He didnāt think he could love her more, but she is a constant surprise.
S
ERENA AND I ARE FAIRLY WELL–TRAINED IN SELF–DEFENSE,Ā BUT VANIA
is my fatherās most skilled enforcer. Sheās holding not one, but two knives, and is flanked by two guardsāthe same who escorted me into
Vampyre territory all those weeks ago. Attempting to take them would be severely idiotic, and Serena and I are not quiteĀ thatĀ bad. So we march in front of her, hands raised over our heads, and follow her directions. Aware that should one of us decide to run, the other would end up with a knife in her back.
Letās be real:Ā SerenaĀ would end up with a knife in her back. I would probably just get dragged by the ear in front of my father.
Because weāre at the Nest. And Vania answers to him and no one else. āIf they murder me, avenge me,ā Serena whispers.
Itās nice, all this faith she seems to have in me. āAny preferences on how?ā
āBe creative.ā
Father is waiting in his office, once again sitting in the high-back leather chair behind his massive wooden desk, surrounded by four more guards. His smile doesnāt reach his eyes, and he doesnāt stand, nor does he offer us a seat. Instead he leans his elbows on the dark mahogany and joins his fingertips in front of his face, waiting for me to say something.
So I donāt.
Iām hurt, betrayed, shocked at my fatherās involvement in somethingĀ thisĀ egregious, but Iām also . . . not. No point in being surprised by a notoriously ruthless, selfish assassin when they stick a knife in your backā even if they are a relative. Itās a totally different story when the stabbing is done by someone you consider to be a kind, decent person. Someone you consider aĀ friend.
My gaze lands on Mick, who stands by Fatherās desk like one of his enforcers would. It lingers for as long as it takes for Mick to lower his own eyes. He looks ashamed, and Iām okay with that.
āWhy?ā I ask him flatly. When he says nothing, I add, āIt was you, wasnāt it?ā
The grooves at the sides of his mouth deepen.
āIs Emery even in on this? Or did you just talk everyone around you into believing that she was targeting Ana because the Loyals were a convenient scapegoat?ā
He looks away in what can only be confirmation, and my fists curl with fear and anger.Ā Youāre despicable, I want to say,Ā I hate you. But he seems to be already filled with self-disgust.
āWhy?ā I ask again.
āHe has my son,ā he whispers, looking at Father. Who has the self- satisfied expression of someone who checkmated everyone in the game.
āThen you should have told Lowe.ā
Mick shakes his head. āLowe couldnātāā
āLowe would have doneĀ anythingĀ for you,ā I hiss, nauseous with rage. āLowe would die himself before he let anything happen to a pack member. Youāve known him since he was a childāheās your Alpha, and yet you donāt understand him at all.ā Anger bubbles. I canāt remember the last time I spoke this harshly to someone. āThe poison, it wasĀ you, wasnāt it? Did you also send Max after Ana?ā
āMisery,ā Father interrupts. āYou are a never-ending source of disappointment.ā
My head whips in his direction. āYeah? Since youāve been taking people hostage and blackmailing them, I could say the same, but the bar was
already so fuckingĀ low.ā
His eyes harden. āThis is what you miss, Misery. Why you could never become a leader.ā
I snort. āBecause I donāt go around kidnapping people.ā
āBecause you have always been selfish and close-minded. Stubbornly unable to understand that the ends justify the means, and that things like fairness and peace and happiness are bigger than one specific personāor than a handful of them. The good of the most, Misery.ā His shoulders rise and fall. āWhen you and your brother were little and the need for a Collateral arose, I had to decide which one of you would have the grit to take my place on the council. And Iām glad I chose Owen over you.ā
I roll my eyes. Thereās a good chance I wonāt be alive when Owenās coup goes down, but boy, do I wish I could witness Father shitting himself.
āWhy do you think Vampyres still hold power, Misery? All over the world, our communities have been splintering. Many of them donāt hold their own territories, and are forced to live among the Humans. And yet, despite our dwindling numbers, here in North America we still have our home. Why do you think that is?ā
āBecause youĀ so selflesslyĀ kill everyone who stands in your way?ā āLike I said: a source of disappointment.ā
āBecause of your strategic alliances within this geographical region,ā Serena answers evenly in my place. Everyone turns to her in surprise, as though her presence was a forgotten thing.
Not by my father, though. āMiss Paris.ā He nods courteously. āYou are, of course, correct.ā
āIn the past hundred years, Humans and Weres have alternated between ignoring each other and being on the brink of war because of border disputes. They both have advantages over Vampyres, physical and numerical, but theyāve never even considered leveraging them. Because the Vampyres have somehow managed . . . well, notĀ somehow,ā Serena explains, a trace of that bitterness in her tone. āThrough the Collateral system, you cultivated a very beneficial political alliance with the Humans. And the Weres knew this, just like they knew that any overt attack on
Vampyre territory would unleash Human military power on them. Thatās how you kept yourselves safe through the decades, despite being the most vulnerable of the three species.ā
āVery thorough.ā Father nods, satisfied.
āI imagine thereās more. For instance, Iām certain that if we were to look closely at the border skirmishes between Weres and Humans in the past few decades, weād find that they were facilitated by Vampyre action. Just like Iām certain that considerable bribes were involved. Governor Davenport is undoubtedly not above accepting them.ā
Father doesnāt deny it. āI see the weeks you spent reading improved your reasoning skills, Miss Paris.ā
Her chin lifts. āMy reasoning skills have always been on point, fuckwaffle.ā
Must be the first time Father has been calledĀ that. Itās the only explanation for the mildly outraged, mostly baffled hesitation that fills the room: no one knows how to respond to an overt insult, because unlike subtle jabs and assassination attempts, in Fatherās world they are not a thing. Eventually, after several awkward seconds, Vania steps forward and raises her hand to hit Serena.
I angle myself between the two of them, which in turn has Serena wanting to protectĀ me. But Father puts a stop to that by ordering, āLet them be. We want them both intact, for now.ā
Vania glares at Serena. At a flick of Fatherās wrist, two of the guards come to stand next to us. The implied threat is crystal clear.
āI could have killed your friend, Misery. So many times. You know why I didnāt?ā he asks me.
āTo spare my feelings?ā I answer, skeptical.
āThat was a nice bonus, I agree. Because no matter what you may think, I do not enjoy hurting you, or taking things away from you. I was not happy to send my child off, although I doubt youāll ever believe that. But ultimately, no, that was not the reason. I can only assume that Miss Paris neglected to tell you why I was forced to take her, then.ā
āShe didnāt have to tell me shit. I already know what happened.ā But when I glance at Serena, her eyes dart away. And thatās when my stomach tightens. āShe was working on an article,ā I add, even though she wonāt return my look. āAnd found out something she shouldnāt have.ā
āSo you really have no idea.ā That complacent, self-congratulatory smirk, I want to punch it off Fatherās face. āLet me enlighten you: several years ago, my dear friend Governor Davenport told me something he thought I might be interested in.ā
āOf course the governor is in on it,ā I sneer.
āOh, you give him too much credit.ā Father waves his hand. āHe is in on it . . . sometimes. Over the years, Iāve gotten well acquainted with his mind. Thralling him, planting hooks in his brain, has become easier and easier. Practically traceless. Heās been giving me much useful information, some of particular intrigue. For instance, when he told me about a young child who had been born of Were and Human parents.ā
Ana. Of course. The governor must have found out, perhaps from Thomas, or maybe from . . . I turn to Mick again. āDid you tell the governor?ā
āOh, no,ā Father interrupts. āYou are mistaken, Misery. Mick wasnāt part of this until very recently, and it was I who sought him out. I will take credit where itās due, even if youāll accuse me of being a heartless monster. It wasĀ myĀ idea to use his son once we realized that the boy we had taken during a raid had ties to a prominent Were. It was easy enough for me to thrall him. He even helped with guarding Miss Paris.ā
āWhat a thing to brag about, Father.ā
āIndeed. But it was quite a while ago that the governor told me about the half-Were, half-Human child. Over two decades, in fact.ā
I stiffen. A wave of dread sweeps over me.
āThere had been stories before. Rumors of reproductive compatibility. If thereās something Humans are good for, itās breeding.ā Father stands, lips curled in mild disgust, and leisurely steps around his desk. āBut the stories came from other countries, and there was never any proof. Here, Weres are insular, and Humans are cowards. Like Miss Paris said, they simply donāt
interact enough. But this child was very young. They were not being raised by their biological parents for several reasons. They didnāt know about their origins or their questionable genetic makeup, but they appeared to have taken after their father. They presented as Human, fully, which I must admit, made them less interesting to meāthe implication of their existence was much less concerning. And yet, the occurrence was unique, and I decided to monitor the situation. It felt like the wise thing to do.ā He leans against his desk, drumming his fingers along the wooden edge. Something close to terror is beginning to stuff the inside of my throat. āWhere could a Vampyre stow a half-Were child who presented as Human? Human territory appeared to be the best option. But how? It seemed like an impossible predicament. And thatās where I remembered that I, myself, had a child stashed away in Human territory. And that she might enjoy some companionship.ā
My heart thumps loudly against the confines of my rib cage. I tear my eyes from Fatherās and slowly turn to my right. I find Serena already looking at me. Her eyes are welling with tears.
āDid you know?ā I ask.
She doesnāt answer. The tears, though, start falling.
āShe did not.ā Itās Father who responds, even though Iām rapidly losing interest in what he has to say. āI would know otherwise. Like I said, I monitored her for years. Even when your tenure as the Collateral ended, nothing that she did set off any alarms. In fact, she seemed to have no interest in Weres at all. Did you, Miss Paris?ā He smiles at Serena, and the hatred in her glare could burn him as viciously as the sunlight. He ignores her and turns to me. āShe was all about financial journalism, or something or other. I must say, our vigilance lapsed for a few years. The girl had grown into a promising, ifĀ veryĀ Human, young woman. Sometimes sheād disappear for a few days without warning, but thatās the youths. Carefree. Adventurous. I never suspected that it might have something to do with her genes. Until . . .ā
āI despise you,ā Serena hisses.
āI would expect no less. Human-Were hybrid that you are, you are well predisposed to, and I do not blame you. But the sloppy way you went about it when your Were half began emerging and you decided to research your parents, that certainlyĀ isĀ your fault. You went around asking questions, stuck your nose into every nook and cranny of the Human-Were Bureau. You made it outrageously clear that something was changing in you, and that you were looking for guidance.ā His tone is scolding. More than anything Father has ever said toĀ me, it makes me want to punch him. āIn hindsight, it all made sense. The fact that most of your trips and disappearances were timed with the full moon. You needed to be outside, didnāt you? The urge to be in nature became so irresistibly strong, youāā
āYou knowĀ nothing,ā Serena spits out.
āBut I do, Miss Paris. I know your bloodwork was all over the place. I know your senses became almost unbearably acute, so acute that they exceeded your Human doctorās ability to measure them. I know that you underwent genetic testing and the results came back as though the sample was contaminatedāthree times. I know that every full moon you felt like you needed to crawl out of your skin, and that one day you cut through the flesh of your forearm, just to see if your blood had turned green overnight. You were that far gone, suspecting that something inside you was very, very different.ā
Serenaās jaw clenches. āHow do you evenāā
āSome of it I discovered once we started surveilling you assiduously.
Most of it, you told me.ā āNo. I would never.ā
āBut you did. When I thralled you, on the first day you got here.ā
Serenaās mouth drops open, and the weight at the bottom of my stomach sinks heavier.
āI made sure you wouldnāt remember. You may have been thralled before by Misery, but like everything else about her culture, my daughter was never properly taught.ā He appears amused by Serenaās horrified expression. āAnd you know what else you told me? You were, tragically, unable to find out who your own parents were, and to ascertain whether one
of them was a Were. However, once you started digging and using your considerable investigative skills, you heard about Thomas Jalakas.
āThomas was an interesting man. Heād been working for the Bureau some years earlier, had struck up a relationship with one of Roscoeās seconds, and . . . I believe we all know how the story goes. Or maybe you donāt, Misery.ā His eyes laser onto mine. āThe Were woman became pregnant. Thomas, understandably, didnāt believe her when she told him that the child was his. The relationship ended, and career politician that he was, I doubt he thought about his former lover much in the following years. Instead, he steadily rose through the ranks. Then, about a year ago, he went back to the Human-Were Bureau, this time as director. The security clearance that came with it gave him access to several intelligence reports, and he grew curious about the fate of his former paramour. He searched for her name, and came across a very interesting picture.ā
The most infinitesimal movement of Fatherās finger, and one of the guards activates the monitor on his desk. She swipes the touch screen a few times, then turns it in my direction.
I recognize Maria Moreland from the picture in Loweās room. And Ana, whoās holding her hand, from some of the best moments in the last month of my life. They are sitting on the lakeshore, feet submerged in the water. Itās a candid photo taken from a distance, similar to something the Human paparazzo would produce. āThe child piqued his interest. Earlier tonight you confronted Arthur Davenport, so I assume you already know how much the child resembles her biological father. Thomas now had very strong suspicions that hybrids were possible. So he decided to bring the knowledge to Governor Davenport.ā
āAnd the governor had Anaās father killed,ā I conclude.
āAna? Ah, Liliana Moreland. As a matter of fact, he did not. But he did recognize that the allegations could prove very dangerous. His solution, admittedly a poor one, was to remove Thomas from his position as the head of the Bureau and give him a far more prestigious one. Thomas should have been pleased. Instead, he became obsessed with finding out more about his daughter. He brought attention to himself, and several months later, word
reached Miss Paris that someone else had been asking the very same questions she had been. When they set up a meeting, I finally knew I had to intervene.
āSo, no, Misery. It wasnāt the governor who eliminated Thomas Jalakas. Or it was, but only in the sense that I thralled him to think that if he didnāt, his embezzlement peccadillos would be unearthed. Just like Emery and the Loyals were a convenient candidate for Loweās suspicions when we were forced to attempt to take Liliana. Mick was very helpful with that.ā
āYou werenātĀ forcedĀ to take Ana, or Serena. YouĀ choseĀ to do it.ā
He sighs, as ever let down by me. āSometimes, we become more than who we are. Sometimes, we become symbols. And thatās something you should be well aware of, Misery. After all, you spent most of your life as a symbol of peace.ā
āIf anything, I symbolized the utter lack of trust between Humans and Vampyres,ā I retort.
āPeople like Miss Paris here, and Liliana Moreland,ā he goes on as if I never spoke, āare dangerous. All the more if they share the traits and talents of both their species. For now, neither of them is able to shift. But they might still transcend themselves and become important, powerful symbols of unity between two peoples who have been senselessly at odds for centuries.ā
āAnd that would leave you defenseless in the region, and drastically reduce your influence,ā Serena murmurs, icy cold. I wonder how she can be so calm. Perhaps Iām feeling both our angers. āMaddie Garcia won the Human elections, didnāt she? She knows she holds all the power, and sheās refusing to meet with you because of the way youāve been puppeteering Governor Davenport for decades.ā
āMiss Paris, I wish some of your political acumen had rubbed off. Maybe my daughter would stop looking at me as though I am a villain for acting in the interest of my people.ā
āOh, fuckĀ off.ā I glance around at his enforcers, hoping at least one of them is seeing the vileness of this. They remain statue-like and betray no emotions. āYou didnāt put this through a vote. You didnāt inform anyone of
your decision. Do you really think that most Vampyres, or even the damn council, would be okay with you going about killing and abducting people?ā
āOur people are accustomed to a certain degree of comfort. Few of them bother wondering what goes into providing it.ā
āWhy havenāt you killed me?ā Serena asks, as though our exchange is a pointless tangent. Sheās not wrong.
āA difficult decision,ā he concedes to her. āBut as we know nothing about hybrids, you seemed of better use to me alive.ā
āAnd yet you tried to kill Ana,ā I snap.
The look he gives me is first puzzledāthen half amused, half pitying. āOh, Misery. Is that what you think? That it was Liliana who I tried to kill?ā
I glance at Mick, confused by Fatherās words, and his expression has turned into something compassionate that I simply cannotā
The loud knock at the door startles me. With the exception of Serena, the rest of the room is unsurprised. āJust in time. Please, enter.ā
Another of Fatherās enforcers comes in first. Right behind him is Lowe, eyes deep set and hooded, face stony. My throat knots a million times over, then sinks into my stomach when Owen follows him inside. His lips are bent in a shallow, enigmatic smile, and the reason is instantly obvious.
He has Lowe in handcuffs. Because Lowe isĀ notĀ here of his own free will. He glances around the room, taking stock of my father, of all the enforcers, of Mick. He doesnāt allow any feelings to seep through, not even when his oldest second, his father figure, bends his head in the customary salute. Then his eyes reach me, and for a split second I see every emotion in the observable universe pass through them.
After a heartbeat, weāre back to nothing.
My brain frantically tries to catch up. Did Owen lie about wanting to take over Fatherās seat? Was his help with Serena a lie?
āLowe.ā Fatherās voice is nearly welcoming. āI was waiting for you.ā
āI donāt doubt it,ā Lowe replies. His deep voice reverberates in the large room, filling it in a way a dozen people hadnāt managed. āIt appears you had a plan all along, Councilman Lark.ā
āNot all along. You know, you are a very hard man to thrall. I tried during our only meeting alone, after the marriage ceremony. Usually Iāll be able to hook into a Were or a Human in a matter of seconds, but with you, it simply didnāt work. How frustrating.ā He sighs and points to Mick. āI told myself that it didnāt matter. I had infiltrated your inner circle anyway. And yet, I still was unable to get my hands on your sister. And now that youāve hidden her, I have been unable to find out where. I simply never managed to get any real leverage on you. Until now.ā He smiles at Owen. āThank you for bringing him to me, son. I certainly consider this proof of your loyalty.ā
Owenās eyes shine with pride. I clench my teeth. āLowe is never going to give you Ana.ā
āA month ago, I would have agreed with you. But Mick explained a few things to me. Including what his reaction to you at the wedding meant. The concept of mates.ā Father comes to stand in front of me, one hand clasping my shoulder. āYour usefulness truly knows no bounds.ā
āYou areĀ unbelievable.ā I shake his touch away, disgusted. āAm I?ā
āYes. And mistaken.ā I lean forward, taunting him, suddenly powerful in the heartbreaking knowledge that heās wrong. āIāmĀ notĀ Loweās mate. Whatever leverage you think you have, itās notāā
āIs she not, Lowe?ā Father asks, suddenly louder. Heās still holding my eyes. āYour mate?ā
I stare back, waiting for Loweās answer, waiting to see the disappointment in my fatherās eyes. Hoping itāll make the oneĀ IĀ experienced earlier tonight less bitter. But time ticks on by. And Loweās reply just temporizes, hangs back, hesitates, and never comes.
When I turn to him, heās at once blank and profoundly, indelibly sad. āTell him,ā I order. But he still doesnāt speak, and it feels like a slap to
my face. My lungs seize, and suddenly I cannot breathe. āTell him the truth,ā I whisper to him.
Lowe runs his tongue over the inside of his cheek, and then presses his lips together in a small, sad smile.
Something inside me trembles.
āNow that itās settled,ā Father says dryly. āLowe, Mick informs me that no one but you knows where Liliana is hidden. I want herādonāt worry, not to dispose of her. Just like I didnāt dispose of Miss Paris when I had the opportunity.ā He stops to give Serena a small smile, as if expecting gratitude. I envision her spitting on him and being promptly murdered by three enforcers. āAll I want is assurance that Humans and Weres wonāt join forces against the Vampyres. And that starts with not giving them a reason to believe theyāre more similar and compatible than they thought.ā Father turns to Lowe one last time. āMake arrangements to hand over your sister.ā
Lowe nods slowly. And then asks with a genuinely curious tone, āAnd I would do that, because . . . ?ā
āBecause your mate will request it.ā
Lowe exhales a silent laugh. āYou know my mate very little, if you really think she would request anything like that.ā
Lowe doesnāt get a verbal response. Instead Father reaches forward. He moves so fast, the air shifts with momentum, and the next instant something cold, shiny, and very sharp appears next to my neck.
Heās holding one of Vaniaās knives. To my throat.
Lowe, Owen, Serenaāeven Mick, they all attempt to reach for me, but are restrained by Fatherās enforcers, and when the tip of the blade grazes my skin they stop at once, with equally terrified expressions on their faces. The silence that follows is overstrung, filled by loud heartbeats and heavy breathing.
āNo,ā Father says calmly. The hand holding the knife is steady. āIn normal conditions, she wouldnāt ask. But what if she had to choose between her life or Lilianaās future? What then?ā
āHeās bluffing. Heās not going to kill me,ā I tell Lowe, hoping to reassure him.
He remains expressionless, and certainly doesnāt seem relieved. The opposite, perhaps. I wonder if he already knows whatās to come.
āWonāt I? I did have you poisoned. Oh, donāt make that face. Yes, the poison was for you. I was hoping that the pain of losing a mate would distract Lowe enough for me to take Liliana. But Mick mixed up the doses,
didnāt he? It made me angry enough to take it out on his son. And after that, Lowe was smarter than to trust anyone.ā He moves even closer, his eyes a dark purple thatās nearly blue. Whatever was left inside me that bound me to my family, already cracked and battered, finally splinters. āI have sacrificed you before, and I will do it again,ā my father tells me. There is no remorse in him. No conflict. āFor the good of the Vampyres, I will not hesitate.ā
I laugh, full off disdain. āWhat a fucking coward you are.ā I should feel cornered, but Iām just angry. Angry on behalf of Ana and Serena. OfĀ myself. Angrier than I thought possible.
And then thereās Lowe, and the way heās looking at me. His calm fear, like he knows that nothing about this could ever end well. Like heās not certain what heāll do with himself afterward.
Iām sorry, Lowe.
I wish we had more time.
āWatch your language,ā Father admonishes lazily. The blade nicks my skin. The single purple drop of blood sliding down my neck has Lowe thrashing to free himself, but the restraints Owen put on him hold.
āYou love to purchase the good of the Vampyres by paying with the lives of others, donāt you?ā I taunt Father. āOnly a coward would put others in front of himself.ā
āI will leverage what I can.ā
āWell, I wonāt. Iām not going to ask Lowe to choose me over his sister.ā āBut there is no need, is there?ā Father turns to Lowe. āWhat do you
think, Alpha? Should I murder her in front of your eyes? I hear that Weres who lose their mates can sometimes go insane. That there is no greater pain,ā he adds with relish.
Donāt be in pain, I think, staring him in the eyes over the glint of the blade.Ā Whatever happens, donāt be in pain over me. Just be with Ana, and draw, and go on your runs, and maybe think of me sometimes when you eat peanut butter, but donāt be inā
āMisery,ā Serenaās voice interrupts my thoughts. And then she says something else, something garbled and nonsensical that my brain takes a
second to untangle.Ā The enforcers look at each other, equally confused. Father frowns. Owen tilts his head, curious.
But sheās not speaking in tongues. There are real words.
āHeās wrong.āĀ Thatās what Serena said. In our secret alphabet. Without looking away from Lowe, I ask, āAbout what?āĀ āAbout whether I can shift.ā
I donāt immediately understand. But the corner of my eye catches a burst of movement. Her hand. Noāher fingers.
Suddenly, her nails are long. Unnaturally long.
NewlyĀ long.
I take a deep breath, mind racing. āVery well, Father,ā I say. I hold Loweās gaze, hoping heāll get this. āSince youāre going to have to kill me, if I may have some last words with my mate.ā
I swallow. Loweās several steps away from me, and his eyes are . . . Itās impossible to describe them. Not with words.
āLowe. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. And I would never ask you to put Ana before me.ā My voice is little more than a whisper. āAnd if you ever put someone else before her, Iād love you a little less. But when you see her next, since I probably wonāt, will you give her a message from me? Tell her that sheās as annoying as Sparkles. And that . . . thatĀ thingĀ she isnāt able to do? She shouldnāt be sad about it. Because sheāll grow into it. And sheāllĀ definitelyĀ be able to do it by the time sheās twenty- five or so.ā
Lowe stares at me, confusedāuntil the meaning clicks for him. His eyes dart from mine to Serenaās, and I wish I had time to savor how incredibly wrong, and fucked up, and justĀ oddĀ this is: the two people who make up my entire universe, meeting under these ridiculous circumstances.
I hope one day the three of us will be able to laugh about this moment. I hope this is not the end. I hope that even if Iām not around, the two of them will be there for each other. I hope, I hope, IĀ hope.
Serena nods. Lowe nods.
Understanding runs through them like a current. āNow,ā Lowe whispers.
All of a sudden, Owen steps forward. In a lightning-quick moment, Loweās restraints are undone, and his body begins to shift. Contort. Merge and turn and transform. I turn to look at Serena and find that sheās doing the sameāthe perfect, blindsiding distraction that none of the guards saw coming. Nor Vania. Nor Father.
āWhat are youāā he only has the time to say.
Because two large, majestic white wolves fill the room. The noise of tearing flesh rises above the screams, and I watch the two people I love the most hold absolutely nothing back.