Chapter no 45 โ€“ Iโ€™m a virgin Johnny

Binding 13

I was in so much fucking trouble.

For once, my problems had nothing to do with my adductor and everything to do with the girl naked in my bathroom.

โ€œWhat the hell was that about?โ€ I hissed when I found my mother in the kitchen.

โ€œHello, love,โ€ my mother replied, as she continued to chop carrots, clearly oblivious to my outrage.

โ€œHello?โ€ I balked. โ€œThatโ€™s all youโ€™ve got to say?โ€

Setting her knife down on the chopping board, she turned to face me. โ€œThat girl is fragile, Johnny.โ€ Mam nibbled on her lip, brows furrowed

in concern. โ€œThere is something about her that makes me want to wrap my arms around her and cuddle the sadness out of her eyes.โ€

Yeah, I knew the feeling.

I knew that feeling very fucking well.

โ€œSo, you force her to come over here?โ€ I hissed. โ€œTell me how that was a good idea?โ€

โ€œOh, god,โ€ Mam strangled. โ€œI havenโ€™t upset her, have I?โ€ โ€œNo, sheโ€™s okay,โ€ I bit out, โ€œBut Iโ€™m not.โ€

I was so far from okay, the word was a blip on my radar. โ€œWhatโ€™s wrong, baby?โ€

โ€œWhatโ€™s wrong?โ€ I practically spat. โ€œMa, you just snookered me! What were you thinking bringing her here?โ€

โ€œYou were enjoying yourself up there,โ€ Mam said with a smile. โ€œShe was beating you at PlayStation, huh?โ€

Yeah, she was.

Shannon was kicking my ass at GTA and ruining other parts of my anatomy.

I had no clue how I ended up getting my ass handed to me by that pint- sized girl, but thatโ€™s what happened.

Watching her completely dominate my PlayStation was so fucking hot.

Seriously, her skills with a controller, and her ability to kick my ass like she did, only made her infinitely sexier.

She was fucking perfect.

I was so caught up in her that I could have sat there all night, just being

with her.

And then my Ma had to go wreck it and make everything all awkward and strained again.

Jesus, she was naked in my room. Naked.

I couldnโ€™t handle that.

Not when all I wanted to do was be naked right with her. I was only seventeen.

This was a temptation I doubted a man twice my age could resist.

I shook my head and expelled a frustrated breath. โ€œWhy, Ma โ€“ why in godโ€™s name would you do this to me? And this โ€“โ€ I held up Shannonโ€™s jumper and shook it around, โ€œWhy would you make her shower here?โ€

โ€œDid she have a shower?โ€

โ€œSheโ€™s currently in my shower.โ€ โ€œOh, thatโ€™s good.โ€

Good? โ€œWhat are you trying to do to me, Ma?โ€ I demanded. โ€œWhy would you do this?โ€

โ€œShe was wet!โ€ Mam defended. โ€œAnd so are you,โ€ she added with a concerned look. โ€œGo and change your clothes before you catch pneumonia.โ€

โ€œI will,โ€ I growled. โ€œWhen you tell me why you screwed me over?โ€

โ€œI didnโ€™t screw you over, Johnny,โ€ Mam replied. โ€œDonโ€™t be over- dramatic.โ€

โ€œYou knew I had a PT session I had to go to this evening.โ€

Since Iโ€™d been banned from the pitch, Jason, my personal trainer, wanted my ass in the pool every evening for the rest of the week.

And now?

Now I was trying to figure how to get myself out of a situation that only had one appealing result.

Shannon naked on my bed. With me naked on top of her. Preferably in her.

If my fucked-up dick held out.

Stop it, asshole.

Stop those thoughts!

โ€œYou knew I needed you to take me because I donโ€™t have my bleeding car,โ€ I hissed, frustrated. โ€œAnd now? Now, I have a naked girl in my room, Ma. A naked fucking girl and Iโ€™m holding her bleeding clothes.โ€

Stalking towards her, I dumped Shannonโ€™s wet uniform on the counter and glared at her.

โ€œWhat kind of mother does that to their son?โ€

โ€œWell, youโ€™re down here with me,โ€ Mam replied calmly, patting my cheek. โ€œSo, I raised you well.โ€

โ€œMa,โ€ I growled.

โ€œI thought you could do with a rest,โ€ she huffed. โ€œYou look so tired, sweetheart.โ€

Give me strengthโ€ฆ

โ€œAnd you were having so much fun,โ€ she added with a rueful smile. โ€œI havenโ€™t seen you relax like that in years.โ€

True.

But not the point.

โ€œAnd my car?โ€ I demanded. โ€œWhat am I supposed to do without my car?โ€

โ€œYour fatherโ€™s picking it up on his way home this evening,โ€ she replied, having a bleeding answer for everything. โ€œThereโ€™s been some hiccup with the case, so heโ€™ll be home tonight and heโ€™ll take me to the airport in the morning.โ€ She checked her watch and sighed happily. โ€œHe should be home any minute โ€“ he left Dublin over three hours ago.โ€

Normally when my mother pushed my buttons, my father would smooth things over, but not this time.

No, because as delighted as I was to hear my Dad would be home for the night, Mam had gone way too far this time.

She had meddled in something I didnโ€™t want anyone meddling in. She meddled with Shannon.

โ€œWhy did you do this?โ€ I repeated.

โ€œBecause I think you two are doing a line together on the sly,โ€ Mam said with smirk. โ€œYou look so cute together.โ€

โ€œDoing a line?โ€ I gaped at my mother. โ€œWhat are you talking about?

You know I donโ€™t take drugs! Iโ€™m tested all the fucking time.โ€

โ€œNo, love,โ€ Mam chuckled. โ€œDoing a line together as in secretly seeing each other.โ€ Shrugging, she added, โ€œI was trying to let you know that I was okay with you having a girlfriend, and I was trying to make Shannon feel welcome.โ€

God.

This woman.

โ€œWell, I can assure you that I am not doing lines of anything โ€“ cocaine or girls,โ€ I snapped. โ€œWe are just friends.โ€

โ€œSheโ€™s a lovely girl, Johnny,โ€ Mam offered. โ€œSeems very fond of you.โ€ She turned to look at me when she said, โ€œYou could do a lot worse than a nice girl like her.โ€

โ€œYeah, well, I donโ€™t see her like that.โ€

Lie.

Lie.

Barefaced Lie.

โ€œSheโ€™s just a friend.โ€

More lies.

โ€œThatโ€™s it, Ma.โ€

โ€œDo you honestly think you can sell me that shite, Johnny Kavanagh?โ€ Mam shot back, lips twitching. โ€œIโ€™m your mother. I brought you into this world, and I know every single time you tell me a lie.โ€

โ€œI am not lying,โ€ I lied.

โ€œYouโ€™re lying to me right now.โ€ โ€œI am fucking not.โ€

โ€œItโ€™s okay if you do, love,โ€ Mam said in a reassuring tone. โ€œWeโ€™re friends,โ€ I bit out. โ€œThatโ€™s it.โ€

โ€œBut you like her?โ€ Mam asked after a long pause of silence. I turned to look at her. โ€œWhat?โ€

โ€œShannon,โ€ Mam filled in, tone gentle and coaxing. โ€œYou like her.โ€ I shook my head and exhaled heavily, making no move to respond. This conversation was beyond disturbing.

โ€œJust tread carefully and exercise patience. Sheโ€™s younger than you, and as Iโ€™m sure youโ€™re more than aware, you need to move at her pace.โ€

โ€œMa, please,โ€ I leaned my head back and sighed. โ€œJust give it a rest.โ€ โ€œAll Iโ€™m trying to say is be careful,โ€ Mam replied. โ€œDo not break her,

Johnny.โ€ She cupped my cheek and smiled sadly. โ€œNot when she already seems fractured.โ€

โ€œDonโ€™t worry,โ€ I muttered. โ€œIโ€™ve no intention of going there with her.โ€ โ€œGoing there with her?โ€ Mam questioned. โ€œWhereโ€™s there?โ€

โ€œA relationship,โ€ I bit out. โ€œFeelings and shite.โ€

โ€œOh, there.โ€ Mam was quiet for a long moment before saying, โ€œAre you sure youโ€™re not already there, love?โ€

Christ, I hoped not. For both our sakes.

โ€œSheโ€™s fifteen years old,โ€ I decided to throw out there, unwilling to let go of my annoyance at her meddling. โ€œYou get that, donโ€™t you?โ€

Mamโ€™s eyes widened. โ€œI thought she was sixteen?โ€ โ€œNo, Ma, sheโ€™s fifteen,โ€ I hissed.

โ€œNo, Johnny,โ€ Mam replied, brows furrowed. โ€œIโ€™m pretty sure sheโ€™s sixteen.โ€

My mouth fell open. Shit.

She was right.

Dammit.

โ€œThatโ€™s worse again,โ€ I barked, flustered. โ€œThere is a naked sixteen-year- old girl in your seventeen-year-old sonโ€™s bedroom right now โ€“ one you put there, I might add!โ€

โ€œJohnny, love, you need to relaxโ€“โ€

โ€œAnd how do you propose I do that?โ€ I demanded. โ€œWhen you put a

naked teenage girl in my bedroom?โ€

โ€œOh, love,โ€ Mam muttered, worrying her lip. โ€œI think itโ€™s time we had a chat.โ€

โ€œA chat?โ€ I gaped at her. โ€œWe are chatting. We are having a very important fucking chat, Ma. About the lack of boundaries in this family. About you needing to respect my boundaries!โ€

โ€œAbout you and Shannon.โ€ โ€œWhat about me and Shannon?โ€ โ€œAbout your feelings.โ€

I gaped at her. โ€œMy feelings?โ€

โ€œAnd your intentions, love,โ€ Mam replied. โ€œMy intentions?โ€

The fuck?

โ€œI know itโ€™s early stages and what Iโ€™m about to talk to you about is a long way off for you both, but itโ€™s important that you know about it.โ€

I eyed her warily. โ€œAbout what?โ€ โ€œAbout sex, love.โ€

My mouth fell open. โ€œWhy are you not hearing me? Why isnโ€™t anyone

hearing me anymore?โ€

โ€œI know your father spoke to you a few years ago about the birds and the bees.โ€ She placed a hand on my shoulder and steered me over to the island, obviously not fucking hearing again. โ€œBut considering this latest development, I think it might be a good idea for us to talk about it. Just so weโ€™re all clear on how important it is to take things slowly.โ€

โ€œLatest development?โ€ I sank onto a stool and gaped at her. โ€œIโ€™m not having any bleeding developments. We donโ€™t need to talk about anything.โ€

โ€œEven still โ€“โ€ Shrugging, Mam sat down on the stool beside me and patted my thigh, โ€œIt would do no harm to refresh your memory.โ€

โ€œI sincerely fucking hope youโ€™re joking, Ma,โ€ I strangled out.

โ€œMaybe we should call Shannon down, so I can talk to you both about this โ€“โ€

โ€œDonโ€™t you bleeding dare,โ€ I strangled out. โ€œYou leave her alone.โ€

Youโ€™ve traumatized her enough!

โ€œOkay then,โ€ she replied. โ€œIโ€™ll talk to you about this.โ€ โ€œPlease, donโ€™t โ€“โ€

โ€œSex is a beautiful thing, love,โ€ Mam said in that motherly tone that currently made me want to stab pencils in my ears. โ€œWhen itโ€™s between two people who love and are committed to each other.โ€

I held up a hand. โ€œWe are just friends.โ€

โ€œUh-huh,โ€ Mam quipped with a disbelieving smile. โ€œThatโ€™s what they all say.โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s the bleeding truth,โ€ I snapped. โ€œThatโ€™s all we are.โ€

Jesus, even your mother can see through youโ€ฆ

โ€œItโ€™s completely natural to want to experience pleasure with a partner,โ€ Mam continued to say, ignoring my pleas. โ€œWhen youโ€™re both old enough to fully understand the act of love.โ€

โ€œJesus Christ,โ€ I groaned. โ€œPlease stop.โ€

โ€œBut, I know how these things can go. Not everyone waits no matter how important it is to wait โ€“โ€ she paused to glare knowingly at me, โ€œWhen it happens โ€“ which I hope is a long, long time from nowโ€“ then it is necessary to use a condom,โ€ she pressed. โ€œDo you know how to roll one on properly, love? Did your father explain how it works? You need to make sure the shaft of your private part isโ€“โ€

โ€œI canโ€™t hear this,โ€ I groaned in despair. โ€œSeriously, Ma.โ€

โ€œSex in real life is nothing like what happens in those blue movies Gerard gives you,โ€ Mam continued. โ€œItโ€™s important to know that a woman has needs. In real life, girls donโ€™t all scream and carry on like porn stars. And you need to respect a girlโ€™s body at all times โ€“โ€

โ€œPlease.โ€ I pressed my fists into my eye sockets so hard I was seeing stars. โ€œJust stop.โ€

โ€œIโ€™m trying to help you, love, so you know what to expect.โ€

โ€œI know what to expect, Ma,โ€ I groaned while I contemplated on bathing in bleach. โ€œIโ€™m not a bleeding kid.โ€

My motherโ€™s head snapped towards me, eyes wide. โ€œSo youโ€™re not aโ€ฆโ€ โ€œNo, Ma.โ€ I dropped my head in my hands and fought back the urge to

fucking cry. โ€œIโ€™m not a virgin.โ€

โ€œOh, dearโ€ฆ okay. Thatโ€™s okay, love. Thatโ€™s perfectly fine,โ€ she rambled, tone forced. โ€œI just presumed that since youโ€™ve never brought a girl home before now, or talked about girlfriends, that you werenโ€™t pursuing any love partners โ€“โ€

โ€œKeep talking and Iโ€™m going to jump out a window,โ€ I warned her. โ€œIโ€™m not messing around. I will go upstairs and hurl myself off the fucking roof.โ€ โ€œI know itโ€™s uncomfortable, but you can talk about these kinds of things with me, son,โ€ Mam urged. โ€œI was a teenager once upon a time, too, you know,โ€ she added, reaching over to pat my shoulder. โ€œI understand all the urges your body is going through, and a female perspective can be helpful.โ€ โ€œHow is any of this helpful?โ€ I choked out, horrified. โ€œI thought you

loved me.โ€

Mam laughed softly. โ€œOf course, I love you.โ€

โ€œThen why are you doing this to me?โ€ I choked out. โ€œWhy are you meddling in my life?โ€

โ€œBecause, Iโ€™m not blind, Johnathon,โ€ Mam replied, full-naming me to let me know how serious she was about this. โ€œI see the way you look at Shannon, and the way she looks at you.โ€

โ€œWe are just friends,โ€ I bit out. โ€œYouโ€™re in love.โ€

My jaw fell open. โ€œWe are bleeding not.โ€

The look my mother gave me was one of disbelief. โ€œAre you taking things at her pace?โ€

โ€œIโ€™m serious, Ma,โ€ I snapped. โ€œWeโ€™re just friends. I havenโ€™t touched her.โ€ Mam visibly sagged in relief.

โ€œSo, you didnโ€™t do, uh, letโ€™s call it the deed, with Shannon โ€“โ€

โ€œJesus Christ, no, Ma!โ€ I barked, interrupting her before she caused permanent trauma to my brain.

โ€œOh, thatโ€™s good,โ€ my mother breathed. โ€œYouโ€™re a good boy.โ€ A good boy?

Was I a bleeding dog?

And there was nothing good about what I wanted to do to Shannon Lynch.

โ€œThanks for automatically assuming that Iโ€™m a bastard though, Ma,โ€ I snarked. โ€œI really appreciate the lack of faith my own mother has in my moral compass.โ€

โ€œWell, you drop the bomb that youโ€™re not a virgin on me the same day you bring your girlfriend home,โ€ Mam huffed. โ€œThe first girl I have ever seen you with, may I add. What am I supposed to think? I was trying to prepare you for the future.โ€

โ€œFirst, for the last bleeding time, Shannon is not my girlfriend,โ€ I snapped, flustered. โ€œSecond, I havenโ€™t been a virgin since first year. And third, I can roll a condom on in the dark with one hand tied behind my bleeding back, so I donโ€™t need the sex talk, or tips, or any of that shite.โ€

Mam gasped in horror and I mentally kicked the shite out of myself. โ€œIโ€™m lying,โ€ I coddled her. โ€œI am a virgin.โ€

โ€œFirst year,โ€ she sobbed. โ€œFirst year!โ€

โ€œNo, no, no,โ€ I hurried to assure her. โ€œIโ€™m a virgin, Ma. I am.โ€ โ€œNo,โ€ she wept, shaking her head. โ€œYouโ€™re not.โ€

What the fuck was I supposed to do now?

Christ, where was my Dad when I needed him?

โ€œYou were only fourteen in first year,โ€ she continued to wail.

โ€œThirteen,โ€ I muttered under my breath as I held her to my chest and patted her back.

โ€œHoly Mary Mother of God,โ€ she sobbed harder, clearly hearing me. Shit.

Balls.

โ€œI am a virgin,โ€ I continued to say over and over while my mother cried into my school jumper. โ€œIโ€™m saving myself for marriage, Ma.โ€

โ€œItโ€™s the rugby,โ€ she sobbed, fisting my jumper. โ€œI blame the bleeding rugby for this.โ€

โ€œFor what?โ€

โ€œFor you losing your innocence!โ€ Mam hissed. She looked up at me and then burst into another bout of tears. โ€œThose boys you play with, theyโ€™re too old for you and obviously led you astray.โ€

No, Ma, my dick led me astray when puberty kicked inโ€ฆ

โ€œAnd sheโ€™s in your bedroom,โ€ Mam wailed, dropping her head against my chest again. โ€œOh, dear god.โ€

โ€œBecause you brought her here, Ma, not me,โ€ I replied as I continued to rub her back. โ€œLetโ€™s say, for argumentโ€™s sake, that I was with Shannon? Which Iโ€™m not,โ€ I quickly clarified. โ€œBut if I was and you were worried about me getting up to no good, then why in the hell would you bring her over here?โ€

โ€œBecause I was still under the impression that you were a virgin when I brought her over here, wasnโ€™t I?โ€ Mam huffed, slapping my chest. โ€œI thought you were having your first crush. I thought I was catching you in time.โ€

Fair point.

โ€œMa, Iโ€™m almost eighteen,โ€ I tried to comfort her by saying. โ€œYou were married to Da by the time you were eighteen.โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s different,โ€ she sobbed. โ€œHow?โ€

โ€œBecause youโ€™re my baby,โ€ Mam sniffled. โ€œOh, god, my baby is sexually active.โ€

โ€œNo, Iโ€™m not,โ€ I coaxed, hugging her. โ€œI promise, I am not having sex.โ€

Right now. โ€œIโ€™m not, Ma.โ€

โ€œAre you at least being safe?โ€ she choked out, looking up at me with big, tear-filled, brown eyes.

โ€œIโ€™m playing bleeding PlayStation with the girl,โ€ I strangled out. โ€œShouldnโ€™t that tell you how safe Iโ€™m being?โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s true.โ€ Mam nodded and sniffled. I sighed. โ€œThank you.โ€

โ€œSo, I donโ€™t have to worry, do I?โ€ she added. โ€œBeing safe?โ€ She sniffled. โ€œUsing โ€“oh, dear god, condoms โ€“โ€

โ€œNo, Ma, you donโ€™t have to worry because I am not having sex,โ€ I stuck to the story by saying, and pulled her back to my chest. โ€œSo just relax.โ€

How the hell did I get myself into this situation? What was my life coming to?

In the space of one day, I had upset no less than three females.

The one that created me by telling her that I was no longer an innocent. The one that used me by telling her via text message to fuck off.

And the one that blew my fucking mind.

Jesus Christ, my dick had a lot to answer to.

To be fair, I didnโ€™t think I actually upset Shannon today, but it was still early, and I was running on some serious shitty luck, so my chances of making it out of this glorified playdate without fucking up was slim.

โ€œMa,โ€ I said after a solid ten minutes of her sniffling on my chest. โ€œIโ€™m going to have to go back up to Shannon now.โ€

โ€œOkay, love,โ€ she sniffled. โ€œYou wonโ€™t do anythingโ€“โ€

โ€œNo, Ma,โ€ I coaxed, freeing myself from her hold and standing up. โ€œI wonโ€™t lay a finger on her because we are just friends, and I am a virgin.โ€

โ€œI know youโ€™re not,โ€ she croaked out. โ€œBut Iโ€™m trusting you to do the right thing.โ€

โ€œYou can trust me, because nothing is happening between us,โ€ I repeated for the millionth time. โ€œBut I need to take a shower because Iโ€™m fucking soaked, so Iโ€™m going to use your bathroom, okay?โ€ I moved for the door only to turn back and say, โ€œCall me when itโ€™s time to pick up your demented dogs.โ€

โ€œAbout that,โ€ Mam sniffled.

โ€œYou lied, didnโ€™t you?โ€ I gave her an accusing glare. โ€œYou donโ€™t have to pick Bonnie and Cupcake up at all tonight, do you?โ€

Of course, she lied.

One look at her sheepish expression and it was plain to see.

โ€œYou meddler,โ€ I accused.

โ€œYou sexer,โ€ Mam shot back in a tone as equally accusing. For fuckโ€™s sake.

I wasnโ€™t going to win here.

Holding my hands up in defeat, I hurried out of the kitchen before she drowned me in a fresh batch of tears.

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