TWO LETTERS FROM DANTE IN ONE DAY. THEY WERE on my

bed when I got home from school. I hated that my mom knew about the letters. Stupid. Why was that? Privacy. That was it. A guy had no privacy.

Dear Ari,

Okay, I really am sort of in love with Chicago. I ride the El sometimes and make up stories in my head about the people. There are more black people here than in El Paso. And I like that. There are lots of Irish types and Eastern Europeans, and, of course, there are Mexicans. Mexicans are everywhere. We’re like sparrows. You know, I still don’t really know if I’m a Mexican. I don’t think I am. What am I, Ari?

I AM NOT ALLOWED TO RIDE THE EL AT NIGHT. I REPEAT: I AM NOT ALLOWED.

My mom and dad always think that something bad is going to happen to me. I don’t know if they were like this before the accident. So I tell my dad, “Dad, a car can’t run over my ass on an El train.” My dad, who is pretty cool about most things just gave me this look. “No riding the El at night.”

My dad likes his gig here. He only has to teach one class and prepare for a lecture on some topic. I think he’s writing about the long poem after modernism or something like that. I’m sure my mom and I will attend the lecture. I love my dad but I’m not into all this academic stuff. Too much analysis. What ever happened to reading a book because you liked it?

My mom is taking the opportunity to write a book about addictions and young people. Most of her clients are teenage addicts. Not that she really talks about her work all that much. She spends a lot of time in the library these days and I think she’s really enjoying herself. My parents, they’re both eggheads. I like that about them.

I have some friends. They’re okay. Different, I guess. You know, the group of people I got interested in are all goth types. I went to a party and had my first beer. Well, three beers really. I got a little bit high. Not too high, but a little bit. I can’t decide if I like beer or not. I’m thinking that when I get older, I’m going to be a wine drinker. I don’t mean the cheap stuff either. I don’t think I’m a snob. But my mom says I suffer from only-child syndrome. She made that up, I think. And who’s fault is that, anyway? Who’s stopping them from having another kid?

At the party, I got offered a joint. I took a hit or two. Okay, I don’t really want to talk about that.

My mom would kill me if she knew I was experimenting with mood-altering substances. Beer and pot. Not so bad. But my mom would have a different opinion about that. She’s talked to me about what she calls “gateway drugs.” My eyes glaze over when she gives me the drug talk and she gives me one of her looks.

The pot thing and the beer thing, it was just one of those things that happens at a party. Not such a big deal when you think about it. Not that I’m going to have this discussion with my mom. My dad, either.

Have you drunk a beer? Done pot? Let me know.

I heard my mom and dad talking. They’ve already decided that if my dad gets a job offer here, he’s going to turn it down. “It’s not a good place for Dante.” They’ve already decided that. Of course, they don’t ask me. Of course not. What about a little input from Dante himself? Dante likes to speak for himself. Yes, he does.

I don’t want my parents organizing their world around me. I’m going to disappoint them someday. And then what?

The truth is, Ari, I miss El Paso. When we first moved there, I hated it. But now I think about El Paso all the time.

And I think of you.

Always,

Dante

P.S. I go swimming almost every day after school. I cut my hair. It’s really short. But short hair is good for swimming. Long hair sucks when you swim every day. Don’t know why I ever had it long.

Dear Ari,

Everyone has parties around here. My dad thinks it’s great that I get invited. My mom, well, it’s hard to guess what she thinks. I can tell she has her eyes open. She told me my clothes smelled like cigarettes after the last party. “Some people smoke,” I said. “Can’t help that.” I got the look.

So Friday night, I went to this party. And, of course, there was alcohol. I had a beer and have now decided that beer is not for me. I did like the vodka and orange juice. Ari, there were so many people there. Amazing. We were like roaches! You couldn’t move without bumping into someone. So, I just walked around talking to people and I was having a good time.

Somehow, I found myself talking to this girl. Her name is Emma and she’s smart and nice and beautiful. We were in the kitchen talking and she said she loved my name. And all of a sudden, she leans into me and kisses me. I guess you could say I kissed her back. She tasted like mint and cigarettes and it was, well, Ari, it was nice.

We kissed a long time.

I smoked a cigarette with her and we kissed some more.

She liked touching my face. She told me I was beautiful. No one has ever told me I was beautiful. Moms and dads do not count.

And then we went outside.

She smoked another cigarette. She asked me if I wanted one. I told her one was enough because I was a swimmer.

I’m still thinking about that kiss. She gave me her number.

I’m not sure about all this.

Your friend,

Dante