I was in so much fucking trouble.
For once, my problems had nothing to do with my adductor and everything to do with the girl naked in my bathroom.
โWhat the hell was that about?โ I hissed when I found my mother in the kitchen.
โHello, love,โ my mother replied, as she continued to chop carrots, clearly oblivious to my outrage.
โHello?โ I balked. โThatโs all youโve got to say?โ
Setting her knife down on the chopping board, she turned to face me. โThat girl is fragile, Johnny.โ Mam nibbled on her lip, brows furrowed
in concern. โThere is something about her that makes me want to wrap my arms around her and cuddle the sadness out of her eyes.โ
Yeah, I knew the feeling.
I knew that feeling very fucking well.
โSo, you force her to come over here?โ I hissed. โTell me how that was a good idea?โ
โOh, god,โ Mam strangled. โI havenโt upset her, have I?โ โNo, sheโs okay,โ I bit out, โBut Iโm not.โ
I was so far from okay, the word was a blip on my radar. โWhatโs wrong, baby?โ
โWhatโs wrong?โ I practically spat. โMa, you just snookered me! What were you thinking bringing her here?โ
โYou were enjoying yourself up there,โ Mam said with a smile. โShe was beating you at PlayStation, huh?โ
Yeah, she was.
Shannon was kicking my ass at GTA and ruining other parts of my anatomy.
I had no clue how I ended up getting my ass handed to me by that pint- sized girl, but thatโs what happened.
Watching her completely dominate my PlayStation was so fucking hot.
Seriously, her skills with a controller, and her ability to kick my ass like she did, only made her infinitely sexier.
She was fucking perfect.
I was so caught up in her that I could have sat there all night, just being
with her.
And then my Ma had to go wreck it and make everything all awkward and strained again.
Jesus, she was naked in my room. Naked.
I couldnโt handle that.
Not when all I wanted to do was be naked right with her. I was only seventeen.
This was a temptation I doubted a man twice my age could resist.
I shook my head and expelled a frustrated breath. โWhy, Ma โ why in godโs name would you do this to me? And this โโ I held up Shannonโs jumper and shook it around, โWhy would you make her shower here?โ
โDid she have a shower?โ
โSheโs currently in my shower.โ โOh, thatโs good.โ
Good? โWhat are you trying to do to me, Ma?โ I demanded. โWhy would you do this?โ
โShe was wet!โ Mam defended. โAnd so are you,โ she added with a concerned look. โGo and change your clothes before you catch pneumonia.โ
โI will,โ I growled. โWhen you tell me why you screwed me over?โ
โI didnโt screw you over, Johnny,โ Mam replied. โDonโt be over- dramatic.โ
โYou knew I had a PT session I had to go to this evening.โ
Since Iโd been banned from the pitch, Jason, my personal trainer, wanted my ass in the pool every evening for the rest of the week.
And now?
Now I was trying to figure how to get myself out of a situation that only had one appealing result.
Shannon naked on my bed. With me naked on top of her. Preferably in her.
If my fucked-up dick held out.
Stop it, asshole.
Stop those thoughts!
โYou knew I needed you to take me because I donโt have my bleeding car,โ I hissed, frustrated. โAnd now? Now, I have a naked girl in my room, Ma. A naked fucking girl and Iโm holding her bleeding clothes.โ
Stalking towards her, I dumped Shannonโs wet uniform on the counter and glared at her.
โWhat kind of mother does that to their son?โ
โWell, youโre down here with me,โ Mam replied calmly, patting my cheek. โSo, I raised you well.โ
โMa,โ I growled.
โI thought you could do with a rest,โ she huffed. โYou look so tired, sweetheart.โ
Give me strengthโฆ
โAnd you were having so much fun,โ she added with a rueful smile. โI havenโt seen you relax like that in years.โ
True.
But not the point.
โAnd my car?โ I demanded. โWhat am I supposed to do without my car?โ
โYour fatherโs picking it up on his way home this evening,โ she replied, having a bleeding answer for everything. โThereโs been some hiccup with the case, so heโll be home tonight and heโll take me to the airport in the morning.โ She checked her watch and sighed happily. โHe should be home any minute โ he left Dublin over three hours ago.โ
Normally when my mother pushed my buttons, my father would smooth things over, but not this time.
No, because as delighted as I was to hear my Dad would be home for the night, Mam had gone way too far this time.
She had meddled in something I didnโt want anyone meddling in. She meddled with Shannon.
โWhy did you do this?โ I repeated.
โBecause I think you two are doing a line together on the sly,โ Mam said with smirk. โYou look so cute together.โ
โDoing a line?โ I gaped at my mother. โWhat are you talking about?
You know I donโt take drugs! Iโm tested all the fucking time.โ
โNo, love,โ Mam chuckled. โDoing a line together as in secretly seeing each other.โ Shrugging, she added, โI was trying to let you know that I was okay with you having a girlfriend, and I was trying to make Shannon feel welcome.โ
God.
This woman.
โWell, I can assure you that I am not doing lines of anything โ cocaine or girls,โ I snapped. โWe are just friends.โ
โSheโs a lovely girl, Johnny,โ Mam offered. โSeems very fond of you.โ She turned to look at me when she said, โYou could do a lot worse than a nice girl like her.โ
โYeah, well, I donโt see her like that.โ
Lie.
Lie.
Barefaced Lie.
โSheโs just a friend.โ
More lies.
โThatโs it, Ma.โ
โDo you honestly think you can sell me that shite, Johnny Kavanagh?โ Mam shot back, lips twitching. โIโm your mother. I brought you into this world, and I know every single time you tell me a lie.โ
โI am not lying,โ I lied.
โYouโre lying to me right now.โ โI am fucking not.โ
โItโs okay if you do, love,โ Mam said in a reassuring tone. โWeโre friends,โ I bit out. โThatโs it.โ
โBut you like her?โ Mam asked after a long pause of silence. I turned to look at her. โWhat?โ
โShannon,โ Mam filled in, tone gentle and coaxing. โYou like her.โ I shook my head and exhaled heavily, making no move to respond. This conversation was beyond disturbing.
โJust tread carefully and exercise patience. Sheโs younger than you, and as Iโm sure youโre more than aware, you need to move at her pace.โ
โMa, please,โ I leaned my head back and sighed. โJust give it a rest.โ โAll Iโm trying to say is be careful,โ Mam replied. โDo not break her,
Johnny.โ She cupped my cheek and smiled sadly. โNot when she already seems fractured.โ
โDonโt worry,โ I muttered. โIโve no intention of going there with her.โ โGoing there with her?โ Mam questioned. โWhereโs there?โ
โA relationship,โ I bit out. โFeelings and shite.โ
โOh, there.โ Mam was quiet for a long moment before saying, โAre you sure youโre not already there, love?โ
Christ, I hoped not. For both our sakes.
โSheโs fifteen years old,โ I decided to throw out there, unwilling to let go of my annoyance at her meddling. โYou get that, donโt you?โ
Mamโs eyes widened. โI thought she was sixteen?โ โNo, Ma, sheโs fifteen,โ I hissed.
โNo, Johnny,โ Mam replied, brows furrowed. โIโm pretty sure sheโs sixteen.โ
My mouth fell open. Shit.
She was right.
Dammit.
โThatโs worse again,โ I barked, flustered. โThere is a naked sixteen-year- old girl in your seventeen-year-old sonโs bedroom right now โ one you put there, I might add!โ
โJohnny, love, you need to relaxโโ
โAnd how do you propose I do that?โ I demanded. โWhen you put a
naked teenage girl in my bedroom?โ
โOh, love,โ Mam muttered, worrying her lip. โI think itโs time we had a chat.โ
โA chat?โ I gaped at her. โWe are chatting. We are having a very important fucking chat, Ma. About the lack of boundaries in this family. About you needing to respect my boundaries!โ
โAbout you and Shannon.โ โWhat about me and Shannon?โ โAbout your feelings.โ
I gaped at her. โMy feelings?โ
โAnd your intentions, love,โ Mam replied. โMy intentions?โ
The fuck?
โI know itโs early stages and what Iโm about to talk to you about is a long way off for you both, but itโs important that you know about it.โ
I eyed her warily. โAbout what?โ โAbout sex, love.โ
My mouth fell open. โWhy are you not hearing me? Why isnโt anyone
hearing me anymore?โ
โI know your father spoke to you a few years ago about the birds and the bees.โ She placed a hand on my shoulder and steered me over to the island, obviously not fucking hearing again. โBut considering this latest development, I think it might be a good idea for us to talk about it. Just so weโre all clear on how important it is to take things slowly.โ
โLatest development?โ I sank onto a stool and gaped at her. โIโm not having any bleeding developments. We donโt need to talk about anything.โ
โEven still โโ Shrugging, Mam sat down on the stool beside me and patted my thigh, โIt would do no harm to refresh your memory.โ
โI sincerely fucking hope youโre joking, Ma,โ I strangled out.
โMaybe we should call Shannon down, so I can talk to you both about this โโ
โDonโt you bleeding dare,โ I strangled out. โYou leave her alone.โ
Youโve traumatized her enough!
โOkay then,โ she replied. โIโll talk to you about this.โ โPlease, donโt โโ
โSex is a beautiful thing, love,โ Mam said in that motherly tone that currently made me want to stab pencils in my ears. โWhen itโs between two people who love and are committed to each other.โ
I held up a hand. โWe are just friends.โ
โUh-huh,โ Mam quipped with a disbelieving smile. โThatโs what they all say.โ
โThatโs the bleeding truth,โ I snapped. โThatโs all we are.โ
Jesus, even your mother can see through youโฆ
โItโs completely natural to want to experience pleasure with a partner,โ Mam continued to say, ignoring my pleas. โWhen youโre both old enough to fully understand the act of love.โ
โJesus Christ,โ I groaned. โPlease stop.โ
โBut, I know how these things can go. Not everyone waits no matter how important it is to wait โโ she paused to glare knowingly at me, โWhen it happens โ which I hope is a long, long time from nowโ then it is necessary to use a condom,โ she pressed. โDo you know how to roll one on properly, love? Did your father explain how it works? You need to make sure the shaft of your private part isโโ
โI canโt hear this,โ I groaned in despair. โSeriously, Ma.โ
โSex in real life is nothing like what happens in those blue movies Gerard gives you,โ Mam continued. โItโs important to know that a woman has needs. In real life, girls donโt all scream and carry on like porn stars. And you need to respect a girlโs body at all times โโ
โPlease.โ I pressed my fists into my eye sockets so hard I was seeing stars. โJust stop.โ
โIโm trying to help you, love, so you know what to expect.โ
โI know what to expect, Ma,โ I groaned while I contemplated on bathing in bleach. โIโm not a bleeding kid.โ
My motherโs head snapped towards me, eyes wide. โSo youโre not aโฆโ โNo, Ma.โ I dropped my head in my hands and fought back the urge to
fucking cry. โIโm not a virgin.โ
โOh, dearโฆ okay. Thatโs okay, love. Thatโs perfectly fine,โ she rambled, tone forced. โI just presumed that since youโve never brought a girl home before now, or talked about girlfriends, that you werenโt pursuing any love partners โโ
โKeep talking and Iโm going to jump out a window,โ I warned her. โIโm not messing around. I will go upstairs and hurl myself off the fucking roof.โ โI know itโs uncomfortable, but you can talk about these kinds of things with me, son,โ Mam urged. โI was a teenager once upon a time, too, you know,โ she added, reaching over to pat my shoulder. โI understand all the urges your body is going through, and a female perspective can be helpful.โ โHow is any of this helpful?โ I choked out, horrified. โI thought you
loved me.โ
Mam laughed softly. โOf course, I love you.โ
โThen why are you doing this to me?โ I choked out. โWhy are you meddling in my life?โ
โBecause, Iโm not blind, Johnathon,โ Mam replied, full-naming me to let me know how serious she was about this. โI see the way you look at Shannon, and the way she looks at you.โ
โWe are just friends,โ I bit out. โYouโre in love.โ
My jaw fell open. โWe are bleeding not.โ
The look my mother gave me was one of disbelief. โAre you taking things at her pace?โ
โIโm serious, Ma,โ I snapped. โWeโre just friends. I havenโt touched her.โ Mam visibly sagged in relief.
โSo, you didnโt do, uh, letโs call it the deed, with Shannon โโ
โJesus Christ, no, Ma!โ I barked, interrupting her before she caused permanent trauma to my brain.
โOh, thatโs good,โ my mother breathed. โYouโre a good boy.โ A good boy?
Was I a bleeding dog?
And there was nothing good about what I wanted to do to Shannon Lynch.
โThanks for automatically assuming that Iโm a bastard though, Ma,โ I snarked. โI really appreciate the lack of faith my own mother has in my moral compass.โ
โWell, you drop the bomb that youโre not a virgin on me the same day you bring your girlfriend home,โ Mam huffed. โThe first girl I have ever seen you with, may I add. What am I supposed to think? I was trying to prepare you for the future.โ
โFirst, for the last bleeding time, Shannon is not my girlfriend,โ I snapped, flustered. โSecond, I havenโt been a virgin since first year. And third, I can roll a condom on in the dark with one hand tied behind my bleeding back, so I donโt need the sex talk, or tips, or any of that shite.โ
Mam gasped in horror and I mentally kicked the shite out of myself. โIโm lying,โ I coddled her. โI am a virgin.โ
โFirst year,โ she sobbed. โFirst year!โ
โNo, no, no,โ I hurried to assure her. โIโm a virgin, Ma. I am.โ โNo,โ she wept, shaking her head. โYouโre not.โ
What the fuck was I supposed to do now?
Christ, where was my Dad when I needed him?
โYou were only fourteen in first year,โ she continued to wail.
โThirteen,โ I muttered under my breath as I held her to my chest and patted her back.
โHoly Mary Mother of God,โ she sobbed harder, clearly hearing me. Shit.
Balls.
โI am a virgin,โ I continued to say over and over while my mother cried into my school jumper. โIโm saving myself for marriage, Ma.โ
โItโs the rugby,โ she sobbed, fisting my jumper. โI blame the bleeding rugby for this.โ
โFor what?โ
โFor you losing your innocence!โ Mam hissed. She looked up at me and then burst into another bout of tears. โThose boys you play with, theyโre too old for you and obviously led you astray.โ
No, Ma, my dick led me astray when puberty kicked inโฆ
โAnd sheโs in your bedroom,โ Mam wailed, dropping her head against my chest again. โOh, dear god.โ
โBecause you brought her here, Ma, not me,โ I replied as I continued to rub her back. โLetโs say, for argumentโs sake, that I was with Shannon? Which Iโm not,โ I quickly clarified. โBut if I was and you were worried about me getting up to no good, then why in the hell would you bring her over here?โ
โBecause I was still under the impression that you were a virgin when I brought her over here, wasnโt I?โ Mam huffed, slapping my chest. โI thought you were having your first crush. I thought I was catching you in time.โ
Fair point.
โMa, Iโm almost eighteen,โ I tried to comfort her by saying. โYou were married to Da by the time you were eighteen.โ
โThatโs different,โ she sobbed. โHow?โ
โBecause youโre my baby,โ Mam sniffled. โOh, god, my baby is sexually active.โ
โNo, Iโm not,โ I coaxed, hugging her. โI promise, I am not having sex.โ
Right now. โIโm not, Ma.โ
โAre you at least being safe?โ she choked out, looking up at me with big, tear-filled, brown eyes.
โIโm playing bleeding PlayStation with the girl,โ I strangled out. โShouldnโt that tell you how safe Iโm being?โ
โThatโs true.โ Mam nodded and sniffled. I sighed. โThank you.โ
โSo, I donโt have to worry, do I?โ she added. โBeing safe?โ She sniffled. โUsing โoh, dear god, condoms โโ
โNo, Ma, you donโt have to worry because I am not having sex,โ I stuck to the story by saying, and pulled her back to my chest. โSo just relax.โ
How the hell did I get myself into this situation? What was my life coming to?
In the space of one day, I had upset no less than three females.
The one that created me by telling her that I was no longer an innocent. The one that used me by telling her via text message to fuck off.
And the one that blew my fucking mind.
Jesus Christ, my dick had a lot to answer to.
To be fair, I didnโt think I actually upset Shannon today, but it was still early, and I was running on some serious shitty luck, so my chances of making it out of this glorified playdate without fucking up was slim.
โMa,โ I said after a solid ten minutes of her sniffling on my chest. โIโm going to have to go back up to Shannon now.โ
โOkay, love,โ she sniffled. โYou wonโt do anythingโโ
โNo, Ma,โ I coaxed, freeing myself from her hold and standing up. โI wonโt lay a finger on her because we are just friends, and I am a virgin.โ
โI know youโre not,โ she croaked out. โBut Iโm trusting you to do the right thing.โ
โYou can trust me, because nothing is happening between us,โ I repeated for the millionth time. โBut I need to take a shower because Iโm fucking soaked, so Iโm going to use your bathroom, okay?โ I moved for the door only to turn back and say, โCall me when itโs time to pick up your demented dogs.โ
โAbout that,โ Mam sniffled.
โYou lied, didnโt you?โ I gave her an accusing glare. โYou donโt have to pick Bonnie and Cupcake up at all tonight, do you?โ
Of course, she lied.
One look at her sheepish expression and it was plain to see.
โYou meddler,โ I accused.
โYou sexer,โ Mam shot back in a tone as equally accusing. For fuckโs sake.
I wasnโt going to win here.
Holding my hands up in defeat, I hurried out of the kitchen before she drowned me in a fresh batch of tears.