Witness Interview Date: December 3o Name of witness: Roger
5ACC: Are you okayṢ
ROGER: What sort of question is thatṢ
5ACC: Your nose looks like it’s been bleeding.
ROGER: Yes, well, it does that sometimes, the quack says it’s “stress.” Never mind that, just ask your questions.
5ACC: Okay, then. You went to the apartment viewing with your wife, Anna-LenaṢ
ROGER: How do you know thatṢ
5ACC: It’s in my notes.
ROGER: Why have you got notes about my wifeṢ
5ACC: We’re interviewing all the witnesses. ROGER: You shouldn’t have notes about my wife. 5ACC: 5ust stay calm now.
ROGER: I’m perfectly freaking calm.
5ACC: In my experience, that’s what people who are anything but calm say.
ROGER: I’m not going to answer any questions about my wife!
5ACC: No, okay, fine. Can you answer some questions about the perpetrator, thenṢ
ROGER: How can I answer that until you’ve asked themṢ
5ACC: To start with: Where do you think he’s hidingṢ
ROGER: WhoṢ
5ACC: Who do you thinkṢ ROGER: The bank robberṢ 5ACC: No, Waldo.
ROGER: Who’s thatṢ
5ACC: You don’t know who Waldo isṢ It’s the title of an old kids’ book,
Where’s Waldo?. Forget it, I was being sarcastic.
ROGER: I have no reason to read kids’ books.
5ACC: I’m sorry. Can you tell me where you think the perpetrator is hidingṢ
ROGER: How should I knowṢ
5ACC: I hope you’ll forgive me pressing you for an answer, but we have reason to believe that the perpetrator is still in the apartment. I thought perhaps you might be able to help, because your wife says you do exhaustive research before each viewing. And that you check all the measurements on the plans.
ROGER: You can’t trust real estate agents. Some of them couldn’t even measure a ruler using another ruler.
5ACC: That’s exactly what I mean. Did you discover anything special about this particular apartmentṢ
ROGER: Yes. The real estate agent is an idiot.
5ACC: WhyṢ
ROGER: There were three feet missing from the measurements, between the walls.
5ACC: ReallyṢ Between which wallsṢ Can you show me on the planṢ
ROGER: There. You can hear it if you knock. The gap.
5ACC: Why would it be thereṢ
ROGER: Probably because this apartment and the one next door used to be one single larger apartment once upon a time, when people around here had more money and apartments were cheaper. Now
the whole housing market’s being manipulated to screw ordinary people. It’s the real estate agents’ fault. And the banks’. And people from Stockholm. Driving the prices up and everything. What the hell are you rolling your eyes forṢ
5ACC: Sorry. I don’t want to get involved. But haven’t you and your wife bought and sold a number of apartments as speculative investments in recent yearsṢ Surely that must push prices up as wellṢ
ROGER: So now there’s something wrong with making a bit of money, tooṢ
5ACC: I didn’t say that.
ROGER: I’m a good negotiator, and that isn’t a crime, you know!
5ACC: No, no, of course not.
ROGER: At least I thought I was a good negotiator.
5ACC: I don’t follow youṢ
ROGER: I used to be an engineer. Before I retired. Does it say that in your notesṢ
5ACC: WhatṢ No.
ROGER: So that’s not relevant, thenṢ A whole life spent doing a job, and it isn’t relevant enough to be included in your notesṢ Do you know what my colleagues did in those last yearsṢ
5ACC: No.
ROGER: They were faking it. 5ust like her.
5ACC: Your wifeṢ ROGER: No, Waldo. 5ACC: WhatṢ
ROGER: You think people in your generation are the only ones who can be sarcastic, boyṢ
