IN A DAZE, I walked out of Cal’s hospital room. His words haunted me as I slowly trudged back to the waiting room.
“If I hadn’t been thinking about you, I would have turned around. I would have seen Booker coming. I was lucky to come away with only a concussion. The way I hit the boards could have snapped my neck. I could have died, Hannah!”
While I had sat for hours, losing my mind, fearing the worst, he’d been blaming me.
God, I was such a fool. I knew he was a player, but I let myself get sucked in by our easy banter. I believed that what we shared was real—that Cal viewed me as a true partner, a valuable asset to his life.
I was merely convenient to him. Living in the same building meant sex on demand instead of putting in the work trolling the clubs every night. My position requiring me to travel with the team played into that. I was the devil he knew, and he was more than happy to use me to satisfy his physical needs.
It was nothing more than sex to him. I could see that clearly now.
His career came first. Chasing championships and cementing his legacy were all that mattered to Cal.
I’d let my childish need to disobey my father cloud my judgment, and now I paid the ultimate price.
Shuffling into the waiting room, Jaxon jumped to his feet. I was so embarrassed about the way I’d clung to him as I lost my shit. In that moment, I had acted on pure instinct, and Jaxon happened to be the one there when I fell apart.
He hadn’t left my side for more than a few minutes at a time since my breakdown. Passing me off to Natalie so he could change out of his gear, he then drove me to the hospital. He was exhausted from the game, but his worry for his best friend had overruled seeing to his own needs.
Jaxon held my hand while we waited for news of Cal’s condition. He’d been the one who advocated for me when the medical staff wanted to sedate me because I couldn’t calm down. He’d patiently taken care of me when I was scared out of my mind that the man I thought I loved would never wake up.
Scanning my face, his eyes widened when he saw the devastation written there. Grasping my hand, he asked cautiously, with panic lacing his tone, “Is he—?”
Forcing my eyes shut, two tears still managed to slip past the tight barrier.
Shaking my head, I whispered, “No, he’s fine.” “Thank God,” Jaxon breathed out, hugging me. Shakily, I forced out, “He said it was all my fault.”
Pulling back, Jaxon stared at me in disbelief. “What?”
Biting my lip to keep the sobs from rising up again, I nodded, confirming my statement. Guiding me to a chair, Jaxon eased me down.
“I don’t understand. How could any of this be your fault?” Jaxon asked. Of course, he couldn’t understand. Jaxon wasn’t built the same way as
Cal. He’d loved my best friend from afar his entire adult life and made her believe that happy endings were real. He would never destroy someone he cared about. But then again, I now knew that Cal never truly cared about me. He’d been using me.
Clearing my throat, scratchy from crying all night, I replied, “He said he was too busy thinking about me. That he wasn’t paying attention. I was a distraction that almost got him killed.”
Wide-eyed, Jaxon shook his head. “No. He didn’t mean that. I’m sure the hit and being knocked unconscious scared the hell out of him.”
“He told me it was over between us. That it was a huge mistake.”
The look of pity on Jaxon’s face was almost enough to break me. “Oh, Hannah.” He pulled me in for another hug.
“I just wanna go home.” My words were muffled against his shoulder.
Pulling back, he searched my eyes. “Why don’t I bring you home with me?”
I shook my head. “It’s the middle of the night. Natalie and your kids are asleep. Besides, I really want to be alone right now.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he protested. “You’re family, Hannah.
The guest room is all yours tonight. Please.” “I can’t.”
“What about your parents’ house?” Jaxon offered.
Bowing my head in shame, I groaned, “That’s the last place I can show up right now. I don’t need to have my dad tell me ‘I told you so’ tonight.” Sighing, I whispered, “He’s going to be so disappointed in me.”
Jaxon squeezed my hand. “He loves you.” “I don’t make it easy,” I scoffed.
“Hey,” he said firmly enough that my head snapped up. “As a father myself, there’s nothing in this world that would make me not love my children with my whole heart.”
“You’re right,” I conceded. My dad had never given me any reason to doubt his love for me, even on my worst day.
“Let’s get you home. It’s been a long night.” Standing, he held out his hand to help me up.
Letting him guide me down the brightly lit hospital corridors, I glanced over my shoulder, certain the shattered fragments of my broken heart left a trail behind me as I walked.
Was there a version of my pathetic self in every city? Was I now part of a not-so-exclusive club of women whom Cal Berg had led to believe meant something more?
We were nothing more than sex dolls for his use, apparently.
I’d never felt so cheap, and I had participated in my fair share of one- night stands.
I thought he was different, but I was so very wrong.
“Hannah? It’s me.” Natalie’s voice rang out through my tiny apartment.
Pulling the covers over my head, I didn’t bother answering her. She would find me—this place was small enough that it wouldn’t take her long.
My mood wasn’t suitable for company. Jaxon had dropped me off as the sun was beginning to rise over downtown Hartford and I still hadn’t slept, even though it was nearing noon.
I was a broken shell of a woman.
Cal did this to me, casting me aside like another one of his bimbos.
It took everything in my power to breathe with the feeling of a two-ton elephant sitting on my chest.
There was an empty space in my chest where my heart used to reside, having been ripped out in that hospital room. The irony wasn’t lost on me that the very place people went to have their bodies fixed was where mine was broken beyond repair.
The sound of the bedroom door creaking open reached my ears, and the mattress dipped as Natalie sat down. Peeling back the comforter, her face sympathetic as she whispered, “Oh, Hannah.”
Scrunching my face up, I tried desperately to stop the tears, but it was no use. Laying down in bed with me, Natalie pulled me close and let me cry. How hadn’t I run out of tears yet? How long was this going to hurt?
I would give anything to make it all go away, to forget the past six months.
“I’m so stupid for thinking he wanted someone like me,” I sobbed.
Natalie pushed the hair out of my eyes. “No, you’re not. You saw a chance at happiness, and you took it. Any man would be lucky to have you.”
“You’re only saying that because you’re my friend.” Sniffling, I wiped the back of my hand to clear my running nose.
Pausing in a moment of reflection, Natalie said softly, “Did you know I’ve always been envious of you?”
My puffy eyes widened in shock. Natalie? Envious of me?
She had it all. She was pretty and smart, polite and proper. Everyone loved her—she didn’t have to try.
If anything, I was the one who was envious of her. Especially these past few years when she settled down with Jaxon. She had what I thought I wanted.
Turned out, that idea was better than the reality.
Sensing my disbelief, she continued, “You heard me right. You’ve always known exactly who you are, and you don’t apologize for it. And God, your independence? I could only dream of having the chance to stand on my own two feet. I was never granted the opportunity. There are days when I don’t feel like I grew up. Someone has always taken care of me. My life is a glorified game of playing house.”
Tears welled up in my eyes. “Do you know what I would give to have what you have with Jaxon?” Blowing out a shaky breath, I added, “I thought I had that with Cal.”
“I thought you did too, honey. I saw the way he looked at you. It was powerful enough that I was sure you two were gonna get caught.”
“I guess it meant more to me than it did to him.”
“I don’t believe that,” she countered. “Jaxon told me what Cal said to you. If you meant nothing to him, why were you on his mind while he was on the ice?”
“It was my nagging in his head. Not feelings,” I muttered, resentment seeping into my tone.
Natalie twisted her lips in thought. “What I think is that what happened last night scared him. I’m sure when he gets home, he’ll realize he made a mistake and come to his senses.”
I shook my head. “Even if he got down on his hands and knees, I wouldn’t take him back after this.”
“Hannah, you don’t mean that.”
“No, I do,” I said with conviction. “I was a mess after he was injured. You saw me. I spent hours crying, scared out of my mind that he might never wake up. And then, when he did, and I was hopeful that everything would be all right, he turned it around on me before dumping me. I won’t ever let him get close enough to hurt me like that again.”
“Love’s not always easy. Sometimes—”
“Fuck love!” I cut her off. “He never loved me. And thanks to my theatrics, everyone knows we were together. This is such a mess.”
Taking my hand, Natalie asked, “What can I do to help? Jaxon and I will always be here for you.”
I sighed. “I can’t ask you to choose sides in this. He’s Jaxon’s best friend.”
“And you’re mine,” she countered. “Jaxon told me he wanted to bring you to our house last night, but you refused. You always have a place with
us. Now, I’ll ask again. What can I do?”
What could anyone do? I was forever changed by a man who couldn’t care less about me. He’d been my first “serious” relationship, and if this was what it felt like when it ended, I wanted no part in having another.
I was so embarrassed for how I’d acted last night. Not only would everyone in the organization and working in the arena know about our involvement, they’d also quickly learn that it was over. I couldn’t show my face there for a while. I wouldn’t survive the whispers, knowing I was the subject of gossip and speculation.
Sitting up against my headboard, Natalie mirrored the action, and a sudden flash of pain hit me. I was reminded of that one night Cal had spent down here with me when I was sick. He’d been so kind and caring, putting my needs first. How could it have all been an act?
“I can’t go back there,” I whispered. “Where? The rink?” Natalie asked. “Not right now. It’s too hard.”
“Cal’s not going to be cleared to play for a while. You don’t have to worry about seeing him.”
Shaking my head, I explained, “It’s not just about him. Everyone will be looking at me. I’m a mess, and I need a minute to get myself put back together.”
Understanding, Natalie nodded. “Okay. How can we make that happen?” “I can work from home, that’s never been an issue, but can you talk to my
dad? See about getting a replacement anthem singer for the rest of the playoffs? I don’t need to be the train wreck trending on social media with the national television coverage.”
Natalie sighed. We both knew that the kind of national spotlight on the Conference Finals could get me noticed. Hell, at this point, I’d happily hop on the first flight to Nashville or LA if it meant getting as far away from Cal as humanly possible. The best songs were born from heartbreak, so maybe I should get a head start and put my feelings down on paper. If only it didn’t mean that every time I heard them, I would think of him.
“Okay,” she agreed. “You might want to let your dad know that you’re all right, though. Jaxon might’ve been the one to intercept you down in the tunnels last night, but your dad was the one who kept the rest of the team in the locker room. He saw the whole thing, and I have never seen him look so devastated.”
I hung my head. “He’s going to be so disappointed in me.”
“I’m sure he’s more worried about you than anything else. Do you know how lucky you are? To have parents that only want to protect you and see you happy? That love you unconditionally?” Softly, she added, “I never had that.”
She was right. My dad might be upset that I, along with one of his players, had directly disobeyed his wishes, but he would never shut me out. Natalie’s parents, on the other hand, had practically forced her into her first marriage for social gain. They’d had no regard for their daughter’s well- being, and in return, were cut out of her life. It was one of the many reasons why my mom and dad had taken her in as one of their own.
I would rather face my parents in my current state of disgrace—knowing they would never turn their backs on me—than have ones who didn’t care.
Hugging my best friend tightly, I whispered, “Thank you for giving me a little bit of perspective. And for being there for me, no matter what.”
Pulling back, Natalie gave me a small smile. “You’ve been there for me in my darkest days. It’s about damn time you let me return the favor.”
A shaky laugh left my lips. If anyone could get me through this heartbreak, it was my girls.
