My entertainment became the number-one priority on Isle Esme. We snorkeled (well, I snorkeled while he flaunted his ability to go without oxygen indefinitely). We explored the small jungle that ringed the rocky little peak. We visited the parrots that lived in the canopy on the south end of the island. We watched the sunset from the rocky western cove. We swam with the porpoises that played in the warm, shallow waters there. Or at least I did; when Edward was in the water, the porpoises disappeared as if a shark was near.
I knew what was going on. He was trying to keep me busy, distracted, so I that wouldnโt continue badgering him about the sex thing. Whenever I tried to talk him into taking it easy with one of the million DVDs under the big-screen plasma TV, he would lure me out of the house with magic words likeย coral reefsย andย submerged cavesย andย sea turtles. We were going, going, going all day, so that I found myself completely famished and exhausted when the sun eventually set.
I drooped over my plate after I finished dinner every night; once Iโd actually fallen asleep right at the table and heโd had to carry me to bed. Part of it was that Edward always made too much food for one, but I was soย hungryย after swimming and climbing all day that I ate most of it. Then, full and worn out, I could barely keep my eyes open. All part of the plan, no doubt.
Exhaustion didnโt help much with my attempts at persuasion. But I didnโt give up. I tried reasoning, pleading, and grouching, all to no avail. I was usually unconscious before I could really press my case far. And then my dreams felt so realโnightmares mostly, made more vivid, I guessed, by
the too-bright colors of the islandโthat I woke up tired no matter how long I slept.
About a week or so after weโd gotten to the island, I decided to try compromise. It had worked for us in the past.
I was sleeping in the blue room now. The cleaning crew wasnโt due until the next day, and so the white room still had a snowy blanket of down. The blue room was smaller, the bed more reasonably proportioned. The walls were dark, paneled in teak, and the fittings were all luxurious blue silk.
Iโd taken to wearing some of Aliceโs lingerie collection to sleep in at nightโwhich werenโt so revealing compared to the scanty bikinis sheโd packed for me when it came right down to it. I wondered if sheโd seen a vision of why I would want such things, and then shuddered, embarrassed by that thought.
Iโd started out slow with innocent ivory satins, worried that revealing more of my skin would be the opposite of helpful, but ready to try anything. Edward seemed to notice nothing, as if I were wearing the same ratty old sweats I wore at home.
The bruises were much better nowโyellowing in some places and disappearing altogether in othersโso tonight I pulled out one of the scarier pieces as I got ready in the paneled bathroom. It was black, lacy, and embarrassing to look at even when it wasnโt on. I was careful not to look in the mirror before I went back to the bedroom. I didnโt want to lose my nerve.
I had the satisfaction of watching his eyes pop open wide for just a second before he controlled his expression.
โWhat do you think?โ I asked, pirouetting so that he could see every angle.
He cleared his throat. โYou look beautiful. You always do.โ โThanks,โ I said a bit sourly.
I was too tired to resist climbing quickly into the soft bed. He put his arms around me and pulled me against his chest, but this was routineโit was too hot to sleep without his cool body close.
โIโll make you a deal,โ I said sleepily.
โI will not make any deals with you,โ he answered. โYou havenโt even heard what Iโm offering.โ
โIt doesnโt matter.โ
I sighed. โDang it. And I really wantedโฆ Oh well.โ He rolled his eyes.
I closed mine and let the bait sit there. I yawned.
It took only a minuteโnot long enough for me to zonk out. โAll right. What is it you want?โ
I gritted my teeth for a second, fighting a smile. If there was one thing he couldnโt resist, it was an opportunity to give me something.
โWell, I was thinkingโฆ I know that the whole Dartmouth thing was just supposed to be a cover story, but honestly, one semester of college probably wouldnโt kill me,โ I said, echoing his words from long ago, when heโd tried to persuade me to put off becoming a vampire. โCharlie would get a thrill out of Dartmouth stories, I bet. Sure, it might be embarrassing if I canโt keep up with all the brainiacs. Stillโฆ eighteen, nineteen. Itโs really not such a big difference. Itโs not like Iโm going to get crowโs feet in the next year.โ
He was silent for a long moment. Then, in a low voice, he said, โYou would wait. You would stay human.โ
I held my tongue, letting the offer sink in.
โWhy are youย doingย this to me?โ he said through his teeth, his tone suddenly angry. โIsnโt it hard enough without all of this?โ He grabbed a handful of lace that was ruffled on my thigh. For a moment, I thought he was going to rip it from the seam. Then his hand relaxed. โIt doesnโt matter. I wonโt make any deals with you.โ
โI want to go to college.โ
โNo, you donโt. And there is nothing that is worth risking your life again.
Thatโs worth hurting you.โ
โBut Iย doย want to go. Well, itโs not college as much as itโs that I wantโI want to be human a little while longer.โ
He closed his eyes and exhaled through his nose. โYou are making me insane, Bella. Havenโt we had this argument a million times, you always begging to be a vampire without delay?โ
โYes, butโฆ well, I have a reason to be human that I didnโt have before.โ โWhatโs that?โ
โGuess,โ I said, and I dragged myself off the pillows to kiss him.
He kissed me back, but not in a way that made me think I was winning.
It was more like he was being careful not to hurt my feelings; he was
completely, maddeningly in control of himself. Gently, he pulled me away after a moment and cradled me against his chest.
โYou areย soย human, Bella. Ruled by your hormones.โ He chuckled. โThatโs the whole point, Edward. Iย likeย this part of being human. I donโt
want to give it up yet. I donโt want to wait through years of being a blood- crazed newborn for some part of this to come back to me.โ
I yawned, and he smiled.
โYouโre tired. Sleep, love.โ He started humming the lullaby heโd composed for me when we first met.
โI wonder why Iโm so tired,โ I muttered sarcastically. โThat couldnโt be part of your scheme or anything.โ
He just chuckled once and went back to humming. โFor as tired as Iโve been, youโd think Iโd sleep better.โ
The song broke off. โYouโve been sleeping like the dead, Bella. You havenโt said a word in your sleep since we got here. If it werenโt for the snoring, Iโd worry you were slipping into a coma.โ
I ignored the snoring jibe; I didnโt snore. โI havenโt been tossing? Thatโs weird. Usually Iโm all over the bed when Iโm having nightmares. And shouting.โ
โYouโve been having nightmares?โ
โVivid ones. They make me so tired.โ I yawned. โI canโt believe I havenโt been babbling about them all night.โ
โWhat are they about?โ
โDifferent thingsโbut the same, you know, because of the colors.โ โColors?โ
โItโs all so bright and real. Usually, when Iโm dreaming, I know that I am. With these, I donโt know Iโm asleep. It makes them scarier.โ
He sounded disturbed when he spoke again. โWhat is frightening you?โ I shuddered slightly. โMostly . . .โ I hesitated.
โMostly?โ he prompted.
I wasnโt sure why, but I didnโt want to tell him about the child in my recurring nightmare; there was something private about that particular horror. So, instead of giving him the full description, I gave him just one element. Certainly enough to frighten me or anyone else.
โThe Volturi,โ I whispered.
He hugged me tighter. โThey arenโt going to bother us anymore. Youโll be immortal soon, and theyโll have no reason.โ
I let him comfort me, feeling a little guilty that heโd misunderstood. The nightmares werenโt like that, exactly. It wasnโt that I was afraid for myself
โI was afraid for the boy.
He wasnโt the same boy as that first dreamโthe vampire child with the bloodred eyes who sat on a pile of dead people I loved. This boy Iโd dreamed of four times in the last week was definitely human; his cheeks were flushed and his wide eyes were a soft green. But just like the other child, he shook with fear and desperation as the Volturi closed in on us.
In this dream that was both new and old, I simplyย hadย to protect the unknown child. There was no other option. At the same time, I knew that I would fail.
He saw the desolation on my face. โWhat can I do to help?โ I shook it off. โTheyโre just dreams, Edward.โ
โDo you want me to sing to you? Iโll sing all night if it will keep the bad dreams away.โ
โTheyโre not all bad. Some are nice. Soโฆ colorful. Underwater, with the fish and the coral. It all seems like itโs really happeningโI donโt know that Iโm dreaming. Maybe this island is the problem. Itโs reallyย brightย here.โ
โDo you want to go home?โ
โNo. No, not yet. Canโt we stay awhile longer?โ
โWe can stay as long as you want, Bella,โ he promised me. โWhen does the semester start? I wasnโt paying attention before.โ
He sighed. He may have started humming again, too, but I was under before I could be sure.
Later, when I awoke in the dark, it was with shock. The dream had been so very realโฆ so vivid, so sensory.โฆ I gasped aloud, now, disoriented by the dark room. Only a second ago, it seemed, I had been under the brilliant sun.
โBella?โ Edward whispered, his arms tight around me, shaking me gently. โAre you all right, sweetheart?โ
โOh,โ I gasped again. Just a dream. Not real. To my utter astonishment, tears overflowed from my eyes without warning, gushing down my face.
โBella!โ he saidโlouder, alarmed now. โWhatโs wrong?โ He wiped the tears from my hot cheeks with cold, frantic fingers, but others followed.
โIt was only a dream.โ I couldnโt contain the low sob that broke in my voice. The senseless tears were disturbing, but I couldnโt get control of the staggering grief that gripped me. I wanted so badly for the dream to be real.
โItโs okay, love, youโre fine. Iโm here.โ He rocked me back and forth, a little too fast to soothe. โDid you have another nightmare? It wasnโt real, it wasnโt real.โ
โNot a nightmare.โ I shook my head, scrubbing the back of my hand against my eyes. โIt was aย goodย dream.โ My voice broke again.
โThen why are you crying?โ he asked, bewildered.
โBecause I woke up,โ I wailed, wrapping my arms around his neck in a chokehold and sobbing into his throat.
He laughed once at my logic, but the sound was tense with concern. โEverythingโs all right, Bella. Take deep breaths.โ
โIt was so real,โ I cried. โIย wantedย it to be real.โ โTell me about it,โ he urged. โMaybe that will help.โ
โWe were on the beach. โ I trailed off, pulling back to look with tear-
filled eyes at his anxious angelโs face, dim in the darkness. I stared at him broodingly as the unreasonable grief began to ebb.
โAnd?โ he finally prompted.
I blinked the tears out of my eyes, torn. โOh, Edward โ
โTell me, Bella,โ he pleaded, eyes wild with worry at the pain in my voice.
But I couldnโt. Instead I clutched my arms around his neck again and locked my mouth with his feverishly. It wasnโt desire at allโit was need, acute to the point of pain. His response was instant but quickly followed by his rebuff.
He struggled with me as gently as he could in his surprise, holding me away, grasping my shoulders.
โNo, Bella,โ he insisted, looking at me as if he was worried that Iโd lost my mind.
My arms dropped, defeated, the bizarre tears spilling in a fresh torrent down my face, a new sob rising in my throat. He was rightโI must be crazy.
He stared at me with confused, anguished eyes.
โIโm s-s-s-orry,โ I mumbled.
But he pulled me to him then, hugging me tightly to his marble chest. โI canโt, Bella, I canโt!โ His moan was agonized.
โPlease,โ I said, my plea muffled against his skin. โPlease, Edward?โ
I couldnโt tell if he was moved by the tears trembling in my voice, or if he was unprepared to deal with the suddenness of my attack, or if his need was simply as unbearable in that moment as my own. But whatever the reason, he pulled my lips back to his, surrendering with a groan.
And we began where my dream had left off.
I stayed very still when I woke up in the morning and tried to keep my breathing even. I was afraid to open my eyes.
I was lying across Edwardโs chest, but he was very still and his arms were not wrapped around me. That was a bad sign. I was afraid to admit I was awake and face his angerโno matter whom it was directed at today.
Carefully, I peeked through my eyelashes. He was staring up at the dark ceiling, his arms behind his head. I pulled myself up on my elbow so that I could see his face better. It was smooth, expressionless.
โHow much trouble am I in?โ I asked in a small voice. โHeaps,โ he said, but turned his head and smirked at me.
I breathed a sigh of relief. โIย amย sorry,โ I said. โI didnโt meanโฆ Well, I donโt know exactly what thatย wasย last night.โ I shook my head at the memory of the irrational tears, the crushing grief.
โYou never did tell me what your dream was about.โ
โI guess I didnโtโbut I sort ofย showedย you what it was about.โ I laughed nervously.
โOh,โ he said. His eyes widened, and then he blinked. โInteresting.โ โIt was a very good dream,โ I murmured. He didnโt comment, so a few
seconds later I asked, โAm I forgiven?โ โIโm thinking about it.โ
I sat up, planning to examine myselfโthere didnโt seem to be any feathers, at least. But as I moved, an odd wave of vertigo hit. I swayed and fell back against the pillows.
โWhoaโฆ head rush.โ
His arms were around me then. โYou slept for a long time. Twelve hours.โ
โTwelve?โย How strange.
I gave myself a quick once-over while I spoke, trying to be inconspicuous about it. I looked fine. The bruises on my arms were still a week old, yellowing. I stretched experimentally. I felt fine, too. Well, better than fine, actually.
โIs the inventory complete?โ
I nodded sheepishly. โThe pillows all appear to have survived.โ โUnfortunately, I canโt say the same for your, er, nightgown.โ He nodded
toward the foot of the bed, where several scraps of black lace were strewn across the silk sheets.
โThatโs too bad,โ I said. โI liked that one.โ โI did, too.โ
โWere there any other casualties?โ I asked timidly.
โIโll have to buy Esme a new bed frame,โ he confessed, glancing over his shoulder. I followed his gaze and was shocked to see that large chunks of wood had apparently been gouged from the left side of the headboard.
โHmm.โ I frowned. โYouโd think I would have heard that.โ
โYou seem to be extraordinarily unobservant when your attention is otherwise involved.โ
โI was a bit absorbed,โ I admitted, blushing a deep red.
He touched my burning cheek and sighed. โIโm really going to miss that.โ
I stared at his face, searching for any signs of the anger or remorse I feared. He gazed back at me evenly, his expression calm but otherwise unreadable.
โHow areย youย feeling?โ He laughed.
โWhat?โ I demanded.
โYou look so guiltyโlike youโve committed a crime.โ โIย feelย guilty,โ I muttered.
โSo you seduced your all-too-willing husband. Thatโs not a capital offense.โ
He seemed to be teasing.
My cheeks got hotter. โThe wordย seducedย implies a certain amount of premeditation.โ
โMaybe that was the wrong word,โ he allowed. โYouโre not angry?โ
He smiled ruefully. โIโm not angry.โ โWhy not?โ
โWell . . .โ He paused. โI didnโt hurt you, for one thing. It was easier this time, to control myself, to channel the excesses.โ His eyes flickered to the damaged frame again. โMaybe because I had a better idea of what to expect.โ
A hopeful smile started to spread across my face. โIย toldย you that it was all about practice.โ
He rolled his eyes.
My stomach growled, and he laughed. โBreakfast time for the human?โ he asked.
โPlease,โ I said, hopping out of bed. I moved too quickly, though, and had to stagger drunkenly to regain my balance. He caught me before I could stumble into the dresser.
โAre you all right?โ
โIf I donโt have a better sense of equilibrium in my next life, Iโm demanding a refund.โ
I cooked this morning, frying up some eggsโtoo hungry to do anything more elaborate. Impatient, I flipped them onto a plate after just a few minutes.
โSince when do you eat eggs sunny-side up?โ he asked. โSince now.โ
โDo you know how many eggs youโve gone through in the last week?โ He pulled the trash bin out from under the sinkโit was full of empty blue cartons.
โWeird,โ I said after swallowing a scorching bite. โThis place is messing with my appetite.โ And my dreams, and my already dubious balance. โBut I like it here. Weโll probably have to leave soon, though, wonโt we, to make it to Dartmouth in time? Wow, I guess we need to find a place to live and stuff, too.โ
He sat down next to me. โYou can give up the college pretense nowโ youโve gotten what you wanted. And we didnโt agree to a deal, so there are
no strings attached.โ
I snorted. โIt wasnโt a pretense, Edward. I donโt spendย myย free time plotting like some people do.ย What can we do to wear Bella out today?โ I said in a poor impression of his voice. He laughed, unashamed. โI really do want a little more time being human.โ I leaned over to run my hand across his bare chest. โI have not had enough.โ
He gave me a dubious look. โForย this?โ he asked, catching my hand as it moved down his stomach. โSex was the key all along?โ He rolled his eyes. โWhy didnโt I think of that?โ he muttered sarcastically. โI could have saved myself a lot of arguments.โ
I laughed. โYeah, probably.โ
โYou areย soย human,โ he said again. โI know.โ
A hint of a smile pulled at his lips. โWeโre going to Dartmouth? Really?โ โIโll probably fail out in one semester.โ
โIโll tutor you.โ The smile was wide now. โYouโre going to love college.โ
โDo you think we can find an apartment this late?โ
He grimaced, looking guilty. โWell, we sort of already have a house there. You know, just in case.โ
โYou bought a house?โ
โReal estate is a good investment.โ
I raised one eyebrow and then let it go. โSo weโre ready, then.โ
โIโll have to see if we can keep your โbeforeโ car for a little longer โ
โYes, heaven forbid I not be protected from tanks.โ He grinned.
โHow much longer can we stay?โ I asked.
โWeโre fine on time. A few more weeks, if you want. And then we can visit Charlie before we go to New Hampshire. We could spend Christmas with Renรฉe. โ
His words painted a very happy immediate future, one free of pain for everyone involved. The Jacob-drawer, all but forgotten, rattled, and I amended the thoughtโforย almostย everyone.
This wasnโt getting any easier. Now that Iโd discoveredย exactlyย how good being human could be, it was tempting to let my plans drift. Eighteen or nineteen, nineteen or twentyโฆ Did it really matter? I wouldnโt change so
much in a year. And being human with Edwardโฆ The choice got trickier every day.
โA few weeks,โ I agreed. And then, because there never seemed to be enough time, I added, โSo I was thinkingโyou know what I was saying about practice before?โ
He laughed. โCan you hold on to that thought? I hear a boat. The cleaning crew must be here.โ
He wanted me to hold on to that thought. So did that mean he was not going to give me any more trouble about practicing? I smiled.
โLet me explain the mess in the white room to Gustavo, and then we can go out. Thereโs a place in the jungle on the southโโ
โI donโt want to go out. I am not hiking all over the island today. I want to stay here and watch a movie.โ
He pursed his lips, trying not to laugh at my disgruntled tone. โAll right, whatever youโd like. Why donโt you pick one out while I get the door?โ
โI didnโt hear a knock.โ
He cocked his head to the side, listening. A half second later, a faint, timid rap on the door sounded. He grinned and turned for the hallway.
I wandered over to the shelves under the big TV and started scanning through the titles. It was hard to decide where to begin. They had more DVDs than a rental store.
I could hear Edwardโs low, velvet voice as he came back down the hall, conversing fluidly in what I assumed was perfect Portuguese. Another, harsher, human voice answered in the same tongue.
Edward led them into the room, pointing toward the kitchen on his way. The two Brazilians looked incredibly short and dark next to him. One was a round man, the other a slight female, both their faces creased with lines.
Edward gestured to me with a proud smile, and I heard my name mixed in with a flurry of unfamiliar words. I flushed a little as I thought of the downy mess in the white room, which they would soon encounter. The little man smiled at me politely.
But the tiny coffee-skinned woman didnโt smile. She stared at me with a mixture of shock, worry, and most of all, wide-eyedย fear. Before I could react, Edward motioned for them to follow him toward the chicken coop, and they were gone.
When he reappeared, he was alone. He walked swiftly to my side and wrapped his arms around me.
โWhatโs with her?โ I whispered urgently, remembering her panicked expression.
He shrugged, unperturbed. โKaureโs part Ticuna Indian. She was raised to be more superstitiousโor you could call it more awareโthan those who live in the modern world. She suspects what I am, or close enough.โ He still didnโt sound worried. โThey have their own legends here. Theย Libishomen
โa blood-drinking demon who preys exclusively on beautiful women.โ He leered at me.
Beautiful women only? Well, that was kind of flattering. โShe looked terrified,โ I said.
โShe isโbut mostly sheโs worried about you.โ โMe?โ
โSheโs afraid of why I have you here, all alone.โ He chuckled darkly and then looked toward the wall of movies. โOh well, why donโt you choose something for us to watch? Thatโs an acceptably human thing to do.โ
โYes, Iโm sure a movie will convince her that youโre human.โ I laughed and clasped my arms securely around his neck, stretching up on my tiptoes. He leaned down so that I could kiss him, and then his arms tightened around me, lifting me off the floor so he didnโt have to bend.
โMovie, schmovie,โ I muttered as his lips moved down my throat, twisting my fingers in his bronze hair.
Then I heard a gasp, and he put me down abruptly. Kaure stood frozen in the hallway, feathers in her black hair, a large sack of more feathers in her arms, an expression of horror on her face. She stared at me, her eyes bugging out, as I blushed and looked down. Then she recovered herself and murmured something that, even in an unfamiliar language, was clearly an apology. Edward smiled and answered in a friendly tone. She turned her dark eyes away and continued down the hall.
โShe was thinking what I think she was thinking, wasnโt she?โ I muttered.
He laughed at my convoluted sentence. โYes.โ
โHere,โ I said, reaching out at random and grabbing a movie. โPut this on and we can pretend to watch it.โ
It was an old musical with smiling faces and fluffy dresses on the front.
โVery honeymoonish,โ Edward approved.
While actors on the screen danced their way through a perky introduction song, I lolled on the sofa, snuggled into Edwardโs arms.
โWill we move back into the white room now?โ I wondered idly.
โI donโt know.โฆ Iโve already mangled the headboard in the other room beyond repairโmaybe if we limit the destruction to one area of the house, Esme might invite us back someday.โ
I smiled widely. โSo there will be more destruction?โ
He laughed at my expression. โI think it might be safer if itโs premeditated, rather than if I wait for you to assault me again.โ
โIt would only be a matter of time,โ I agreed casually, but my pulse was racing in my veins.
โIs there something the matter with your heart?โ
โNope. Healthy as a horse.โ I paused. โDid you want to go survey the demolition zone now?โ
โMaybe it would be more polite to wait until weโre alone.ย Youย may not notice me tearing the furniture apart, but it would probably scare them.โ
In truth, Iโd already forgotten the people in the other room. โRight.
Drat.โ
Gustavo and Kaure moved quietly through the house while I waited impatiently for them to finish and tried to pay attention to the happily-ever- after on the screen. I was starting to get sleepyโthough, according to Edward, Iโd slept half the dayโwhen a rough voice startled me. Edward sat up, keeping me cradled against him, and answered Gustavo in flowing Portuguese. Gustavo nodded and walked quietly toward the front door.
โTheyโre finished,โ Edward told me.
โSo that would mean that weโre alone now?โ โHow about lunch first?โ he suggested.
I bit my lip, torn by the dilemma. Iย wasย pretty hungry.
With a smile, he took my hand and led me to the kitchen. He knew my face so well, it didnโt matter that he couldnโt read my mind.
โThis is getting out of hand,โ I complained when I finally felt full. โDo you want to swim with the dolphins this afternoonโburn off the
calories?โ he asked.
โMaybe later. I had another idea for burning calories.โ โAnd what was that?โ
โWell, thereโs an awful lot of headboard leftโโ
But I didnโt finish. Heโd already swept me up into his arms, and his lips silenced mine as he carried me with inhuman speed to the blue room.