her stark white gown. Iโm sure any designer in the country would gladly give her their most ostentatious or outrageous gown. Instead, Simoneโs dress is simple in the extremeโunadorned, off-the-shoulder, clinging to the figure lauded as the most perfect in the world. Her flat stomach shows no hint of the baby sheโs carrying, though Iโm sure its existence is one of the factors making Dante look happier than Iโve ever seen him.
Dante canโt take his eyes off Simone. Heโs so massive and brutish that usually he looks terrifying in any type of clothes, even a tuxedo. But today Simoneโs loveliness radiates with such power that even Dante looks genteel. He looks like the only man in the world who could deserve such a beauty.
They walk down the aisle together, then face each other under the arch. Henry comes to stand between them, looking shy but happy. Heโs got the rings in his pocket, and he takes them out even before Enzo Gallo can stand to perform the ceremony.
โWelcome, friends and family,โ he says. โI donโt think any union has been more fervently anticipated. And I know no couple has loved each other with greater intensity. Dante, would you like to say your vows?โ
Dante takes both Simoneโs hands in his own. His massive fingers swallow up her slim hands so they canโt be seen at all from the outside.
โSimone,โ he says. โI have loved you from the moment I saw your face. I know that will sound shallow, since Iโm talking to the most gorgeous woman in the world. But I promise you, in your face I saw your bravery, your intelligence, and your kindness. As soon as you spoke to me, it was like a door opened into your mind. I saw this whole other universe of creativity and cleverness. A way of looking at things that Iโd never imagined. And I wanted to walk through that door. I wanted to live in your world. You made such an impact on me that I never forgot you. Through all the time we were apart, I thought of you constantly. I dreamed of you. I longed for you. To have you back in my arms brings me a joy that I canโt express. The reality of you is a hundred times better than my imagining.โ
He pauses for a moment, and he looks down at his son. He lays his heavy hand on Henryโs shoulder.
โThank you, Simone, for coming back to me. Thank you for bringing our son. Thank you for raising him. Henry, youโre a good man already. Iโm so proud of you.โ
Iโve never heard Dante talk like this, with raw openness and honesty. He always keeps his feelings stuffed down tight. Or at least, he did before Simone came back into his life.
Itโs having an effect on me I never would have expected. Iโm starting to feel emotional.
I have never cried in public, not once in my life. I certainly havenโt cried at a wedding. But all of a sudden my eyes feel hot and my face is stiff.
โI will love you every moment of my life,โ Dante says. โI will cherish and protect you. Anything you want, Iโll get it for you. Iโll be your best friend and your ally. Iโll make your life better, always, and never worse.โ
Simone is freely crying, her tears silver on her flushed cheeks. She is so beautiful that itโs hard to even look at her. Sheโs glowing with happiness, illuminated by it.
โDante, you are everything to me,โ she says. โMy heart and my soul. My happiness and my safe haven. Life without you was lonely and bitter. The only thing that brought me joy was Henry, our son. Heโs a piece of you and me, the best thing we ever did. I love him for himself, and I love him for how he reminds me of you.
โI promise to choose you for the rest of our lives. To choose you over fear or selfishness. Over ambition or other cares. I promise to never let you down again. To always be there for you. I promise to give you every bit of joy this life has to offer. You are the most incredible man Iโve ever known, and I promise to be the wife you deserve.
โIโm so lucky today. Iโm the luckiest person in the world.โ
She, too, puts her hand on Henryโs shoulder, still looking up into Danteโs face.
I want to look at Raylan, but I canโt. I know Iโm about to cry and I donโt want him to see it.
The tears are partly for Dante and SimoneโIโm so, so happy for them.
But theyโre also tears of anguish, because Iโm realizing that I love Raylan. I truly, truly love him. And that terrifies me.
Simoneโs words are like an arrow in my heart.
I promise to choose you over fear or selfishness. Over ambition and other cares.
Is that what love is? Is it putting the other person above your own fears and desires?
I thought that might be the case. And thatโs why I thought Iโd never fall in love.
But now I have, by accident.
And I want that love. I want Raylan.
I think I might want him more than all the things I wanted before. More than my fears, and yes, even more than my ambitions.
Does that make me weak and pathetic? Do I have to give up myself to have love?
I feel wetness on my cheeks, and all of a sudden Raylan puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me close to him, so my face is hidden against his chest. Heโs doing that for meโbecause he knows Iโd hate to have anyone see me cry. Even my own closest friends and family.
He knows me so well. He knows exactly what I need.
I remember what he said in Silver Run. I was so angry with him at the time. Now I wonder if he was right all along:
Youโre happier here. This is where you belong: here, with me.
Iโm afraid. But I want to choose Raylan over that fear.
